CLIFF DIVING

I own nothing. Except Mikayla, the plot, and the title.

"Jacob? Is that you?"

I held back the urge to grimace. Embry was here.

"Yeah, man, how's it going?"

Embry turned to Billy. "Is he okay?" he whispered.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"Well… wanna go cliff diving?"

I shot a glance at my father. "Sure, after breakfast." I didn't want to eat breakfast or go cliff diving, but I wanted to make both my father and Embry happy. And I needed to keep myself distracted this weekend. I would have to keep my mind off Mikayla and her boyfriend. I could deal with that on Monday. I could at least try…

"Jake, you can go now if you like," Billy told me, but I shook my head. This was the new Jacob, Mikayla's Jacob, He was going to make up for all that empty-Jacob had caused. I sat down and helped myself to an insane quantity of bacon and eggs.

"You can stay if you like," I offered Embry. "I'm sure you're hungry." I let a small chuckle escape my lips, and I think this stunned Embry into seating himself to my left.

"So, uh, what's that new girl done to you?" Embry finally said, glancing cautiously in my direction, as if he expected this to be an act and was trying to catch me frowning.

"Mikayla?" I asked, definitely acting, "Nothing. I was talking to her in math, and she just put into perspective what I look like to everyone else. It has nothing to do with her personally. But what she said made me realize that my acting depressed was just that – acting. I was sad for a while there, after Bella left, but not now that I've been living for so long without her." This lie was the most painful one I would ever tell. Yet I kept my plastic smile firmly in place. Both Billy and Embry would be looking for any signs that I was still broken, and I couldn't let them find any.

I shoveled the eggs in, eager for my distraction. I knew that distractions ease pain; I knew what Bella had really been thinking when she brought me her motorcycles.

"Oh," was all Embry had to say.

I nodded, and as soon as the two of us finished our large breakfasts, I jumped up and threw my dish in the sink. Billy wouldn't mind if I left it there for him to clean; he was just happy I had come out of my empty-Jacob phase and was leaving the house for an event other than school. I waved to him and left the kitchen, followed by a dazed Embry.

We walked side by side for a time, and when we were far from my house, Embry spoke. "Do you remember where the cliffs are?"

"Of course," I replied, forcing a laugh, "And I remember how to cliff dive as well. Will the others be there?"

Embry nodded, unable to speak.

When we arrived at the cliffs, I spotted the pack, already wet, at the top. They looked down at the sound of approaching footsteps and were surprised to see me. I could tell because they all stopped jumping and waited. They never waited. Embry and I joined them and I told my story once more.

Quil looked at me like I was insane. Leah was impatient to dive. I think Sam knew I was lying.

"Well, let's go then," Sam said, taking the focus off me. I think the others were eager to get away from me. It must have been like seeing a ghost. I decided then and there that I wouldn't phase until I had sorted out my feelings for Mikayla. I couldn't have the pack knowing I had lied.

While the others splashed into the water, I looked out at the horizon. The sun wasn't too high as of yet, and I could still see pink fading from the sky. Clouds rolled in, not the kind that threatened to soak you with misery but the kind that tinted the sky grey. What with these clouds and the fading of pink to blue, the sky became a gray infused with purple that reminded me of the t-shirt Mikayla had worn the day I met her.

"Why?" I whispered, quiet enough that not even my wolf brothers would hear.

I tried to draw my eye away from the sky and the line where it became sea, but I was unable. I noticed that the color of the water where the sun was reflected was green, the same green as Mikayla's eyes. I closed my eyes and what started as a sigh became a moan of pain. Some distraction.

And I jumped.

At the end of the outing, I was proud of myself. I had spent all morning and all afternoon with the pack, and I had not slipped in my charade once. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as I had expected after all.

But I knew it would be…

Life. Sucks.

As we walked home, I fell behind, feigning exhaustion. I didn't want to have to force a smile any longer than was necessary. But, of course, Sam was there. He had an extraordinary ability to sense a problem. He fell back as well, and soon, Sam and I were alone. He stopped and turned to me.

"Jacob, you're going to drive yourself insane with this lie," he told me bluntly.

The funny thing is that it didn't even surprise me that I was right. He did see through my lie. "It's only a lie when I'm away from Mikayla," I told him. "When I'm with her, I really am happy. I think… Sam, I think I love her."

A/N: 'Why?' is right. Why are there multiple ways to spell one word? Is it gray or grey?