Diamonds Really Are a Girl's Best Friend
Edward Cullen was leaning against his very expensive car, brooding. His life was so full of darkness and woe and he would never know love. He couldn't even sleep perchance to dream! Some days everything just seemed so dark. Of course, that was lucky for him, since he was a vampire. Sunlight typically didn't agree with them.
As Edward was pondering his unlife, a girl in a bright yellow jacket and red sunglasses--despite the aforementioned overcast sky--bounced by. Edward's head immediately turned and he stared at her. She was amazing. It was as if her very existence made the entire world bright again. Just catching the scent of her beautiful black hair made it feel as if the sun was shining down on him.
In fact, the sun had come out from behind the clouds. Edward was sparkling with the brilliance of a thousand diamonds, having hardened into a living stone. And that wasn't all that had hardened. This certainly caught Jubilee's attention. "Hey, shiny!" she said. "Damn, how many kids does Emma have?"
"What?" Edward asked, confused. He looked down, realizing that he was in diamond-form. "Um.. No?" He didn't know who this 'Emma' person was. "Do you mean Esme? She's my mother."
Jubilee started laughing. "So Emma's a grandmother?" But suddenly her amusement was conquered by her rising lust. She wondered if maybe Emma's grandson was controlling her mind somehow, but she didn't care. "I must have you," she said.
"You smell like heroin," he said, and they rushed into each other's arms, kissing passionately.
Above them, colored fireworks burst into the sky.