Acceptance of Fate
Chapter Two
When we got past the river she danced across the tree roots and sat down on a mossy rock, which jutted out from under a large tree. A low fog from the river had formed around us, and seemed to slowly be rising. I wasn't comfortable enough to sit and I didn't say anything, I just let her watch me. I wanted her to be the one to start the conversation, maybe she just had a few questions for me. If I let her do all the talking, I wouldn't slip.
"So, I know how you were created, vaguely," she whispered grimacing from where she sat. She looked angry that I was turned against my will, but thankful that the dark haired woman didn't finish what she started.
"It was accidental," I responded walking to the tree she sat beneath and leaned against it. It was comfortable to stand where I was, but the human side of us was so engrained that sometimes we acting on them without thinking. Sitting and leaning, shifting our weight, even stretching our bodies.
"I'm glad you're with us Sterling," she hummed offering me a pixy like smile. Alice had always seemed full of gentle innocence, and I thought that was because she suffered from amnesia at a time, before she was changed. So that she didn't know what type of human she was. As far as she knew, she was born the way she was, even if we all knew that wasn't a possibility.
"So spying on me?" I asked feeling the rage building within myself.
"Not intentionally, you know that," she answered. "Your thoughts were so strong that the seemed like decisions."
"Right and you just wasn't turned in," I countered shooting her a glare. She tried to look innocent of the whole thing. I knew her though, and Alice never was completely innocent. No one could really stay angry with her though. It was just who she was and I even found myself calming down already.
"We've all been worried about you for so long Sterling," she stated and reached out for my shoulder. I didn't shrug away from her touch and when her hand patted my shoulder I sighed.
"So what all did you see?" I asked and she looked thoughtful, like she was confused by what she saw.
"Well they were all fuzzy so I knew it was from your human time," she explained. "You were going somewhere, some party it seemed. Then you were hunted."
"Oh," I offered feeling better that she could only see things and not thoughts. She wasn't able to see the type of place, it probably didn't exist anymore and she would've seen it like it was back then. Back then clubs like that didn't exist as openly as they do today. No one would've known about the place if they didn't know what to look for, and I had studied those types of places, and the people to know.
"Then you went to your old house," she whispered hoping I wouldn't explode into a fit of rage. Our old families were a touchy, private subject for us and we didn't ever like talking about them lightly.
"I wasn't going there to hurt them," I said my eyebrows furrowed when she shot me a look. I couldn't read her and I hated that I was the one confined to my own mind. It would be nice to know what Alice was thinking.
"I knew that," she responded smiling. "You were an adorable baby."
"Shut up," I hissed looking down at my feet trying not to smile. I saw the pictures clearly now, on the walls of the house. When I was born, and all of my grade school pictures mounted on the wall leading to my room and I had looked at them as I went by.
"I mean really," she added elbowing me in the side. "I loved seeing that side of you, you don't even realize."
"I know I've been a bit of a mystery Alice, but I have my reasons," I stammered carefully. Not wanting the conversation to turn light, fearing I would slip more than I wanted known about me.
"You shouldn't," she huffed crossing her arms and slouching. She was trying to look hurt so I would break down and tell her everything. She would've been more effective if Jasper was here, making me feel sad about things with his ability to alter moods.
"I am the only one that can keep secrets, Alice you're not as careful with things," I defended trying to get her to understand my reasons for my mysterious actions.
"It's normal Sterling, for us to be withdrawn from others vampires," she explained. It was common knowledge and I rolled my eyes fearing the lecture that I could sense on her lips. "We're family though, whatever you're hiding we can handle. It's why we're a family."
"Speaking of family," I interrupted and she glared at me not wanting to drop the lecture just yet. "Shouldn't we both be focusing on Edward right now?"
"No, he's in Tanya's company already," she answered still glaring at me. "And we've got all night might as well mult-fix."
"You can't fix me," I groaned knowing this side of Alice well. She was like Esme, wanting to fix every problem that caused people pain. She could see that the images were painful for me, to a point. She also knew I wasn't going to talk to her about them unless she pushed. I still wasn't ready for her to know, but I could feel my resolve slipping away and I wanted to look for Jasper. I couldn't smell him though, but it didn't mean he wasn't there. He was the most skilled with maneuvers that would conceal him from people that couldn't read minds.
"Jasper is playing his guitar so no one can hear us," Alice offered smiling at me.
"I'm different, ok?" I asked breaking down in front of her as much as vampires could. I felt my muscles tense, and the need to escape these feelings pushed through my thoughts. It was difficult to fight these urges of self preservation.
"Don't run," she hissed taking hold of my arm. "You can't hide from me anyway."
"Not comforting," I growled jerking my arm from her grasp. She readied herself to follow me and I knew it was hopeless. The only way I could stop her from following me was trespassing onto Quileute lands. She would return to the family and tattle on me though, and I'd be in a lot of trouble. I thought about that option and I felt her strong hand back on my elbow. I shook the thought out of mind and she let go. "You suck Alice."
"Don't we all?" Alice asked and I let out a chuckle. Silence fell through the forest then. She wanted to give me time to think things over. I was steadily reciting lyrics to my favorite songs though, to keep her out of my head as I debated.
"Fine I'm done hiding," I said looking down at the ground. I picked up a pebble and crushed it in my hands watching the dust fall to the moist ground. I brushed the dirt from my hands on my jeans. I saw Alice grimace when I dirtied up the pair of jeans. I just rolled my eyes wondering how an ancient vampire could be so into fashion. So much so to keep us following the strict trends, that she was always ahead of, being able to predict styles.
"Good, because you have no reason to," Alice said trying to ease my worries.
"I was born different," I started and she looked confused. "Not in that sense, I guess we can't really be too different there."
"Yeah, all venom," Alice agreed offering me a smile.
"I mean that I'm not like Jasper and Emmett," I whispered, "or Carlisle for that matter."
"What do you mean?" She asked and I sighed.
"They all have mates," I answered and she pondered the direction I was going. She was still confused and I was glad I wasn't making any sense. It would give me time to think things through better, before she caught on or was blessed by a vision. The real answer, and I wanted to give up voluntarily. Her visions did take away a very decent right to privacy even if we couldn't hold it against her. She was extremely helpful when she wasn't in our heads.
"You can't have a mate?" She asked the confusing still strong in her voice. "Edward doesn't have one either, but I feel his walked through the door this morning."
"Bella is human," I hissed knowing it was bad to get close to a human. A lot of danger would surround such a thing.
"Can't help who you fall in love with, and Edward is just confused," she defended patting me on the shoulder again. "But there is a mate out there for you, I'm sure of it."
"Yeah?" I asked hopeful, but doubting it. "Are you just trying to comfort me or have you seen it?"
"Comfort, for now," she answered honestly. We had forever, so I couldn't prove her wrong and she knew it.
"I don't have a mate waiting for me," I argued crossing my arms.
"Is that your gift?" She asked eyeing me. None of them knew what I could do either, as I had hid that from them as well. As far as they knew, I was a normal vampire.
"No," I answered smiling. Finally something easy to uncover from my past, "this is what I can do." Alice looked excited and I turned away from her to concentrate. I saw that the leaves from last fall were still scattered all around the forest floor. I could move things with my mind, a telekinetic. I moved my hand and the leaves lifted from the ground and swirled around us. I could feel the cold wind that I created and she was clapping her hands, her hair blowing in the breeze I created.
"Such a useful gift," she whispered enthusiastically. "You're definitely on my team when we play baseball."
"Gifts aren't allowed," I commented laughing at her urge to cheat.
"Party killer," she hissed and I let the leaves fall away. She studied me with a glint of excitement still burning behind her honey colored eyes. My eyes I knew were black, all our eyes change when we concentrated or was overwhelmed by our emotions. It would be the biggest change we could make that would give us away. Keeping our emotions in check was important. "Just how powerful are you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, "I can only move things with my mind, I don't have any other gifts."
"I meant, how powerful is that," she explained and pointed to the leaves.
"Never really tested it, I just used it for practical things," I stammered not really wanting to try anything big. I didn't know how unstable I was and I didn't want to hurt her or myself. When a person lived forever, a regret as large as killing Alice, a person I loved as a sister would be too much to endure.
"You won't hurt me," she confided confident with her vision to foresee any bad things happening.
"Alright," I said taking her lead and trying to be comfortable. In a lot of ways, I was new to the way we existed. I had always confined myself into being as normal as possible. I glanced at her before I turned my attention on a large moss covered tree. It was a healthy tree and I felt bad about what I was about to do. I wanted to test myself though so I focused on the earth that hid the roots. The tree started swaying, and deep inside the ground Alice and I both heard the popping sound of snapping roots. Then I added more force behind my concentration. It caused my muscles to tense and start shaking. I was beginning to think I took on too large of a task, but then the tree lifted off the ground. The roots had held strong, but now that they were ripped from the tree, it felt lighter than before so I gently turned it and laid it on the forest floor, with barely an echoing sound.
"Wow," Alice whispered and I had to lean against the tree to support myself. It had taken a lot out of me to perform that, but I knew my limits. I also knew that if I practiced moving heavy objects that I would condition myself. "Can you do that to people?"
"Yes," I answered then I lifted myself from the ground then focused on her. She was levitating above the rock, still in her sitting position. I wanted to end the conversation with as much mystery as possible so I propelled us both forward and across the river. I set us both down on the ground, and I noticed Jasper was sitting on the front deck. When he saw us, he stood and went noticeably rigid. He was protective of her; it was a natural thing, with her being his mate. He would do anything to protect her, and she would do the same for him.
"What was that about?" Jasper asked when we were at the front of the house. He had his arms crossed looking at Alice for an explanation.
"Sterling showed me what he was capable of," she answered looking at me as she leaned against Jasper.
"That was you?" He asked and I nodded my head. "And the subtle crash in the forest?"
"Me too," I offered. "I move things telekinetically."
"He lifted a whole tree out of the ground," Alice hummed appreciating my well hidden power. Then she seemed to realize something and shot me a glare. "You tricked me."
"I did," I huffed innocently shrugging as I maneuvered myself around them. I glanced at Alice hoping she would let it drop, but she stubbornly followed me into the house and up the stairs to my room. It was a wing, off to myself, Esme wanted me to have as much privacy possible. She and Carlisle was in the living room talking, Emmett and Rosalie were arguing over the television remote. Emmett was trying to watch a baseball game and Rosalie wanted to change it to a classics channel so she could watch some of her favorite films. It was amusing to watch them, even fighting over something I could see the mutual affection they shared.
"I'm glad you came back to us," Esme said from the living room. With our acute hearing, she didn't have to yell. I smiled and sat down at my desk fixing to do my homework to keep up my grades.
"See, you're a strong part of this family," Alice commented sliding to sit on top of my desk, keeping me from ignoring her.
"I need to do homework," I stammered knowing I had all night ahead of me.
"Do not," she argued then I felt Jasper's presence in the room. He was trying to level out the tension he knew was building between Alice and I.
"Jasper," I groaned feeling myself relax under his power. "What is with this family using their abilities against me?"
"I feel it too Sterling," Jasper growled. "The tension, the anger, and I hate it when its among us."
"Sorry," Alice apologized and I just nodded my head not wanting to be a problem.
"Right, I told Alice that I will not find a mate," I said filling him in. I heard him chuckle from behind me and I turned around in my chair to glare at him. He looked as if I said something stupid and I was about to lunge at him, when Alice put her hand on my shoulder.
"Jasper," she said smiling in the invitingly soft way that was famous for her. No one could argue with it, not like we did with Rosalie when she tried. We all knew that Rosalie just wanted something, and maybe Alice did as well, but it was difficult to argue against her.
"I mean that it would be extremely more difficult for me to find one than the rest of you," I whispered feeling what I thought must be embarrassment rushing through my body. I felt cold, even for our normal feelings, and detached from the room.
"Gotta be patient brother," Jasper responded then I flashed my gaze to Alice who sucked in a breath.
"I understand," she stated cocking her head to look at me. "Perfectly."
"Yeah," I groaned knowing it was inevitable. I had thought about the reason, finally deciding that it would be easier this way. I doubt I could find the strength to utter them aloud. I almost wished Edward were here. He would've reacted differently. Alice was already off my desk and smiling at me.
"We're going to find you a man," she said and I shot a glare that she ignored. Then I looked at Jasper who looked confused then he blinked a few times.
"A man for a mate?" Jasper asked still reeling from the turn of events. I could feel his confusion sweeping over me and I wanted to leave my own room.
"They call that Homosexuality," Alice defined grabbing Jasper's hand. "Natural occurrence in nature really."
"Gay," Jasper stammered trying to accept what he had just heard. "Gay!"
"Shut up Jasper," Alice hissed. "We know you're from the civil war era, gays in the military was terribly too taboo."
"No, I accept it, I just am shocked," Jasper whispered studying me for any sign or difference. "I just didn't expect that being part of our world."
"Why not?" Carlisle said from the doorway with Esme trying to wiggle herself around his sturdy frame.
"You're finally breaking down those walls!" Esme exclaimed wrapping me into a motherly hug. "I finally have the son I wanted to complete the family."
"I was always here Esme," I countered gently. She backed away, keeping her arms on my shoulder to look at me.
"I don't think you realized the distance you really put between us and you," she whispered looking troubled. "And how much it hurt all of us, knowing the distance was there."
"Don't," I said offering her a smile. "I'm completely here now and we have a lot of time for catching up."
"But so much time lost," she pushed grimacing over me. She wrapped me into another hug and then I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder. He gave it a squeeze then cleared his throat.
"Esme I want to talk to Sterling alone," he said with a firm, but affectionate voice. Esme kissed my cheek then straightened her stance. She motioned for Alice and Jasper to follow her. Then Carlisle led me up the stairs to his office. He had a scientific mind, so I didn't fear him as much as I did the rest of the family. I always knew, if any of them he would be the most adjusted.
"What do you need Carlisle?" I asked when we sat in his office. It was full of medical reference books.
"Father to son," he responded offering me a smile. Even though I would forever be eighteen years old, he wasn't much older at twenty-three. He was though, the oldest and most controlled and it showed on his face all the time. He was our fearless leader, a father figure in the house and to the world beyond it. His age had surprised the people of Forks. By far he was the most expert and professional compared to that of the townspeople. They respected his expertise and welcomed him in times of need.
"Carlisle I wasn't hiding this part of me because I was ashamed," I whispered thinking I knew what he was thinking. He only studied me with a tight listless expression. The same one he used when he was examining a patient until he figured out what was wrong.
"You had your reasons," he responded breaking his expression into a smile. "I was just wondering if your feelings existed before or after your transformation."
"Before," I answered and he examined me again.
"And it carried over," he stated grabbing his chin. "I would've thought our instincts would overruled that part of you. I should've realized that wasn't the case."
"Oh, yeah," I offered not really wanting to be part of his scientific methods.
"In all these years you are the first I've known," he said offering me a smile. "Completely unique though is highly unlikely."
"Yeah?" I asked and he nodded his head smiling.
"A closet doesn't go away," he said smiling. "Edward and you aren't a thing are you?"
"No," I groaned letting the annoyance show through. "I don't feel anything for Edward other than the strong sense of family we all share."
"I wasn't condemning any such relationship," Carlisle stated leaning forward and resting his elbows on his wooden antique desk. "You know I've tried finding someone special for Edward all these years and really for you as well, but nothing ever came of it."
"You were probably looking at the wrong type for me," I said chuckling uneasily. He laughed as well and agreed that he was looking at the available female vampires for us both. When silence fell in the room I frowned and looked down at my hands. "I have accepted the fact that I will be alone forever already, so don't worry."
"No way of knowing that," Carlisle said getting up and walking over to where I was sitting. He put his hand on my shoulder then pulled me up to a hug against my will. I accepted the hug though and when he broke it he shot me a knowing smile. "Just because you're a homosexual vampire doesn't mean you can't find love."
"Its just unlikely," I hissed and he stepped away from me and looked thoughtful again.
"Do you want us to relocate with you to a more homosexually pleasant neighborhood?" Carlisle asked and I knew he would move the whole family to satisfy me. We had done it before, for Edward, for Rosalie, when the place we currently resided in held no place of comfort for a family member we moved. The thought of leaving Forks did make me smile remembering the morning I didn't enjoy.
"No I'm good," I said offering him a smile.
"Maybe just you, me, and Esme then?" He asked offering an alternative plan.
"I'll be fine," I assured. The gesture showed me that he cared for me like a son and I owed him for that. They were all so welcoming when I came into the family and I had shown no respect and kept my distance. I was suddenly feeling bad about all of that. I wouldn't be like that anymore though; I had no reason to. Though I would always feel that void of being alone, with out a strong unwavering love. I could deal with that as we lived on.