Chapter One

I was completely out of my depth. I was lost in an eerie cavernous space of nothingness and surrounded by spiralling colours that formed a disorientating blur that attacked my senses with intangible closeness. There was an odd feeling of familiarity as if the swirls were fast moving moments from my life merging together. Distant whispers seemed to come from all around me and I strained my ears to listen. The voices gradually grew louder, until they reached an almost deafening volume, but I couldn't make out a single word. There were far too many voices and they rapidly became indistinctive. I started to panic but my screams were soon drowned out the booming voices.

All of a sudden time seemed to come to a halt and silence reigned. In the slow moving blur, I found familiarity, as a low voice started to speak. "Bella, we're leaving." I tried to reach him and I ran into the blur but no matter how fast I ran I never got any closer.

"Edward!" I screamed desperately.

His voice showed no signs of recognition, as he continued with his monologue. "You can't come with us."

I was gripped in clutches of panic and I fell to my knees and crawled through the blur. I cried his name over and over again but found no tangibility within the dizzying confusion.

His voice was cold and sounded full of resentment as he spat out the vicious words that could destroy my world, "I don't love you."

The floor gave way under my hands and knees and I was plunged through darkness falling so fast that I was unable to catch my breath. My stomach felt as though it had jumped into my mouth and I screamed so loud I thought for sure my lungs would tear but it was the least of my worries as from somewhere above me I heard him mutter "I never did."

Then as quickly as I fell I seemed to stop but I couldn't see anything, other than a heavy mist that seemed to wrap around me like a bone chillingly cold blanket. I pushed myself onto wobbly legs. The mist was so thick that it seeped into my lungs, causing me to choke, and my burning eyes to stream.

I heard a rustling and my eyes darted around, but nothing was there. But the sound continued circling me, like a predator circles its prey. I adapted my weak fighting stance, and tried to remain alert. And then I saw it: Victoria's face flashed through the fog. She wore blood smeared as war paint as though preparing for a battle and her bright red eyes were focused on me. I froze in fear.

"I'm going to rip you apart" she hissed. The distant whispers returned as she spoke and I tried to scream, but instead I started to choke.

She continued. "There's no one left to save you. The Cullen's are long gone and the wolves have disowned you. You're all alone now and you're going to die."

Jasper's voice suddenly burst through the whispers in the mist and an eerie darkness set in. "Let me have her!" he screeched, his voice was wild and shaking with bloodlust.

I called for Edward but I already knew it was pointless. He was gone. Once again, the silence grew unbearable and the mist spun around me, it had built up a dizzying speed. When I finally felt as though I would fall a strong pair of arms encircled me from behind. I could feel the empty breath on my neck and it made my skin tingle and my hair stand on end. Taking notice of the cold scarred hand on my arm I felt both relieved and petrified at the same time. "Jasper, is that you?"

His hands fell from my body but he didn't move away. The breath caught in my dry throat and my stomach churned with fear as I took a hesitant step forward and then turned to face the vampire that had once been so desperate to end my life.

Black eyes flashed hungrily at me and I lost any semblance of strength in that moment. My body crumbled and I stumbled forwards until he grabbed my arms in a bruising grasp that felt painfully tangible. I was afraid but my foolish eyes wouldn't leave his. The only thought that was in my head was that I hoped he'd finish me off quickly. I didn't want to have to look into those eyes, as he hurt me, and watch them turn blood red.

He leaned closer to me and thought my death was approaching but instead he spoke in soft and low voice into my ear. "There's no-one here to stop me," he whispered in a warm tone that sounded almost tender and stroked a smooth hand lightly across the side of my face.

"Please don't hurt me," I pleaded. His expression didn't change as he wiped the unrestrained tears from my cheeks and then brought his fingertips to mouth tasting my tears on his tongue.

"Oh Bella," he purred soothingly. "When will you realise it's not me you need to be afraid of?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked but as the question left my lips he disappeared and all that was left was darkness.

"No!" I cried and tried to claw at it. "Jasper, please don't leave me! What's going to happen?"

In a moment quicker than a heartbeat the world exploded into colour and Victoria appeared before me, her face was just a fraction from mine. In response my chest tightened and my heart felt like it had stopped. Then she leapt forward with her face morphed in a distorted animalistic expression of hunger and her fangs poised to rip my neck open. As she pounced she growled the words that made my blood run cold in my burning veins: "the end."

It was then with a flash of blood red eyes that I saw them. They were hidden in the darkness watching me. They were waiting just beyond my view. The Volturi had come for me.

The others waited but Aro approached me and offered me a chalk white hand. I moved backwards.

"Now Bella, we're all friends here." He smiled with a deceptive warmness that didn't quite meet his calculating eyes and I recoiled at the sudden glimpse of his deadly teeth. With disgust I wondered how many lives he'd taken with them.

His eyes bore into mine and a strange feeling came over me. "Take my hand," he ordered and I planned to refuse but without my permission my hand drifted towards his and I was filled with horror.

"Good," he whispered. "Now let me show you what we'll do, together." He said the last word as our hands contacted and my chills ran across every inch of my skin. And then he was gone and I was in the middle of a forest. It took me a second to understand but I heard the screams, and turned around and then I saw it. At the centre of the chaos, at Aro's right hand, I stood.

Only it wasn't me there was something too polished and striking, strong and cold. I could never be that could I? I wanted to look away, to just look at anything other than what I was doing but I couldn't. I was frozen in some sort of hypnotic trance as a watched myself rip and tear through the fragile humans that helplessly tried to stop me.

A multitude of bodies writhed in a bloodthirsty struggle, despite the fading light that made it almost impossible for human eyes to see. A small tickling sensation of fear crept into the pit of my stomach, at the thought that, soon they may be defending in complete darkness. I prayed that the horror would soon end, as I stepped sharply to my right, to dodge Jacob, as he tackled a member of the guard. I ignored the screams of protest from my tired and aching muscles. To my horror, I realized I was treading on the blood-soaked and unmoving chest of one of my friends, Mike Newton.

The ground was littered with so many mangled bodies, that it looked like a human carpet. I wanted to fall down onto my knees and scream out in grief, to block out the familiar sounds of pain echoing from every angle around me. It wouldn't stop. It would never stop. The sound of human screaming went on and on.

An image that I had tried to forget flooded my mind. The human screams from far below Rome, as they realized their dark fate. I had come so close I knew I would not escape next time.

My own blood red eyes met mine and I knew Victoria had been right, this was the end.

It pulsated through me. It bubbled in my veins like a burning poison that slowly seeped into every broken fragment of my sanity. The remnants of another nightmare had me cowering at my bedside thrown straight from sleep into a panic attack. I breathed in short frantic gasps that made my head spin and my lungs ache. All the while my eyes searched the darkness for any signs of movement that would show I was not alone. I was both relieved and disappointed to realise there were none. I could not let Edward see me like this: so weak and pathetic. I imagined his slow churning looks of guilt as he'd hold me close until sleep took me, all the while refusing to meet my eyes and beating himself up.

Nightmares weren't unusual for me. For one weekend every month Edward would leave on a hunt and I would fall to pieces. My days would be spent with Alice, just idly watching the time pass by, but my nights were spent in terror. I would stay awake all night, curled in a ball, because every time I did surrender to sleep the nightmares would come back. Sometimes, like tonight, I would collapse from exhaustion before Edward returned.

I never told Edward about the nightmares. I knew that he'd feel guilty for leaving me and would instead feed on the unsatisfying wildlife of Forks. I couldn't do that to him, he inconvenienced himself enough to be with me. He and his family lived in constant fear of slipping around me, which would end my life and ruin theirs. The memory of my last birthday haunted them all, and I felt responsible, but I couldn't keep away. They meant everything to me and it was going to be that way forever.

Soon they would not have to worry about making a slip. I was going to become one of them.

My heart skipped a beat at that thought. I was nervous. I was more nervous than I had ever been before. I was going to leave everything I had ever known, but I wasn't afraid and I wasn't unsure. I had never wanted anything so badly in my life. They would be my family, forever.

I often wondered if it was going to be hard to leave everyone else behind. I would miss them, but I knew my scatterbrained mother would be fine she had Phil to take care of her. It was Charlie I worried about most. I knew it would hurt him and I couldn't imagine how I would live on without him, but the only way to ensure his safety would be to keep away.

I wished there was someway that I could still see him, but for a long time it would be too dangerous for him. And after that, it would be too dangerous for me. Our contact would have to end with my rebirth.

My parents weren't the only people that I would miss, but I had already lost the others. It had come down to a decision between the vampires or the wolves. I had chosen my family and sacrificed any possible relationship with my friends. Not that that's exactly what Jacob wanted to be. He wanted to be a lot more than just my friend. If everything in my life was normal, he would be the perfect man for me with his dopey smile and warm sparkling eyes. But my life wasn't normal and my heart was claimed by a boy caught still in time from another century. I was going to become my best friend's mortal enemy and there was nothing I could do to make it any better.

Jacob Black was forever lost to me.

With a glance at my clock, I realized that it was almost nine in the evening and I didn't want to be alone. The images from the nightmare were still fresh in my mind and waves of panic throbbed through my tired body. It was Sunday evening and Edward was due home from the hunt at any moment. Charlie was at dinner at Billy Black's. I would've accompanied him with the underlying intention of speaking to Jake, but I knew from previous experience that if I turned up he would promptly disappear, and so I made my excuses.

I decided to head over to the Cullen's, even if Edward wasn't home yet Alice would probably be around and it would beat being alone. I expected that Alice would see me coming. I half expected her to be standing on the porch with a hairbrush in hand and a huge grin spread across her porcelain face. But she wasn't there to greet me. There was just emptiness.

Undeterred, I jumped ungracefully out of my truck and landed with a stumble that made my ankle throb in protest as I took a step. Cursing my clumsiness I limped towards the porch as the breeze whipped my hair about wildly and obscured my vision.

As I approached I realised that the door was left slightly agar. I assumed that perhaps Alice had seen me coming and left it that way but feelings of unease started to creep into me. It was so quiet. I was too quiet. Where was everyone?

"Edward?" I called softly. Where was he?

My heart beat fast with fear. Shivers ran up and down my spine. This could not be happening.

I hurried urgently through the rooms calling Edward's name again and again and never receiving an answer.

How could they leave me again?

A panic attack started to build, my head spun dizzily with a thousand thoughts and I emptily gasped for breath. All reason and logic went flying out of the window.

No, no, no. I couldn't survive this again.

"Alice! Edward!" I screamed.

There was no reply.

The floor suddenly felt much closer and I collapsed onto it. My chest hurt because I had forgotten to breathe. I panted, greedily sucking as much oxygen into my aching lungs as I could. Sobs wracked my body and my heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode. The room spun around me as the gravity of the situation came to mind and my future disappeared before my eyes.

What would happen to me? Even if I could survive the pain again, I wouldn't be alive very long. The Volturi would come for me and I would be painfully mortal. Their blood red eyes flashed in my mind and my nightmare swiftly became a chilling possibility. Would that be my future?

I couldn't breathe and I was going to pass out. Circles danced in my vision and everything became blurry. Then I heard it a quiet sigh, so low that it was almost inaudible, but in that moment, it sounded like the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. "Oh Bella..."

It immediately caused relief to surge through my body. They hadn't left me. I wasn't alone. It was chased by embarrassment. They hadn't left me but I was curled on the floor crying hysterically. I didn't know how to explain it. I wished the ground would swallow me up.

I looked over to the stairs where Jasper stood. He looked like he was in agony. He was hunched over with his arms folded tightly across his stomach, his knees shaking as though he could collapse and his narrowed in concentration. For a second, he looked as fragile and breakable as a human.

"Bella, I need you to calm down." His voice sounded strained but it was also soft and melodic. It danced over me and felt the tension drawn from my body as some sense of composure returned to me. He was behaving very strangely and I was worried. But I trusted him and so I did as he said, taking steady calming breaths until my head ceased to spin.

I watched him as his strength returned to him; he stood up straight and then looked directly at me. His eyes were flooded with pain and guilt and I felt a strange lurch in my stomach as everything began to make sense.

Jasper could feel my emotions.

"Good," he soothed. "Now, will you tell me what the matter is?"

He knew about my silent torment. I could feel my cheeks colouring, as the blood rushed to them. I had worked so hard to hide the way I felt, but he knew.

What could I say? How could I possibly sound less insane than I was? What could I possibility say to him that wouldn't make him lose all respect for me? In the end, I decided to go for the pathetic truth.

"I had a nightmare."

His expression didn't change. He just observed me with the same careful concentration as usual. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head quickly. "No, I really don't."

He took a few tentative steps towards me. "If you don't mind I'd like to talk to you."

I nodded and followed into the garden.

I had never noticed how beautiful it was out here. Esme was an amazing gardener. The back garden looked like a nature reserve. It was full of milky white snowdrops swaying gently in the breeze. In the corner of the garden was a pond that was frozen over with ice that glistened gently under the moonlight. If it weren't for the awkwardness been us, then it would have taken my breath away.

"It's easier out here," he mumbled. "I'll be less 'distracted'."

He sent me a lopsided smile of apology, and I found myself returning it.

He motioned me to sit down on the bench and he followed, balanced completely on the edge as far away from me as he could get, while remaining on it. He must've picked up something in my emotions, because he turned to me with that apologetic smile again.

"You must be wondering what I want to talk to you about," I could hear the hesitation in his voice, so I tried to smile encouragingly. But I think it probably came out more like a grimace.

"I think I have some idea," I replied feeling horribly guilty. I stared straight ahead, determined not to look at him, as I was sure my cheeks were still bright red.

"I'm sorry," he whispered so quietly that I barely noticed he had spoken.

I whipped around and stared at him incredulously.

His head was buried in his hands. He looked defeated and resigned, he looked in pain. Looking at him, I felt a strange twinge in my chest that I couldn't identify and I had the sudden urge to reach over to him. But I knew I had to control myself. I had to be slow with Jasper. He found this difficult. I felt like I lost the ability to speak, as he continued, seemingly unaware of the shock I felt.

"You are in so much pain. You don't show us how badly you are hurting, but I can feel it. I am entirely to blame, and you could not comprehend how regretful I am for it. I drove my family away from you. I lost control for a second, and I didn't just nearly end your life, I managed to destroy it."

"Jasper," I interrupted, but he continued as though I hadn't spoken.

"I've always found it harder than the others. Even now it's there growling its way up from inside of me. I am a monster, but I am a monster that is sorry for what I've done to you. I am not going to ask you to forgive me, but I am going to ask you to realise just how sorry I am."

He finally finished his speech and tore his gaze away from his intertwined hands, to focus on me. And for a moment, I was captured by it. I had always thought the Cullen's had golden eyes. I had dismissed them as all the same, but I could see the difference in his. It was closer to bronze than gold. Flecks of light and dark golden tones danced across his iris. Round the edges it faded to black, a clear outline that made the colours contrast deeply and made his stare feel so intense. I felt like he could see beyond every barrier I ever put up. It was as though he could see more than my physical appearance; he could see my every happiness, my every sadness, and my every fear. He could see everything I tried to hide. I was sure of it.

In a second it was over, and I was snapped back to reality as his words sunk in.

"You're angry," he said simply.

"Of course I'm angry," I spluttered. "How could you think, even for one second, that I would blame you?"

He looked stunned. He sat there frozen in place, gaping at me. But I wasn't finished.

"How dare you call yourself a monster!?"

He looked at me as though I was the biggest idiot in the world as he replied. "I am a monster."

I could feel the frustration bubbling in my veins, as I stood up and paced the patio. "You are not a monster."

"How could you even say that?" I continued and fixed my eyes angrily on his, which were rapidly changing colours: a swirl of black and gold beating a deadly rhythm.

He stood up as well, and roared "I TRIED TO KILL YOU!" The sheer volume of his voice hurt my ears.

"BUT YOU DIDN'T!" I yelled back, and took a step forward.

"Because of Ed---"

"NO! NOT BECAUSE OF EDWARD!" I interrupted furiously. "You didn't kill me because you didn't want to."

His features tightened, I could see his muscles tense as though poised for attack, but it didn't deter me. I was too angry to care.

"Don't you see?" I stressed. "If you had wanted to kill me, he could never have stopped you. You know that you're much better fighter than him. You could have gotten to me, but you stopped yourself. You let them pull you away."

It was only then, that I noticed just how close we were standing. I could taste his sweet breath. Just a few centimetres more he'd feel my heart pounding furiously against my chest. 'So much for needing to keep a distance,' I thought smugly. He hadn't noticed, but my scent must have surrounded him. His eyes were completely black, not with hunger, but with anger. Maybe I am a little warped, because I was sure I should've been afraid, but I wasn't.

"I wanted to rip you to pieces and drink your blood. Even now, I want to." He leaned in, until his face was just inches from mine.

He continued his voice dropping to a volume just above a soft whisper. "Can't you see how dangerous I am to you?"

There was a heavy silence, neither of us moved. He was breathing heavily and angrily. I could feel it against my face. And then with an inhuman speed he was gone and stood the other side of the patio.

"So, now you're dangerous to me?" I retorted sarcastically.

He just stared back blankly: his eyes were a swirl of colours again and his lips were curled up into an unmistakable growl.

"Were you dangerous to me when you leapt in front of me when James first detected me?"

I caught an eye roll.

I continued, "Were you dangerous to me when you drove me half way across the country to protect me?" I had never thought about how difficult that journey must've been for him.

I couldn't stop, as all the memories since the Cullen's entered my life came flooding back to me.

"Were you dangerous to me when I was freaking out in the hotel room and you calmed me down?" I had never thanked him for that.

"Were you dangerous to me when you risked your life, and came rushing to my rescue?"

"Were you dangerous to me when my blood was spilt across the studio floor, as you burnt the pieces of James?"

I could see his resolve falling.

"All this was for a human that you want to rip to pieces. Tell me were you dangerous to me then?" I asked softly. "Are you dangerous to me now?"

He looked pained as he murmured, "I'm always dangerous to you."

"Well we're here alone and I couldn't fight you off," I whispered seductively. "Why don't you kill me?"

I saw the look of horror on his face and pushed on.

"Alice would forgive you. You're everything to her. If you slipped up, she'd leave with you tonight."

I slowly closed the distance between us and placed my hands on his strong shoulder. And then possibility in the most dumbest and suicidal move yet I titled my head so that my neck was naked and exposed in front of him.

"Are you going to kill me, Jasper?" I asked in a vicious hiss. "Don't you want to taste me? It would be so easy you just have to bite. I won't even fight back, unless you want me to."

"Jasper? Jasper? Are you going to?"

"Come on then, Jasper."

"BITE ME!" I roared.

The next moments seemed to happen faster than I could comprehend but they seemed to last forever. My heart felt as though it had exploded in my chest as his eyes trailed along my neck and then turned completely black as he leant hungrily forwards. Until I felt his lips brush my neck. And then suddenly I was falling backwards. With a scream of "NO!" he was over to the other side of the patio, holding his breath. His face strained as though he were in pain. I had fallen onto the floor as he pushed me away.

I smiled. I must've looked insane. But I had been right that he was stronger than he thought.

Reluctantly, he smiled back and we walked towards each other, just as the gap was almost closed a blur of colours knocked off of balance. The deafening sound of growls filled the air.

Edward had launched himself in front of me in a protective stance growling like a wild animal, and Jasper growled back. They looked as though they were about to launch into a full fledged battle. Edward paused, and his eyes connected with Jasper's. Their postures relaxed, but Edward did not move. A moment later he turned to face me.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" he hissed.

"He wasn't going to hurt me," I replied stubbornly, and looked at the ground, not wanting to see the anger on Edward's face.

More blurs of colour signified the arrival of the rest of the family: Alice took her usual place at Jasper's side and started to rub his shoulder in a soothing way. Emmett and Rosalie took up positions at Edward's side. Esme looked torn hovering in the middle. And Carlisle was as calm as always. He stood a short distance away from us, observing.

"No wonder he's so scared of himself," I muttered. "You treat him like a monster."

"You didn't read his mind," he replied dangerously, and sent Jasper a dangerous glare.

"I didn't need to," I replied. "I trust him."

"He is a vampire, Bella," Edward replied wearily.

The others, as though sensing the dangerous water he was in, backed away from us slightly.

"Is that the way you're going to treat me?" I asked dangerously.

He didn't answer. I don't think he knew what to say. I don't think he even knew the answer to my question yet.

"You know what? Don't even answer that." I said as I walked away from the unbearably tense garden, and headed towards my truck.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home!" I said and raised an eyebrow as though daring him to stop me, but he just stood there.

I fixed my gaze on Edward's soft golden eyes. I knew that my actions could've pushed him over the edge. At any second, he could think that it was too dangerous for me to be around him, or his family. I could never have that.

With the anger still pounding through my veins I spoke again. "Oh and one more thing; if you ever even think about leaving me again, Edward Cullen, I swear I will hunt you down and I will kick your ass. I may be mortal but you really don't want to piss me off."

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth like he was going to say something several times but no words came. The rest of the family wore identical expressions of disbelief, except for Carlisle and Jasper. Carlisle just looked eerily calm, I was beginning to doubt if anything shocked him. And when my eyes travelled to Jasper I wasn't expecting what I saw. He was staring straight back at me filled with amusement. His eyes were a strange mix of black and gold, and they sparkled at me. His lips were curled up at the corners, hinting at the smile he was trying to keep at bay. His shoulders were vibrating slightly with withheld laughter.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him.

I started up my truck, and as the roar of the engine broke the silence it made me jump. I heard him disguise a snort of laughter as a cough and I was torn between smiling and glaring.

With a final sigh, I turned my gaze back to Edward, and whispered softly, "I'll leave the window open." My voice was lost in the roar of the engine, but I knew that he'd hear me. I pulled away and put some distance between us and a slow smile started to creep across my face.