Hiya! Once again, thanks for the reviews! Oh, and thanks for the suggestions regarding my friend's...uh...problem. LOL. Anyhoo, a million virtual Wicked brownies sent to you all! (Short disclaimer: I do not own Wicked brownies.)

Five hours on a plane resulted in a relatively long chapter. So here's a relatively long chapter. Good luck.

Chapter Five: Dumbing It Down

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, due to cruel destiny and fate, I am unable to claim ownership to this wonderful and beautiful piece of art that is Wicked. On the bright side, I am able to write fanfiction relating to said piece of art. Thank you and enjoy.

Note: Words written like this is the authoress making fun of the characters, unless otherwise noted. Because it's just too much fun.

After the Goat class, the students were piled up in the dear old Shiz courtyard. They were trying to act like they enjoyed school, but were failing miserably, seeing as how they kept using their books to hit each other with. You could say that they were easily distracted.

To create an even bigger distraction, a carriage driven by a fat guy in glasses and slacks arrived in front of the dear old Shiz statue. A brainless guy was sleeping in the backseat, being mindless and careless.

And stupid.

Meanwhile, the annoying nosy Ozians were following the green girl as she walked into the courtyard. They were taking notes on their little green notepads that they had stolen from Madame Morrible's desk. Elphaba turned and glared at them.

"Can you stop following me?"

"No."

Elphaba rolled her eyes and continued walking. The Ozians followed, scribbling furiously.

Suddenly, the cart ran straight into her, knocking her down. Because they had nothing better to do, the Ozians mimicked this, falling straight to the ground.

"What the hell just happened?" everyone shouted.

Elphaba picked up her copy of How To Piss Off Your Illegally Blonde Roommate, Volume 64 and stomped up to the fat guy in glasses and slacks.

Before she could say anything, the fat guy in glasses and slacks gasped. "Sweet Oz, you're green!"

"No (bad word), Sherlock. Do you think you can just roll up in here, knocking down innocent pedestrians?"

"Um…"

"Who's that rolling with you?" She walked around to the other side of the carriage and kicked it, waking up the brainless guy.

"Miss…" the roller said. "I don't think that was such great idea…"

The brainless guy unnecessarily stretched and flexed before hoping out of the car. "Dear Avaric," he said to his roller. "Do not fret. I doubt I'll last here longer than at the other universities. We'll be together again soon."

Avaric brushed a tear out of his eye. "I'll be counting the moments."

They then did some weird handshake-foot-tap thing and leaped in the air together, looking very much like blushing schoolgirls flouncing through a field of flowers.

Avaric hugged Fiyero and started sobbing. Fiyero got out a handkerchief and gave it to him. "Don't worry, Avaric, we will meet again," he assured, patting his back.

Avaric let go of him and honked into the hanky. "I'll treasure this forever." He got into the carriage. "Farewell, Master Fiyero!" he shouted as he rolled out of view.

"Good. He's gone." Fiyero started to leave but stopped when he noticed the green girl staring at him.

"Are you gay?" she asked curiously.

"NO! What makes you think that?" he questioned as he pulled out a My Little Ozzy Wozzy nail file and started filing.

His nails, not a bunch of files.

"Uh…no reason." She then hit him over the head with her book.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"For running me over, you fool. I deserve an explanation for your driver's sudden lack of hand-eye-coordination."

"Well, maybe he saw green and thought GO."

Elphaba gasped. That was the rudest comment anyone ever made about her, and she wasn't going to back down without a fight. She then did the best thing she could think of and spit on his shoes.

Fiyero yelped. "Not my Gucci boots!" Elphaba smiled and went off.

Way to go, Fiyero. You just ran over your future lover.

"But-she spit on my boots! Wait, what did you say?"

I said nothing.

"Yes you did."

No I didn't.

"I'm confused-"

Gee, that's a surprise.

"Who are you?"

I am the great and powerful Oz. I see everything you do, and hear everything you say.

"If you're the great and powerful Oz, you should be able to tell me what number I'm thinking of right now."

One.

"Damn, you're good. Hey, wait a minute. Everyone knows that's as high as I can count."

Uhhhh….

"You're not Oz! You are an imposter!"

Fine. You caught me. Now run along and play with your dollies.

"You're crazy."

I'm not the one yelling at myself.

On the other side of the courtyard, a certain petite blonde was trying to ward off a certain love struck Munchkin.

"Miss Galinda!" Boq called. "Wait up!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Bob, but I simply cannot go out with you," Galinda stated.

"It's Boq, actually," he corrected.

Galinda narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you making fun of me?"

Boq gasped. "Of course not, Miss Galinda! I would never make fun of a blonde beauty such as yourself!"

Galinda swished her hair. "Well of course, who would?"

Um…everyone.

Boq cleared his throat. "Well, Miss Galinda, I was hoping that, because you're so good and all, if you could give me a chance?" He realized he was looking up at her, so he got up on a nearby stool to reach her height. "Munchkins have feelings too, you know, and I just want to express mine…for you."

"Awwwwwwwwww!" everyone who was pro-Gloq cried.

Unfortunately, Galinda did not find this cute, just incredibly disturbing, as well as annoying. "Biq, I've told you a million times before-" Suddenly, she gasped and held her hand to his chest. "Biq, do you know who that is???"

"You're touching me," is all Boq could say, on the verge of fainting.

Galinda twirled her skirts around. "Oh, Biq, you see that guy? Over there? Way down yonder?"

Boq followed his gaze to where Galinda was pointing. There stood an uber-handsome guy, looking terribly confused as he shouted at the sky.

"He's perfect for you in that sense, I guess, Miss Galinda," Boq muttered. "Who exactly is that?"

Galinda sighed, almost melting. "That is Oz's greatest gift to the female race: Fiyero Tiggular, the Winkie prince with the most scandalicious reputation!" She squealed and her eyes became animated pink hearts.

Boq looked closer. "His pants are too tight," he observed.

Boq, why are you looking?

Galinda squealed so loud, the Munchkin boy thought he was going to go deaf. She hugged said Munchkin boy and twirled him around.

"I never even noticed, Biq! Thank you!"

"It's Boq-" he started, but she let go of him and started to apply her face. He then went to go bash his head against the nearby statue.

Galinda strode over to the Winkie prince and swished her hair. Fiyero, noticing her flirtatious behavior, followed suit. Except his hair wasn't as long and blonde as hers.

"Are you looking for something?" She gave her hair one last swish. "Or someone?"

Fiyero smiled and showed her a piece of paper he was holding. "Actually, I'm looking for the history class. With a Doctor…Dallimore?"

"It's Dillamond," Boq corrected as he emerged from his suicidal rendezvous. "He's a Goat."

"A goat?"

"No, a Goat."

"How fascinating!"

"Well, we don't care for fascinating Animals," Galinda said. "Besides, that class just ended."

Fiyero crumpled up the paper and threw it on the ground. "I came just in time then."

Boq, scared that he was going to lose Galinda to this sizzling stud, jumped between them. "Actually, you didn't. See, we were just studying-"

Fiyero laughed. "I see the chance to corrupt my fellow students falls to me again. Fortunately, I'm up to the task." He got up on the statue and started to sing.

The trouble with schools is, they always try to teach the wrong lesson

He turned to the students. "Believe me, I've been kicked out of enough of them to know." They nodded in understanding approval.

They want you to become less callow

Less shallow

But I say why invite stress in?

Stop studying strife

"Nice alliteration," Boq muttered. Everyone shushed him, trying to listen to the gorgeous hunk singing in his smooth sexy voice.

And learn to live the unexamined…

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife

Dancing through life

Skimming the surface

Gliding where turf is smoooooth

Life's more painless for the brainless

Why think too hard?

When it's so soothing

Dancing through life

No need to tough it

When you can sluff it

Oft as I do

Nothin' matters but knowing nothing matters

It's just life

So keep dancing throoooough

"Wow, this guy is deep," Boq said sarcastically. The fangirls ignored him, practically fainting at his shallow words.

Dancing though life

Swaying and sweeping

And always keeping cool

Life is fraught-less when you're thoughtless

Those who don't try

Never look foolish

Dancing through life

Mindless and careless

Make sure you're where less

"Okay!" Galinda said, misinterpreting the lyrics a little too happily.

Think about it for a while.

Woes are fleeting

Blows are glancing

When you're dancing

Through liiiiiiiiiiiife

Fiyero felt like that was enough singing about being stupid for now, so he hopped down from the statue. "So, what's the most swankified place in town?"

"That would be the Ozdust ballroom," Galinda piped up.

"Sounds PERFECT!"

A puff of red smoke surrounded everyone, and they all emerged wearing the hottest Spanish fashions, making them look like Latin spices. Then, to add to the Mexican-like theme, the music turned into a sexy samba sizzle.

WTF did I just write?

Let's go down to the Ozdust ballroom

We'll meet there later tonight

We can dance till it lights

Find the prettiest girl

Give her a whirl

Right. On. Down to the Ozdust ballroom

Come on follow me

You'll be happy to be there!

Everyone decided to join in. Because it looked like oodles of fun.

Dancing through life!

Down at the Ozdust!

If only because dust is what we come to!

Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters!

It's just liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!

So keep dancing through!

Boq awkwardly strode over to Galinda. "M-m-m-miss Galinda?" he stuttered. "I hope that you can save at least one dance for me. I'll be right there, waiting. All night."

Galinda looked scared by his obsession over her, but she managed to stay sweet. "Oh! That's so kind! But you know what would be even kinder?" She turned him towards the edge of the courtyard.

See that tragically beautiful girl?

The one in the chair?

It seems so unfair

We should go on a spree

And not she

Gee!

I know someone would be my hero

If that someone were

To go invite her

"Well, maybe I could invite her?" Boq suggested, desperate for any chance to make Galinda happy.

"Oh, Biq! You would do that? For little ol' me?"

"I would do anything for you, Miss Galinda!" He smiled ran off to Wheelchair Girl, A.K.A. Nessarose.

"Miss Nessarose, I want to ask you something…"

Galinda smiled wickedly as Boq rolled Nessarose away. She twirled her legs. (Her own legs, not Nessa's.) Fiyero strode over to her.

"You're good."

"Oh, I have no idea what you mean…"

"Cut the innocent act, Miss Thang," Fiyero said, snapping his fingers. "I know how wicked you're capable of being."

Fiyero, you are the stupidest male I have ever seen in my life.

And I've seen a lot of stupid males.

The two blondes ignored the authoress. "So, I'll be picking you up around eight?" Fiyero asked.

"Make it eight oh one."

"Why?"

"Hello? Only the coolest people are fashionably late!"

"I like the way you think."

She doesn't think at all!

Just to piss off the authoress, who was anti-whatever their pairing is called, the two blonde saps starting singing.

Now that we've met one another

It's clear we deserve each other

You're perfect

You're perfect

So we're perfect together

To be forever

Dancing through liiiiiiife!

You two knew each other for five minutes!

"True," agreed Galinda. "But he's hot-"

"And she's hot-"

"And that's good enough for us!"

Cut to Nessa's room…

"What is happening to the Shizian population?" Elphaba declared. "That silly rich boy comes and everyone's gone off to worship him, like a bunch of mindless drones!"

"Including me!" Nessarose cried happily, missing that she just called herself a mindless drone.

Finally for this one night

I'm about to have a fun night

With this Munchkin boy Galinda found for me

"Galinda?!" Elphaba shouted. "That little wench is up to something, and I know it. I-"

Nessa cut her off. "Don't you say one more thing bad about her," she said sternly. "I owe her my life."

"What about your sister?" the Ozians cried. "She's been your personal slave your entire life!"

Nessarose ignored this and continued worshipping the blonde she's never said more than two words to.

And I only wish there were

Something I could do for her

To repay her

"You could give her a couple of your brain cells," Elphaba suggested. Nessarose gave her a disapproving look.

"We deserve each other, me and Boq. Please, Elphaba try to understand!"

Elphaba sighed. "Okay. But this doesn't mean I'm not going to talk to little Miss Perfect about this."

In Galinda's closet…

"I have nothing to wear!!!"

Galinda's friends pulled her out from the pile of clothes at the bottom of her closet. "Why not wear your puffy pink dress?" one of them suggested.

"Oh, this old thing?" She held it up. "Well, I suppose I could."

"Of course."

"It's your signature color."

Galinda smiled. "You're right!" She climbed into the dress. "Zip me up, why don't you?"

Pfannee or ShenShen (does it really matter which?) zipped up Galinda.

"Ow! Are you trying to kill me back there?!"

Pfannee/ShenShen tried again. "It's a little tight."

"It can't be! I'm on a no-carb diet!" Galinda cried, munching on a loaf of bread.

"Um, that bread has carbs in it," Pfannee/ShenShen informed her.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Galinda threw the half-eaten bread out to window. "Woops. Now, I have to accessorize myself for Fiyero! Quick, look around for a necklace or a purse or something."

Her friends looked around for a necklace or a purse or something. Suddenly, one of them screamed.

"What is it?" Galinda cried.

Pfannee/ShenShen pointed at a box she had dropped. "In there…."

Galinda picked up the box and pulled out a black hat. Her friends screamed in horror.

"It's hideous!"

"My eyes! They burn!"

The popular blonde tried to hide the oddly-looking witch hat. "Don't look! It's my horrid Granny-she's always buying me the most hideouses hats! I'll just burn it."

"No!" her friends cried. "Just give it to someone to wear. We'll get a nice laugh out of it because we're easily amused."

Galinda tsked and ruffled the poofy part of her dress. "Now girls, I know you're not as good as me, so let me try to explain. To give someone this…um, unique hat would be a cruel, mean, and wicked thing to do." She smiled. "Besides, I don't hate anyone that much."

Pfannee and ShenShen looked at the green twin-sized bed next to Galinda's and looked back at the blonde. "Yes you do!"

Galinda gasped. "I couldn't! Could I?"

Her friends smiled.

At that exact moment, Elphaba barged into the room. She pointed at Pfannee and ShenShen. "Get out," she ordered.

"Oh, we were just leaving." They winked at Galinda as they exited.

"Listen Galinda, Nessa and I were just talking about you-"

"And I was just talking about you!" She held up the hat proudly. "I thought you'd want to wear this hat to the party tonight!"

It's really uh-sharp! Don't you think?

You know black, is this year's pink!

You deserve each other

This hat and you

You're both so…smart!

You deserve each other so here!

Out of the goodness of my heart!

She flounced off, leaving a confused Elphaba with the hat.

In Horrible Morrible's office…uh, I mean…

"Why Miss Elphaba, this is an unpleasant surprise! What brings you here?" A roll of thunder cracked in the sky.

"I was just wondering if you'd mind making another installment in your sorcery seminar," Elphaba asked.

Madame Morrible pursed her lips. "As long as it's not that Upland girl, it's all right with me."

"Um…"

"So it is Miss Galinda, then! Isn't this ironic?" She flipped through her notes. "Why do you suddenly want her stealing your spotlight?"

"Um, I don't think she's capable of doing that."

Oh wow, just you wait and see.

"Besides, I want to…try being friends." Morrible looked confused. "With her."

"Ahh, I see." Madame Morrible said. "I'm sorry, Miss Elphaba, but that is not a good enough reason for me to place Miss Galinda Upland in my seminar."

"Then how about this?" Elphaba stood up. "I'll quit if you don't."

Madame Morrible gasped. "You wouldn't."

Elphaba glared at her. "Try me."

"Fine," the fat Headmistress grumbled.

"Oh, and make sure you tell her tonight."

"You can leave now."

"Thank you." Elphaba started to leave but then turned back to her. "Madame, one more thing…"

"You don't have to thank me, Miss Elphaba."

"I wasn't. I was going to ask you, do you even own a toothbrush?"

Let's go down to the Ozdust Ballroom…

Later that night, the coolest kids of Shiz were down at the Oz's hottest hotspot: the Ozdust Ballroom. Their black and white costumes swirled and twirled unanimously, creating odd optical illusions for anyone that dared to look straight at them.

Fiyero and Galinda entered together, smiling at the crowd of people admiring them. Fiyero handed the announcer, who was Doctor Dillamond, five Ozbucks so they could be properly introduced.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the Goat announced. "Please welcome the most swankified hunk in Oz, Master Fiyero Tiggular and his even blonder date, Miss Glinda Upland of the Upper Upper Uplands to the dance floor!"

"It's GAlinda!"

"Like it matters."

Meanwhile, Boq wheeled in with his date, Nessarose. They held hands awkwardly as an Antelope handed them drinks.

"What's in the punch?" Nessarose asked.

"Melons and lemons and pears…" Boq said, watching in horror as Galinda and Fiyero kissed in the middle of the dance floor.

Nessarose saw them and blushed. "Oh my!"

Randomly, Madame Morrible, followed by a crack of thunder, entered the Ozdust Ballroom, giving Doctor Dillamond a mean look.

"Hello, Madame," the Goat greeted as politely as he could.

"Goat, you are not invited to this party!"

"Aw man!"

She strolled over to Galinda and tapped her on the shoulder. Galinda broke apart from Fiyero and smiled at the Headmistress.

"Madame Morrible! What a lovely surprise!" The thunder rolled again. "What in Oz's name are you doing here?"

"Well, Miss Galinda, I've finally decided to let you join my sorcery seminar, after all." She handed her a training wand. "Congratulations," she muttered.

"Um…I'm flattered?"

Morrible saw her face. "This is not a joke, Miss Upland. This is serious business."

Galinda squealed. "Oh thank you Madame! Thank you thank you thank you! IpromiseIwon'tdisappointyouIpromiseIpromiseIpromisesincethisisbetterthanthetimeMomsyboughtmetheFuzzyWuzzyOzzysliponsI'vewantedsinceforeveeeeeeeer!"

Morrible turned to Fiyero. "Has she been drinking?"

The most swankified hunk in Oz shifted his scandalicious eyes. "No…of course not!"

Galinda's eyes became hearts."Oh, Madame Morrible, thank you once again!"

"For the love of Oz, stop thanking me! It wasn't even my idea!"

"What-what do you mean?"

"It was your roommate. She said she would quit the seminar if I didn't include you. I couldn't have that, so I swallowed my pride and got this wand for you. By the way, you owe me 7.99 in Ozbucks."

Galinda's happy bubble popped. "Elphaba?"

Madame Morrible looked at her like she had two heads. "No, the other green girl here at Shiz." She rolled her eyes. "My personal opinion is that you do not have what it takes. I hope you prove me wrong." She paused. "I doubt you will." And with a toothy smile, she left.

Fiyero danced over to a stunned Galinda. "What's wrong?"

"I got what I wanted."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know. What's that feeling you get after you do something morally and ethically wrong and in the end you end up benefitting?"

Fiyero blinked. "Can you repeat the question?"

"Oh, never mind. Come on, let's dance!"

At the other side of the ballroom...

Boq was trying to get away from Nessarose, but was failing miserably because she was hot on his trail.

"Boq, I've never been on a date before now, but I know that we're not supposed to ditch each other! Boq? Boq?"

Suddenly, the Munchkin boy got out from a table, waving a white flag in the air. "Miss Nessarose, I'm so sorry. I was looking for my Oztacts," he lied.

"Oh, that's all right. I thought you were ditching me."

Boq shifted his 20/20 vision eyes. "I would never!" He sighed. "Nessa?"

"Yes?"

"Uh, Nessa? I've got something to confess, a reason, why, well, why I asked you here tonight." He paused. "Now I know it isn't fair-"

"Oh Boq, I know why."

"You do?"

"It's because I'm in this chair. And you felt sorry for me." She smiled sadly. "Well isn't that right?"

"No, of course not! It's because.." He looked at Galinda and back at Nessarose. "…because…" He then decided to lie, because of course, it's the easiest solution to getting out of sticky situations.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUUUUL!"

Nessarose joyfully mimicked his unexpected belting. "Oh Boq, I think you're wonderful! And we deserve each other, don't you see this is our chance? We deserve each other, don't we Boq?"

"You know what? Let's dance."

"WHAT?"

"LET'S DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!" Boq pulled Nessarose's wheelchair and started shaking it. Everyone decided to join in, including Doctor Dillamond. The students quickly pushed him off the dance floor, since he was downing their vibe.

Suddenly, the band stopped playing and everyone started screaming, pointing at the entrance. Elphaba stood there alone with her black hat. Everyone laughed meanly as she stepped down towards the dance floor, looking like a deer in headlights.

Galinda covered her eyes. "I can't watch this!" She slapped her boyfriend. "Fiyero, stop laughing!"

"But…but…" Fiyero stuttered between laughs. "…she's so…weird."

Oh, you young, naïve boy.

For a moment, Elphaba's eyes caught Galinda's. She took off the hat and gave the blonde a how-could-you-sink-this-low look. Galinda broke eye contact.

"I just remembered what it was called. It's called guilt."

"What is?"

Galinda ignored him and watched as Elphaba put the hat on her head. Just to be even more mean, the lighting director landed a spotlight on the green girl, attracting more attention to her. Galinda's head was screaming, Please don't start dancing, please don't start dancing, please don't start dancing…

Elphaba started dancing. And not cool dancing either. This was, to put it nicely, the weirdest, most messed up dancing ever. Everyone continued to point and laugh mercilessly.

"Well, I'll give her this: she definitely doesn't give a twig what anyone else thinks," Fiyero stated.

"No, she does, she just pretends not to," Galinda said sadly.

"Actually, I was going to say that I find that extremely attractive."

"You what?"

"Nothing, nothing."

Galinda, too overcome with guilt to catch Fiyero's early signs of cheating, hung her head low. "I feel awful."

"Why? It's not like it's your fault she's so weird."

"Oh, but it is!" Galinda sobbed. "Well, part of it is."

All of a sudden, a light bulb dinged in her head. She groaned. "Oh sweet Ozlets, it's such a pain being this nice!" She moved towards the dancing green girl.

"May I cut in?"

Elphaba stopped dancing and looked at her strangely. Galinda tried to smile, but really she was about to have a stroke. She started to copy Elphaba's movements, twirling her arms like a windmill and whirling her petite body around.

Elphaba gave her a is-that-the-best-you-can-do look. Galinda was failing at the failure dance. She tried again, sweating profusely at 99.9 miles per hour.

Yes, sweating.

Finally, she was able to master the failure dance. Soon Elphaba joined her and the two witches-to-be danced together, creating the sappiest friendship scene to hit the Ozdust Ballroom in years. The music played again, adding more sap to the Ozmark moment. The rest of the Shizians followed, even letting Doctor Dillamond join in for a while before hitting him over the head with their mallets.

Dancing through life!

Down at the Ozdust!

Only because dust is what we come to!

And the strange thing!

Your life could end up changing!

When you're dancing!

Throooooooooooooooooooooooooough!

"Baaaaaaaaahhh!"

"Doctor Dillamond, you are still NOT invited!"

(flops over on keyboard) Damn, that was a long scene! But it was fun to write!

Reviews are always appreciated!