BROKEN

I own nothing. Except Mikayla, the plot, and the title.

Quil called after school. He and Embry and some of their friends from our school – not the pack, but our school – were going to go out for ice cream and wanted to know if I tag along.

I could have made some excuse not to go, but Billy was in the room, and I knew he would be suspicious if I didn't go. After all, I was supposed to be the old Jacob. Plus, I needed distractions if I was ever going to get over Mikayla.

I met them there, and I didn't even recognize the other guys from school. They didn't seem as wary of me as I would have thought, probably because I had never seen them. I actually began to enjoy myself, but even as I sat there with them, chatting and laughing, in the back of my mind I knew I was doing something I wouldn't have pictured myself doing only a week ago.

I shouldn't have started this whole acting thing, I was already in too deep and my happy face was taking over. I was becoming the old Jacob. And I was doing it for the wrong reasons.

Fuck it. Just fuck it. For too long, I had been resisting myself, and I didn't want to fight anymore. Clearly, the old Jacob was the real Jacob. I was never your typical angry-with-the-world teenager, and I still wasn't. I just… wasn't too happy with my place in the world right now.

I wanted to be able to forget all this girl crap and be the Jacob I was before I met Bella. I dunno why everyone makes such a big deal about love. It only ruins lives. I couldn't even stand to be in the same room as Mikayla anymore, and that wasn't fair to either of us. If the world were as it should be, Mikayla and I could be friends. But no, I just had to go and be so goddamned stupid and fall in freaking love with her, and – getting back to the stupid thing – TELL her!

Every time I looked up at her, my heart would twinge and I would become furious with myself. Why do I always have to fall in love with the girl who already has a fucking boyfriend? And why does he always have to be so much better than me?

Just fuck it. I was with Quil and Embry and a bunch of guys, and I was eating ice cream. ICE CREAM!!! I was eating ice cream and I couldn't even enjoy it because of love? I had to be crazy.

I shook my head and shoveled spoonful after spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

Brain.

Freeze.

Quil and Embry and the others burst into laughter, and I couldn't even get upset. I almost spit ice cream because I laughed so hard, and for once it was a real laugh; for once, a distraction worked. I laughed and smiled and had fun for real, and Mikayla didn't even cross my mind.

Until I saw her.

Fuck.

There she was, holding an ice cream cone

There was her black hair and green eyes.

There was her typical neutral colored t-shirt and jeans.

There was the girl I loved.

And there was her boyfriend.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if they suspected me of loving Mikayla or not. I just sort of looked back to the guys, but Mikayla had seen me. I don't know what she was thinking, but she nudged her boyfriend and looked at my table. She said something to him and sauntered up to us.

"Hey," she said, looking mainly at me. I just looked back at her blankly and stupidly. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

I glanced at the others. I hadn't been out in a while, but I figured it'd be okay. Embry and Quil shrugged, so I got up and followed her. She led me away from my table, out of earshot, and thankfully away from her boyfriend as well.

When she stopped, she was looking at me with that motherly expression again. I felt like punching her; I didn't want her stupid pity.

"What?" I snapped. "I was having fun."

Her eyes seemed to water a little, and I was morbidly satisfied. She had caused me so much pain, and just when I was starting to feel a little better about myself, she had to show up with her stupid boyfriend and rub him in my face. What the hell is wrong with girls that they constantly want to ruin guys' lives?!

"I saw you earlier," she sort of muttered. "when I came in. And I saw how you were laughing and enjoying yourself, and I was wondering why - when you talk to me - you always sound clinically depressed."

"Gee, it's probably because when I'm with you, all I'm thinking about is how much I want to be with you and knowing I can't. And when I'm here, I'm not. Until now, which is why I was having fun."

"Then, uh, you weren't always so… miserable? Why did you stop being happy?"

I considered her for a moment and played with the idea of lying, but then I realized that the truth would probably be slightly more effective. So I sighed and fessed up.

"I was sick of recognizing people in the hall. I was sick of them knowing my name. I was sick of seeing them and associating them with Bella and being debilitated by the pain of knowing that people here still knew who I was even though I didn't want anyone but you to look twice at me. I was sick of feeling, and so I just shut it all out. I locked all my emotions away and detached myself from this place - the school, the whole town. I told myself that if I stayed away from what pained me, I could stay away from pain. But I'm not strong enough to stay away from you."

She looked at me, some annoying maternal instinct or something kicking in. The look in her eyes was one of care and concern, but not the love I wanted. It was like she was my babysitter and I had just fallen off a swing.

"Well you don't have to stay away from me. And I don't wanna hear this crap about how you think you're bothering me because I know that's what you're thinking. If you're okay with being friends, so am I, and if you can just stop looking for the awkward parts of our friendship, it'll work. So are we good?"

I shrugged.

"Friends?" she asked, her head slightly to the side and her eyes earnest. I knew she was willing to make it work if I was, so this was all on me.

I looked up, pretending to think. "Friends."

Mikayla's face lit up. She glanced over to where she had left her boyfriend, and I began to think. Maybe she did love me. Sure, she didn't love me how I loved her, but she certainly enjoyed my company and she was always telling me that I didn't give myself enough credit. I wasn't getting hopeful that she would fall madly in love with me or anything, but I was consoled by the realization that I at least meant something to her.

"Uh, Jake? I gotta go. Matt's waiting for me. But I'll see ya 'round school?"

I nodded. "Of course."

She gave me a sort of half smile and I half returned it.

And she left.

I watched Mikayla dance across the little ice cream shop and hug her boyfriend. She turned to me and waved hesitantly with a slightly remorseful expression, and I shrugged with an offhanded smile. Mikayla walked away, her boyfriend's arm around her waist, and I let her go, because, just like Bella, I loved Mikayla. And, just like Bella, I only wanted her to be happy.

Mikayla wasn't going to love me. I could accept it and just be her best friend. I guess I was doomed to be "just a friend" for my whole life, but I could deal with it. I could put on my happy face and let myself be somebody. I could stop fighting my identity and just live in the moment, true to my canine half. I could smile and laugh with my friends and phase as I pleased. I could just be Jacob.

And when I turned around to return to my friends and my table, that's exactly who I was.

A/N: Okay, so not the happiest of endings, I'll admit, but happy endings are a CLICHÉ, and I've been considering writing a sequel. I have another fic going that I'd prefer to finish before I get around to el sequel de Mikayla's Jacob, but I definitely have an idea in mind for one.
So don't kill me yet!