Corporal Cheery Littlebottom was manning (1) the front desk at Pseudopolis Yard. It had been a relatively quiet shift: she had only had to deal with one case of assault to an officer of the watch, when the owner of an illegally parked cart had tried to stamp on Buggy Swires for clamping his wheels. The man had been seriously injured and Buggy Swires was claiming emotional damage. Apparently he had found it traumatic to inadvertently harm the man, although Cheery had some difficulty believing this.

She heard thumping boots moments before Vimes ran into the building. He must be really upset to make so much noise, she thought.

"Cheery! I need you at the palace now! You'd better get Captain Carrot, too," he added.

"Yes, sir!" She jumped up and paused. "That'll mean leaving Detritus on the desk, sir."

"I don't care what you leave on the desk, Corporal. I need my best officers on this case. There's been a murder."

"Who discovered the remains, sir?" Carrot asked earnestly as he entered the room. "I heard you tell Cheery to call me," he clarified.

"I did," Vimes replied shortly. "Vetinari is dead in his office."

"Any suspects, sir?" Cheery asked. Only a watchman could respond like that, she thought.

"Bingeldy-bingeldy-beep. Kill leader of city."

Vimes pulled the Disorganiser out of his pocket. "I told you to cancel that."

"All you said was, 'Vetinari's already dead'."

"Well, cancel it now." He put the device away and turned back to Cheery. "Me."

"You what?" asked Cheery, bewildered.

"I'm the suspect."

"Ah," said Cheery. "Now there's a novelty. Are you going to arrest yourself?"

Elisabeth Jenkins was walking over the Brass Bridge when she overheard the two guards' conversation.

A small, ugly creature had just rushed up to the bridge and said, "Fredyou'llneverbelieveitMisterVimeshasgoneandfoundthepatricianmurdered."

"Er, I didn't quite catch that, Nobby. Slow it down a bit, will you."

"You'll never believe it, Fred, Mister Vimes has gone and found the patrician murdered."

"Try another one, Nobby," Fred said easily. "You don't think I'll believe his lordship's been killed, do you?"

"I'm dead serious, Fred. I saw the remains with mine own eyes. Mister Vimes said only an idiot would've done it and then I thought I'd better come warn you."

"Warn me about what, Nobby?"

"I never told him what you said about Foul Ole Ron. They even let me into the palace to see him, but he was otherwise occupied, as they say."

"You mean there's something living in Mister Vimes?" the guard called Fred asked in horror.

Elisabeth moved on. It was an interesting development and Father would want to hear about it.

Havelock Vetinari stepped out of the dark, black room into the dark, black room (2). The second room was warmer and lower. It smelled of what Vetinari supposed one might term a 'fry-up'. A sizzling sound issued from the pan somebody – presumably Albert – was holding over the stove.

Vetinari sat down and waited.

"Ketchup?" Albert asked.

"What do you recommend, Archchancellor Malich?"

Albert spun around. "I didn't hear anybody else come in."

"As I remember, we were discussing the advisability of adding ketchup to your fry-up, Archchancellor."

"I never were an Archchancellor, I tell you."

"Tch, tch. You really should keep up with the times, my man. Unseen University awarded you the title centuries ago. But don't stray from the topic. Do you recommend the ketchup?"

"Certainly," said Albert. "You can never add too much flavour to a good fry-up, I always say."

"Interestingly enough, I believe Ridcully would tell me the same thing (3). I'll have the ketchup then, thank you."

1 Technically, this is incorrect on two counts, as Cheery (or Cheri, as she preferred to pronounce her name) was, unusually, a female dwarf.

2 If he had chosen the other door, he would have entered the dark, black room.

3 This is clearly a case of titular heredity, which is almost certainly related to morphic resonance.

A/N: Thanks to Virtuella again, as well as to my lovely reviewers from the last chapter.