Author's Note (Part One): Hello! Long time no type! Sorry about the long break between chapters, but as I said I had to get ready for my sale. Luckily we were all treated to some incredible Huddy episodes, so you probably didn't even miss me. Thanks for your patience waiting for the new chapter and for the continued support in the form of reads, reviews and alerts. You guys are awesome! This chapter is pretty long, so hopefully it makes up for the wait. House, the love his life, his favorite sidekick and their playground belong to David Shore. Gladys does not. She belongs to no man. Enjoy!

Checkin' It Out

We've got to put our heads together

I'm sure that we can work it out

I'm weighin' up the situation

And checkin' it out

One very large check, two locked doors and an hour and a half later, House and Gladys were sitting in the same chairs arguing about the best strategy to separate Cuddy and Lucas.

"Argh!" Gladys yelled in frustration, still trying to get him to admit his feelings. "We're never going to get anywhere when you keep insisting you're doing this for Dr. Cuddy's own good and not because you are secretly in love with her."

"You say love, I say the desire to get in her pants."

"Oh, stop being such an idiot. You're in love with her--"

"Pretty sure I want to see her naked--"

Gladys sighed loudly. "Okay! You want to see her naked, but that doesn't mean you're not in love with her. And I really don't want to waste my time, time I could be spending getting a massage by an attractive young man named Tony, figuring out how to bring you two closer if you're just to keep denying that--"

"Fine. I am willing to admit that I might have some feelings for her that may or may not be of a romantic nature," House mumbled. Gladys beamed at him causing him to roll his eyes in response. "Now can we get back to the task at hand?"

The old woman continued to smile widely, "First things first, we need to find out when there next date is before we can stop it. Unfortunately, it's not like either one of us could find out that information. Dr. Cuddy and that Lucas fellow would be very suspicious if we come around looking for info-- no matter how inconspicuous we're being. Do you know Dr. Cuddy's assistant?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think that he would be willing to--"

"We're not on the best of terms. He's never really forgiven me for putting Ex-Lax in his coffee. Apparently, I put too much in and he spent the whole day and night in the men's bathroom."

"What about the nurses in the clinic? Surely, they can find out the information easy. I imagine it wouldn't be hard for one of them to slip in her office and glance at her calendar while she's preoccupied."

"They're not my biggest fans. I might have suggested they clean my laundry... And then left it at the nurse's station until someone took care of it."

Gladys shook her head, "Is there anyone at this hospital who likes you?"

House pretended to rack his brain, "Wilson, most of the time."

"That's it?" House shrugged. "You should be ashamed. What about the doctors who work for you?"

"They wouldn't do it. Too scared of a spanking from mommy."

"Well, it looks like Dr. Wilson will have to help us."

House grimaced, "I don't think he'll be up to it."

"What did you do now?"

"He went with me to the hockey game. I think he's still got his panties in a bunch because I promised him I wouldn't do anything and, well, you know what happened. I guess he didn't appreciate the epic awesomeness of the scoreboard prank."

"He's not alone," she said flatly.

"Can I help it that the two of you don't understand how genius the idea was?"

"It wasn't genius, far from it. Genius ideas don't fail miserably."

"It hit a little snag--"

"It failed. It did not achieve anything except to push Dr. Cuddy and the detective closer together-- which, last time I checked, is the opposite of what you were trying to accomplish."

"It was a good idea," House mumbled, a bit moody.

"No, it wasn't. A good idea would involve you telling her how you feel instead of just sabotaging her dates and praying that she detects your love vibes from across the room."

"Insulting my methods isn't going to get us anywhere," House said jokingly, but also a bit defensively.

"You're absolutely right," she agreed, standing up slowly. "Let's go see Dr. Wilson."

"I already told you that he was pissed--"

"With you."

"You're not exactly his favorite person in the world."

"That may be true, but he seems to be a reasonable fellow. I'm sure if we talk to him, he'll agree to help."

"I don't think--"

"Listen, he's your best friend and he obviously is very fond of Dr. Cuddy. I'm sure he realizes that the two of you are in love with each other. And I'm sure that he'll be happy to help as long as we can convince him that the outcome will be worth whatever risk, guilt and/or temporary moral discomfort he may feel."

She walked to the door and unlocked it, turning around when she noticed House wasn't following her. She raised her eyebrows, "Coming? Or are you just going to sit there?"

House inwardly contemplated the answer, grabbed his cane and crossed to the door. They walked down the hall to Wilson's office.

Wilson laid down on his couch to take a mid-day nap. It was something he never did, but after the late night with House, compounded by the annoying yapping dog in the apartment next door, he had gotten less than no sleep. He had just fallen asleep when he was woken by a series of sharp knocks on the door.

"Busy," Wilson said, knowing House was on the other side. "Sleeping off the stupidity bug I caught last night at the game." The knocking continued, morphing into Keith Moon's solo from 'Baba O'Riley.' Wilson groaned loudly and put a pillow over his face to muffle the sound. Recognizing that House wouldn't go away and realizing that the pillow wasn't very good sound-proofing, Wilson got up, tossed the cushion back on the couch and answered the door.

"You didn't let me get to the end of my drum solo," House whined, stepping into the office, followed closely by Gladys. House plopped on the couch, Gladys sat down in a chair while Wilson shut the door, exhaled sharply and retreated to his desk chair.

"To what do I owe this unwelcome interruption?" Wilson asked wearily. "I assume it has something to do with Cuddy since you brought your little partner-in-crime along," he finished with a frown.

"Don't worry, you'll always be my number one sidekick," House said as Wilson rubbed his eyes.

"House, I'm not in the mood. I haven't had any sleep and I only have an hour to take a nap before I am stuck in appointments for the rest of the day."

"You, you, you-- is that all you care about? What about me?"

"I don't have time for your lunacy right now--"

"You just said you have an hour--"

"For a nap, not for scheming."

"But scheming is more fun. Plus, it's not you're going to get any sleep if I leave," House grinned; Wilson shook his head.

"Listen, I'm not going to help you make Cuddy miserable--"

"Dr. Wilson," Gladys interrupted, "Do you think you will hear us out before you make up your mind not to help us?"

Wilson sighed, "I'm not promising anything."

"How come you're siding with Cuddy all of the sudden?"

"She's my friend--"

"But I'm your best friend. Come on. Pimps up, hos down." Gladys shot him a look.

"She's my friend and I don't want to do anything to her or help you do anything to her that might cause her to be unhappy. She deserves something good in her life outside of the hospital."

"And that's what we're trying to do!" Gladys said emphatically.

Wilson looked skeptical, "Are you implying that House is the something good?"

"Why not?" she replied defiantly.

"Well, for starters he can't actually bring himself to say that he wants her. He'll nod, he doesn't deny it any more, but he won't actually come out and say it--"

"That's not true. Why, just earlier in his office he admitted that he had feelings for her."

"What did he say exactly?"

"What does it matter what he said exactly? All that matters is that he admitted--"

Wilson looked from Gladys to House and raised his eyebrows, inviting a response from his friend.

"I said I have feelings for her that may or may not be of a romantic nature."

"You see?" Wilson said, redirecting his attention to Gladys.

"What? What's wrong with that?" House asked defensively.

"You're not actually admitting anything!"

"Yesterday when I nodded my head--"

"Not good enough--"

"It was good enough yesterday," House said, irritated.

"That was yesterday," Wilson responded mysteriously.

"What could have possibly changed in less than 24 hours?"

"I talked to Cuddy--"

House leaned forward, interested, "You talked to Cuddy about me?"

"Yes and--"

"What did she say? Did she talk about the hockey game? Why did she kiss Lucas? How--"

"She said unless you actually say the words, it doesn't count."

"Yes, it does. It counts," House griped.

"She said she's tired of always being the one to do all the work. You have to do something. She said that if you can't tell me that you like her, then you'll never tell her."

"She's right," Gladys agreed.

"Come on, Gladys! You're supposed to be on my side! Some partner-in-crime you are," House said.

"I am on your side. Didn't you hear what Dr. Wilson said? You sabotaging her dates is not enough--"

"I didn't say—"

"You have to say it out loud to us and then after Lucas is out of the picture--"

Wilson frowned, " I know I didn't say anything about doing anything to Lucas--"

"Then you have to tell her! You have to tell her how you feel because she is not going to do it for you. You're going to have to make the move."

"I do think you need to tell her how you feel, but I don't think you should do anything else to her when she's on a date. It always ends up working against you," Wilson warned.

"So, what you're saying is that we get rid of Lucas and then I ask her out?" House raised a brow quizzically.

"No," Wilson said emphatically.

"Yes!" Gladys yelled over Wilson.

"Ok," House replied, "Let's git 'er done."

Wilson stood up and leaned over the desk. "House, you can't be serious! Interfering with another date would spell disaster. You have got to just tell her how you feel without torturing her or the PI. I know it'll be hard, but the outcome will be a lot better if you don't do anything underhanded."

House pretended to be conflicted. "I... think I'm going to go with Gladys' suggestion."

"Oh, good!" the old lady responded happily.

"I give up," Wilson said throwing up his hands in surrender. "You two are on your own."

"No, you can't do that! We need your help!" Gladys exclaimed.

"No way am I helping you ruin another one of Lisa's dates," Wilson said shaking his head.

"You're going to abandon me now in my neediest time of neediness?" House pouted.

"That's exactly what I plan to do," Wilson said. "Now if you both will leave, I can get a little more than a half an hour of sleep--"

"Dr. Wilson," Gladys interrupted, "All we need is for you to look at Dr. Cuddy's datebook--"

"Her computer password is partypants, all lowercase," House interjected.

"Wait. How do you know her password?" Wilson asked, worried. "Do you know my password?"

"Of course not, j2e28w69," Wilson looked at him horrified. "Can we concentrate on the matter at hand?"

"I am changing my password as soon as you two psych patients return to the ward--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gladys, continue, please," House said.

"Like I said, all you have to do is look in her datebook and find out when and where her next date is with that Lucas fellow. That's it."

"And how would I explain to Lisa needing to look at her computer?"

"She wouldn't be in the room," House said. "Duh. I would create a distraction."

"She would see right through it. She'd see me sneaking in her office or her assistant would tell her and then--"

"Think about it," House said, bothered by Wilson's lack of foresight. "You would already be in her office, for some reason or another. I go into the clinic, cause a scene, she comes out to take care of me, Gladys keeps the assistant busy with small talk, you check her computer, then you leave the office when you're done on the pretense of not having enough time to wait, I finish my scene, Gladys leaves, we have the information and she's none the wiser."

Wilson's brow was furled, deep in thought, "It could work. As long as.... Wait. What am I saying? I'm not helping you. You're on your own. Have Gladys wait for Cuddy."

"She'd be suspicious of Gladys," House said simply.

"You can't blame her really," Gladys said sympathetically.

"I'm not going to--"

"What if Greg says it?" Gladys asked excitedly.

"There's nothing he could say--"

"What if he says it out loud right now. To you and to me. Then would you be willing to help us?" Gladys questioned.

"Well--" Wilson started.

"Say what?" House asked, clueless.

"What if he admits his feelings without being vague or ambiguous? What if he honestly tells us how he feels and asks you to help him? Then would you?"

Wilson narrowed his eyes and looked at House, "If he admits it, then I'm in, but only to find out the details of the date not to help ruin it."

"Great!" Gladys exclaimed. "Alright. Greg?" The old lady and Wilson looked at House expectantly. He looked back at them with raised eyebrows.

"I never agreed to say anything," House said.

"Of course not," Wilson mumbled under his breath.

"You listen to me, Gregory," Gladys began in her most motherly tone. "You are going to admit your feelings and you are going to ask Dr. Wilson to help because he is the only one who can get you the information you need--"

"I'm sure I can bribe a janitor--"

"No," the old woman said forcefully. "You will not bribe a janitor. You will say it out loud to the two of us and then you will say it out loud to Dr. Cuddy when the time comes. You are going to stop being so ridiculous and stupid and you are going to tell the truth. Do you hear me?"

"You're not my mother. And even if you were you wouldn't be able to bully me into--"

"So help me if you don't admit it I will hit you so hard that by the time you come down you'll need a passport and a plane ticket back!"

"Threats aren't going to work," House said, propping his feet up leisurely on the sofa.

"Admit it and I'll tear up your check."

"You're going to bribe me into admiting my true feelings?" House asked.

"Yes," Gladys answered, frustrated.

"Cool," House stood up and looked at Wilson. "Will you please help me?"

"And?" Gladys said.

"And I..." House took a deep breath and then spoke very quickly. "I like Cuddy. Ok? I like her a lot. Good enough?" Both House and Gladys looked at Wilson.

"Fine. I'll help," Wilson said. "But you're going to have to figure out something a little more substantial to say to Cuddy when you tell her."

"Of course he is," Gladys added. "That's not nearly good enough for Dr. Cuddy."

"Everyone's a critic," House complained.

"If we're going to do this, let's do it now. I've got an appointment in 30 minutes."

Gladys hopped up, went to the door and flung it open. "Let's go then," she said enthusiasically, exiting the office and taking the lead.

Wilson and House left and followed the old woman down the corridor to the elevators. House looked forward, face screwed up in concentration and took a deep breath. "What if.... what if I tell her and she... what if she doesn't..."

"Don't worry," Wilson said as they reached the elevators. "She does."

Author's Note (Part Two): I hope you liked it! I'm shooting for another update next week, but since I have another craft show to prepare for the next chapter could come later. On the upside, I have much less stuff to make for this one so if the chapter is postponed it won't be for long. Next time: House provides a diversion, Wilson gets information and Cuddy gives a certain doctor a lecture about interfering in her dates.