4. Never Had No One Ever
I have never had anyone, the old man thought to himself. It seems that longevity also has its disadvantages: other people die and you just live on. Hmm, let us see, my closest relatives would be... Willy with his wife and Violet. Yes, she is a good child.
I, Ichabod Edward Shankly, in my last will, give my brother, William Matthew Shankly, a sum of four thousand pounds. To his daughter, Violet Shankly, I give a sum of two thousand pounds as well as all securities. The rest, that is five hundred pounds, I wish to divide evenly between my servants: the cook, Mrs Wodehouse and my valet, Reginald Phelps.
Signed,
Ichabod E. Shankly