Chapter One
"…Which brings us to the value of h in terms of x, thus allowing us to find the volume increase of the cylinder by simply taking this value of h and-"
"TETSUYA'S FALLEN ASLEEP AGAIN!"
"Whoa, again?"
"That's like, the fourth fuckin' time this week!"
"You'd think he go to sleep earlier or something…"
"Who, Tetsuya? Fuck - he's not exactly know for his common sense."
Mrs. Michiko sighed, patiently waiting for the commotion to come about to some sort of natural end, signalling her distaste with a subtle tapping of her foot, as if the meaningless gesture would bare some effect. She'd been trying to teach them maths, but a pupil falling asleep in class yet again proved to be a more interesting subject than something that they would benefit from.
"'S anyone gonna like, wake him up or something'?"
"Dude, I ain't the fucker's mom."
"You're 'is mom's fucker though."
"What the fuck!? Just 'cos we ain't all got laid like you don't mean that we go around fucking people's moms-"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Mrs. Michiko shouted, finally snapping. The response wasn't instantaneous, but the class eventually died down to a low murmur and focused their attention away from the sleeping boy. "I swear that boy never learns." She shifted her gaze towards the boy next to Tetsuya. "Hideki, will you wake him so we can carry on with the lesson?"
Hideki didn't bother showing any sign of unwillingness – he didn't see any need to. It would just cause further problems down the line and end up wasting his time. He lightly hit Tetsuya over the head, barely noticing the comical way in which his classmate sat up bolt right, reciting memorised formulae in a vain attempt to retain what little dignity he had left.
Hideki slumped forward over his desk, letting his arm support his head. His eyes slowly drifted towards the clock on the wall, informing him that school was only minutes from finishing. Only minutes, yet with the way his teacher droned on about such trivial matters one would think that a few minutes were more like a few hours.
Still, the bell eventually rang, and school was officially over.
…Not like it matters, anyway. Hideki had long since cared where he was, what he did or even who he knew. It had been a harsh reality to come face to face with, but Hideki saw truths his ignorant peers failed to grasp or even realise.
His life was meaningless.
His existence was meaningless.
Every single human's existence was meaningless...
…And that would never change, no matter how much he wished it would.
"S-see you later, H-Hideki…" Tetsuya mumbled, receiving a half-hearted wave in reply. Tetsuya took one last look at his friend, before making his own way home, distancing himself from the strange teen.
Hideki shifted the weight of his backpack over to his other shoulder. He had once been a relatively fit person, but such trivialness wasn't necessary in a world where ones physical prowess made no significance, and thus his physique had slowly begun to deteriorate in recent years. He was in no means unfit – his previous love of sport made sure of that – but he certainly wasn't about to win any medals for his figure.
His eyes shifted to the left, taking in some of the wonders this 'intelligent' race had to offer.
"Whoa-ho-ho! Check out the rack on this one!" A senior wearing the uniform of his school proclaimed, turning his magazine vertically in order to get the full double-page spread of the image his simple mind revelled at, as did other parts of his anatomy.
"Damn… You'll never find one like her in Kyoto, that's for sure." A second senior said, a somewhat depressed tone in his voice. Hideki almost laughed. Maturity and intelligence was supposed to greaten with age, yet these 'seniors' were so blissfully unaware of the harsh truth that their lives meant nothing. Absolutely fuck-all.
The first of the two noticed the younger boy looking his way, and gave his best effort to try and look intimidating.
"'The fuck d'you want, you little shit?" He growled, raising a menacing eyebrow at his uninvited onlooker. "I don' remember signin' up to be a fuckin' art exhibit, so quit starin', ya creep!"
Hideki closed his eyes, finding it slightly amazing at how nobody else seemed to realise that what they said didn't have any effect on him. He was long since past the point of caring about anything. Why should he? When he thought about it, there didn't seem to be a good enough reason to.
Turning his head, Hideki carried on walking, letting the two carry on their meaningless business, with the insignificance of their lives still unbeknownst to them.
But he… He knew the truth. He wasn't unaware of reality.
He knew exactly how worthless his life was.
It had started one night, as he lay back on his bed staring out of the window. Back then, Hideki had been a fairly sociable person. At the very least he took some interest in his everyday life.
But he found out that those who continue to live their lives expecting great things to happen only end up disappointed.
So what he aced his maths test? So what he scored the winning goal for his soccer team? In the end, the only person who truly cared was himself. Nobody gives two shits about anyone other than themselves – that was one of the first facts of life Hideki realised.
And why should they? It wasn't like he didn't see through those false words of congratulations. They may aswell have just kept their mouths shut – he would've been able to tell they didn't care either way. Nobody ever cared. Nobody had ever cared and nobody ever would care.
His life was meaningless.
After being hit with this truth of life, his awareness of the true reasoning his existence held only grew. Or, to be more specific, the true lack of reasoning his existence held. The true insignificance of the human race…
The human race…
Hideki scoffed.
A pitiful, worthless race.
What the hell had they ever done that was worthy of the praise they gave themselves? Who else would be affected if they all just died out? After all, isn't the only purpose of the human race to sustain itself?
If that's the only reason for the human race's existence…
If that's the only reason why Hideki was alive then…
…
…Why even bother?
Why carry on struggling day in and day out only to end up dead, never really being of any significance at all?
Hideki shoved his hands in his pockets, his head down, barely focusing on the road ahead of him.
Will my life ever serve more of a purpose than just dying?
He didn't really need to ask himself that question when he knew that the answer was a cold and harsh 'no'.
He'd chosen not to believe that for a great number of years, living on a prayer that something would happen to make him change his mind. He'd even gone as far as to imagine that aliens would start walking around the street and he'd have to get rid of them like some sort of anime super-hero.
But they were just fantasies. Dreams born from a fleeting hope – born from the harsh reality of a meaningless existence.
Hideki shut his door behind him, having reached his house long after leaving the school, and dumped his schoolbag on the ground. Nobody was home. Nobody ever was. He hadn't heard from his mother in months and his father was already dead.
He had been bringing friends round for a while to try and fill the void in his life, but that too had stopped when he lost the value friendship held. When he thought about it, Hideki didn't regard anything in his life as valuable, significant or even enjoyable. Everyday was always the same. Never changing. Never different. Everyone's existence was worthless, their lives mirroring their species' insignificance.
Never changing.
Never different…
Always the same…
Always… the… same…!!
Hideki grabbed his head, letting out a scream of pain. He'd felt himself losing his grip on life – felt himself becoming more and more unstable – and now…
Now…
…Now he was just about ready to take the final gamble life had left for him.
He ran into the kitchen, thrusting open the draw and pulling it completely out in his franticness, cutlery spilling out over the floor, one knife slicing open a small cut in his foot.
Hideki winced at the sudden pain, but when his eyes caught sight of the red blood oozing out from the gash, his eyes lit up with a sudden intensity one would call insane. He bent down, reaching out with a shaking arm and grabbing the bloody knife in his hand.
No more…
Hideki licked his lips.
"NO MORE!" He shouted, raising the knife high into the air, its sharp point gleaming down at him. He let out shrill laugh, barely recognisable as human anymore. "DO YOU HEAR ME!? I SAID NO MORE!" He gripped the hilt of the blade tighter, clenching his teeth together.
A light bulb above broke, plummeting the house into darkness, the only exception being a small flickering lamp suspended from the ceiling above Hideki's head.
"I don't care… I… I can't take it anymore!" He yelled, taking a step back, the prongs of a fork digging into the sole of one of his feet, the blade of a knife slicing open the heel of his other. He didn't wince – his mind was only set on one thing.
"Life… life is a fucking pointless piece of shit!" Hideki's breathing became heavy, the reality of his actions slowly dawning on him.
He was going to do it. He was going to put an end to this pointless façade – move on to a potentially more meaningful existence. If there was an afterlife, perhaps his existance would serve to be more significant than his current one had been. If not… well then who'd give a shit anyway? No-one would miss him, and he didn't particularly care either way, as long as he didn't have to carry on being insignificant any longer.
As the knife made its way towards his chest, as if in slow motion, he caught a glimpse of someone outside of his window. He strained his eyes to see who it was, but through the dark all he could make out was that it looked like an old woman. An old woman who was… smiling…?
A sharp, painful sensation brought him back to reality, albeit for a mere instance. He staggered back, the floored cutlery cutting the soles of his feet to ribbons. The blood-soaked floor became too wet and Hideki slipped, tumbling in midair, his life slipping away. His lips twisted into a bloody smile, his hand too weak to hold onto the knife any longer.
"I… did… it…"
He shut his eyes, already numbed from the pain of several knives piercing his back, his blood running over the once white kitchen tiles, staining their purity with the colour of death.
I can finally be… free…
I can finally… put an end to this… meaningless existence…
Hideki hit the ground with a thud, eyes still shut. His breathing was heavy but paced, his heart pounding yet still working.
Something wasn't right…
He slowly opened one eye but snapped it shut at the sudden intensity of light he was greeted with.
H-hold on… wasn't I just…
Hideki's eyes shot open, ignoring the pain that met him as a result and pushed himself into a sitting position with his hands.
He wasn't in his kitchen.
He wasn't sitting in a puddle of his own blood.
There weren't any knives or forks digging into his flesh.
He was in a bland room, with a wooden floor and cream-coloured walls, several doors scattered around, some wooden and some glass.
But what was most notable was the large, dark sphere that seemed to dominate the entire room, its sight captivating, its presence frightening.
And that's when Hideki noticed the others.
Other humans, of all different genders, ages, shapes and sizes, some looking totally lost, others excited, some depressed and others simply expressing no emotion at all.
In the swarm of thoughts that rushed around in Hideki's mind, he let out the one question which seemed to sum up everything he wanted to know at that very moment.
"Wha… What the hell!?"
A/N: Well, I read the entirety of Gantz (at least up until the most recent chapter) over the weekend, and I almost felt compelled to write a fanfic on it, or at least start one. The story grabbed me and this idea came to mind almost instantly.
It may not be updated too often though. This isn't going to be my main project for a long while, and may never be, but there's always hope :)
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.