I love you guys! Even though I don't know you, I love you! Thanks for reading and reviewing once again! Why am I so hyper! Here's the fourth chappy. Hopefully it won't fail to amuse you. Or make you go "WTF?" (You'll see why in a minute).

Title: WICKED Remixed!

Chapter Four: Baaaaaahhh

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Might as well face it. So saaaahhhhd.

It was the first day of classes. The students of Doctor Dillamond's class were "eagerly" piling into the classroom. They sat in their seats, waiting for the perfectly normal human teacher who was about to teach them the most wonderfullest subject in the world: History.

Imagine their surprise when a six-foot tall hairy Goat walked in.

"Hello class," said six-foot tall hairy Goat, uh, said. "My name is Doctor Dillamond. I am a Goat. And I'm here to make sure you guys don't kill each other for the next hour and fifteen minutes."

Elphaba raised her hand. "Excuse me, Doctor Dillamond, but I believe it's an hour and sixteen minutes."

"Why, thank you for correcting me! Since I'm a Goat, I tend to forget useful information."

Galinda pointed at his legs. "Like, how to put on your pants?"

The class laughed meanly as the Goat tried to hide his Super Ozzie Ozman boxers. He cleared his throat. "Uh…now, I have read your summer essays, and to put it nicely…THEY SUCKED!"

"Ooooo…." Oohed the students.

He picked a random essay to read out loud from. "In conclusion, all bunnies and rainbows need to be loved and cared for and cuddled with…' WHO WROTE THIS CRAP?!"

Everyone automatically looked at Galinda. She lowered her head.

Doctor Dillamond continued lecturing. "You guys failed. FAILED. Except you, Miss Elphaba." He handed her the essay. "Your essay entitled Trees: The Extermination of These Beloved Natural Resources Should Be Halted And Deceased For It Is Damaging Our Ecosystem And Ultimately Our Pathetic Useless Lives was very intriguing."

"Thank you Doctor Dillamond." She looked over at it and smiled. "I got a smiley face!" The rest of the class glared at her.

Doctor Dillamond walked over to Galinda. "Miss Glinda-"

"It's Galinda."

"Yes, um, your essay entitled Magik failed to amuse me. And you even spelled it wrong." He handed her an essay with a huge frowny face on it.

Galinda swished her hair. "I'm sorry, Double D, but I was too busy watching Oz's Next Top Model last night to really put a lot of effort in this pointless assignment you gave us."

Doctor Dillamond, not being a fan of Galindaism (or cable) looked confuzzled. "What?"

Galinda sighed. "Oz's Next Top Model. The best show on Ozian television!" The Goat still looked confused.. "You know, the show with the catchy theme song...'You wanna be on top?'..."

Doctor Dillamond gasped. "Miss Glinda…!"

"GAlinda."

"I do not tolerate inappropriate suggestive behavior in my classroom! One thousand word essay on the Rise and Fall on the Ozma Empire. One report on the Rise, the other on the Fall. Due tomorrow."

Elphaba snorted. "She can't do that!"

Galinda smiled at her. "Thank you."

"She doesn't know that many words."

Galinda sprung from her desk. "Why I outta…" But Doctor Dillamond held her back before she could strike.

"Geez blondie, no need to get so violent," Elphaba called from the other side of the room.

"I can't help it that I'm blonde!" Galinda cried.

"Well, I can't help that I'm green! And you still make fun of me!"

"It's called paint! Use it!"

"It's called hair-dye! Use that!"

Doctor Dillamond bleated loudly to stop the yelling. "Please stop the fighting!" The students stared at him. "I simply can't take the fighting!" There was an awkward silence following thereafter.

Then Boq raised his hand. "Doctor Dillamond, can you get me a seat closer to Miss Galinda over there?" He glanced at her lovingly. "I want to see how well the sunlight hits her hair."

Doctor Dillamond looked uncomfortable. "Um, well, Miss Glinda would have to-"

The infuriated petite blonde stood up. "For the bajillionth time, Goat, it's GAlinda! WITH A GA!!!! I don't see what's so hard about it. Every other teacher is able to pronounce it." She sat back down. "And you call yourself a Doctor…"

Elphaba slammed her notebook shut. "Maybe getting the pronunciation of your precious name isn't the sole purpose of Doctor Dillamond's life. Maybe he has better things to than sit at his desk studying your name for your benefit. Maybe some of us…" She paused for dramatic effect. "…are different."

Galinda looked around her. "Well. It seems the artichoke is steamed."

The class laughed wickedly as Doctor Dillamond whacked Galinda over the head with his ruler. "Stuff it, Miss Glinda…"

"It's…oh, never mind. You're hopeless."

"At least he's not stupid," Elphaba commented.

"I'm going to ignore that because I, for one, am not stupid," Galinda claimed. "Now, Doctor Dillamond, teacher, educator, friend, can you please explain to me why you can't just teach us history, instead of always harping on about the past?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Right…not stupid at all."

Doctor Dillamond walked over to the blackboard. "Hopefully, these lovely notes I managed to whip up five minutes before class won't fail to amuse you." He flipped it over to reveal...a message?

Animals should be seen and not heard.

And Goats are ugly. They should be banished from Oz due to extreme eternal ugliness.

Have a nice day.

The entire class gasped and pointed. Elphaba furiously shuffled through her notes, muttering something about World War Two propaganda and parallel universes. Doctor Dillamond tried not to cry.

"WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS ATROCIOTY??" He bellowed. Everyone pointed to Galinda.

"It wasn't me, I swear!" She held up her hands defensively. "I have nothing against Animals! Sure, they're kind of creepy, but without them, I wouldn't be wearing hand-made Lion mufflers."

"She's right," Elphaba said. "She couldn't have done this."

"Thank you."

"She's not smart enough to think of something this good."

Galinda tried to muster all the dignity she could as she tossed her hair. "Class is over. Everyone who loves me, follow my lead." Everyone quickly walked out of the classroom. Except Nessarose. She rolled out. Like a sushi roll. With wasabe and soy sauce.

Sushi is good.

I like sushi.

Mmmmm….sushi.

"Okay, can you stop?" Elphaba demanded.

No.

"Shut up."

No.

"Stop it."

No. I don't want to.

"Now."

Fine. But I won't like it.

"Good."

Now I'm off to eat some sushi…but I'm not bringing any back for you.

Ignoring the ravenous authoress, Elphaba strolled over to the Goat teacher. "You shouldn't let ignorant comments like that bother you, Doctor Dillamond. Well, I always do, but you shouldn't."

Doctor Dillamond smiled wearily at her. "Don't worry about me, Miss Elphaba. Go, run off and enjoy your friends."

"That's all right."

Doctor Dillamond looked touched. "Is it because I'm worthy of your time and you admire me so?"

"No…I have no friends."

"Oh." Doctor Dillamond looked at the board again and sighed.

Oh, Miss Elphaba - The things one hears these
days. Dreadful things

Creepy music started to fill the room in a random fashion.

I've heard of an Ox-A professor from Quox
No longer permitted to teach
Who has lost all powers of speech
And an Owl in Munchkin Rock
A vicar with a thriving flock
Forbidden to preach
Now he can only screech!
Only rumors - but still -
Enough to give pause
To anyone with paws

"Clever," the Ozians commented. Doctor Dillamond ignored them, trying to get to the point of his little solo.

Something bad is happening in Oz

"Something bad? Happening in Oz?" Elphaba asked.

"That's what I just said."

"Oh, right."

Under the surface
Behind the scenes
Something baaaaaaahhhhhd

Doctor Dillamond looked surprised at his sudden bleating. "Sorry. Bad."

"Doctor Dillamond - If something bad is happening to the Animals, someone's got to tell the Wizard." Elphaba smiled. "That's why we have a Wizard."

"He's not going to do anything," the Ozians muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing..."

Elphaba decided to join Doctor Dillamond in his little singalong.

So nothing bad

The Goat chuckled. "I hope you're right."

Nothing all that bad

Nothing truly baaaaaaaaaaahhhhd

Doctor Dillamond started hitting his head with his hooves. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! IT'S BAD I TELL YOU BAD!!"

"Doctor Dillamond, don't worry about your speech impediment. We are both outsiders. We must stick together."

Suddenly, Madame Morrible waltzed in, followed by thunder and all. "I heard there was some sort of disturburance in class. Are you alright, Doctor? Oh, Miss Elphaba, you're still here! I thought you would have been on your way to my seminar by now. I do hope I have not misplaced my trust in you. Magic is a very demanderating mistress, and if one has ambitions of meeting the Wizard, you can't waste your time with a stupid little Goat teacher...I'm sure Doctor Dillamond sees my point."

Elphaba looked at Madame Morrible. "Man, you talk a lot."

"Look who's talking."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." Madame Morrible swished her skirts around for one last dramatic show. "I'll be waiting." She flounced off.

"That was scary," said Elphaba. "Anyways, I should go. Oh, and remember..."

It couldn't happen here
In Oz

"Yes it could," Doctor Dillamond and the Ozians said as Elphaba exited. The Ozians followed her, leaving Doctor Dillamond alone. By himself. In his solitude.

The Goat noticed some paper next to him. He picked it up, studying it. It was Elphaba's math homework. "Miss Elphaba, you forgot..." He was cut off by a sudden gurgling in his stomach. Damn, this math homework smells really good...is that...Quoxwood tree paper? Mmmmmmmm...

Elphaba ran in the room. "Sorry, Doctor Dillamond, I forgot my..." She saw the Goat gnawing on some Algebra.

"Doctor Dillamond, are you...eating my homework?"

The End. (For Now).

Fellow Ozians, I kindly ask for your advice. My friend Celia claims that Doctor Dillamond is sexy. I'm deeply concerned for her health. Do you have any ideas on what I should do? Or should I support her in her decision to love the Goat? We're both curious to see what people think.

Oh, and make sure you tell me what you think of the chapter too! (smiles) Thanks!