Author's Note (Part One): First off, thanks a ton for all the reads, alerts and reviews. I love that you like the story. It makes me seriously happy... like PI eating lunch with Cuddy happy. I had this mostly written on Monday, but didn't finish it. And then I saw the awesome episode on Tuesday (don't you love Lucas?!) and felt compelled to watch it four more times before finishing this chapter. So, please accept my apologies for the lateness. That said, this has a lot of exposition in it, so I hope it doesn't bore you to tears. For those of you who have read the previous fic, I copied a little section from the alternate ending and transplanted it. I hope you can forgive me. All these peeps belong to David Shore and company and these lyrics belong to Van the Man (and one of my favorite songs).

Days Like This

When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit

Then I must remember there'll be days like this

"Hey, you never called me back," Lucas said as he entered House's office the following afternoon.

"I forgot. I was busy," House replied absentmindedly while tossing his ball against the office wall.

"Busy? You weren't busy."

"Of course I was busy. Why would I lie to you?"

"I didn't think you needed a reason. I thought you just liked to screw with me sometimes. And you weren't busy."

"Wait," House said, suspicious "How would you know if I was busy? Did you bug my apartment?"

"Didn't we have a conversation about this, like, twenty-three times? I don't bug my friend's houses."

"Is that the truth?" House asked, studying him intensely.

"Yes; you know I can't lie."

"You've gotten better at it. It makes me so proud," House said in a mock-parental voice.

"Glad you're happy."

"My sweet, innocent PI is growing up into a a fine, miserable, lying bastard," House finished with an exaggerated sigh. "Seriously, did you bug my house?"

"No!" Lucas responded, frustrated. "Friends don't bug one another's houses."

"I had you bug Wilson's place."

"Sorry, I meant to say, sane people don't bug their friend's houses."

"If you didn't bug my house, there's no way you could have--"

"Monday night, you go home, pop some Vicodin, break out six-pack and watch 'Gossip Girl.' Sometimes you put on porn after, if you're bored. Or you just go to sleep."

"So, friends don't bug each other's apartments, but they do spy on each other."

"You're scary. I had to make sure you weren't a serial killer or a mad scientist or something before I agreed to be your friend."

"Mad scientist?"

"Hey, you never know," he said, taking a seat in House's armchair. "So, why didn't you answer the phone?"

"We've established this. I was busy watching Serena and Dan break-up for the fifteenth time."

"It's only an hour-long program. I called you at 11:00 and again at 12:30."

"I was devastated, I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone," he said dramatically.

Lucas rolled his eyes, "Don't you want to know what happened with me and Lisa?"

"Not particularly," House mumbled. That was an understatement, he had absolutely no desire to know how the ride home went-- especially since the PI was obviously excited about something.

"It was quiet for the first couple of minutes," he began, completely ignoring House's comment. "I thought that she really didn't like me, but we started talking about sports. Turns out she is totally into hockey and I love hockey!"

"Yes, it is surprising that a ruthless, pushy, confrontational she-devil likes a ruthless game filled with pushing and confrontation."

"Anyway, I have a couple of tickets to the Devils' game on Wednesday and I asked her if she wanted to come and she said yes! Isn't that great?"

"Awesome," House said sarcastically.

The PI furled his eyebrows, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I think it's great that you're able to ignore the soul-sucking and evil to see the beautiful demon within."

"Wait. Are you... jealous?"

"No, I am not jealous," House said, irritated.

"Why would you be jealous? You told me that there was nothing going on between you two. You told me I should go for it."

"I'm not jealous," he said, getting more annoyed.

"You so totally are."

"I so totally am not," House replied, mimicking the PI's voice.

"Then why are you so angry?"

"I'm not angry!" House yelled. "I am irritated because you keep insisting that I'm jealous-- Which I am not!"

"Whoa. Calm down." House took a steadying breath and Lucas watched him for a moment. "You know, you've got to work on that temper." House shot him a dirty look. "Are you sure that there's nothing going on--"

"Yes, I'm sure," he interrupted tersely. "I don't have any interest in her that extends beyond her breasts and ass."

"So, you don't care if I date her?"

"Would it matter if I did?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Maybe," the PI shrugged.

"Okay... Then don't date her."

"Are you saying that because you like her or are you saying it to screw with me?"

"To screw with you," House answered quickly.

"If you like her, why tell me to go ahead? Why not tell me the truth?"

"I never said I like her. I said I was screwing with you."

"You didn't think she'd like me. That's why you told me to go for it. You didn't think she'd be interested," Lucas said, talking to himself.

"Like that makes sense."

"You didn't think she would agree to go on a date with me, so you encouraged me. You encouraged me thinking that she would say no and I would lose interest. That way you get me to back off without ever having to admit that you like her. It's an ingenious plan."

"Yes, it would have been... If it had been my plan. Really, I was just screwing with you. Take her out, don't take her out, it doesn't matter to me."

"It so does."

"It so does not," House snapped. "Would you look at the time?" House made no pretense of checking his watch. "I've got somewhere I have to be." He stood up and walked to the door of his office.

"I'm not backing off," Lucas smiled, getting to his feet.

"Fine."

"If you want her, you'll just have to try harder."

"Are you challenging me?" House said, eyebrows raised. "Because better men than you have tried and failed."

"Come on, House, I wouldn't challenge you. Challenging someone implies that there is a common goal and a worthy adversary," the PI grinned. "You won't even admit you like her and you're... Well, you're you. There's no challenge there."

"Are you saying I'm not up to it?"

"I'm saying-- Yes. I'm saying you're not capable of being up for it. You being up for it means you would have to admit to yourself that you want her. And that's something you're not capable of."

House studied Lucas for a moment, "I accept."

"You accept what?"

"I accept your challenge." House pushed the door open and said over his shoulder, "It is so on." As he turned toward Wilson's office he could see Lucas smiling back at him, amused.

House opened the door and limped into Wilson's office. Wilson looked up and frowned, not pleased by the sight of his visitor. "Busy," he said coldly as House closed the door.

House made his way to the couch and stretched out. Wilson glanced up when he heard his friend plop on the sofa. "I'm still busy," he repeated, looking back down. "In case you didn't hear me the first time."

"Sorry," House mumbled. "You know, about the Amber thing."

"You should be," Wilson replied, continuing to do paperwork.

"I said I was," he whined.

Wilson looked up, narrowed his eyes, put his pen down and directed his attention at House. "Alright, what's up?"

"I did something," House screwed up his face and grimaced, "Kind of stupid."

"And? You do something stupid all the time."

House inhaled slowly, "It might be more stupid than usual. Or is it stupider than usual? I can never remember."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Lisa, would it?"

"Hmmm... Could."

"I knew I interrupted something yesterday!" Wilson exclaimed, verbally patting himself on the back. "Alright, spill. What happened?"

"Let's just say that I might have given Cuddy the idea I was interested in her."

"No, no, no. Details. I need details, specific information if I'm going to assess the situation."

"Who says I want you to assess the situation?" House shot back.

"Because you only come to me for two things; unwanted personal advice and solicited medical advice. Since you just told me it has to do with Cuddy--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," House interrupted. "Anyway, back to the stupid thing."

"Yes, back to that," Wilson replied. "Details? Or am I going to have to read tea leaves to get some answers?"

"I apologized--"

"For..."

"For the whole Kutner, Taub fuck-up. She was angry, so--"

"And you cared that she was angry?" Wilson said, surprised. House shot him a look. "Sorry, please continue."

"I said I was sorry, I sang her a song, I--"

"It wasn't 'Evil Woman' was it?" Wilson smiled.

"No, it wasn't 'Evil Woman,'" House replied testily.

"So, you serenaded her."

"I didn't serenade her. Stop making it sound like a scene from a Meg Ryan movie."

"Was the song romantic?"

"Not particularly."

"What did you sing?"

"Lennon's 'Woman'," he whispered, embarrassed.

"No, not romantic at all," Wilson said sarcastically. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the last verse of that song consist of only 'I love you's?"

"I didn't sing that part."

"Well, as long as you didn't sing that part... then you're right, it's not romantic at all."

"Shut up," House grumbled, Wilson smiled.

"Was there something after the serenade or was did you reach your romance quota for the year with the song?"

"We talked about you and how she finds you repulsive," House replied, satisfied. Wilson rolled his eyes. "She said she needed chemistry, I said that I thought we had chemistry, she agreed and asked me what I was getting at."

"And?" Wilson asked, suspense getting the better of him. "And??"

"And that's when you came in."

"House! For the love of-- Why didn't you just tell me to leave?!"

"Because you burst in the room like the police after a failed hostage negotiation. It's not my fault that--"

"Yes, yes, it's my fault. I accept full responsibility," he said flatly. "Now, please tell me that you didn't just leave it like that."

"I didn't just leave it like that."

"Thank God," Wilson said relieved. "So, are you two... dating.. or--"

"No. Nothing like that."

"Nothing like that?" Wilson repeated, confused. "Then it's something like what?" House looked down and tapped his cane on the floor a few times. "Floor tap, no eye contact. Not usually a good sign." Wilson sighed and leaned back in his chair, "What did you do?"

"Who said--"

"House."

"I..." House tapped his cane a few more times, "Might have told Lucas that there was nothing going on between Cuddy and I, encouraged him to pursue her and--"

"There's an and? Wasn't sicking the PI on her enough?"

"He's a good guy."

"He's... annoying."

"So are you, you don't see me holding it against you."

"House, please tell me you said something, did something--"

"I invited her out to dinner."

"That's a step in the—"

"With me and the PI, last night."

"You didn't."

"She wanted to continue our conversation--"

"Please say you talked. Please say you continued the damn conversation."

"I... said I couldn't remember what we were talking about--"

"Idiot."

"And told her that Lucas liked her--"

"Idiot!"

"And then he asked her out--"

"Idiot!"

"And she said yes," House finished with a frown.

Wilson held up his hands. "You have got to be the biggest idiot of all time. Most guys, they like a girl--"

"I never said--"

"No, of course not! That's your problem, House! You never say. You won't admit it. You come close and then you do everything in your power to sabotage it."

"Is this where you tell me I screwed up because deep down I just want to be miserable and alone? 'Cause it seems we made it to that point of the conversation."

"I'm not going to pretend to understand you any more, it only gives me headaches. All I know is, you serenaded her, made her admit that the two of you had chemistry, invited her to dinner and then you threw her at the PI. The PI? Seriously, House? The PI?!"

"He likes her."

"Of course, I've been assuming this whole time that you actually want her. Maybe the song, the chemistry thing, the dinner, maybe it's just you're way of screwing with her."

House rolled his eyes, "I wasn't screwing with her."

Wilson leaned over the desk and said conspiratorially, "Are you actually admitting that you like her?" House looked out the window near him, sighed deeply, and subtlety nodded his head as if he found the question deeply annoying.

Wilson leaned back and chuckled, "I always thought that if I witnessed a miracle there would be more fanfare."

"Oh, shut up." House looked up, finally meeting Wilson's eyes, desperate. "What do I do?"

"You tell her how you feel."

"Can't."

"House, you have to. You told Lucas to go for it. He's just as persistent and stubborn and as obsessive as you are with the added bonus of being able to tell her how he feels about her. You have to fess up."

"There's got to be some other way," House mumbled to himself.

"Too bad Gladys isn't still around. The two of you can turn any date into a disaster." House grinned as an idea hit him. "House, I was just joking. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know," he said standing up and grabbing his cane.

"Because that would be the worst thing you could do," Wilson said, worried.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know," he smiled deviously.

"You wreaking havoc, showing up on her date-- it would just piss her off. And that would drive the two of them closer together. And that would be bad."

"Very bad."

"Yes, very bad. So, you're not going to do anything stupid, right? There's not going to be a repeat performance? Because the last one didn't go so well."

"I wouldn't say that."

"You made her so angry that she poured a pitcher of beer down your shirt and invited me in."

"But she didn't sleep with you--"

"House."

"Don't worry, I learned my lesson," he reassured, making his way to the door.

"Thank God," Wilson said, relieved.

"This time she won't even know I'm there." House opened the door and ignored Wilson repeatedly calling his name as he stepped out of the office. He made his way down the hall already contemplating how to spy on a private investigator without getting caught.

Author's Note (Part Two): That's it! I hope you liked it! Next time House spies on the date. Since there's no new episode next week (heartbreaking!), I'm going to update at least once (but hopefully twice) before the show resumes.