DISCLAIMER: Hikaru no Go and its characters belong to Hotta Yumi and Obata Takeshi.
WARNINGS: Sequel to "The Long Awaited Confession". No spoilers per se, but might be a bit difficult to understand if you didn't read the manga or didn't see the anime. Language – from our dear Hikaru, maybe others – possible underage drinking again and mild boy on boy theme. Or maybe not so mild, depending on my mood.
A/N: I apologize for any errors, discrepancies, inaccuracies or mistakes for they are all mine, as this work is unbeta'd. Reviews are really appreciated. Anyone has a witty comment about cookies that I could use ?
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Games of Go
The series of oteai games begin again. We, go professionals, will play against one another once or twice a month for the remaining months of summer and fall in the hope of accruing enough victories to achieve a dan promotion. I am only a 3-Dan go player, whereas Touya is already 5-Dan. Even Waya and Ochi have accumulated enough victories to obtain their 4-Dan promotion. I am a little behind because of those months more than three years ago when the most imperative issue in my life was to find Sai and bring him back to me.
I am not worried about the gap between me and my friends. We play together often enough for me to know that we are equals. The rank in go is less important than the skill, the determination and the keen knack to play. I am a very dedicated player and I intend to win today. My opponent is Mashiba, who – in spite of being successful in the pro exam a year before me – is still 3-Dan, like myself. I don't like him at all. I remember thinking the first time we met at the Young Lions' Cup when I was still an insei 'What a pompous ass he seems, with his suit and tie'. Moreover, I discovered later that he really was an ass when he made disparaging remarks to Isumi after losing against him. I will win today.
Touya is playing today too. We haven't spoken in a while.
I am skimming through the formalities distractingly. "Nigiri." I am black. "Onegaishimasu." I play my first black stone in 5-5; it is but another small trick I learned from Yashirou, when we played the qualifying match for the Hokuto Cup. I hear Mashiba huff, but I couldn't care less.
I look at Touya. I am studying his face. I am not close, sitting two rows beside him, but here I am, studying the face of my rival and friend. He looks cold and bored, exactly the way he is when playing go with a weaker adversary. He is playing against Tsujioka 4-Dan, not a match for him. I wonder if he knows how intimidating it is to be scrutinized by his unwavering and unforgiving green eyes. I pity the poor Tsujioka. Touya doesn't blink once while his opponent take a white stone, falters, bows his head and says in a low voice "I resign". "Thank you for the game" Touya replies dryly. I wonder if he does this on purpose. I am still studying his face and can't help a shudder. His solemn features with his long black hair are handsome. 'Handsome? I am not thinking clearly.'
Turning back to my own goban, I sigh. I am going to win whether Mashiba decides to pursue the game – I have calculated, I win by four and a half moku – or to resign. I secretly wish he resigns, so I can try having a few words with Touya if he is still there. Out of habit, I let my fan flap against my goke to underline my impatience. Resignation is now unlikely considering the murderous glare of Mashiba. He puffs up with pride and decides to continue. 'What a shame…' I am not in a charitable mood and after an excellent yose, I win by six and a half moku. I have however lost the opportunity to speak to my raven-haired rival. 'Maybe next time. Or maybe I'll drop unexpectedly by his father's go salon.'
Weeks go by and I have the lingering feeling that Touya is avoiding me. Every time we have a go game on the same day, he crushes his opponent quickly and mercilessly, so that he doesn't have to talk to me. Or at least, that's what it looks like. He never waits for me to finish my game before leaving the premises of the Go institute. He looks away and never pronounces a word when our paths cross. He all but deserts his father's go salon or is never present when I go there. He is definitively avoiding me.
At last, at the beginning of September, I receive a card from the Go federation scheduling a game between me and Touya for the September the twentieth. 'A good omen, perhaps.' On the planned date, I arrive early and settle myself in front the goban. Touya waits until the last minute to show up, impeding all possibility of talk. "Nigiri, please." I have white. "Onegaishimasu." The game is played quickly. Touya overpowers me swiftly. "Thank you for the game." He isn't looking at me at all and seems completely uninterested. He stands up and goes into the corridor. I cannot let him go away like this.
Lost in his own thoughts, it takes Touya a few seconds to make the connection between the warm feeling in his open hand and the fact that I have grabbed it to prevent him to disappear on me once again. He jolts and jerks angrily his hand away from mine.
"Why are you doing this to me, Touya? Why are you ignoring me every chance you get? I thought we were best friends… Why won't you play with me anymore or talk to me anymore or spend time with me anymore?" I know I am begging, but I am getting desperate. Touya really is my best friend and I want him back. I am beseeching him and don't care if I look pitiful, as long as he comes back to me.
He looks at me and snorts. 'How unlike Touya to behave like this…' He gives me a cheerless and hurtful smile.
"Aren't you afraid you are going to be labelled a homo if you spend some of your precious time with me?" He hissed. "Your real friends might not want to hang out with you anymore if you spend time with the notorious fag I am." He is being coarse and deliberately uses the same words Waya jeered at him with. I am appalled to think he heard that particular discussion.
"Damn, is this what it is about? Gods, Touya, you know Waya is an idiot! I don't care what he said!" I am shouting but it is a lot grimmer than our usual shouting matches concerning our go games.
"You were laughing with them, Shindou! You were laughing at me! How dare you allege that I am your best friend when you were so disrespectful of me?"
"I am sorry, Touya! I'm sorry; this is all a huge misunderstanding! I swear I was not mocking you. I shouldn't have laughed, I'm sorry. I apologise!" I am pleading. "Touya, this is not a joke to me, you really are my best friend!" He doesn't answer and I am fraught with anxiety. "Please, Touya." My voice is breaking and low. "Please, don't leave me."
I am stunned by my own words. I am entreating Touya to stay with me, to not leave me. 'Where the hell did that come from?'
Touya nods slightly, looks me in the eyes and soothes my mind with a single word. "Okay."
He turns away, pauses, whirls around to face me and adds with a grudging hint of a smile. "By the way … Happy birthday, Shindou."