Disclaimer: I own nothing but my thoughts, please no one sue me (besides, there's nothing to take im poor)
A/N- I have been writing fanfiction for a while now (and reading it for much longer) but this is the first thing I've actually posted. So please review. I love constructive criticism as it helps me grow as a writer but please, reserve your heckling for one man plays and Creed cover bands. That said, this is a very AU story, though many of the plots will remain the same. Basically I was sitting around one day, watching an episode when I started to think about how life might have been different for Clark if he hadn't just let the whole relationship thing go after season one (it would have made for a lot less Lana angst, that's for sure). So from there I just took it a step further and decided to write my own version of things, starting from just before the season finale of one. In case there are any discrepancies in my timeline of events in the end of season one, please keep in mind that I loaned my dvd set to my brother, so I'm working off of memory for now. If something is incorrect, just let me know and ill fix it later.
The Butterfly Effect- refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location (in essence, the tiniest action can have far reaching consequences)
From his position in the grossly uncomfortable hospital chair by Chloe's bedside, Clark watched as his best friend in the world slept quietly, a serene look upon her face. In his right hand he held her fingers intertwined with his own as his left reached up to gently brush back an errant strand of hair and tuck it behind her ear.
An hour ago when she had finally fallen into an exhausted, fitful sleep, he had watched helplessly as she tossed and turned in the tiny hospital bed, the occasional whimper escaping her throat. He had immediately grasped her small delicate hand in his own rather larger one, considering shaking her awake. But as his hand held hers and his voice whispered soft comforting words to her, her breathing slowed down to almost normal and her constant restless movement became only the occasional twitch. For reasons he did not understand, his presence seemed to soothe her anxiety.
From the moment earlier that night when she had asked him to stay with her, there had not been a doubt in his mind that he would do it if that's what she wanted, but knowing that his being there was actually doing something to help her served to somewhat ease the sense of helplessness he'd felt since the moment he had learned of her abduction. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly against the sudden well of emotion, sniffling lightly and blinking his eyes to dispose of unshed tears. He felt useless. All of his incredible gifts, all of his powers…and he couldn't even protect the people that he cared about the most.He bowed his head in shame.
"I'm so sorry Chloe," he began, staring intently at his shoes. "This never should have happened to you. I failed you and I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me to be."
"Don't be ridiculous Clark." Cark's head whirled to face the doorway, startled though not really surprised, to see Lex leaning against it, a look of concern plastered across his face.
"Lex, what are you doing here?" Clark asked while trying to surreptitiously remove any traces of tears with the back of one hand, his other still tangled up in Chloe's.
"I heard what happened and I wanted to offer my support." As Lex spoke he entered the room, tossing his expensive jacket onto a nearby table and pulling the other chair to the foot of Chloe's bed right next to Clark. He sat down, leaned back and smiled. "And don't change the subject. Where did you get the idea that you failed anyone?" His tone shifted subtly like it always seemed to whenever he mentioned Clark's tendancy to play the savior. "From what I hear, Smallville's very own hero saved the day once again." Clark barked out a humorless laugh but kept his voice down, remembering the girl sleeping next to him.
"I really wish that everyone would stop saying that," he said, shaking his head. "Chloe, her dad, even the sheriff; they all kept thanking me and telling me what a hero I am.
"What's wrong with that?" Lex asked, not understanding. "You swooped in at the last second to save the damsel in distress Clark, what could be more heroic then that?"
"It isn't being a hero if you're just fixing your own mistake." Lex raised an eyebrow at this and Clark sighed in frustration. "This should never have happened to her Lex. It's my fault she's in here. I should have found her sooner. Hell, I never should have let any of this happen in the first place." His eyes dropped back to his shoes, unable to meet Lex's eye. For his part, Lex sat mute, stunned into silence by the enormity of the guilt he felt radiating from his young friend. He knew that Clark was being ridiculous of course, and he owed it to his one and only friend to show him that, but he hadn't had much experience with the whole "heart to heart chat" thing and he wasn't quite sure how to start. He figured that his first order of business was to get the boy to stop wallowing in self pity.
"Well, well, well, Clark Kent swearing…I never thought that I'd see the day." Clark looked up, shocked to hear the laughter in Lex's voice and was absolutely appalled to see the smirk on his face.
"There is nothing funny about this situation Lex," Clark said, indignant, "Chloe is in the hospital for god's sake and it's my fault." Lex's smirk turned into a full smile as he began to chuckle lightly. Clark's eyes narrowed. "Stop laughing." His voice had lost all trace of friendliness and Lex's smile vanished.
"You're absolutely right Clark; there is nothing funny about Chloe being in the hospital. I wasn't laughing at you or her, I was laughing at myself." Now it was Clark's turn to look confused. "I was laughing because I had forgotten how easy it is at your age to take all the blame for a situation onto yourself." Clark found his confusion ebbing and his anger returning with the speed of a spring tornado.
"You don't know what you're talking about Lex."
"Of course I don't Clark." Lex jumped to his feet and strolled to the other side of the bed, leaning over and staring into Clark's eyes. "So why don't you enlighten me? How did you do it?" Clark held Lex's steely gaze and found his confusion returning once again.
"How did I do what Lex?"
"Kidnap Chloe of course. I mean you said that this whole situation was your fault, so naturally that means you're to blame for everything, right?" Clark, who was fast growing tired of his own emotional flip-flopping, skipped the anger this time and went straight to righteous fury. Lex ignored it. "That would mean that you're the one who kidnapped her, you're the one who held her captive, and you're the one who buried her alive and left her to die-" Clark leapt to his feet, his eyes narrowed dangerously. Suddenly Lex felt extremely grateful for placing the bed in between them.
"How can you say that?" Clark's voice was low but venomous. "How can you even suggest that? She is my best friend. I would die before I hurt her."
"Of course you would Clark," Lex interjected. "But apparently you needed to be reminded of it." Lex watched as understanding passed over the young teen's face, the anger draining from his eyes to be replaced by embarrassment. Clark sank back down into the chair, eyes once again downcast, defeated. Lex knew he had to press his point home. "As much as you might want to Clark, you don't get to take all of the blame for this one. That award goes to the sick bastard who did this to her. And believe me, when my people find him, he is going to get what he so justly deserves." Clark finally met his gaze again, his eyes beginning to swim with tears he was trying desperately not to shed.
"You have people looking for this guy?" Clark asked, surprised. He knew that Lex never did anything halfway. When he said people, he meant the most highly paid and reliable private investigators and security teams money could buy; a far cry from the understaffed local sheriff's office. Lex simply smiled at the shock in his voice.
"Of course I do."
"Why?" Clark hadn't meant for that to come out so bluntly. He started again. "What I mean is why would you get involved? Its not like you and Chloe are friends or anything. Not," he clarified, "that I'm not grateful or anything, but just…." His brow furrowed. "Why?"
"You mean besides the fact that she's the daughter of one of my best employee's?" Lex's smile faded and his voice became serious. "Clark you're the best friend I've ever had." He snorted derisively. "In fact you're the only friend I've ever had. In a lot of ways, I feel closer to you than I do to my own father." Lex found himself turning slightly to face Chloe for the first time. "Whoever this guy is, when he hurt her, he hurt you and he has to pay for that." His smile was back again, but there was no humor behind it, only darkness. "After all what good is it being a billionaire if you can't help your only friend in the world? Trust me when I tell you that he will pay dearly for what he has done."
Clark wasn't sure he liked the dark fire he thought he saw burning in Lex's eyes, but he let it go. He was still too worried about Chloe to call Lex out on something that he may not even really have seen, so he let it go. Lex slowly crossed back around the bed to stand behind Clark's chair and laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Clark none of this is your fault. You aren't Chloe's keeper and you can't be there to watch her twenty four hours a day." He gave a small chuckle. "And besides, from what you've told me about her, she would kick your ass if you tried. She sounds like a very strong independent young lady and they tend to dislike that sort of thing." Clark gave a strangled laugh and used his left hand to remove the remaining moisture from his eyes. "You can't always prevent evil from touching the lives of the people you love Clark, believe me I've seen it. What you can do is always be there for them when it does." Clark sniffed, whishing that the stinging behind his eyes would fade. Lex had already seen his tears once tonight and that more than enough embarrassment for one day.
"Thanks Lex. You're right. Besides, blaming myself isn't going to help Chloe. I heard the doctors talk about how this could affect her, you know, in the long term." Lex turned and moved closer to the door reaching for his coat, satisfied that his work was done for now. Almost…
"You know Clark, I wouldn't worry about it." Clark turned at Lex's odd statement, his eyebrows rising quizzically at his friend's knowing tone.
"What do you mean Lex?"
"I mean that I spoke to the doctors myself a few minutes ago to tell them that I could have any specialist she needed flown here within twenty four hours. They just told me that they couldn't discuss her condition with me at the moment and left it at that. But as I walked by the nurse's station, I overheard a bit of their chatter." Lex's smile was widening now. "Apparently the only thing the doctor's were really concerned about was her mental health; worried about her reliving the trauma most likely. They had planned on having to administer a sedative tonight so that she could sleep without troubles from nightmares." Clarks grip on Chloe's hand tightened. "But what the nurses found so utterly cute was that when one of them came to the room to administer the drug, she found Chloe sound asleep, vitals within normal limits, with a "gorgeous young man" sitting by her bedside keeping watch." Lex sighed in a dramatic fashion, raising the pitch of his voice to mimic a female. "Oh it was just so romantic. I wish my boyfriend was that sweet and caring." He couldn't contain himself any longer at this point, bursting into a fit of laughter which was only encouraged by the deep crimson blush that leapt across Clark's face and neck.
"Chloe and I are just friends Lex," Clark stated firmly, still unable to control the embarrassment that dominated his face, "nothing more." Lex's laughter died down at this, both eyebrows appearing to be in a contest to see which could get higher to the top of his bald head.
"Oh really Clark? I seem to recall a certain young farm boy visiting me very recently and telling me that he wasn't sure of his feelings about a certain junior reporter." Lex was slowly drifting towards the door. "I told you Clark, if you never take a chance, you may find that you've missed out on something incredible." Clark squirmed uncomfortably.
"I heard what you said Lex. But the thing is, I'm not sure what my feelings for Chloe are, but I do know that I'm in love with Lana, so it wouldn't be fair to start something with Chloe when I'm in love with someone else, would it?" Lex sighed and his hand, which had been reaching for the knob, drew back to his side. Apparently his work wasn't quite as done as he thought. It wasn't his place to tell Clark who to love, but he had seen something in his young friend these past few days and he couldn't leave until he had forced him to actually examine his feelings for once.
"Do you really love Lana?" Clark answered without hesitation.
"Of course I do, I've loved her since the first time I saw her, you know that." Lex stared at him with blank eyes and his voice was questioning but void of judgment.
"Why?" It was the simplest of questions, but it furrowed Clark's brow none the less. Why did he love Lana? It wasn't a question he had ever really had to ask himself before. He had been in love with her for so long that he never really felt the need to consider why he felt that way.
"What do you mean why Lex? I just do. Love is like that." Lex shook his head slowly.
"No Clark, its not. You can do better than that. What is it about her that you love, honestly?" Clark sat stone still, thinking hard.
"Well she's beautiful, obviously," he began, the words coming slowly as he tried to express into words how he felt about Lana Lang, the girl he had lived next door to his whole life on this planet. "But not just on the outside, on the inside too. She's caring and always willing to help other people with their problems, even if she doesn't know them that well. She's also smart and she can make me laugh. She's just….perfect" His praises trickled off and it was easy to see that he was wracking his brain for all of the other qualities that he had always known Lana to possess. Lex gave him a questioning glance.
"So she's beautiful, smart, a good person, and…perfect. Is that it?" Clark seemed uncomfortable at this point, again starting to squirm in his chair.
"Well, what else does there need to be?" Lex leaned his back against the sturdy wooden door, jacket still in hand. This might take a little longer than he thought. A smile lit his face at the realization that he, Lex Luthor, always unlucky in love, was now dispensing advice on the subject to teenagers. How his father would laugh if he could see him now.
"Well, I'm just going to go ahead and ignore perfect since I presume that Lana is human and therefore definitely not perfect." Clark's shoulders tensed a bit at these words, but Lex wasn't quite sure what to make of it so he plowed on. "As for the other three, well...you just described about a billion women on the planet Clark. If that's all there is to it, then why aren't you in love with one of them? Think about it and ask yourself what is it exactly that makes you love her above all of those others you could have. What is it that makes her so special?" Clark's mind was whirling now and he wished that Lex would just let this go, but something told him that wasn't going to happen. Why was he bringing this up anyway? After all, hadn't Lex spent the better part of the past year trying to help Clark to win Lana?
"I don't get you Lex, I thought you wanted to help me with Lana but now you're telling me that what I feel isn't real?" Lex's head shook emphatically.
"No, I never said that it wasn't real; I'm sure you're feelings are very real Clark." His head cocked to the sid, his tone quizzical. "But who is it you are really in love with?" Clark had no idea how to respond to that, his eyes wide and mouth doing a very interesting impression of a fish. Lex continued on, not wanting to give Clark the chance to find his voice and refute his theory just yet. "Are you sure it's Lana you love? Or maybe it's just the idea of her."
He stepped away from the wall, hands in his pockets and his expensive designer jacket clutched between his arm and chest as he began to walk ever so slowly back towards the bed in the center of the room. Clark almost felt as if he were being stalked by a well dressed bald predator. "Please Clark; I want you to think about this for a minute, heck, maybe even two. You say that you have been in love with Lana since you were like four, but from everything you've told me, up until about eight months ago you hadn't even shared a coherent conversation with the girl." Clark blushed furiously at this, hating that he couldn't simply explain that it hadn't been Lana that had made him act so clumsy and inept; it had been her stupid meteor rock necklace. Once it had left the picture, he had found it easy to talk to Lana and they had even become fast friends. In his mind that had cemented the idea that he was meant to be with her.
Lex stopped when he reached Clark's side, spreading his feet into a relaxed stance and continuing his speech, unaware of the segue Clark's mind had taken. "So in reality you've only really known Lana for about eight months." Clark nodded. Technically that was true. "So it stands to reason that the girl you were in love with the other ten plus years wasn't the real Lana." Clark wasn't nodding anymore. Was Lex implying that he hadn't been in love with Lana as long as he had thought? That was ridiculous. Again, technically Lex might have been right about Clark not knowing Lana personally all of that other time, but it hadn't mattered. Even from a meteor sickness safe distance he had been able to recognize what a wonderful girl she was; heck all of the guys in the school noticed and none of them even lived next door to her like he did. Besides, what about love at first sight?
"Lex you don't actually have to know someone to fall in love with them. It just happens. Love is a feeling; you cant control it." Lex felt himself growing disappointed.
"You should know better than that Clark. You should know this just by looking at you parents." Lex let his vision drift out the small window to the distant tree line, his voice taking on an airy quality. "True love doesn't just happen, it has to be obtained; sought after. Love at first sight is a lie Clark. People are rarely the same underneath as they are on the outer layers. Love requires trust and understanding, and those things can only be won with time." Lex could his voice growing softer with emotion. He hadn't meant at all to get so worked up, but he figured that drawing him out of his hard Luthor exterior was just another one of Clark's many gifts. "You don't have to know everything about each other immediately in order to be in love Clark. After all you'll have a lifetime to learn it all. But you have to know that the person will always be there for you and accept you for who you are, flaws and all, no matter what. There might be ups and downs, and you might even lose sight of each other sometimes, but you know you'll always find your way back to each other in the end. That's not something that you can know "at first sight." Lex stopped, finally overcome. "That is real love Clark, and it's definitely not something you can know by spying on a girl through a telescope." Clark was in awe of Lex for the way he had just put himself out there, open to ridicule from Clark for being so "girly" about the whole thing. He was honored that Lex felt comfortable enough in their friendship to even approach this whole subject he had been pursuing for the better part of his visit.
"Wow Lex, its not that I don't appreciate you sharing your views on love with me," he said, hesitating slightly. "Where did that come from though? You told me yourself that you hadn't had much luck in the love department so far." Lex smiled at the hesitant tone.
"When I was younger that's what my mom always told me when I asked about love. It's hard to believe that she actually felt that way about my dad." His smile faltered. "It always got harder for her to say it though. Every time it was like her smile and cheeriness was just a little more forced; like she believed it a little less each time." Clark's eyes flashed with sympathy and Lex berated himself for letting his guard slip. Clark feeling sorry for him was the last thing he wanted. He hadn't meant to reveal so much of himself, but talking about his mother had always made him a little emotional.
"Clark, I may not have the best experience with relationships, and I may never have experienced true love myself, but I do know that it's out there. But that's not the real point here." His eyes found Clark's again. "Clark, as much as you may not want to hear it, you don't really know Lana. What you felt when you were little, that was just a crush, and there's nothing wrong with that, it's a part of growing up. But you took the object of your infatuation and made her the focus of all your dreams about the perfect girl, and you've never been able to see past that. You told yourself that she was perfect and so that's who you think she is. When I asked you what you loved about her you couldn't think of anything beyond generic traits; good traits, but generic. You've never let yourself see any deeper because if you did, she might shatter that pedestal you keep her up on."
Clark face had been blank and unreadable throughout his speech and Lex was a bit concerned. Usually he could read Clark like a book and the fact that he couldn't now was a bit unnerving, but he needed to finish what he had started and so pressed on. "Despite what you might think Clark, I'm not trying to tell you that you don't love Lana." Clark looked disbelieving. "Really I'm not. But you can't be in love with someone until you know who they really are, and you've never been willing to let yourself do that with her. If you want to be in love with her, love the real Lana, not the one you've created in your dreams." Lex turned and started towards the door again, determined to actually leave this time.
"Lex." Lex stopped at the sound of his voice. "What is it you want from me? What was the point of all this?"
"The point is that I'm your friend and I want you to be happy." He paused for a moment. "But I've heard that sometimes in order to be a good friend you have to force people to face uncomfortable truths." His walk towards the door resumed. "Just do me a favor Clark and think seriously about what I've said. I would hate to think that I'd wasted all of this time spent talking about your love life."
Oh he'd be thinking about it. Clark was pretty sure he wouldn't be thinking about much of anything else for quite a while. In the meantime he still had no idea of how to handle his newfound knowledge of Chloe's feelings for him. "But what should I do about Chloe?" Lex turned again, his handle on the door latch.
"That's up to you Clark; you already heard my advice on the subject." He smirked at the confused teen whose memory seemed to have been overloaded by the events of the past day. "You may not be sure of you feelings right now, but if you never take any chances you may look back one day and realize you missed out on something amazing."
Clark had turned in his seat to speak and Lex's eyes drifted past him to zero in on something that made his smirk widen into a full out smile. "Besides Clark, I somehow get the impression that you care about the young Miss Sullivan much more than you're willing to admit to yourself." He nodded towards the hospital bed, turned, and left, the soft click of the door closing leaving Clark alone once more in the silence. He looked to where Lex had been gazing. Throughout the entire discussion, his hand had never left Chloe's.