TwilightDork and sweeteangel1 here!

Just to clear things up 'sweeteangel1' is the random person's alibi, but TwilightDork's computer doesn't like writing names that begin with 'random.' and end with 'randomnesselfsandfun1'

So Enjoy!

Chapter 3: Surveys, Statistics, and Being Sadistic (Part 1)

TwilightDork hummed as she unlocked the door and stepped into their apartment. Even though it was about two o'clock in the morning, and she had been out rapping different versions of the song 'O Canada' in a public airport with sweeteangel1 before her friend had to leave, and then had proceeded to finish unloading the new shipment of very heavy weapons; TwilightDork didn't feel the least bit tired. She blamed this on sweeteangel1's incredibly odd sleeping patterns, and her ability to repress the urge to sleep through exercising constantly and drinking lots of coffee.

Just as she was wondering exactly when the last time sweeteangel1 slept was, TwilightDork walked in on the aforementioned friend. Sweeteangel1 was sitting in the middle of the floor of their apartment, surrounded by papers and looking intently at something encased in a manila folder, her long blonde hair hiding her expression.

TwilightDork immediately realized what was going on, and let out a squeal of excitement. "OOOH! Did you get a new Assignment?" She asked eagerly.

Sweeteangel1 looked up from what she was reading, and you could see an evil gleam in her eye. "Yes." She replied calmly, seeming more composed at the prospect of her Assignment.

"Well, don't just leave me wondering! What's it about?!?" Shrilled TwilightDork.

Sweeteangel1, being able to contain it no longer, grinned widely and started bouncing up and down. "The topic is 'Gathering Information,'" She sang. "It says here that you may obtain information through observing, surveying, breaking and entering, or any other means that you would prefer. It also states that you can gather information of your choice, as long as it's information that you don't already otherwise obtain."

TwilightDork, noticing the sparkle in sweeteangel1's eyes, slowly felt a smirk creeping onto her face. "Why do I have the sudden feeling that this 'Gathering Information' involves something potentially illegal?" She asked with a hopeful expression.

"Becky," Said sweeteangel1, ignoring her assumptive question, "how fast can you get me a lie detector?"

"Wow Fae," Said TwilightDork, reading the computer screen over her shoulder, "You really went all the way. I didn't think you had it in you." Her voice came out somewhat nervously.

"THIS IS GOING TO BE EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN I ANTICIPATED" TwilightDork finished.

"Thanks. You know me, when it comes to Assignments, I don't do things half-way." Stated sweeteangel1, smiling, as she finished typing. "Now come on. I want to print these out and get them hung as soon as possible. Help me superglue them to stop signs and people's windshields?"

"You know it!" Gushed TwilightDork as they grabbed the printed papers and headed out the door.

But, sweeteangel1, in the process of printing, had forgotten to shut down her computer; leaving the document that she was typing up in full view of the world. It went something like this:

Hey! You there!

Yes you!

Are you a guy in between the ages of 16 and 35?

Really?

Well, how would you feel about helping out two college girls with a project of theirs, huh?

What you have to do? Oh, that's easy! You just have to live with them for a week!

Yes, that's all. Yes, it's really that easy.

Oh, who are these girls, you ask? Why, they're Rebecca Washington and Fae Williams of course! Who else would put up flyers all around town just to get a guy to live with them for a week?

Yes, they are those crazy blonde college girls.

Yes, I do know that those girls are quite a pair. Very unique.

So, are you interested? REALLY? That's wonderful!

All you have to do is come by apartment 475 tomorrow at noon to be interviewed and potentially picked to be these girl's new roommate for the next 7 days.

Of course you can bring your friends! The more the merrier!

No, you cannot take this flyer to show them. We need to get the word out to the rest of the world!

Yep! Just be at apartment 475 by noon and you'll be fine.

No, you don't need to dress up. You're not taking them out on a date, you're being interviewed.

The questions they'll ask you? Oh, you know, the basics. They just need to know that you'll be a good roommate.

Exactly how you'll be helping them by being their roomate? Why, just your presence helps, silly! They're taking a Sociology class. They just need your company!

You're coming? Great! Don't forget, apartment 475 at noon.

We can't wait to see you there!

Ding-dong.

"Becky!" Sweeteangel1 called from under the couch. "Can you get the door? I've almost got everything ready. I just have to put my fairy wand into place and straighten out the Question Clipboard. I'll be done in a sec."

"Of course." Called TwilightDork back, approaching the door. She took a deep breath and braced herself for what she was about to face; and then slowly opened the door.

What she saw shocked her. There were about twenty guys total, all of them lined up in front of their apartment. She felt her jaw touch the ground, and idly registered that she was swaying back and forth, most likely at the brink of fainting. "U-uh-uhhh..." She stuttered incoherently.

Sweeteangel1 came up behind her and put her hand on TwilightDork's shoulder, steadying her, while rolling her eyes at her friend's antics. "Great! We got an awesome turnout!" said sweeteangel1 brightly, at the same time mentally laughing at TwilightDork.

"Well, let's let the first one in." sweeteangel1 said helpfully as TwilightDork continued to gape at the large number of guys. Sweeteangel1 sighed and rolled her eyes again, pushing past TwilightDork to invite in the first person in line. He was tall and handsome, but had an unattractive arrogance about him. The girls shared a look, recognizing trouble when they saw it. The guy breezed into the room, not bothering to wait for an invitation to sit down before plopping onto the couch; his body stretched out on it without a care for formalities.

Sweeteangel1 cleared her throat and raised her eyebrows at him. "I was going to sit there." She said, somewhat antagonistically. TwilightDork seemed to be trying to repress a laugh, eyeing the strange visitor with unabashed enjoyment at his ignorance. Despite her efforts, a small grin slipped out as the pair continued to dispute.

"Well, I am the guest." Said the teen pompously while shrugging in nonchalance. He seemed unaffected by sweeteangel1's death glare, choosing, instead, to ignore it. Sweeteangel1, ever the perceptive one, couldn't help but send out an irony-filled thought to TwilightDork. Strike one, she thought, sensing that this would be a quick interview.

Choosing to overlook the stranger's stubborn attitude, sweeteangel1 decided to take matters of disposal into her own hands. But first, she gave the poor boy one last chance. "Move." she demanded; her eyes clearly stating that she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

"Baby," started the candidate "I can think of some much better expressions than glares for your pretty blue eyes; expressions that I have the expertise to put in them." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Sweeteangel1, correctly interpreting his implications, if badly worded, was very much pissed off at this pompous ass. She had many reasons for her anger, but, being the actress that she is, let no emotion show on her face. She felt that some of her reasons, however, had the right to be voiced. And so, sweeteangel1 preceded to do what sweeteangel1 is known for doing in these situations: she set him straight. Of course, this was done in the typical, violent, humiliating, sweeteangel1 fashion.

"First of all," she walked over to him, standing over his sprawled-out form, seething, "my eyes are green, as you would know if you stopped thinking about yourself long enough to notice. Second of all," she spat menacingly, "I am not your baby, no matter how much you wish I was. And third of all," her hands were squeezing the tops of his arms now, "get off my couch." She growled, while throwing him off the sofa. There was an audible 'clunk' as his body hit the wall.

Sweeteangel1 smiled and fell down onto the couch in one fluid moment, crossing her legs and smoothing out her skirt with a contented look on her face. At this TwilightDork actually did burst out laughing, being a silent observer to the entire spectacle. She could have warned the jerk not to mess with sweeteangel1.

"Dayumn." Said aforementioned jerk incredulously, and somewhat dizzily. "Blondie's strong."

The topic of his revelation rolled her eyes, that were narrowed somewhat, no doubt at being called 'Blondie', and sent him a look that said 'No duh, imbecile.' TwilightDork joined in to the idiot-mocking, and shot him an identical expression of disdain. Needless to say, the girls' new victim was somewhat hesitant as he picked himself up off the floor and rubbed his sore arms, shifting awkwardly as he waited for an invitation to sit down. TwilightDork, somewhat less of a sadist than her 'twin', was glad that he had learned.

Of course, sweeteangel1, who never missed an opportunity to make someone squirm, waited a few painstakingly tense moments before telling their guest that he was welcome to the floor.

"Ugh." He grunted, grimacing, as he lowered himself onto thier hardwood floor, smart enough not to voice any complaints about the seating arrangements. TwilightDork quickly took her appropriate seat next to sweeteangel1 and waited eagerly for the interrogation to begin.

"Name." said sweetangel1 shortly, apparently deciding not to waste valuable breath on the scumbag.

"Drew Thomas." said the subject, his smug demeanor returning. He didn't seem the least bit deterred by sweeteangel1's cold attitude, nor the events that had recently transpired between them, and went on to add, "Why, what's yours?"

Strike Two, thought TwilightDork as her roommate replied with the remark that they would be the ones asking the questions. There was an undertone of a threat in her scathing words, almost daring him to not cooperate. TwilightDork watched as she regarded him calculatingly, evaluating. Once she was satisfied that she would be met with little resistance, if any, she brushed her hair over her shoulder, signaling that it was okay for TwilightDork to move on to the next question.

The quieter of the friends quickly scanned the clipboard on her lap, finding a question for the visitor almost immediately.

"What's your stand on cheerleader world hunger?" said the now-chipper brunette.

Drew looked momentarily taken aback, a confused look on his face.

"Uhhhhh...." he stated blankly.

He suddenly, and very randomly, had a burst of intuition, and decided on an appropriate thing to say. He opened his mouth to start, before abruptly stopping and closing it. He then hesitantly made to start speaking again, before reconsidering, and keeping quiet. Finally, having thought up the most cunning thing that he could think of, responded with "I don't understand the question?"

TwilightDork buried her face in her hands, whether in exasperation or mirth, you couldn't quite tell. Sweeteangel1, though, answered his almost-question, speaking slowly as if to a young child.

"Cheerleaders," she began, enunciating each syllable, "are hungry. A lot of them. It's a di-sea-se," she said with wide eyes, as if not expecting him to understand the word. "What do you think about this?"

"Ummmm.....," His words would have seemed contemplating if it weren't for the stupid expression on his face "They should go out to dinner more often."

TwilightDork, her head temporarily out of her palms, shot sweeteangel1 a 'What the heck?!?' look, while sweeteangel1 just sighed deeply and shook her head.

"Okay, next question." said TwilightDork tiredly.

Sweeteangel1 received the silent message that it was her turn to ask the question, and got a mischievous smirk on her face, while her eyes lit up the way that they do before she does something particularly funny. TwilightDork leaned forward slightly, knowing that whatever her friend was planning, it was going to be good.

"What's the best quality of a blonde?" asked the blonde, twirling her hair, and biting her lip flirtily. She even let out a shy smile.

Of course, TwilightDork knew sweeteangel1 well enough to know that at times, she could be a very deep, psychological person, especially when it came to other people. She found it fun to psychoanalyze common stereotypes, a place where her Multiple Personality Disorder came in handy. It helped her see many different points of view, since most of her alters were some form of stereotype; she was able to determine fairly easily what different people thought about different issues and why, and also, the common characteristics, personality or otherwise, of some very famous stereotypes. The Blonde stereotype was one of her favorites, especially because she had the ability to pull off the look perfectly. She also had the acting skills to pull off the personality. TwilightDork had learned a lot about the personality of the Common Blonde stereotype, seeing as she had known her best friend for a long time. She knew that there were many answers to the question; all depending on your point of view. The Common Blonde was pretty, therefore making her popular, therefore making her pay less attention to her academics and more attention to her social life. Another Common Blonde characteristic was that she was confident, because of all the social attention she got. There were also plenty of stereotypical Blonde spin-offs, like the 'Smarty' and the 'Perfect and Put Together'. There was also the 'Angel' blonde, each offshoot having it's own unique common characteristics. For instance, the 'Smarties' are the smart blondes who are usually relatively hostile towards the Common Blonde for giving them a bad name, while the 'Perfect and Put Together' blonde is the well-rounded prep who is pretty, works hard, and has a balanced social life as well as above-average grades, and is relatively good at sports. The 'Perfect and Put Together' blonde is often referred to as a 'Goody-Two Shoes' even though being blonde isn't necessarily a stereotypical quality of the title. The 'Angel' was by far one of the most fun stereotypical blonde personalities that sweeteangel1 has; a light shade of blonde, more aqua-blue eyes, less catty than the Common Blonde, shy, and more prone to getting away with things because of their wide innocent eyes and long lashes that they are so skilled at batting. Yes, TwilightDork was very much looking forward to Mr. Thomas's answer to sweeteangel1's question.

While TwilightDork was contemplating all the answers that Drew could give, Drew, on the other hand, was daydreaming of his favorite thing about blondes. Sweeteangel1, noticing that nobody was actually paying attention, was quickly getting frustrated, and decided to bring them back to reality.

"Hello?! Answer the question, please!" she snapped, losing the flirty blonde facade.

"Wha....?" said Drew, still partially out of it. At the killer glare from sweeteangel1, he quickly composed himself, and answered the question.

"Oh. Well, they're hott, duh." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Strike Three, The 'twins' thought together.

"OUT!" shrilled TwilightDork, as sweeteangel1 angrily pushed the guest out the door. She made sure to slam it in his face, hopefully injuring him in some way, form, or fashion, before waiting a moment to open it and usher the next candidate in.

END PART 1

So, did you like it? I hope you did! This chapter will be in two or three parts--it's going to be pretty long. There were just to many fictional characters to interrogate in one chapter, so we decided to split it into parts. Virtual Cookies to anyone to knows who Drew Thomas is, hope you're enjoying SOMHL 4!!!

Anyways, plenty of fictional-character interrogations in part 2 of the update....and you also find out why sweeteangel1 wanted a lie detector and a fairy wand!

Also, we thought that we might do it in parts because sweeteangel1 has been having some family...issues, and she typed up half of this chapter a long time ago, but didn't get to finish it until now, so she thought you might want something after such a long time.

We can't guarantee that Part 2 will be up soon, but if you're lucky we'll get it out to you guys this weekend!

Deviously Yours,

TwilightDork and sweeteangel1