Chapter 1

I walk into the place that has become so familiar to me in the past few months. The cancer wing at Devos Children's Hospital. No, I do not have cancer. Never have. But the most important person in my life does, Jake Dame. He is the love of my life that also has leukemia. We meet at the hospital and yes I feel in love with him while he had cancer.

I volunteer at the hospital often, reading to the little kids, hanging out with those who are my age, and visiting with those older patients. One day I was told that I had a new patient who I could hang with for a while, his name, Jake Dame. Jake was incredibly handsome. He had just checked in after discovering he had cancer and was about the start chemo treatments. Because of this, he still had his hair. His hair was a beautiful bronze shade that fell right above his eyes in casual disarray. His eyes were the brightest shade or green I had ever seen. He was tall and quite built. I could tell that he had a nice body under the sweat pants and sweatshirt he was wearing. I was instantly breathless when I saw him in that small hospital room and was eternally grateful that he could not see me from where he was standing gazing out the window.

"Knock knock?" I said shyly not knowing what else to say.

"Ahh!" he gasped.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I can go if you'd like."

"No it's fine. You just scared me a little bit." Was it just me or was he looking at me with hungry eyes. I could already feel my face start to flush bright red.

"Um," I was at a loss for word staring into those eyes that made me melt. Wait what was I saying. I can't fall for a patient. This could only lead to trouble. But I couldn't help myself. It was like I was drawn to him by some magnetic force and I was meant to be here.

I didn't realize I had been staring at him until I saw a new look of confusing cross his face. And I knew what he was thinking. Something along the lines of, "Damn, this girl is crazy." The words that came out of his mouth however was somehow comforting, "Are you OK? Do you need to sit down?" I still didn't answer, "oh boy! Um I should call a nurse."

At those words, I snapped out of my trance. "No I'm fine. Sorry I was zoning out."

He looked relieved that I wasn't going to keel over on him, and then he did something that no boy has ever done to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed it and I knew that this was going to be the start of something beautiful.

We have been dating for a few months now and he has been in and out of the hospital for treatments but he always seems in good spirit so it gives me hope.

But no matter how hard I try there is the voices in the back of my head saying what I already know, "He might not make it. Stop now or it will hurt too much when it comes crashing down." Quite a few times I come close to ending it but every time I do I look into those green irises and I end up taking one step away from that voice in my head and one step closer to my heart.

These few months together I have seen him at his best … and his worst. I watched as his beautiful hair that I loved to run my fingers through when his soft lips tenderly meet mine. I watched as the muscles that my hand caressed slowly faded away. I watched as even his green eyes started to dull into a light green-gray.

Some days it was so bad that I couldn't bear to see him. I always tried to hide the pain in my eyes on the many bad days that he had, but he always saw right through me. "Just go," he'd say to me when I quickly wiped a few tears from my face.

"No," I tried to protest, "I want to be here for you. I have to be." I quickly grab his hand and hold on tight.

He grasps my hand just as tightly as if he doesn't want to let me go either. For one split second, I see the fear in his eyes that he tries so hard to hide from me. When I look in his eyes again the look quickly goes and he kisses my hand. I close my eyes, content with the moment, pretending that everything is ok, but then his voice bring me back to reality. "Come on babe," he jokes, "You baby me too much. I can be alone for a while and I know you have been neglecting your work for me." I try to protest but his lips meet mine and I completely forget what I was about to say. His lips move eagerly on mine and I am putty in his hand.

He pulls away too quickly and we are both left breathless. "Trust me," he assures me while staring deeply into my eyes, "I will be fine, and I will be here when you come back."

To dazed form the kiss to fight, I softly kiss his lips and exit his room.

Once I am finally away from him, the fear creeps back into my mind and the tears come from my eyes. I can't help it. I can't lose him. I start to think about all the possibilities that could happen. All the things that I have shielded my mind form thinking of.

I have stopped in a corner when I hear footsteps.