And aching hole. That was what Cloud felt. For what meaning did life have if he was not hunting his silver haired idol?
No. Not idol. That was what he had been all too long ago, but since his breakdown in Nibelhelm Cloud knew that there was little left of the man he had once admired. That man had been gone by the time Cloud struck him down at the northern crater, he harbored no guilt for his hand in the defeat of the man.
Then why did he feel so empty? He had everything that he fought for. The planet was safe, his friends were safe. What else mattered? He should be happy.
But Cloud wasn't happy. He had been left, a shell of a man, doomed to wander the planet making an attempt to ease his eternally restless mind. He rode Fenrir far and wide knowing that no place would be able to give him the peace he desired.
Cloud would visit Zack's grave occasionaly. Well, it wasn't really a grave. It was just where the monument of a sword stood, impaled in the green earth. He knew that Zack would have hated this, Cloud visiting his grave, wishing that things had been different, but what else was there for the broken man to do?
He would sit, staring at the battle scarred buster sword and let his mind wander to a darker place. He was beginning to understand what he needed, what he craved. The flight, the rush, the passion that battling his former idol gave him was intoxicating, and all to much to give up. Cloud found himself wishing he had been stronger as a cadet, perhaps he would have been able to meet the man before his demise, but Cloud doubted that it would have helped his current situation.
When Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz had come, Cloud felt a shadow of what he craved. But when he fought the silver haired trio, he had been sorely dissapointed. They were not the one he wanted, no matter how much they tried to be.
"Come with us bother," Kadaj had called, his sing song voice thick with poison that reawakened memories Cloud had tried so hard to repress. "Mother would be happy to see you too."
Cloud absently wondered if insanity ran in the family, for clearly these three gave his former idol a run for his money.
But he hadn't known, hadn't expected in his wildest dreams what came next. He didn't know what to do when Kadaj started to change. The body of his "brother" had been engulfed in an erie light that reminded Cloud of the glow of mako. He had given Cloud a look. A look that proved he had no control over the situation. It called out silently for help, desperatly screaming for Cloud to help. But there was nothing Cloud could do, and in truth, he didn't want to.
Before he knew it, Cloud had gotten his wish. The man hovered a few feet off the ground, wing spread in all its glory, making full use of the new body he had taken. The sickening silence followed seemed to last for an eternity as the two soldiers stared at each other. Both sets of eyes gave off an otherworldly glow, but Cloud was surprised that he had forgotten just how terrifying the catlike eyes could be.
"Sephiroth." Cloud whispered the name with the reverence it deserved. This was a man who had been aptly named. In response, the man gave him a smile that would be ingrained in Cloud's memory forever.
The battle that followed was thrilling. Cloud was filled to the brink with all the life he had been missing since the last time the two men crossed swords..
This flight, this rush, this passion.
It was what his life had been missing.
Now he had to crush it.
Even if they had offered, Cloud would not have let his friends interfere with this fight. He needed to know that he was stronger than Sephiroth. He had to confirm that this man would no longer haunt his thoughts and dreams once he was physically gone.
The finishing blow was one of the hardest, and easiest, things Cloud had ever done. He struck Sephiroth deeply, blood still dripping from the Masamune inflicted wound on his shoulder. He knew it had to be done. Sephiroth could not be allowed to live in this world.
Yet Cloud knew this time would be no different. He would wander the planet trying to fill the hole Sephiroth left behind when he was defeated. That was probably why Cloud was so surprised to hear the last words of his former idol.
"I will never be a memory."
Cloud smiled because he knew that he wouldn't have it any other way.