A/N

This story has two sides- Hinamori's viewpoint and Hitsugaya viewpoint. They see and experience the world in completely different ways, so this is the first Hitsu chapter. Please review.
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Gravitas

Adversity is like a strong wind. It doesn't just hold us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward, we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.

No matter what kind of situation we were in, I always knew what was on your mind. I always knew how you were feeling and what kind of action to take.

We complimented one another. I was brash and you were gentle, but that's not how it really was. Anyone can be brash and have a big mouth and say nothing but hurtful things to others. People always assumed I was the strong one supporting you. You assumed this as well. But they were wrong. You were wrong. You are always the strong one, without you I am nothing. I felt so insignificant that the only thing I thought I could do was to play your protector. Everything about you overwhelmed me and my own essence seemed so miniscule in comparison. Throughout everything you've experienced, you've always been calm, always been gentle, and always, always been strong.

I've never seen you as weak and I'd never leave you. In reality, it was I who was worrying everyday wondering when it would dawn on you that you didn't need me. I basked in your presence, in your warm, life-giving aura and every day I prayed for just one more day. One more night. One more, ever more. I wanted to melt in your embrace and quiver in the strength in your eyes. You never realized that it was only you that kept me from the darkness of my own heart from taking over.

I loved you. I still love you. But it was this lack of words we could share that would destroy this closeness we shared. It was our only shortcoming, we could share feelings in glances, and embraces, and demeanor, and with our eyes. But we could never share them in words. I could never utter the things that I so longed to tell you. I wanted to tell you how wonderful you were and how pitiful I was. I wanted to cry with you as I told you of all the things I experienced. Every night, I would hold the image of myself falling asleep with my head in your lap as you stroked my hair and told me that you forgave all my shortcomings. But even though we shared such moments alike to that dream, I could still never utter those words. It's still a shortcoming I haven't conquered.

I loved both our nights and our days. I loved our private night sessions much more, but even though it seemed that I hated everyone around me, I really loved being part of something that I never experienced before. Growing up in that place really helped me. It wasn't only because you were there, but because I could see the kind of life that normal children grew up in. I had not experienced that in the land of the living or the dead. Not until then, not until you were by my side, laughing and showing me exactly what kind of life I was missing out on.

I wanted you to myself. I saw you during the day of course, but I wanted more. It was not you who started our midnight sessions, but me. I felt stripped of only being able to see you during the day. You always slept in a crowded room with the girls and I always dreamed of being able to sleep next to you. Besides that, I could never embrace you with the others around. I could never stare at you with unabashed awe like I could at night. You always acted how you wanted no matter who was around. But I couldn't. I couldn't let them see that side of me. I only wanted you to see that weakness in me.

I only wanted you to call me that childish nickname. I scolded you for creating such a stupid name, but in truth, I reveled in hearing it come from your lips. I never imagined that such an insignificant thing would bear such a burden of hatred and weakness. Your nickname never had such significance as mine. I doubt anyone would want their friends to call them a bed-wetter years after the fact. What incredible stupidity. But it was fun, those stupid nicknames were just another bit of warmth you shared with me.

You were always sharing those kinds of things with me. You were always bringing pathetic little things to my attention. They were things I'd never notice, but things that made your cheeks flush with glee and create a big goofy grin on your face. That such a beautiful scene on your face was brought on by something I had never stopped to notice was something that astounded me. So I started looking for things that would make you smile like that for me. And soon they became not so insignificant, but another little glimmer of happiness you shared with me. When you smiled like that, I felt a little bit of my ice melt away and that made me want to smile too. So I would think all day of what I could use to make you smile like that at night when I could completely gaze at you without hesitation.

I wonder what would happen if a rift never appeared between us. Would I be able to say those words I wanted to tell you every day? As time passed, it was harder to tell you. And as even more time passed, no time seemed appropriate. And as even greater lengths of time passed, it seemed downright wrong to tell you. So I didn't. Even if I had told you, I don't know if anything would have changed. And besides that, it's in the past.

This kind of life is so uncertain. When I dream, I can only remember the past. It seems like it's all I have left of you at the moment. I regret what happened that day so long ago. Because if I'm full of anything, it's full of guilt. And remorse. Not just for what actually happened, but also because of a lack of composure and strength on my part. In your presence, I felt the light, but as I spent more and more time alone, a great darkness began to descend upon me. The darkness that I had no name for, was only the beginning of what fate seemed to have in store for us.

Most people have occasional dark moments in their lives. But us? Our dark moments, like our moments of splendor, were not ordinary in the least. They were the deepest shade of black. What was once an exuberant state of mind veered sharply into disturbing territory.