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"We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come."

~"The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

Flashback- Blair's memory (3 weeks before)

"Chuck!" Blair screamed. "Wait!" Why did she even feel the need to explain this to him? All he had ever done was screw her over and disappoint her. But there had been a few days when they had shared something so beautiful. They had only had sex once, but it was beautiful, meaningful sex. . The kind that you saw in movies between happy couples who were married. The kind of sex that is made after a reunion of long lost lovers, or of lovers at their last meeting. But that had only been one time. One time could ruin a lot. It already looked like it had ruined a lot. Less than 3 days later she was throwing his apologies back into the elevator that had brought him up to her penthouse, swearing him off.

Now, as she ran after him in the snow, she felt the need to explain this. This wasn't what it actually looked like. Nate and her were not dating. They were not together. They did not like each other any more than they ever had after their break-up. But now it was inevitable that they should be together. Nate's grandfather had mandated this relationship as a society standings requirement for Nate in order to inherit his fortune.

The only person Blair could ever think of being with was Chuck. She had even confessed this to Nate. With no one else to talk to, she had exposed her secret to him. Nate had been ecstatic for her, but worried about Chuck. He was worried about his two best friends and how they would deal with this. Chuck wasn't exactly the best at dealing with these kinds of situations. He tried not to feel when he dealt with them.

And Blair really didn't have an option between the two men. No matter how much she wanted to be with Chuck, she was with Nate. Nate was sorry that he had done this to Blair. He was sorry that he had kept Blair and Chuck apart for this long in the first place. But now his family was requiring this relationship, and what could he do?

"Chuck!" she screamed again, her heart bleeding as she ran after him.

"What?" he yelled, whipping around. The cold distorted his face. "What are you going to tell me? I knew this would happen. You just keep running back to your fairytale knight in shining armor. I can't believe you for a second. I thought maybe you had chosen me over him, but that doesn't seem to be possible. I'll always be the second choice to you. Second-rate. Well go ahead and have your fairytale ending, Blair. I couldn't care less." Chuck had frozen her where she was with his words. He stared at her for a moment, then turned and strode quickly away through the descending snow in Central Park.

Blair knew it was wrong to be affected by his words. He was, after all, the one who had messed up that relationship. But she couldn't help but notice that he had come to her with an apology that day and she had turned him away. Now she wished that she had forgiven him. Not that it was so bad to be in a relationship with Nate…again. Even if it was a fake relationship. But she knew there was always going to be Chuck who she would rather be with. This fake relationship couldn't last much longer anyway. She couldn't help but notice the way Chuck's eyes flashed and the pain flitted across his face when he saw Blair kiss Nate. He saw Blair kiss Nate, just a friendly kiss, but one that would dominate the society pages for days. This relationship had gotten New York buzzing. Blair was actually surprised that Chuck hadn't found out sooner. Blair was helping a friend to help his family and Chuck had no right to be this angry. But of course he was, and deep down, Blair didn't blame him.

Somehow, it made Blair happy to know that he cared so much. What had he been doing, following her? The thought sent a shiver down her spine in the cold December air, but she secretly liked it. She wished Chuck would fight for her. Horribly, she compared him to Nate's perfect manners and his knightly ways. He would have fought for her. But Chuck wasn't like that. Or maybe Blair didn't know what he was like. All she knew was, that despite his ungentlemanly ways, his complete lack of manners, his dark persona, his drinking habit, and his womanizing, she was completely and irrevocably in love with him. It killed her to see him walk away.

Blair raced after him, too late, and was not able to find him in the heavy drifts of December snow. Chuck had been the only one she ever wanted. The only one she ever cared enough about to even consider keeping this secret. Chuck had been her first…and her last. She cried for the loss, knowing even then what she was holding. Now she knew what she had to do. He didn't want her, she couldn't have him, and she had made her decision.

Flashback end

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Thanks for reading guys! Sorry for taking so long to update. I realized this story was too short and a little unrealistic, so I extended it and changed some of the plot points. There's a ton more drama coming their way, nd even more after this night is over. Keep reading! Reviews, as always, are appreciated and help me write. And if you have any ideas, suggestions for future chapters, or if there's something you'd like me to change, tell me!

xoxo