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Addison didn't sleep last night, everything what can she thought about was her older brother Archer. Busy left them all alone again, after her father's death she and Archer had just each other. Nobody even cared about them, their mother started to date other guys and she started to drink as much as she could. she doesn't stop right now, she smokes and drinks and lives with this stranger from somewhere ...Roger, yes Roger is his name.

When she was pregnant with Carly she promised herself that she won't be the same mother, she has never let Carly alone for more than 1 day with someone else. When she needed to go to the hospital she let her with Naomi or Savvy when she was in New York.

New York, Addison is going to New York again, she will pick up Archer to France and Naomi told her that some doctor from Seattle will come to them because she hired him and it will be good if Addison can talk to him and take him with her so he won't feel so lost as Addison felt when she came here.

of course Addison was completely annoyed with this stupid idea. but who cares. at least Naomi doesn't.

"Naomi has problems, Naomi has problems" Addison repeated it to herself because it made her feel better, her friend was there when she needed her and she is there when she needs her, so Addison tires to be a good friend, she will pick this cute doctor from Seattle with her to the helicopter and she will tell him about her genius drug addicted brother who is brilliant surgeon who messed up his life. so great and she will leave Carly for one week in France because she didn't want to let her daughter see her pale thin broken uncle.

one week later Addison was prepared to leave France and go to NYC she said hi to her lovely daughter, gave Naomi all instructions about what Carly loves and what she hates and she made sure everything will be ok when she won't be there, she said bye to her patients who now believe her and she scratched their dog Aaron and cat Cassandra.

she missed New York City, she missed it so much. she loved busy places, so big energy and she just loves big cities but France is calm and cute and it's not also too bad.

when she woke up she wanted to visit someone, she wanted to visit the graveyard where her son and husband are laying.

she bought big bouquet of red roses for Mark and to James she bought the little model of guitar.

"I miss you, I miss you so much, I can't sleep without you in my mind, I can't watch to my daughter's eyes because everything what I can see is YOU!"

she started to scream and cry, she started to scream as loudly as she could

"can you just leave me? can you just leave me?! you went, you went and you left me there all alone with Carly. have you ever thought about her? how can I do it without you? please Mark leaves me alone, I need to move but I can't because everything what I can hear is your voice, everything what I can see is your face, I feel your breathe like you lay next to me every night, when I see someone in James's age I see only him, I feel so empty and so full, I feel so sad and I want to be happy, I feel so dead and I'm alive, why did you do it to me? why? ddi I deserve this?"

she felt on her knees and started to cry more and more loudly, after one hour of laying in the grass she woke up and went straight back to the hotel room.

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big thanks to merder4ever33 for her reviews :)