A/N: My first Grey's drabble. Spoilers for tonight's episode, "There's No 'I' in Team." Let me know what you think?
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And if you come around again, then I will take the chain from off the door. Ingrid Michaelson
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The distance from the front door to the doorway of his room seems impossibly long. It's never taken this many steps before, has it? Seriously, it shouldn't take this long to walk down the damn hall.
She stops, takes a breath, and then keeps going. One more step, she tells herself. One more step and then she'll be almost there. Well, she'll be halfway there. And that's something, right?
Another breath, another pause. She runs a hand through her hair and then gives a ridiculous thought to how she must look right now. As if it matters at this point – it's not like she can turn around now. She knows she has to talk to him, and she even knows what she'll say. Figuring out what to tell him isn't the problem, surprisingly enough; the words are right on the tip of her tongue.
The problem is getting there, because she actually doesn't want to say it, because she knows what will happen. She knows that, in the end, this will probably ruin them both. He will break her heart (again), and she will remind him of everything he has and then loses. They will fight and argue, let daggers slip from their mouths, tell each other things they mean but shouldn't say. It will never be pretty, never be perfect. She cares too much, and he can barely let himself care at all.
Together, they are a mess. But God, when her kisses her. It is enough to make her forget why she ever doubted him in the first place. It is enough to make her forget why she hates him sometimes, completely and utterly hates him. It is enough to make her quit thinking of how telling him she cares will damn her to tears and inevitable misery.
She reaches the doorway, takes a final breath, and steps inside. He looks at her, and she's pretty sure she's going to turn around and run back the way she came. She doesn't, though; even when he tells her to get out of his room, she stands her ground. She's started this now, and she's going to finish.
I care about you, she says. I care about you, she repeats.
And when he finally closes the distance between them, she finds she doesn't give a damn whether this ruins them both. Because even if it does, she has a feeling it'll be worth it.