"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."

-Unknown

Uncontrolled
-Preface

It was hard to fathom how someone so tiny could hold so much emotion. The sheer power and volume of it was enough to floor me. I found myself relieved when she would leave our house. It was too much to take, there was too much pain.

However, any relief was only momentary, at times like this when she had long vacated our premises the worry would set in. If I couldn't handle the mere reflection of her pain, then how did she bear it alone? If I had the ability to sleep, I'm guessing that thought would keep me up at night, but I don't, and so instead it haunts my every waking moment. It is slow torture and I know that I'm the one to blame.

I opened her eyes to our true nature. I lost control and I nearly killed her. I was the reason my family had to leave. I was the reason Edward left her. I was the reason she jumped off of a cliff. I was the reason she nearly died time and time over. I was the reason for it all and she doesn't blame me. She should.

Edward does. He pretends he doesn't, but I know better. I know his emotions, and although he feels guilty for it, he blames me. He doesn't want me anywhere near her. But she, as always, protests with her constant presence in this damned house.

I think she still doesn't understand how dangerous I am to her. If she did, she would never come back again. On her birthday, I didn't just want to kill her, I wanted to rip her to pieces and drink her blood. I wanted it with every fibre of my being. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything. For a moment, nothing else mattered to me: not my humanity, or my ever forgiving family, not even the woman I love. For a moment, it faded away and all that mattered was the blood lust.

I am the truest form of the word monster. I am the most deadly predator wearing a human disguise, yet still, she's not afraid.

I don't think she understands what it means to be completely uncontrolled.

I worry that I may show her.