Congratulations Class of 2008! A tribute to you, here's a Harry Potter Graduation of sorts! Enjoy

Alphabetically, not Academically

"What?!" Aunt Petunia's shrill voice echoed throughout the house. Harry winced inwardly.

"Vernon! Vernon, come here!" Harry could feel the floorboards shake as his uncle lumbered into the kitchen. Out of mild curiosity, and with the vague hope that Petunia had somehow lit the house on fire, Harry followed.

In the kitchen, Harry and Vernon were treated to a thrilled Aunt Petunia and a rather confused Dudley.

"What's all this about?" Uncle Vernon asked gruffly.

"Go on, sweetums," Aunt Petunia coddled Dudley, "tell him!" Dudley turned his confused gaze to his father.

"Uhh…I'm number one?" he said, as if that explained it all.

"Our Diddykins is valedictorian of his class!" Aunt Petunia elaborated, so excited she was practically hyperventilating.

Vernon's eyes bulged slightly in bewilderment before he beamed. "Always knew you had it in you, boy," he said in an odd mixture of confusion and pride. Harry, for his part, near about hit the floor.

Dudley…with a brain…? It was almost too much for the Hero to take. Harry stood in complete and utter shock for a moment before logic took over. Dudley must have been in a class of brain-dead infants. Yes, that explained it nicely. But wait, no…Piers was in that class…this couldn't be right…Piers was the brains of the gang; Dudley was the muscle/fat behind it.

"Dudley," Harry brought himself out of his muddled reverie, "what's Piers' number?" Harry didn't bother being eloquent; it was usually wasted on his thickheaded cousin.

Dudley's massive frame considered Harry.

"Uhh…" He said intelligently. He furrowed his brow for a minute…then two…then—

"Eighteen," he finally responded. Harry's mind whirled again.

"Why?" he managed to get out. Dudley looked at him in confusion.

"Because his last name's at the end of the alphabet, dummy."

This news took Harry less than a second to process. As he dissolved into laughter, he watched his Aunt and Uncle's faces fall as they realized:

Dudley was first in his class alphabetically, not academically.

After a moment, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon quietly dispersed from the kitchen and went on as if nothing had happened. Dudley followed, still baffled. Harry, however, was downright tickled for the rest of the day; Dudley was as stupid as ever, and all was right with the world.

Hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me what you think!

Peace.

TheEvilBanana