Back for more adventures with the Griswolds ... oops ... I mean the Gorens! I don't own or have any sortah rights to them, I'm just playin!
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CHAPTER THREE ... THE TREE!
Bobby Bunyan
All three men were momentarily blinded, Lewis was trying desperately to reach for the plug that he couldn't see and Logan buried his face in Bobby's back.
"Turn them off Lewis, turn them off!"
"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Bobby pushes him aside and finds the plug and gives it a yank.
They all sit on the ground and start rubbing their eyes.
"I see dots."
"I see thirty thousand dots … thanks Goren!"
"It was Lewis's idea to try them out first."
"What if we put them up and then one bulb was burnt out and they didn't work? How would we find the burnt out bulb in thirty thousand?"
"It's a parallel circuit Lewis … it doesn't work that way. Just because I watched the movie doesn't mean I'm as stupid as Sparky!"
"Yeah Goren, that's why we're out hear freezing our asses off putting lights on your house to win some dumb contest."
"I said, I wasn't stupid."
Logan and Lewis looked confused.
"Okay, I think we should start with the roof."
"Sounds like a plan."
Bobby and Lewis climb up on the roof with lights wrapped around their arms and staple gun in hand.
"Now Lewis … don't get too trigger happy … I don't want a million little holes in my roof!" Lewis shot one in Bobby's direction … Bobby shot one back.
"Hey you two, don't make me come up there!"
"Eat your sandwich Mike."
After about two and a half hours the roof was done. They had to call it a day. It was getting too cold and Lewis had to get back to the shop. As promised, Bobby would call in a favor and run the VIN number on the sweet Chevelle that Lewis wanted to buy. Mike went home to Carolyn and Bobby put all his tools away … it was time to make plans for the Goren Family Christmas Tree!
"Honey … Alex, we're done for the night!"
"So Sparky, how does it look?"
"Well, we only got the roof done but I think it's gonna look great."
"I hope you didn't go with the twenty thousand twinkle lights."
"Oh no, no, no … thirty thousand and they don't twinkle, I thought that would be too annoying for our neighbors."
"Oh God … can I go now?"
"Don't you want to come with us tonight to chop down the Goren Family Christmas Tree?"
"You were serious Bobby."
"Of course I was … this is how traditions start."
"The babies are six weeks old … they don't know the difference."
"But I do Alex." He takes on a somber tone and walks away from Alex and Liz. He heads right for the babies and just stares at their sleeping forms.
Alex and Liz walk in behind him and Alex wishes she could take back what she said. She realizes that everything that Bobby is doing, is an attempt to erase his past and dive head first into his new happy life … one that he wasn't used to … one that he needed Clark Griswold as a role model for … Heaven help us!
"Bobby … you're absolutely right! We'll buddle up the kids and go chop down that tree tonight."
"Really?"
"I'm in too. I bet Mom and Dad would want to come … if that's alright with you Bobby?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Lets call them."
"I'll go pick up Nate from his Dad's … I mean his Dad and maybe we can get our tree too."
Bobby and Alex look at each other. Liz's husband did come to Thanksgiving dinner but was very quiet and noticeably off to the side. She hadn't said anything to Alex yet so she obviously wasn't ready. After Liz left, Bobby questioned Alex about it.
"She hasn't said a thing to me but she seems to drop everything when you or I call her … she has been a little quiet. Lets not let it ruin our first Christmas tree … okay?"
"She's your sister Als … aren't you worried?"
"Not yet. Right now I'm worried about how I'm going to walk through the snow with crutches and a cast."
"On my back of course."
Two car loads of Goren's and Eames' head upstate to chop down their Christmas trees. John and Erin wanted one and Nate was bouncing in his seat with anticipation. Bobby was dressed for the occasion … plaid shirt, jeans, work boots and the kind of hat with ear flaps. John Eames was wearing the same hat … all three women rolled their eyes when they saw the men. Bobby was equipped with an axe and two different types of saws. Ropes and several sizes of bungie cords. Alex hadn't seen what he had done to the triplets baby carriage yet … lets just say … he wanted to cross his T's and dot his I's! He also brought a chair to sit Alex down in once they all found trees to chop down ...he brought one for her Mom too, He was prepared … so wasn't Alex … she brought a video camera.
They finally arrived at their destination and Bobby started to unload the SUV. Alex sat inside with the babies and waited … that's when she and the rest of the clan saw the baby carriage. He put chains on the wheels!
"Lex … Clark Griswold would be proud!"
John Eames started to laugh. "I love that movie … he starts singing … Joy to the world" … Bobby joins in. The babies start crying and the women start laughing.
"Bobby my boy … you better stick to your day job."
Sheepishly, "Yes Sir."
Bobby puts the babies in one by one and Liz takes over. John grabs the axe and the saws. Erin decides to stay behind in the car. Nate grabs his Aunt Lexie's hand and starts pulling her out of the SUV … Bobby lifts him up and then gives Alex a piggy back ride. They all head into the woods to find three of the most perfect Christmas trees. No one really gave a thought to how they would get them back to the cars with Bobby carrying Alex.
They found their first one still close to the vehicles … Liz spotted it and Nate loved it."
"I want that one Uncle Bobby … please!?"
"Okay Buddy."
He set the chair down for Alex and then started swinging away.
Alex was rolling tape, good thing too because he landed flat on his butt on the third swing on the eighth and finally swing, he put his big size thirteen boot on the tree to force it over and he went over with it. When he came up from landing face first, his beard was covered in white fluffy snow.
"Uncle Bobby … you look just like Santa!" All caught on tape. John had to look away … with Bobby's weight gain and the Doctor on his case about it … he did look like Santa … John Eames almost lost his usual cool composure. There were two more trees to go … there was time. It was bad enough the camera was shaking from Alex's laughter.
Bobby and Nate dragged tree number one back to the car, the babies seemed to be enjoying the cool crisp air … they were cooing and smiling … or maybe it was just gas.
On to tree number two. They started on their trek again, Alex climbing on Bobby's back and Nate climbing on Bobby's front. The chains on the carriage were working really well so they were able to go a little deeper into the woods when all of the sudden Bobby grabbed for his chest and said …
"Oh my God!"
"What … what is it … are you okay?"
"There it is! He points. The First Goren Family Christmas Tree!"
Alex smacks him on top of his head. "Did you have to be so melodramatic and clutch your chest like that!?"
"Yeah, Christ Bobby … you almost gave me a heart attack!" He wasn't listening to the women. He was already putting Alex down and getting her chair ready, not once taking his eye off the tree. He was mesmerized by it.
It was huge … too big in fact … just like the movie. Alex could see broken windows, bones possibly and a dead cat … even though they didn't have one.
"Son … I think that's too big."
"Nah, it just needs a trim … it's perfect!"
John looks back at his daughter and shrugs, He followed Bobby to the tree to help.
Liz leans over to Alex and whispers, "No more TV for him!"
"No kidding." Roll tape.
Nate went running after his Grandfather and Uncle.
"Uncle Bobby … that's a good one."
"Thanks Nate … lets see if I can cut this one down without looking like Santa."
No such luck. Chop number one … on his butt. Chop, chop, chop, chop … the axe goes flying out of his hands and lands about a hundred yards away.
"I'll go get Uncle."
A collective … "NO!"
"I'll get it Buddy."
"Please tell me you got that on tape Alex."
Alex taps the camcorder and winks. "Got it." Still rolling. He falls again retrieving the axe. He's getting pissed and is starting to re-think The Goren Family Tradition. Back to the tree. Chop, chop, chop, chop … here goes the size thirteen thing again … yup … and he looks like Santa again! John Eames burst into laughter … tears down his cheek and all, the girls are laughing and Nate goes over to Bobby, who is now sitting on the ground fuming, and sits on his lap.
"I would like a new bike but a super cool one not a lame one like last year … no training wheels. I want an Xbox 360 …" Bobby wrestles him to the ground and tickles Nate until all you can hear is a fit of laughter from the two of them.
Liz looks at Alex and Alex taps the camcorder again and mouths the words … "got it!"
On to tree number three. Bobby now has Alex on his back, Nate on his front, a chair and he's dragging and oversized tree. They start heading back towards the cars looking for the Eames family tree … the last one. John spots a tiny one … perfect for he and his wife.
"That's it … that little one right over there."
"But Grampa, that's just a baby!"
"It's okay Nate … it's a tree … it doesn't mind."
"Is that true Uncle Bobby?"
"Sure Nate."
"Okay … you can have that one if Uncle Bobby says it's alright."
With all three trees tied securely to their vehicles … they head home.
Bobby's tree remained outside for the night and Bobby spent the night soaking in the tub. He was contemplating applying for a job as a stand in Santa at Macy's … this years electric bill was going to set him back ... but then again, it could be the Glenlivet's talking.
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NEXT: The tree goes up and the official house lighting ... alert the NYFD! Thanks for reading, judy:)