Author's Note (Part One): Before I get to the excuses, I'd just like to say thanks for all the reads, reviews and alerts. They make my day. The only thing better? Huddy on-screen action (and even then, it's a really close second). Sorry it's been two weeks since my last update-- I participate in a lot of arts and crafts fairs this time of the year, so I'm having to rev up production to be ready for the first one at the beginning of November. So this is probably going to be the last update until after the 9th. I love you all, so please don't hate me. I wrote this one pretty fast, so I only read through it once rather than the usual three times. Please excuse any typos/grammatical errors. Enjoy! House, his one true love, his best friend and his personal private investigator belong to David Shore. But his elderly, one-woman cheering squad belongs to me.

Your Mind Is On Vacation

"Sittin' there yakkin' in my face,

Comin' on like you own the place."

Figuring that House would bombard her about her date with Lucas first thing in the morning, Cuddy was surprised that when she looked at the clock and realized lunch had come and House had not. She was even more surprised when she found Wilson waiting for her on the couch in her office when she returned from grabbing a sandwich and a Diet Coke from the cafeteria.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a startled but authoritative voice, returning to her desk and peeling off the wrapper on her sandwich.

He narrowed his eyes, legs and arms still crossed. She raised her eyebrows and popped the top of her soda can. "Well?" she asked, hoping he would either talk or leave her to her work.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean? I--"

"I mean what's going on between you and House?"

"The same thing that always goes on. He irritates me, I reprimand him by giving him more clinic hours," she replied, coyly.

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, then what were you referring to?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. One minute House tells me you two are on the verge of something and the next minute you're on a jumbotron kissing the PI."

"House said we were on the verge of something?" she asked curiously.

"Not in so many words, but--"

"James, I have work to do. What do you want to know? Either spell it out or leave me to my paperwork."

"You know he has feelings for you, why did you go on a date with another man? Why would you do that to him? What purpose does it serve? Do you have feelings for him? If so, then why are you jerking him around--"

"Let me stop you right there. First, House has never told me he has any feelings for me other than contempt and frustration."

"You know he--"

"No, I don't. I don't know anything. Three days ago he said that we had chemistry and then when I tried to talk about it he encouraged me to go out with Lucas. He's given me no indication--"

"He told you he thought you two had chemistry. That, at the very least, is a huge step --"

"He's given me no indication," she said forcefully, "That he was lying or that he really wants me for himself--"

"You know him, you know--"

"I know what I wanted and I know what I wanted him to want, but he doesn't want that. Apparently, he wants me with Lucas. So, he gets what he wished for and I get to be around someone who can tell me how he feels about me."

"Lisa, House cares about you. I know that he pushed you toward Lucas, but he doesn't really want you to be with the PI. He wants to be with you. Think about it. All the dates he's ruined, all the boyfriends he's run off. I'm his best friend, but the second I won you at the auction he declared war. He made our date a living hell just so he could be sure that we'd never do it again. He can't stand the thought of you being with anyone else. He wants you for himself."

"If he wants me for himself then why would he shove me in Lucas' direction?"

"Because he's scared. Because he's vulnerable." She raised her eyebrows. "He is. After Stacey... you know how it was. He's terrified of opening himself up to that kind of hurt again. The leg pain he can deal with, but the other-- I don't think he'd make it through another break up like that and I think he knows it. He wants to be sure, wants to be 100% certain it will work before he risks it--"

"Then nothing's ever going to happen. There are no guarantees in relationships."

"I know that and deep down House does too. He knows. It's just going to take some time--"

"If I have to wait for House to get over all of his issues, I'll be dead before he asks me out."

"There was a time, not that long ago, where I would have agreed with you, but I think he's ready, he just needs to work up the courage. You know, the other day he told me he liked you. He's never admitted to anything like that before."

"Did he say he liked me... Or did you ask him and he looked off into a corner, so you assumed it was his way of saying yes?"

"He... nodded," Wilson said slowly.

Cuddy shook her head and glanced at her clock. "I don't have time to analyze the inner workings of House's brain; I've got a meeting with some donors in ten minutes."

"Lisa--"

"He can't even tell you he has feelings for me or he won't or...," she sighed. "He has to say it out loud. He has to tell me he wants to be with me, tell me he likes me. He has to want me to know. I'm tired of always being the one that gives in; I'm tired of walking a mile and waiting for him to take a step... And I'm not doing it any more; it's his turn."

"Lisa--"

She took a sip of her soda and picked up her pen, "Do you mind, Dr. Wilson? I have a lot of work to do and very little time to do it in."

Wilson frowned, but didn't say anything. He turned and left the office, leaving Cuddy to her thoughts and her sandwich.

House had spent the day brooding in his office, bouncing his ball angrily off the wall. The fellows had left him alone, preferring to do their differentials with Foreman and avoid his foul mood. He was replaying the kiss between Cuddy and Lucas for what was probably the millionth time in his head, when the PI entered, unannounced and unwelcome.

"That was clever," Lucas said, sitting down in House's armchair.

"Not in the mood," he said irritated, hurling the ball at the wall again.

"Really. I mean, usually when someone wants to ruin someone else's date they just, I don't know, steal their wallet or have their car towed-- something like that. But you, you went all out. How much did that cost you exactly?"

"Nothing," House replied moodily.

"Nothing? Really? Wilson pay?"

"No, I do have other friends."

"Friends that would loan you that much cash?" House shot him a dirty look; Lucas smiled. "Even if it wasn't your money, it must have hurt that it didn't work."

House threw the ball again, enjoying the satisfying thump of the ball against the wall, imagining that it was Lucas' smug face.

"A fake marriage proposal on the scoreboard? Most women would be so freaked out they would have run away screaming. Who could have known that wouldn't work?" Lucas said with a smile.

"Who would've?" House mumbled.

"I guess the same person who knew you had a history of ruining Cuddy's dates. The person who knew you who do something like this so they left their tickets out so you could see them. The person who found out that someone called up to the arena the day before the game to confirm those seats. Assuming that you would do something like rent out the scoreboard for a marriage proposal, maybe that person decided to let it play out... Because maybe that person figured that, after the initial shock, Lisa would think it was you... And maybe, by thinking it was you, that might make her mad... So mad that she might, I don't know, kiss him just to get back at you... So mad that she would agree to go on another date with him just to spite you--"

House narrowed his eyes, "You knew?"

"What do I do for a living?"

"You knew and you let it happen?" House said in disbelief. "She was mortified."

"I didn't plan the thing; it's not my fault."

"You let her be that embarrassed just so you could get a kiss?"

"No, I did it because like her. I knew if we had both been embarrassed by you then that would give us something else in common, a uniting factor. I wanted another date and thanks to you, I got one."

"This isn't going to end, you know. I'm not going to just give up."

"I know, but I'm not giving up either," the PI grinned, standing. "And I intend on sticking around as long as Lisa lets me."

Lucas began making his way to the door, but before he could open it an old woman in a bright pink track suit flung it open, nearly hitting the PI in the face, and charged inside.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" she yelled, staring at House, throwing her hands up in the air for emphasis. She quickly turned to see Lucas opening the door, attempting to make a run for it. "You!" she said, brandishing a finger at Lucas. "What do you have to say for yourself?!"

"Um, who are you?" Lucas asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Never mind who I am! I'm asking the questions here, thief!"

"Thief?"

"Yes, thief! We all know that Dr. Cuddy is Greg's girl! And you went ahead and stole her from him--"

"Ma'am, I don't know who you've been talking to," Lucas said gently, "But Dr. Cuddy isn't dating Dr. House. She's dating me."

"Don't talk to me in that tone! I'm not a silly old woman! I know exactly what I'm talking about! Greg is in love with Lisa--"

"Correction," House interrupted, "I never said I was in lov--"

"Did I say you could speak?" Gladys glared at House. "You owe me over $3,000!" Lucas whistled, which caused the old woman to return her attentions to him. "You," she said pushing a finger into the PI's chest, "Are to leave Dr. Cuddy alone. Understand?"

"House, can you tell your mom leave me alone so I can go?" Lucas said, backing away from Gladys.

"She's not my mother, she's a crazy old broad who lives in the psych wing. She's there for observation. So, if she wants you to stay away from Cuddy, you should. You do not want to know what she did to the last person who didn't listen ot her."

"Oh, hush, you!" Gladys said to House, annoyed. "You," she said to Lucas, "Can go. But stay away from Dr. Cuddy, I don't want to have to tell you again." she finished, putting her hands on her hips.

Lucas inhaled deeply, "I'll see you later, House. Nice to meet you, Ma'am."

"Wish I could say the same," the old woman answered, watching him roll his eyes, open the door and leave.

"Wow, you sure told him," House up his hand. "High five!"

"Put down your hand; there's nothing to celebrate." She frowned as she plopped down in the chair across from his desk. "You've messed things up royally and now it's up to me to help you fix them."

"What do you have in mind?" House said with a smile.

"First we're going to start with you writing a check for $3,745."

House grinned and opened his desk drawer, pulling out an old, beaten checkbook. "Witherspoon, that's got two Os, right?"

Author's Note (Part Two): I know this one was short... But, as I said, I've got a lot on my plate for the moment, but I just had to update before episode six. Hope you liked it! Next time: Gladys and House scheme. Will Wilson join in or be a stick in the mud? Have a happy Huddy-filled episode six!