Probably didn't see this one coming...and I know it's moving quickly...hmm. Sorry. Anyway, RT won't get together for awhile. Uhm, this fic will go all the way to Bella's fifth birthday. Hence the name...

Chapter 8

"She's sick." Taylor told Ryan out of nowhere. It had been a week since she had told Ryan about Bella. The little girl adored living with her father but Ryan was noticing how she would get tired so easily and fall asleep at the most random times. She didn't run around as much his younger siblings did.

"Sick as in she has a cold?" Ryan asked looking over at Taylor. He knew right away that's not what she meant. His stomach suddenly sunk and it took everything in him to not panic.

"A year ago she was diagnosed with leukemia. She went into remission six months later. It's back…" Taylor looked on the verge of tears right now.

"And you choose to tell me now?" Ryan felt the anger surge into his body. He didn't understand why she liked to keep so many secrets from him.

"I didn't tell you because…I didn't think it'd come back at least not yet…Ryan, I'm scared. I'm so scared…the last time we went through this…she was so weak…she…God, what did I do wrong? What in my life did I do for my little girl to deserve this?" Taylor ignored his questions. She was too worried about Bella to answer him.

It was two days ago that she had decided to take Bella to the doctor. For her annual check-up. She had noticed that Bella was a bit more sluggish lately, she hadn't really thought much of it. At least not until she saw the look on Bella's doctor's face. And then the call she got from the doctor the next morning. She hadn't told Bella yet. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell her little girl about this. Not again.

So, she decided to tell Ryan first. She wasn't sure why she hadn't told him yet that Bella had cancer in the first place. She wasn't sure how something like that could slip her mind, but it had.

Taylor felt his arms around her shoulders as her body heaved as she cried.

"I'm so sorry…" He whispered now angry at himself for not being there for Taylor and Bella that year ago when she had first been diagnosed. Then he realized he couldn't have been. She hadn't told him he even had a daughter.

"I'm so stupid. I should have included you in our daughter's life way before now, Ryan. I shouldn't have hidden this from you…" She whispered not looking at him but speaking into his shoulder.

"It's okay…" He rubbed her back with his palm needing her to stop crying.

"What if they can't make it better this time? What if she….Ryan what if our daughter dies!" Taylor finally looked up searching Ryan's eyes. His face fell at what she said.

"Die?" He choked out suddenly feeling much more sick to his stomach than before. "She can't die…I just…no." He shook his head not wanting to think about that blonde girl in there dieing.

"Ryan…" Tears kept flowing down her cheeks.

"How did you do it?" He questioned.

"Do what?" She asked.

"Handle all of this alone?" He asked keeping his hand rubbing circles on her back.

"I don't know…I just…did it. I thought I had to. I didn't think I had any other choice." She told him.

"You did…I could have helped, Taylor. I could have been there for you and Bella both through all of this. You didn't have to do this alone."

"All I know is I never want to do it alone again. Even if we aren't in a relationship, Ryan. I want you there for Bella…she's going to need you so much right now…" She told him.

"I'm going to be there for the both of you." He said.

"Thanks…God, how am I going to tell Bella? She's been so happy lately…now this is something that's going to crush my baby."

"How'd you tell her the last time?" He asked her.

"She was only two…she didn't know what was going on…"

"Wait…I thought she was four…"

"She just turned four last month." She said.

"Oh…." He felt terrible for not even knowing his own daughters birthday. He had to keep reminding himself that that wasn't his fault.

"We can tell her together." He told her pulling her closer to him and laying back on the couch with her at his side. This felt good. This felt right but he had to keep reminding himself that he couldn't have a relationship with this woman, not yet. Not until he could fully forgive her…not until he knew his daughter better.

"I wish we didn't even have to tell her." She put her hand on his chest along with her head.

"I can't…I can't believe this."

"I'm sorry for not telling you before…I just wanted to forget all about it, you know? I needed to forget all about it…" She said to him.

"Yeah…"

"Do you hate me?" She lifted her head a little to look at his eyes. He shook his head.

"Disappointed…but I don't hate you….Taylor, what's going to happen? I mean…I don't know much about cancer…"

"She'll get chemo therapy. She'll be in and out of the doctors a lot. Lose her hair. Get really weak…barely leave her bed…It's not going to be easy…especially not this time…"

"Oh…"

"Can we wait to tell her in the morning? I just…I need you to hold me right now. She's already sleeping…"

"In the morning." He repeated closing his eyes. Soon enough the both of them were fast asleep on the couch, the TV still roaring in the background. Dishes left unattended in the sink. None of that mattered. The both of them just needed the other's touch. It helped…but both of them knew that right now nothing was going to help until that little girl upstairs was all better.