Disclaimer: I do not own or claim ownership of any of these characters or the Twilight Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the legal and rightful owner to the Twilight Saga and the characters within them. This story also contains homosexual themes and story lines, so if that offends you please do not read further.
Acceptance of Fate
Chapter Three
The next morning, we readied ourselves for another day of school. Edward hadn't returned and told us not to expect him for a while. Esme reminded him about school and missing too many days would look bad, so he ended up negotiating a week. I was still angry that he let Bella affect him in such a way. It wasn't something I was too aware of, but Alice was optimistic about what happened. I never truly get nervous until Alice was, but worrying about Edward is something we all did from time to time. He seemed to be the most down to earth, but when he lost control or fell into a depression it seemed to linger on him.
"At least they're not talking about the new girl," Rosalie whispered as we entered the cafeteria again. I shot Bella a glance, she was in the middle of the table, every guy seeming to flock to her side. She was a pretty girl I thought, but didn't understand her. Through all the gossiping Alice deduced that she came to Forks on her own true will. No one had died leaving her to Chief Swan or anything. I understood that we had our reasons for coming to a place such as Forks, but for anyone else it didn't seem right.
"She wants to talk to Edward about Biology," Alice whispered smiling in her direction. She had caught us staring and turned her head. She had slow reflexes and I smirked when I noticed her face flushing.
"What exactly happened in Bio?" Emmett asked, but seemed disinterested in the question. He was amused by the response Rosalie gave him when he asked.
"I don't really know," Alice answered in a hushed voice. We all realized that she knew more than she let us believe. She saw exactly what made him decide to go to Tanya in Denali. We also knew why any of us went to Denali. It was to get away from something here and not have to deal with Vampires who prey on people.
"At least Tanya, Kate, and Irina have someone to drool over for a few days," Rosalie stated shooting me a smile. "Why Sterling you could at least be eye candy."
"Rose," I hissed rolling my eyes. "Who let you in on my secret?" I turned to Alice already passing my judgments on her. She tried to look innocent, but ended up smiling. When I was turning my head away from them to study Bella again, I saw her shoot Rosalie a look. It made Rosalie chuckle. I would deal with them later. Again my gaze caused Bella to turn away from our table and blush. It still amused me, like it would the rest of us. We liked causing reactions in people, we can hear their heart change rhythm to match their moods. Tuning her heart beat in, I could hear it flutter frantically and then calm down when she was no longer looking.
"Class time," Alice said then the bell rang. I sighed moving out of my chair and heading straight for the gym. It would be easier to endure of Jasper or Emmett had this class with me. At least I wouldn't be suffering silently alone.
When I arrived I clutched my stomach and tried to fake being ill again, but Coach Clapp just ignored me and waved me along to the changing room. If I could actually vomit, I would try. I hated trying to act sick with out the correct bodily functions to make my attempt less fumbling. We were still studying basketball, probably finishing up the tournament before heading into something else. Maybe a basketball shooting drill, I was hoping I would get to show off my skills. Playing mind games with my former tournament teammates would be fun, I thought as I changed and left the locker room. People were just now filing in, feeling excited about the morning. Most people liked Gym, even the none athletic types found it fun. A way to pass an easy class without really trying, a way to relieve stress in their mornings before the real classes begin.
"Going to try this morning Cullen?" Chase Grundy asked still miffed about being the first team to lose in the tournament last class.
"Don't have to," I shrugged answering him. I ignored him and walked over to the gym. He still stared at me, but I wasn't going to feel ashamed at what I did to them earlier it was too amusing.
The gym class watched the remaining two teams finish the tournament. There wasn't really a prize for the winning team, but the first one to twenty points won. They celebrated and then Coach Clapp called us all to his attention. He instructed us to get in groups of five. It was a game of Horse. I was thrilled and walked up to Chase Grundy and the other three of my former teammates. They didn't like seeing me there, but wasn't concerned about my basketball playing skills. In the group there was a red headed girl, pale skinned with a few freckles dotting across her nose. She was tall and lanky, and didn't fill out her t-shirt. She looked like she could use a lot of food, but girls her age were so trapped by their bodies, I thought; all of them wanting to be thin, and the thin wanting to be just completely emaciated. Chase was a regular gym head, but didn't have as impressive a body as Emmett. If I brought my brother up, I wondered if he would smirk or comment. The comparison I would think he'd make would make me laugh. No one really compared to Emmett's strong arms or rippled chest and stomach. His pale skin didn't match such a body, but in all Emmett was a force. Chase had all of the human characteristics, the reddened cheeks and soft looking skin. He just had started to lose the fat around his jaw line and he would grow into a reasonably attractive man. If only his brain matched his developing body. Then last his girlfriend of the semester, Summer. It was a weird name to have here where the sun hardly shined. She had dark, flat straightened hair that barely moved when she did. It was put into place with harsh products and treatment. She was pretty, by human standards, but still completely average.
"Want to go first Cullen?" Chase asked and I shot him a casual look. The other two looked surprised that Chase talked to me. I almost wished he wouldn't, but I caught the ball easily when he passed it to me. He tried to put all of his power into the throw and I saw him grimace when it didn't bounce into my chest and make me double over in pain. Instead it rested in my palms.
Not wanting to show off I started by taking a generic three point shot. I controlled the ball with my mind and guided it into the bottom of the net. It still made the swishing sound. Chase and Summer shot me a look, I shrugged and held my spot. They forced the redhead to go after me and I felt sorry for her. She was being offered as a sacrificial lamb, but my real goal was to get to Chase. She missed the shot and earned an H then Summer went. She missed her attempt and then I sunk Chase's awkward two point shot, with out the help of my extra abilities.
As the game went on, Jenny was the first one out of the game. Then Summer stomped to the bench when I added her last letter. I hadn't earned a letter yet and Chase only had two more from being eliminated. He looked worried when I backed away from the three point line, almost touching the center circle with the Spartan's logo stretched across the gym in orange, outlined in purple. It was too bright of school colors for such a gloomy town, but I liked that they went opposite of the surroundings. I let the shot role around the rim before I forced it through the net. He glared at me until the ball hit him on the knee as it bounced around after going through the hoop. He snapped out of it and walked with exaggerated determination to the spot where I had shot. I smirked and stepped well away from him to give him room. He missed the shot and then I took a similarly awkward shot by the out of bounds line on the far left of our court. Again he missed then looked at me, stomping to the bench, he huffed and sat down beside Summer. I could hear him cussing me under his breath to her. She had already forgotten the importance of the game of Horse we went through and was focused on touching up her make up. She knew how to communicate with him, through grunts and cleverly placed eye rolls.
"Cullen!" Coach Clapp exclaimed when I started my way towards the changing room, thinking I was finished with gym for the day. "Join the winners for the final round."
"Nah that's alright, I've had my fill," I said shaking my hands. He shot me a glare, but didn't push the matter further. He was used to me underachieving. I just hoped that in the next school I went to, if there were going to be a next one I wouldn't be forced into gym. I would want Carlisle to research the next place a lot better, a school where gym was just as optional as Art or Music would be nice.
Gym ended with a winner, a basketball player naturally. He held up a cheaply made trophy in mock excitement that didn't seem to affect Coach Clapp.
World History passed boringly by without Edward, but my mind seemed to ease into the strain of the day by not having to recite endlessly. At least I wouldn't torment Alice and Edward with my thoughts, they had free reign of it now that my secrets were in the open. It still embarrassed me though, letting the thoughts race through my mind like this for the first time. I wondered how they would react if I ever found someone to love. How that would look through Alice's mind. Would she approve of the visions or be disgusted by them? Its one thing to accept me for what I am, but another to endure the whole vision of what I was, what I would be doing, or decide that I wanted. Edward would be spared the images, but not the thoughts I would have. Even if we could control our urges, it didn't mean they didn't smolder underneath waiting to be pushed upward and expressed. I would be satisfied as well if I could torment them a little bit. It would make the days pass by with less emptiness.
Lunch and the rest of the day was quiet. Bella being new didn't seem to be as fascinating as it once was. I felt relieved for her, as she seemed to not really revel in the amusement others had with her. She was still a mystery to us though, affecting Edward. I was still thinking she was our demise. She could so easily be. She was human and dangerous, the fact that Edward couldn't read her mind made us all a little anxious. There was something alluring about her as well. Like our own magic was working against us, like she was drawing us into danger instead of the other way around. I sensed it and wondered if the rest had or if I was just paranoid. I knew that being as far away from her as possible was best for us. Edward seemed to agree by taking such drastic measures and I hoped she didn't force herself upon our family now that I was feeling more protective of them.
"Ready?" Alice asked as I waited. She looked to where I was staring. I was looking at Bella's ancient red truck. She was due by it any moment, fumbling with her keys to unlock the heavy door. "Not you too."
"You know I'm not," I stammered amused by her whisper.
"Oh right," she said patting me on the shoulder. "Forgot."
"Why couldn't you have forgot before you squealed to Rose?" I asked and again she shot me the same innocent smile.
"Secrets causes divergences dear Sterling," she answered sounding scientific and nurturing in the same melodic voice. It was a quality she shared with Carlisle. A way to set a mind at ease, but speaking a solid truth in the same breath.
"Not telling me would've been a mistake," Rosalie stated frowning. "What if I would've turned a poor girl for you?"
"Like you'd do that," I answered rolling my eyes. She just shrugged and agreed with me. She hated the life we lived. She wanted a lot more that she just couldn't have, forever yearning would be something we both had ahead of us.
"I would've," Alice whispered winking at me. "I probably still will, but I'd have to prepare for such a thing."
"Just make sure I approve, alright?" I joked getting into the jeep that Jasper drove.
"It would be nice, adding to the family," Alice stated and Jasper shot her a look and let a low groan escape his lips.
"You know that's inexcusable," he hissed, "turning people just for the sake of it, we all should be dead and gone."
"But its great to be functioning Jasper," Alice countered searching his eyes. He paid no attention to the road the reflexes he had and the lack of traffic meant a safe trip anyway.
"It's easy for you to say," he whispered weakly. He hated to argue with Alice and I felt him trying to calm the air around us. Alice seemed determined to fight the mood swing he was enforcing, but she caved and held out her hand for his. When he took it the argument was over. It wouldn't be brought up for a while, but Alice never left anything incomplete like this.
When we arrived we hopped out of the jeep. It was conveniently parked next to Rosalie's red convertible. The weather didn't suit such a car, but it was still alluring and I gave it an appreciative stroke with my index finger as I walked by.
When we stepped into the house we found that Esme and Carlisle had went hunting. It was a good time of day to go hunting; no one would be in the woods this time of day. The most adventurous humans rarely entered them anyway. It was just too thick and full of horror stories. Monster grizzly bears and large wolf packs hunted the forests along with mountain lions. The occasional big game hunter looking for a thrill would get a permit, but no such monsters really existed here. They were too afraid of us to venture to close to Forks.
"Wanna go?" Emmett asked examining the letter. "They went about three hundred miles east."
"Bear in trash problem," Alice whispered turning to look at me.
"Sure," I said and we all exited the house. We all piled into the jeep knowing it would be the best way to go through the rough terrain once we were there.
Carlisle made sure we didn't over hunt the predators in the area. We didn't want to impact the world in big ways, and a falling predator population would send the entire environment into a tailspin. On the way Emmett and Rosalie argued about the music we would listen to on our way. It really didn't matter with the speed at which we were traveling. It wouldn't take us too long to get to where we were headed. It still left Jasper regretting his decision not to drive and his attempts to enforce his own musical taste into the mix left him completely put out.
"Kids," he huffed. "They act like kids."
"They're in love," Alice pointed out offering Jasper a smile. "Just not in the way we are."
"Your music is lovely so there isn't a need to argue," he agreed smiling.
"You're just whipped," Emmett joked glancing an amused glare at Jasper through the rearview mirror. He smacked Rosalie's hand away when she attempted to change the channel again. She punched him causing a loud thudding sound. It made Emmett lose momentary control over the jeep and with tires screaming in pain he was able to maneuver back to the appropriate side of the road.
"Guys!" I hissed rolling my eyes. Neither of them looked apologetic. "You can wreck all the damn houses you want having sex, but don't scratch the jeep." Everyone turned to laugh at me and I just peered out the window at the trees. The speed wasn't the same to us, it just seemed like we were strolling down the road, but I knew we had to be going close to a hundred miles an hour. The jeep's engine was groaning, but it was a newer model so I wasn't too worried about it failing to get us to the hunting grounds.
"I wonder how many beds he'll break," Rosalie whispered glancing at me.
"I'm thinking zero," Emmett said grimacing in her direction. She just shook her head and turned completely around. She moved her hair back over her shoulder and let out a sigh.
"This weekend do you want to go with Alice and I to a gay bar in Seattle?" She asked shooting Alice a smile. Alice was shaking her head, looking put out by Rosalie. Then I glared at Alice who just looked down at her hands.
"Nice going Rosalie," Alice hissed. "Now he's determined not to go with us, if you would've just let me ease into the idea…"
"It wouldn't have mattered," I huffed crossing my arms. "Even if one of them fell madly in love with me I wouldn't turn them. It's not our place to be selfish."
"It is in our nature to want things though," Alice hummed grabbing my arm to comfort me. "And if they fall madly in love with you, then they'd want to be with you forever."
"Forever is too long a commitment for a human," I whispered wrinkling my nose into a snarl then turned and looked out the window again. The trees were getting thicker now so I knew we were closing in to our destination.
"Not for us, you don't know what its like," Alice pushed in her light nurturing tone. "When we find that perfect mate we want forever."
"Wow," I smirked rolling my black eyes. I was getting annoyed and felt the burning of my throat edging my instincts to keep control out of my mind. "What a way to make me feel better about spending all of forever alone."
"Then be selfish," Rosalie said, "and try to find someone with our help."
"And do what?" I growled firmly wishing that I had just kept my mind closed shut and safely away from them. "Get down on one knee and ask them to die?"
"How romantic," Emmett scoffed then roared into a fit of laughter. He was the only one that laughed.
"What idiot would want to be us, huh?" I asked and they all frowned knowing I was right. It would be completely selfish to force something like this onto a human; no matter how much love we had for one if the day came. We all were thankful on different levels to be here on earth, but regretting and still being here was part of that as well. All our families were dead and forgotten and we didn't really mourn them. We had to hide for the sake of not being turned into ashes by the Volturi. We tried to be civilized, but it was still difficult. We only were able to subdue our urge to take human life by killing animals. It was a dark world for us, and an even darker one for someone who wanted companionship, but didn't want to force such a price for it.
"I honestly don't hate it like the rest of you," Emmett said taking his hands off the wheel and flexing his muscles. "These guns are just for show, but I love being able to snap a huge tree in two."
"And I don't regret anything either," Alice said shrugging.
"That's because you don't know anything about your human life," I hissed and she shot me a look that told me I had crossed the line. She had long searched for clues and kept running short, she wanted to know who she was. It wasn't going to happen; even Carlisle's normally affective ways couldn't help her.
"You won't have to turn him," Rosalie stammered grimacing at the thought like I was. "A long and healthy life with someone you love isn't bad for a human."
"Lets not discuss me anymore," I said as the jeep came to a stop beside a black Mercedes. We were out of sight from the road and we followed the scent of Esme and Carlisle to the hunting grounds.
When we arrived they had already feasted and were just hiding the evidence or making it look as natural as possible. Carlisle was placing the dead grizzly in a natural position for one to die in. Esme never liked going after the predators so she stuck to deer and elk with the occasional moose when she hadn't fed for awhile. With her worrying over me she had stayed closer to home and I knew that. So when she was dragging the adult male moose deeper into the forest I sighed and forced the heavy discussions from the jeep out of my mind.
We separated then all following different scents. I was following the scent of a herd of elk that had been alerted by the killing Carlisle and Emse had done. I wasn't in the mood to really participate in the hunting action like I usually was. I could hear Jasper and Emmett laughing and the fearful growls of a bear in the distance.
"What a life," I whispered rolling my eyes. I came to a clearing where I found the Elk peacefully grazing. It was the calving season so I frowned searching the herd for a male not wanting to separate a mother from her calves. When I found a bull's scent I followed it around the Elk careful not to give away my presence, even if they sensed it through the changing wind. They didn't run from me, just snorted in my direction and looked for my form that was hidden by the tree line that surrounded them. They would be moving away from the area with the scent of us being so strong.
When I found the bull I mentally picked him up off the ground, he flailed his legs and let out screams that would've bothered me if I hadn't heard it all before. When it was in my reach I grabbed hold of the Animal's strong neck and bit into it and immediately my instincts took over. I wanted to fight the foreign taste, like we all did, but kept sucking the life out of the Elk that stopped struggling in my grasp as he lost the will to fight me. I could hear the strain on the heart and when it finally stopped I dropped the Elk not caring is someone stumbled upon it. The wolves would find it before any human here. Still thirsty I spotted a white tail deer running through the forest to my left. It had been spooked by the Elk's dying screeching and tried to get away from the area. Like the Elk I picked it up and brought it to me and sunk my teeth into the thinner neck. It didn't put up the fight the Elk did, being smaller. I almost felt bad for ending its fragile life. I concealed the second body a few hundred yards from the first not wanting to pile up the evidence. It would be weird for a Deer and an Elk to be killed in the exact same spot; the urge to protect the family winning out now that I wasn't thirsty.
I walked back to the small clearing in the thick forest, it wasn't much a clearing like the meadows we liked to relax and play baseball in. A few fallen trees during an ice storm caused this clearing and it wouldn't be long before the saplings grew to the giants that protected them. Everyone else was waiting for me to return to them all of them in better spirits after the hunting. Alice was busy lecturing Emmett and Jasper over the clothes that they mangled fighting the bear. I noticed that she had ripped her skirt. They were both smirking and staring at the rip, but didn't mention it.
"Alice you ripped your skirt," I commented and they both laughed. I smiled when she looked down and saw the rip for herself. She let an exasperated gasp escape then shot them both a look, giving up her moot argument.
"Ready to go home?" Carlisle asked putting his arm over Esme. Esme had given me a spirited smile when I joked with Alice, she was still getting used to me being a more prominent member in family life.
"Yeah let's go," Esme answered glancing in his direction. They led us back to the cars and we were on our way back home.
Unlike the ride home they left me to my thoughts and discussed things, divided into couples like they did from time to time. It was difficult to try and not notice the closeness they all shared with their partner. The constant yet comfortable hand holding and the seemingly endless conversations. They fought like any normal couple, but nothing seemed to break them. It was painful to watch sometimes knowing I didn't have it in me to try to find a mate. I wouldn't fall for some weak human. I wouldn't try to force my lifestyle on some naturally practicing vampire either, as they saw us as a myth anyway. Like it was only a matter of time before we all left our unusual diet to the natural one. Like it was our blessing and curse to prey on weaker humans, being the perfect predators that we were. I wouldn't want the daily judgment and the sickness I would have for a person like that. So I resigned myself to the impossible odds; there were just too many variables for me to find love.