Author's Note (Part One): I know it's been longer than I thought it would be between updates. I hope you can forgive me. A big thanks and lots of hugs go out to everyone who is reading, alerting and reviewing-- it's like hot chocolate and rice krispie treats! This chapter's pretty long as well, so hopefully that makes up for the extra wait time. I had fun writing this one-- I hope House and Cuddy aren't too OOC at one part (you know how that worries me). There's a little bit of dialogue/action (sorry, not sex) that's intended for mature audiences only (it's not that graphic to me, in my opinion it falls in the 'House being House' category, but I don't think the FCC would let it happen on the show), so continue reading at your own peril. I'm changing the rating only for this chapter. Thanks again and enjoy! The characters below belong to David Shore and Co. Please don't sue me.

Jackie Wilson Said

Kind of love you got,

Knock me off my feet,

Oh, let it all hang out.

And you know, I'm so wired up,

Don't need no coffee in my cup,

Let it all hang out.

"This is so exciting!" Gladys whispered loudly as she carefully glanced from around the wall into the clinic. She was trying to inconspicuously spy on Cuddy in order to let Wilson know when the Dean had left the nurse's desk and returned to her office, but was failing to go completely unnoticed by several of the nursing staff and a few curious patients.

"I don't know," Wilson sighed heavily, leaning his head back against the wall. "Maybe we should rethink this."

"What do you mean rethink this?" Gladys asked, spinning around the face the oncologist.

House rolled his eyes, "We're not rethinking anything. We're proceeding as planned."

"I don't think I should be enabling this madness," Wilson mumbled loudly. "If she... When she realizes my part in this, she won't be happy."

"Stop being such a pussy," House said, irritated. "She won't find out. And even if she does, by some miracle, piece it together, don't worry. By then I'll be giving her the good stuff and she won't care."

"Giving her the good stuff?" Wilson repeated incredulously. "Giving her the good stuff?"

"You don't know what 'giving her the good stuff' means?" Gladys asked. "Would you like me to tell you what it means?"

"I know what is means," Wilson said quickly before the old woman had a chance to explain. "I just can't believe anyone over the age of 25 would use that phrase."

"Fine," House said. "How about slipping her the sausage? Go pile-driving? Poking her through the whiskers? Sinking my battleship into her great divide? Taking her temperature with a meat thermometer? Playing hide the hamster? Sheltering under the pink umbrella? Driving the pink love bus into tuna town? Sheathing the sword to the hilt--"

"I get it. Please stop before I come to my senses and realize helping you can bring me nothing but trouble and Lisa nothing but misery."

"She's going into her office!" Gladys interrupted, filled with anticipation.

"Okay, but before I go in, I just want to make sure we're on the same page--"

"We are," House interrupted.

"I'm going to talk to Cuddy about another fund-raiser for the Oncology department which I was going to--"

"It doesn't matter what you're going to talk to her about," House broke in impatiently. "Just go in, talk to her, I'll cause a commotion, she'll come out, Gladys will try to stop her by pretending to shield me from Cuddy's wrath, Cuddy will push past Gladys, have it out with me, Gladys will keep the assistant busy and you will get the information from her computer, when you're done you'll come out--"

"Right, because I'll have an appointment--"

"Whatever you want to tell her. I'll finish and Gladys will stick around to talk to Cuddy to make it seem like it wasn't a set-up."

"Okay," Wilson nodded his head slowly.

"Well! Go on!" Gladys cajoled him. "Hurry up before she leaves her office."

"Knock, knock," Wilson said as he opened the door to Cuddy's office.

She looked up and smiled, "You're not here to talk about House, are you?"

"Nope," Wilson said, holding up his hands in surrender and entering, letting the door close behind him. "No pleasure, strictly business."

"Business, huh?" she said with a raised eyebrow. "I don't know if I believe you."

"I can't say that I blame you. I want you to know that I heard what you said about House and completely understand--"

"Uh-huh," Cuddy said skeptically.

"I promise to back off... at least for the meantime."

"I appreciate it," she said, then motioning to a seat in front of her desk. "What would you like to talk about?"

"The Oncology benefit. I meant to talk to you about it this morning, but... uh... got sidetracked."

"Why don't we go down to the cafeteria, grab a coffee and talk it over?"

Wilson grimaced slightly, "I'd like to, but I have an appointment in a little over twenty minutes. Maybe we can just go over the budget and brainstorm a little then get together later in the week to discuss the event in detail?"

"That's fine with me." Cuddy turned her attention to her computer, "Let me just bring up the current budget. I think we have $7,000 to work with, but I want to make sure."

"Wow? Really? That's almost twice as much as last year."

"We received a large check from a generous donor for over $10,000. He's very passionate about cancer research and treatment; I thought we'd put his money to use in the Oncology department," Cuddy said with a wide smile.

Wilson blushed, "That was nice of you."

"Not as...." Cuddy's voice tapered off as she heard noise coming from out outside her office doors. Wilson turned around in his chair, she got up and made her way around the desk as her assistant entered the room, worried.

"Tom, what's going on out there?" Cuddy asked, making strides to the door.

"It's Dr. House. He's... Well, he's... He's...." the assistant sputtered.

"He's...? Tom, spit it out."

"He's causing a scene--"

Wilson stood up, "Lisa, do you want me to go and--"

"No," she said forcefully. "I'll handle it and be back to finish our conversation momentarily." With that she pushed past her assistant into her outer office where she was met by an unwelcome Gladys Witherspoon.

"Dr. Cuddy!" Gladys exclaimed rather excitedly. "How are you?"

Cuddy looked out, past the old woman's head, into the clinic where House was standing on a chair waving something above his head while Nurse Brenda was yelling at him. "Mrs. Witherspoon, I really don't have the time to--"

"Of course you do, dear! It will only take a quick second," Gladys interrupted, nervously glancing back behind her. "I just wanted to speak with you about another donation--"

Cuddy kept her eyes on House, who was gathering an entranced crowd, while trying to concentrate on the donor's words, "Maybe you could come back another time when we're able to--"

"No," Gladys said hastily. "No, now is a much better for me. Couldn't you just spare a few moments of your time?"

"I would love to, but--" Cuddy swore she heard House say her name. "But I really have to attend to the commotion in the clinic. Tom!" Her assistant rushed forward ready to do whatever she commanded.

"Yes, Dr. Cuddy?"

"Can you talk with Mrs. Witherspoon about her donation and address all her concerns while I deal with Dr. House?"

"Of course," Tom said, eager to please.

"Great!"

"Oh, but I really would rather--" Gladys began.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Witherspoon--"

"Gladys, dear, Gladys."

"You're in excellent hands, Gladys. Tom is very capable. Now, if you'll excuse me."

"Oh! Are--" But before Gladys could finish her sentence Cuddy was out the double doors and into the clinic.

Wilson watched as Cuddy exited the office and Tom sat down at his desk to deal with Gladys. When he saw the old woman's thumbs up sign behind her back he knew it was safe to slowly make his way around Lisa's desk and log-in to her computer.

He tentatively took a seat in Cuddy's chair and tapped the keyboard quickly so the screensaver would dissolve. Though he could still hear House in the clinic, he was paranoid and desperate not to get caught, so he kept glancing up every few seconds.

Taking a deep breath, Wilson moved the mouse away from the budget document Lisa had pulled up a few minutes before, quickly clicked on the calendar icon along the bottom of her screen, typed in her password and went in search of a date.

"House!" He grinned as he heard the temper and passion in Cuddy's voice and slowly turned to face his boss. She was always at her most beautiful, most radiant when she was possessed with anger. "Get off the chair and stop waving around whatever you--"

"Come on, Cuddles. Don't pretend that you don't notice them!" he exclaimed loudly, eliciting a few chuckles from the crowd of hospital staff surrounding him.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know—"

"You're hurting my feelings!" House cried dramatically. "I can't believe you don't remember the night you gave me these." He stopped waving around the small piece of red fabric and unfolded it, holding it high above his head, to reveal the thong she had given Cole months ago.

Cuddy turned a bright shade of scarlet, too shocked to do anything but stutter. "House, you... Get down... This is a hospital... Stop--"

House took an exaggerated deep whiff of the red fabric and sighed, "They even still smell like you--"

Cuddy's mouth dropped open, momentarily speechless. Luckily, Brenda took over, "House, you jackass! No one believes those are Dr. Cuddy's underwear. Now get down, shut up and stop acting like a unpopular teenage boy that just went on a panty raid."

"Thank you, Brenda. Nice to know someone in this office as sense. Now, get down, House, and get back to work," Cuddy added, recovering from her temporary coma. "And throw those away. There's no telling where you got them--"

"You know exactly where I got these from," House said. "You gave them to me after you rode me like I was the last--"

"House!"

"Dick that your--"

"House! I did not have sex with you!" Cuddy yelled, pulling at House's leg so he would get down.

"You don't have to undress me in the waiting room of the clinic!" House said, shakily jumping down off the chair. "We can go to an exam room if you want to get it on--"

"Shut up!' Cuddy said, smacking House's chest. She stood close to him and futilely tried to grab the underwear, but couldn't reach them as he was still holding them over his head. He chuckled as he watched her stretch, standing on her tip-toes as long as her heels would allow her.

Exhaling forcefully, her expression furious, Cuddy stepped towards House so there was only an inch of space between them and whispered threateningly, "If you don't give me the underwear and leave the clinic quietly, I will squeeze your balls until they pop."

"Wow," House replied loudly and in awe, "The spankings, the dirty talk, the bondage, the role play, the swallowing, I didn't think it could get any better. But a threesome? You might be the perfect woman."

Cuddy, unable to control her anger, grabbed House's cane and hit the hand holding the panties, hard. "Ow!" House yelled as his hand instinctively opened and dropped the underwear to the floor. Cuddy, not wasting any time, tossed the cane to the floor, quickly snatched the thong off the ground and took off toward the exit that led to the dumpsters.

"Hey! Those belong to me!" House said, picking up his cane and hobbling down the hall after her, heads following them and the fight, whispers wondering if House was telling the truth.

Cuddy was fast in her heels, but House was taller and with the amount of Vicodin he had taken earlier in the day in preparation for this moment, was feeling no pain. Much to the Dean's dismay, her diagnostician caught the back of her jacket right before she reached the exit. House, unaware of the strength with which he was tugging on Cuddy's jacket, pulled her toward him, causing her to lose her balance, fall backward into him, causing him to lose his balance, causing them to end up in a pile on the floor.

"Aaah!" Cuddy screamed as they toppled down, somehow House landing on top of her. "House, get off of me!" she yelled, pushing him to the side.

"My pleasure. just give me back the thong--" he said, struggling to keep her pinned under him while he searched for the lacy fabric."

"House!" she yelled, as she squirmed under him, batting him with the right hand while her left held onto her underwear tightly. "Oh my god, get your hand off of my breast!"

"I will as soon as you return my property to me," House said casually, but winded as Cuddy was trying to get her legs free so she could kick her hostage-taker.

"Your property?! It doesn't belong to you!" Cuddy hissed.

"It was given to me," House replied, moving his hand from Cuddy's boob to her left hand.

"It was not!" Cuddy said, moving her fist frantically to fight House's grip.

"Yes it was! You gave it to the Mormon and he gave it to me!" he said while trying to pry her fingers open with his right hand.

"Yes, I gave it to him not to you--"

"Oh, please," House rolled his eyes, prying open the last two fingers. "You knew the reason he needed the thong. You knew he was going to give them to me. You wanted me to have them--"

"Don't be ridiculous, I didn't--"

House grabbed the underwear and began to pull. "Yes, you did. You wanted me to have your panties--"

"I wanted to win. I wanted--"

"Admit it! You gave me your thong because you want me--"

Suddenly Cuddy stopped moving and House was able to snatch the underwear from his boss' limp grasp as they heard footsteps approaching and a familiar soft chuckle.

"You know, when Brenda said that you two were rolling around on the floor I didn't believe her."

Cuddy placed a hand over her face. "Does everyone... Did the staff see--"

"Only a few people. Brenda did a pretty good job of keeping everyone out of the corridor. You're lucky not a lot of people have a reason to come down this hall," Wilson said, not able to suppress a smile.

Cuddy shoved House off her as violently as possible and stood up.

"Was it good for you?" House smirked from the ground as he put the red thong into his jacket pocket and stood up, struggling. Cuddy straightened her skirt and brushed it off.

Wilson cleared his throat and looked down as he addressed Cuddy, "Lisa, your shirt."

Cuddy looked down horrified to see that half of the buttons on her blouse had popped open revealing her lacy pink bra. House grinned, "Cool. I can totally see your nipples through your bra." Cuddy turned with her back to House, Wilson and the rest of the hospital and frantically began to button her shirt.

"Lisa, I'm going to go to my appointment. I hope it's alright if we talk about the cancer benefit later--"

"Of course, James. Sorry that I... That I had--"

Wilson smiled at Cuddy as she turned around to face him, mortified. "No problem. I'll see you later." He turned to leave down the hall, calling back over his shoulder, "House, it might be a good time to stop pissing off your boss so she doesn't fire you."

"She can't fire me," House yelled back at him. "I have tenure."

Cuddy began to leave, without so much as a parting glance in House's direction when he reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. "Hey, don't you want your undergarment back?" he asked with a smirk.

She swung around angrily, "Keep them because the only way you're going to be getting another pair is if you steal them from my house--"

"Now, don't make any promises you don't intend to keep," House said huskily.

"And another thing," she said, poking him in the chest with her finger. "The next time you get the bright idea to interfere on or with of my dates, don't. Because if I see you, hear you--"

"You love when I interfere. You want me to ruin all of your dates because you secretly would rather be out with me than with--"

"--Or even sense that you are anywhere near where I am on a date I'll call up every prostitute in the state and tell them you have three STDs, one so potent it melts through condoms--"

"And you have every hooker's number because there's some kind of union you all belong to?" he said with a laugh.

"My boyfriend's a PI. I'm sure he'll be glad to help," Cuddy said as she began to walk back down the hall.

House's mood instantly soured. "He's your boyfriend now? You've been on, what, one date?" he asked as she walked away, ignoring him, passing Gladys on her way down the corridor.

Gladys reached House and waited until Cuddy turned the corner into the clinic before saying anything.

"Well? How did it go?"

"Fine," House replied moodily, limping fast up the hallway. "Let's go get the information from Wilson." Gladys remained stationary while House continued on his path toward the clinic. "Are you coming?"

"What's wrong?" Gladys asked as she scurried to catch up with House.

"Nothing," he mumbled as they made their way to the elevators. "It's just going to be a little trickier than I envisioned."

Author's Note (Part Two): Well, there it is! Hope you liked it! I have to update my next story before I update this one again plus I have my other sale this weekend, so bear with me if it's a couple of weeks before the next update (hopefully, it won't be, though). Next time: Wilson gives the info and some unwanted advice. House and Gladys plot. And happy Huddy for the next episode (it looks like it's going to be legnen... wait for it... dary!)!