Disclaimer: I don't own it. Smeyer does.
I couldn't take it, seeing her like this. I wanted to pummel Alice for not seeing, for not telling me in time to stop this insanity.
For surely that's what it was – insanity. Seeing my Bella crumpled on the ground, without the exceedingly strong pull of her blood, that beautiful crimson life liquid that was slowly draining out of her as I stood here, watching. It had blossomed, like a flower, from the gaping wounds in her side and shoulder, rising and expanding to soak through her thin, cotton top.
Carlisle had said that it was internal bleeding, that there was nothing he could do, and that the movement it would require transporting her to a hospital would only worsen her condition.
Little red rivers ran down the side of her pale, now paler, neck. The contrast was sharp and somewhat beautiful to my enhanced eyesight, now a curse. It only helped to magnify her death so that I would witness it more clearly.
"Do it, Edward!" Alice commanded.
The rain was pelting us all, my family, Bella's crumpled form, and I.
Bella... how dare she take herself away from me like this! How could I have let this happen!
A car wreck of all things. She was in a car wreck. In the car I had bought her. But of course, because the blame rested with me and always would whatever the outcome.
Blame for her death – for that was the only option. Which form I gave it to her in was the question. I could let her bleed, let her die as she was meant to.
Or, I could let my venom kill her: slowly, painfully as it meandered its way through her eggshell body, making it tough. Tough and dead.
What'd I'd give to see her smile or blush one last time.
I knelt by her side.
Brown eyes, glossed over and far away, flickered open to meet mine for a few wavering moments, before closing again. Inviting lips parted to emit a plea that I wasn't sure I could give into.
"Bite me."
A small smile alighted on the corners of that lovely mouth.
Its twin appeared on my own lips, the perfect mates to hers. She, every part of her, was my mate. My soulmate. I lifted one small hand with my own, enveloping it. The fingers were so fragile, but they rested so beautifully in the spaces between mine, two puzzle pieces put together after so much time.
Two lovely berries moulded on one stem; So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart.
Then, why oh why didn't we belong together, forever and ever till the universe was felled? Why couldn't I give into her?
The storm around us turned into a maelstrom, a cold torrent of wind and water. Alice's jacket flapped loudly in the wind. She stood beside Carlisle. In the rain-streaked shadows behind them stood the rest of my family. Every so often, lightning would split the sky in brilliant branches of white-hot fire.
Bite her, Edward
Go on! What are you waiting for?
There isn't much time left!
My family's thoughts encircled me, urging my body to do what my heart could never.
It's what she wanted, dear.
Esme was right. She'd begged for this, to be by my side eternally.
It was what she wanted, but was it what she needed? Was it what she deserved?
I shrugged off my heavy, wool coat, and picked her up in my arms. She felt so good against me, warmth and softness and love made corporal and now taking its unbearably quick exodus. Just like the meteor I'd compared her to.
A flash up in the sky that lasted but a spectacular and fleeting moment, to be remembered, but not to be held onto.
Never held onto, least of all by my undeserving arms.
But I had to allow myself some measure of selfishness, so I held her regardless, pulling her as tightly as I could without sundering her delicate frame. I pushed her head into my shoulder, her back into my chest, and I rocked her in the thunderstorm. Family forgotten, scruples be damned, I let myself memorize her curves, the exact texture of her hair and skin. I committed forever to my unfailing memory the sound and rhythm of her dimming heartbeat.
She's fading, Edward...
Carlisle's thoughts lacerated my paradise – the one where only Bella and I existed, perfect and happy and locked in the zealous inferno of devastating love for all eternity. That was the place the world, out of spiteful envy, would never let us claim, except in moments like these.
Then, the world would grow weary, and after our unceasing attempts to break our own way in, the door to that utopia would shatter and we'd be free.
But only for a short while. Only until the world grew jealous once more.
Because what we shared dwarfed the world, didn't need the world.
I gazed down at Bella.
Maybe our love would be better off without its meddling.
"Edward..."
My angel spoke.
"Please!"
My angel begged.
How could I refuse her? What if I must?
Slowly, I lay her back down on the grass, on top of my coat. Fresh blood had stained my shirt crimson, while at the same time, the rain had begun to wash it away from her body.
That's how it would always be. Whatever happened, whichever choice I made, her blood would be on my hands.
"Don't worry," I said, knowing it was meaningless. I said it to take away the agony etched into her face.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, Bella. It was my fault." I was sobbing, raindrops serving as suitable replacements for tears I couldn't cry. I mourned this beautiful, young girl her lost life. "Stay here for me! Please don't leave!"
Heaven bound, my face screamed to a God I hadn't prayed to in nearly a century. "Please!"
Were I able to take her place, I gladly would. I prayed to. Following my death, Hell was a certainty, but it was worth keeping her life tied to this unworthy world.
"I can't stay Edward," her voice addressed me softly, "Unless you make me."
It was a mere whisper, its strength slipping away.
"I can't," I murmured back.
Her eyes shot open, and a panicked hysteria consumed her tone. "You have to! You can't leave me!"
I, leaving her? No, I'd follow, and though she be in heaven, and I in hell, the distance could not thwart our love. For she was heaven.
Tis torture, and not mercy. Heaven is here where Juliet lives, and every cat and dog and little mouse, every unworthy thing, live here in heaven and may look on her, but Romeo may not.
But I couldn't tell her this, couldn't bear to hear her assure me of some non-existent righteousness I harbored. So, I simply stroked the side of her face with the back of my hand, up and down, smiling at her in a way she once enlightened me that was 'dazzling'. Maybe that was one gift I could offer. Maybe I could dazzle the pain away.
Quaking, her hand reached up and tugged at my hair, trying to pull my face down to hers. I complied, kissing her on lips that were usually so warm.
"Please!" she whimpered against my mouth. "I don't want to die."
Unable to bear the words she spoke, I kissed her harder.
"Edward!" Alice roared. "Do it or I will!"
She was stepping towards us now. I stood and faced my sister, protecting Bella against a fate worse than death.
One of her hands grasped my ankle with what I was sure was all her might, but I barely felt it.
"She wanted this," Alice goaded. "She told us all a million times."
"She doesn't deserve this," I spat.
Alice's enraged countenance shifted into something offended. "Is 'this'," she gestured to my adoptive parents and siblings, "really so bad?"
"It's not for her."
They didn't understand. None of them did. This life was a haven if you were already a vampire, if you had no more choices left to you.
But Bella had choices.
"It's not just you, Edward!" Alice cried. "We all love Bella! And Bella loves us!"
"I can't..."
I instantly turned around, returning to Bella's side at the sound of her siren's voice. "I can't stay much longer..."
Head shaking at the injustice of her suffering, I smoothed her wet hair from her forehead.
"I love you," she said quietly. "I need you. Don't let me go."
If it weren't for my enhanced hearing, the pounding of rainfall on asphalt would have drowned the utter rapture of her exquisite words. I didn't think I could ever tire of hearing her say that to me. I wished I could have had the chance to find out, though.
Oh, but I did.
But I couldn't.
But I had to.
"I love you, too, Bella." The words escaped brokenly.
The ebony fans of her eyelashes languidly lifted up over the most matchlessly stunning pair of eyes ever to be peered through. They were smiling contentedly at me.
"Edward," Alice snarled behind me.
"Listen to the music," I coaxed my angel, with all the honey my voice could muster.
And so I began humming to her the lullaby she stood as muse for, while my lips moved down to her throat. Cascading notes reached a crescendo against the pulse point of her neck, a spot so scantly protected by her thin, translucent flesh. My lips could not detect the beating that so usually accompanied her presence. It was alarming, and quickly, before I could reason myself out of it, I sunk my teeth into her fragile skin.
I held her there and waited for her screams. They never came.
Brutal and savage panic gripped my senses and shook them. I glanced to her eyes. Opened, just as before.
The same content look was shining in their depths... trapped there now... by her death.
"No!" I roared.
"What have you done!" screamed Alice. She pushed me out of the way, grabbing Bella's arm and biting into it herself.
Again, nothing happened. Bella's empty eyes only gazed out at nothing.
My dead heart broke into a million pieces, like the last time, but witnessing it was something else... I murdered her.
You said I killed you - haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!
I'd done it though. I'd sent her home to heaven where she belonged.
Some sick and morbid sense of strength welled up through me. I was stronger than I thought. I was strong – and alone. And Bella and I no longer shared the same earth.
I sunk to my knees, letting agony, raw and sheer, push me down into the wet ground.
I shouted at God horrible profanities, and begged him, and talked to him because he had her now. How I wanted her back!
Longing for mortality overswept me. If I could have but a minute of it, I'd rip my heart out of my own chest and die beside her.
Or, if I could not have that, than I pleaded with God to send me to a madness where I could imagine her. Lunacy, death – all was preferable to this unending torment.
On hands and knees, I crawled back to my perished beloved. My Juliet, my Helen, my Cathy!
Her eyes were open still, glowing with a peace I could never know. Water had washed the blood from her body. She was clean and pure and light, everything that belonged to heaven.
I held my bloodstained palms up like I was sacrificing myself to the sky, wanting the rain to wash my crime away. Impossibility be damned, I would do whatever was in my power to belong to heaven, too. I'd be with her again no matter what it cost me.
I'd go to Italy, and this time, no one would save me. No one would come. And if they did, I wouldn't let them stop me.
Something bound our souls together unbreakably, a tie I could feel even now. Neither fate, nor pain, nor judgment day could tear them asunder.
I lay beside her now, heedless to all around me. I lay down beside her and pulled her to me, savoring what little warmth was remaining.
Two of my fingertips reached up to close her eyes, but I hesitated. My perfectly preserved memories dredged up a time when she looked at me with those doe eyes of hers and laughed over something I'd said, or stared unabashed when she thought I wasn't looking. And then, I pretended it was happening again. I grafted those memories onto her limp face and made her come alive one last time, before gently closing her brown orbs for the last time.
Eyes look their last. Arms take their last embrace.
She left me, and I let her go. I broke my promise.
And I'd rectify that if I had to move the stars!
Unable to bear the somber and grieving expressions my family stared at me with, I rose to my feet with my fallen angel in my arms. Then, I ran into the forest.
When me feet gave out, I lowered myself to the dirt and arranged Bella's body so that her head was lying in my lap. Because I just didn't know what else to do. I couldn't give this piece of her up yet.
My lips brushed over her forehead, wanting her to respond too passionately as she always had, to overestimate my self-control again.
And when she wouldn't, I cradled her in my arms and wept dryly into her hair.
"I'm coming," I told her. "I'll find you again."
XXX
At the very center of a graveyard in Forks, Washington is a grassy knoll, tipped by a tall and ancient tree, hemmed in by an iron fence.
One of the town's greatest mysteries involves the two headstones placed there. It had been forty-two years since the deceased had passed away, yet fresh flowers adorned their graves once a week, every week, and always on a Sunday.
Two young brothers had gotten the strange notion one day, to try and solve the mystery. So on a humid Saturday night in June, they set up camp by the old iron gate and waited.
"Who were they anyway?" one boy asked.
"You read the tombstones."
"Yeah. Isabella and Edward Cullen, but, I mean, what happened? And what's with all the fancy stuff?"
And what he meant by fancy stuff was the fact that each tombstone was seven foot high and elaborately adorned. Bridging the two, at the top, was a marble arch.
"I guess they were rich. I dunno. My mom said the story was really sad, that no one liked to talk about it much. The girl died in a car accident, and he went and offed himself."
"Oh," said the brother, sipping soup from a silver canister. "Why'd he do that you think?"
The other boy snorted. "Love."
"That seems like a silly thing to die for."
The two boys fell asleep shortly after that, although they made a heroic attempt at consciousness.
And in the morning, much to their dismay, they found fresh flowers lying on both graves. They were roses this time. Red roses. Someone had come in the night. After taking down the tent, and rolling up their sleeping bags, the two boys walked home downcast by their failure.
But before he left, while his brother walked away, one boy lingered by the burial place, studying the graves.
Funny, he thought, they had died within days of one another. And it had been so long ago.
He glanced down at the roses.
Why would anyone still care?
He picked up one and inhaled its sweet fragrance, just to be sure it existed. Out of some reverence, he gently placed the rose back down on the dewy grass.
The sun was poking out of the clouds now. Its beams were scattered by the tree branches and fell in dappled splotches over the marble. The stone glittered where the rays touched it.
All of a sudden, looking at the sparkling marble, and the roses, and the arch, he felt a sort of awe wash over him.
"You coming?" called the other boy, nearly half way to the gates by now.
"Yeah," he called back.
But his eyes scanned over the structure one last time, finally resting on the inscription engraved into the arch.
Because theirs was a love too great for this world.
As he strolled back down the hill, he found himself thinking that maybe it wasn't such a silly thing to die for after all.
A/N: This was inspired by a black and white picture of Bella and Edward in the rain in Entertainment Weekly. You can find the link on Smeyer's website. Hardest thing I've ever written. Can I die please now? Quotes used were from Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Heights, and A Midsummer Night's Dream. And you know there's something wrong with Microsoft when Word tries to correct Shakespeare...