Fix Me
Deep. Steady. Even. Breathing.
He's asleep, lying peacefully on his side. His deep breaths are drawing further apart as his mind wanders into a beautiful land of dreams. A place where the ground he walks on can be bright green and the clouds above him can be made of bubble gum. In his dreams we can be together, walking hand in hand, along the ocean shore. We can eat ice cream and laugh. Oh, we can laugh in his dreams. A sacred sound I can only yearn for. The moments he allows it to escape are so few. I don't think he realizes how very much I miss that noise. The sweet melody of his laughter can fill my soul; it can fill all of the holes that have been torn out. My son, my baby boy, is my only escape. He can fix me.
His little round fingers clutch onto an invisible sword. They drag that weapon close to his heart, it is his survival. In his dreams he can fight off the monsters with beautifully crafted weapons. He can be the hero and save himself from the villain. Five years of life have taught him that he'll never be that hero anywhere but in his dreams. I pray he continues to be that hero. Every night he can conquer his fears and defeat the monster even if he wakes up to it the very next day. At least he knows that there is hope, a possibility, that his dreams may come true. My hope dwindles every day, even when his grows stronger, but I still hold on. I hold onto that last thread of hope I have for his sake. He is going to need all of the hope he can get.
His eyelids flicker as, I imagine, he is entering another dream. Those blue eyes hiding out from the terror filling his house are witnessing the creations of his own mind. His innocence is gone and I can tell his dreams reflect that. A short childhood has pushed his dreams from what he deserves into what he needs. In sleep he can escape everything; he can visit places he's never been. He can do all of this because he needs to. He is just a baby and what he needs is an escape. I only wish that it could be me; I wish I had the power to be his escape. It would only make sense considering he is mine.
The little toes sticking out of the covers wiggle and seek refuge from the cold. They push their way under the blankets and relax from the warmth is provides. It amazes me how he can concentrate so hard on his sleep and his dreams that the noise hardly bothers him. The house is loud and any normal child would have been awoken. That is what scares me. It scares me that he will never be a normal child; he will never be able to live his life like everyone else. He is going to be haunted by the memories of this childhood. I know. He will remember the monster and how the only way to defeat him was through his sleep, through his dreams. By climbing his way through darkness I hope he can find the light. I hope he is not like me, finding himself stuck halfway through the dark with no way out. He could make it. I know. I just don't know if he will.
Pulling out from the pensive I find my home to be comfortably quiet. Compared to the place I just left the quiet is gratefully welcomed. An older version of my son, my baby boy, is sleeping soundly on his side across from me. His grey eyes flicker beneath his lids and his hands clutch onto an invisible wand. He has grown up but I'm sure his dreams are still haunted with his childhood. The monster is gone but he still fights him in his dreams. I know. He has been my escape. As hard as I have tried I have yet to be his. And I know he has fixed me. He is my, everything. I only wish I could do the same for him but all I can do is hope. I know that he could make it. I just need to hope that he will.
A/N: I'm honestly not too sure where this idea came from. It was just one of those things that I started writing and just happened. What I ended up doing was exploring Draco's childhood through Narcissa's point of view. I think he is one of the most interesting characters and I love trying to find out how he got the way he is. So my mind automatically jumped onto his parents. I know its short but I decided to throw it up here to see what you think. Reviews are always lovely; I love hearing from you!!