A/N: I just watched The Happy Place. And I don't know about you, but I'm not in the happy place right now. Too much angsty GSR - of the bad kind. Here's my take on the end of the episode. I hope it's not too angsty as well. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI.
Honesty
"You need more than just the safety of knowing that you are not alone."
"Then he should have just walked away," she countered.
"Well maybe he couldn't. Maybe he needed her to leave him."
In that moment, Sara knew they were back to square one. She thought they moved on from cryptic messages. That was a thing of the past; they were supposed to be honest with each other now. Instead of moving forward, she was back to all those times she and Grissom spoke about themselves through a case.
Déjà vu.
She couldn't help but ask even though she knew the answer, because it was one thing that they couldn't seem to leave behind.
"Who are you talking about right now?"
He looked down and glanced at up her tentatively, before looking down again, as if he couldn't find the right words.
She didn't smile and apologize for rambling, like she used to do around him. He had to change, because frankly, she was tired of it all. If he wasn't the one to change, it would be her and this was the first step in the right direction.
She slid out of the chair and walked out.
--
Sliding her bag around her arm, she looked around to make sure she hadn't left anything behind. Satisfied, she turned around and the door opened, Grissom walking in.
"Oh," he said, staring the heavy jacket on her arm and her bags.
"I was going to say goodbye, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to do it at the lab anymore."
"Right."
They stared at each other, and Sara felt something rush over her. It wasn't a sad sense of loss, more like quiet understanding. She decided to answer the question that was present in his eyes, the one he couldn't seem to verbalize.
"Honestly? I can't take it anymore."
"Sara, I…"
She sighed, placing her bags and her jacket down on the floor.
"Gil, you need to make up your mind, once and for all. I'm tired of all these circles we spin around in. I thought we were over it, but I guess I was wrong. You were always hot then cold. It got better," she said with a wistful smile, "two years ago. But after the Natalie thing… "
She tried to find the adequate words.
"Things changed, or rather, things went back to the way it was before."
"Sara, you know I love you."
He sounded sure, but nervous at the same time.
"I do, but sometimes love isn't always enough."
The blinds couldn't hold all the sun out, so tiny vertical rays painted themselves all over her body. He stared at them; like it was the first time he had seen something like that.
"You've changed." He said quietly. It wasn't an accusation, but more of an observation.
She nodded.
"I'm not going to jump for you just because you asked me to anymore." She held up a hand when he opened his mouth to protest. "I'm not blaming you for that, it's my fault. It's like I've held you on a pedestal the entire time I was here in Vegas. I can't be happy here, and you can't be happy without the lab."
"Something's got to give," he said quietly.
"I hope you know what you really want."
"I know what you want."
"What's that?" She asked, cocking her head to the side.
"Honesty."
They stared at each other once more, the minutes trickling past them.
"I have to go." She said, picking up her bags.
"I'm going to miss you."
"Then don't wait too long."
She pressed her lips - softly, gently, and noiselessly - to his and she was gone.
Once more.
But instead of leaving him with a letter this time, she left him with hope.