The moment Sirius entered Professor Dumbledore's room, his mind was cleared. For the past fifteen minutes, he had been in a daze, reliving memories that had occurred over thirteen years ago. His mind was wonderfully sharp, like walking in from a hot, humid area into a marvelously cold, crisp morning. If that were possible.
Seeing Dumbledore younger seemed to have no effect on him. He was here, and he wasn't surprised. It was almost as if he were an outsider looking onto the scene. He glanced around and saw James. Immediately, thoughts began to swirl up again. Damn. Sirius thought this was over.
When he snuck a glance at Remus, he felt penetrating sorrow. He wanted to apologize, apologize with all his heart. He wanted the words to pour out of his mouth, to eloquently express his guilt, his wrenching desire for forgiveness, but he knew if he tried, all that would come out would be abrupt and short. Basic words that would never convey his feelings.
He turned and saw Peter. Peter the rat. A fresh anger boiled inside of him. The last few minutes had just been a dream… and now was real. His hands twitched as he yearned for the rat to cry, to beg. Sirius felt a bit of disgust for himself twinge through his mind, but he pushed it away. This rat deserved to die.
Sirius had no hesitation as he reached out towards Peter. He did not know what he was going to do, but he had to do something. Anything. The strangeness of being sent back in time had given Peter a few minutes more to live. Those minutes were up. He was going to kill him, right here, right now. McGonagall had saved him in her classroom, but now-
"Please, if you would all sit," Dumbledore said, motioning to chairs across from his desk. Dumbledore knew, Sirius thought. He knew I was going to do something. He saved you, Peter…but next time…
"I may ask why you four gentlemen are here, but I'm not sure if you know yourselves. Apparently, you are not ordinary- from what Minerva has spoken of about 'problems,'- so I would like to know who you are, if it not so much of a bother."
James, unusually pale, turned to look at Sirius. The glance was for help, for confirmation, for anything, but Sirius could not look him in the eye. Why am I the one he goes to for help, why me, I was the one who killed him, I let Peter become his Secret Keeper, I should have known…
"Well," James began, throat feeling like sandpaper. "I… don't quite know how to…"
"Quite all right," Dumbledore commented cheerily, but Sirius could see a certain amount of seriousness in his eyes. He was clearly trying to make them feel comfortable, but he also wanted to know what was going on.
James looked even whiter still, hands trembling. His hazel eyes seemed clouded, almost troubled. Last time Sirius had seen him like this was when they had discovered that Marlene McKinnon and her family were dead.
James licked his lips, and began to tell his tale, but a stronger voice had already answered. "We are the Marauders."
Sirius looked around in surprise. Remus was looking ahead, right into Dumbledore's eyes as he answered his question. He appeared so solid, so strong, that Sirius was taken slightly aback.
The headmaster said nothing at first. "That's curious," he said finally, face unreadable. "Very curious…"
Sirius watched as he paced around his desk, blue eyes fierce in concentration. Everyone's eyes were on him. Dumbledore seemed to take little notice of this as he continued on, brow slightly furrowed.
When his bowed head straightened back up, he appeared completely calm, and face cleared of anxiety. "Peter Pettigrew," he said, giving a penetrating glance at Peter and a warm smile. Peter nodded quickly.
"James Potter." James gave a quick flash of a smile, face still white.
"Remus Lupin-" Here Remus gave a curt nod.
"And… Sirius Black," said Dumbledore, turning to Sirius. It was as if Dumbledore could read his mind. The blue eyes penetrated his soul, and Sirius had the feeling that Dumbledore knew what he had done. Everything that had happened in the past decade, he knew.
"And… why are you all here?" Dumbledore asked. Sirius knew it was rhetorical, but he tried to answer best he could.
"I… I don't know… I was outside of Hogwarts when it happened… a light…"
Sirius couldn't ignore Remus's head snapping towards him. "You were outside of Hogwarts?" he breathed, dark brown eyes set on Sirius's own. He could do nothing but nod an affirmative.
"I was at my home," James declared, color coming back to his face. His voice had an air of aggression, turning his cheeks a bit red. "I was at home with my wife… and… and… my son. Voldemort… he came in… we'd been betrayed… and he killed…"
The air in the room had suddenly become tenser. Everyone hung onto James's words; the emotion in them had gripping effect.
"And he killed… me."
The last word came out questioning, as if even James himself doubted it. His skin was back to pale, even a bit clammy.
Dumbledore spoke softly. "James… I think we're going to have to start from the beginning."
"A very good place to start," Peter squeaked.
The look of daggers everyone shot him wasn't surprising.
-
"Lily!"
The red haired girl spun around to see her friend, Lynda Chapman, bounding up behind her. A bright, excited light was shining in her blue eyes as she grabbed Lily's arm.
"Lily, you won't believe…"
Lily looked towards Lynda, but her eyes travelled past. She was obviously preoccupied in some way or another.
"You'll never guess," Lynda started again breathlessly, but Lily wasn't paying attention. Her eyes darted past, scanning for someone else in the crowd. "Who are you looking for?"
She gave a sigh. "Remus. He was supposed to meet me here about five minutes ago, to give me back my Herbology book. I don't know how I'm going to get along without it, considering Herbology is next…"
Lynda's eyes gleamed. "That's exactly what I had to tell you about."
"What?"
Feeling extremely important, Lynda ushered Lily towards a quieter corner in the hallway. This had often happened to Lily, as her friend was always in the mood for gossip. Yet she bore it bravely, knowing that it was important to Lynda in some way or another. This was going to be one of those times.
"I was in McGonagall's classroom, and you know how they're all in my same class? Well, except for Sirius, he got called in because McGonagall had discovered some prank they all pulled… she started yelling, oh, she was mad! You should have seen the look on Peter's face; he was almost ready to start crying."
Lily wasn't sure what was so significant about this, but was ready to falsely revel in the importance of it all, when Lynda whispered something that made her stop. "And then… they all disappeared."
For the second time that day, Lily cried, "What?" Lynda was a good friend to her, no doubt about it. Whenever something had gone wrong and needed talking about, Lynda was there. But this had gone too far.
Lynda Chapman had always dreamed of being something bigger. She talked about it all the time. "When I get older, I'm going to be famous. Someone who changed the world. The worst thing in life is that after you die, you've made no impression on anything. You were no one. To think, taking a step in the snow and no footprints left behind… to throw a stone in a pond to see no ripple… It's like you don't matter. Well, I'm going to matter," she once said, while chatting with Lily in the common room.
But in order to achieve her goals, Lynda also tended to weave wild tales. When she started a story about how McGonagall had started a nudist colony, it spread like wildfire, and the result wasn't pretty when it reached ears of the staff. And this was just another one like it.
"Lynda…"
"It's true!" Lynda's eyes were wild, the blue in them electrified. "I saw it, I swear Lily…"
"Are you talking about the thing that happened in McGonagall's?" Henry Abbott had stopped by, carrying his books with a wilting flower on top. "I was there. That was probably the bloody weirdest thing I've ever seen." He shook his head. "I wonder what's happening up there in Dumbledore's office. I'm going up with a bunch of others from the class- want to come up and have a look?"
Lily shook her head numbly. Lynda was just about to agree when she saw the look on Lily's face. "Oh dear…" she murmured, then turned back to Henry. "I'm sorry. I think I'm going to stay with Lily, if that's all right…"
Henry nodded, and took the flower from his stack of books. "A beautiful tulip for a lovely lady," he said suavely, bowing. Lynda couldn't help but giggle as she received one. As Henry whisked off, galloping through the halls, Lynda turned back to Lily.
"I thought he liked me, he always did look at me a bit in Charms…" she giggled, smelling the purple flower.
But Lily's face was deathly white, her hands at her sides. For some reason, this was striking her horribly. Sirius, Remus, Peter and James… gone? The thought chilled her to the bone. They were all pig-headed, ignorant boys, spun up in their web of pompousness. Well, except Remus- he was the only sane one… and Peter of course, but she didn't like him especially…
Then why did she feel this way? Sirius was a crazy idiot, James was an arrogant prat, and Peter was completely helpless. Yes, Lily must have just been afraid that she was going to disappear into thin air too. She didn't miss any of them.
Detention with all of them. Lily sighed angrily as she closed her eyes tight, wishing she was out of there. She had detention with the Marauders, for doing absolutely nothing.
She turned to the side, watching Remus stare broodingly at the wall ahead. Peter was sitting in a chair, folding his pudgy arms together. Jams and Sirius were the only ones doing anything, as they laughed together secretively, giving glances out towards the others.
Lily should have known to never get caught up with them. Four years and she still hadn't learned. She heard they were going to deface a statue… so what did she do? She had to go and prevent them from doing it. And when they were caught in the act, guess who McGonagall caught too.
Brooding over her own misfortune, she didn't see James come over to her spot. The moment the shadow fell over the desk, she felt a scowl curl on her lips. Hatred came flaring up into her face. She usually loathed him for being pompous and ignorant; especially to Snape- couldn't he see that the poor boy was deprived of love? Why, when this boy was treated monstrously at home, did James have to continually pick on him? Lily felt her skin prickly at the injustice- but now he had to get her in trouble for doing nothing.
"What do you want?" she muttered, emerald green eyes cast downwards. She could see from the corner of her eye, Remus giving a look at James practically screaming, 'Why are you doing this? It's bad enough as it is…'
"We were just wondering if you would like to join us as we escape from this inhumane student prison," James grinned, flashing that famous smile.
For a moment, something like happiness floated inside Lily. Then it crushed as she realized that this was James Potter talking.
"No."
True hurt surfaced in his eyes, but quickly dove back down. Sirius made an 'ouch!' sort of face as he winced. "Well, why not?" James asked, trying to salvage his reputation.
"You want to know why?" The anger flew up inside of her, making her eyes flare. The built up anger of being stuck in this room, of the injustice of James, and simply the frustration of it all made her nearly scream with the vent up fury. She knew she looked frightening as James stepped back a bit and Sirius visibly moved backwards. Remus gave her a gaze that could only be called admiration. "Because you're a pompous, stuck-up, git. That's why. You go on, strutting like you own the school, and what claim do you have to it? All you do is pick on people who aren't loved and have a hard enough time getting around here. Do you know how that feels? I don't even know how… no one here knows how it feels!"
She saw Sirius give a look to Remus, who was staring at her attentively. His face showed nothing. "Yet, you do this to him, because it makes you feel good? It makes you feel happy when you can insult someone... someone who's one of my best friends-"
This made her choke for some reason, and as she looked all around her, they were staring at her in rapturous attention. "Why? Why do you do it?"
Everyone was silent for a moment, until James managed to speak up. "I didn't know, Lily… That Snape was so…I wouldn't have if I'd known…"
"Well you didn't bother to find out!" she declared. In her own mind, she knew that Snape could be a handful at times, but this was lost in her compassion for his situation.
"How do you know Snape's so unloved?" Sirius asked, leaning against the wall. The speech seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. "I mean, no matter what, he's still a twit."
Lily knew this was true, but felt she had to defend her friend. "I know because I live right next to him! We're neighors! I can't ignore his home's situations, can I? He's my friend, James, and he is a good person at heart, which is more than I can say for you!"
"A good person?" This came from Remus, surprisingly enough. "He's the one hanging around future Death Eaters, Lily. Although you don't know James, I, as a friend of his, find it quite insulting to consider his morals lower than Snape's. James has his fun, but I don't see him running around with murderers."
The words rang true to Lily, no matter how much she hated to admit it. It was something she'd been afraid of for a long, long time- Severus... what happened to you?- and at once she gave up. It was that sudden frustration that suddenly vented out of her, leaving the girl exhausted.
"You know what, let's get out of here." The words that sprang from her mouth shocked her a bit.
James looked taken aback also, but turned towards Sirius. "I… guess we could manage that, right, Padfoot?"
Sirius nodded and grinned, showing his white teeth. "We certainly can, Prongs."'
Soon Sirius was picking the lock of the door, ("Special trick I learned from my dear cousin's husband," he confided,) and Lily was standing behind him, watching as his hand skillfully wiggled the pick.
Remus appeared by her side, staring ahead and not looking her in the eye. "You did a good thing back there. James was getting out of hand."
Lily shot him a warm smile. At least someone was listening to her rant- someone knew and could recognize what James was doing wrong. Someone who felt the injustice too. "You would have done the same thing, eventually," she replied.
At that moment, Remus returned her smile, but his had a twinge of sadness. "No. I wouldn't have," he said softly.
Lily did not know how to respond to this, and as the door swung open, she was a bit grateful for its opening.
As she sneaked out of the room, tension filled her. No, not tension… it was a feeling she had never experienced before, one that made her feel excited and nervous and extremely naughty all at the same time.
Exhilaration at a minor, she thought. Then, it hit her. It was that lovely feeling of doing something bad.
She looked around, barely able to suppress a giggle rising from her mouth. This was exciting! Would they be seen, would they get in trouble? The questions kept her on her toes as she edged with the Marauders towards the castle doors.
A noise stopped them in their tracks as a soft hiss was heard. Lily felt all the built up excitement quickly deflate. Mrs. Norris's yellow eyes gazed at them all, her tail swishing ominously.
Sirius's eyes flickered from the cat to James. Lily had no idea what they were doing, but something had passed in that gaze, because the next moment, Sirius had let out a large growl, baring his teeth at the cat. The pose was so comical that Lily couldn't help but laugh as Mrs. Norris's hair went on end and she slunk away.
The next hour went by in a blur. They had gone outside and relaxed by the lake; Sirius playfully splashed her with water and attempted to get the squid to come out of the water for them. Needless to say, this was to no avail.
The only moment solid enough for Lily to remember clearly was when James sat down beside her, chewing on a blade of grass as he grinned. "Hey."
She smiled back, letting the sunlight bask on her face. "Hi."
"I just wanted to tell you that… I didn't mean to pick on Snape like that… I didn't know. I mean, he's a git at times, but…"
"It's all right." For the first time, she'd noticed how nice his eyes were.
"Yeah… just wanted to tell you that. Oi, Padfoot! Watch out for that tentacle…"
The next few minutes were spent trying to untangle Sirius from the giant squid's grasp, and Lily realized she'd never had that much fun in her entire life.
Laughing as she slipped backwards, stumbling a bit as she brushed a red tendril of hair from her face, she noticed Remus looking at her oddly. She stared at him back and his cheeks flamed.
"Get the bloody thing off me!" Sirius cried as James managed to shoot a spark of blue fire into Sirius's hair.
Okay… so they might hold a place in her heart.
"What happened to them?" Lily whispered urgently. Lynda, lost in her own daydreams with Henry, gently swayed back and forth. Lily couldn't stand it. "What happened?" she cried, grabbing Lynda's shoulders.
Her friend appeared startled, and then her blue eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Lily…"
"No. You don't have to be sorry- just tell me what happened."
"It…it was strange…" Lynda seemed almost afraid of her, but Lily didn't care. She had to know what happened to them. A strange kinship had worked between the five of them, something that kept them together. She had to know.
"They… they disappeared in a white light… it was… so strange… then… then they came back."
Lily felt panic overtake her. "What happened? Lynda, what happened?" The terror streamed out of her voice, taking her by surprise.
"They were older when they came back. I mean, like early thirties, it was so strange… I don't know, Lily, why are you pressing me for this? It doesn't matter; it was some fake cop… Since when did you care so much about them?"
But it was too late. Lily had already sprinted off, trying to find them. Even if it was some sort of joke, she had to find them.
She had to.
And for some reason, just then, the name for the relationship they shared hit her. It was deeper than friendship, but not love. It was as if their paths had crossed for the better or worse.
An eternal bond.