You killed Santa Clause!

Summary: Harry becomes Santa Clause while stuck at the Dursleys. Pairing unknown at the moment.

A/N: This was an idea that I had over Christmas but was not able to write at the time because I became ill. The elves speak correctly in this story because I can't see them doing otherwise. No beta for this one yet.

Elves=House Elves

xxx000xxx

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore sighed as he tried to explain for the third time why the boy sitting in his office needed to return to his relative's house one last time.

"I'm sure you are," Harry muttered. Raising his voice, "It's Christmas for Merlin's sake. Why can't I go with the Weasley's? Or to Grimmauld Place? Or stay here?"

"As I've said before, this is your last year here," Dumbledore said. "Once you graduate, the wards will fall unless they are renewed during holidays."

"What makes you think I care about whether the wards stay up or not?" Harry shot back. Truthfully, he didn't want anything bad to happen to the Dursley's, but he didn't want the old man to know that. He'd spent enough time around them to last three lifetimes. "You think I care about them? They can move somewhere safer for all I care. And while we'll on the subject, why do I need to give you my wand? I'm already 17."

Rubbing his forehead, "Because I want one last time for you to reconcile with your family. That won't happen if you do magic around them. It will only serve to aggravate them."

"I don't care," Harry said as he planned to dig in for a long fight. "I'm not giving up my wand."

"So, you'll agree to go to your relatives?" Dumbledore inquired hopefully.

"Now, hold on for a second. I never agreed to that."

"But you will go, right?"

"With my wand," Harry said as he mentally checked his reservoir of spells. I could always use some them for spell practice.

"Right, with your wand," Dumbledore agreed absently. "And you will stay the entire time."

"What," Harry demanded as he jumped from his seat. "The entire time? No way! I expect to at least visit everyone on Christmas Day."

"I'm sorry to say that the charging of the wards will take the entire holidays."

"Whatever," Harry said as he stood up. "I'll see you after the holidays and you better get me something nice this year."

"Thank you, Harry," Dumbledore smiled. "I'm sure your relatives will enjoy having you back one last time. Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, same to you," Harry grumbled.

xxx000xxx

Hogwarts Express

"Come on, Harry. You can't really mean that," Hermione argued. "Dumbledore has only your best interests in mind. It's not like he is trying to make your life miserable."

"You must be mad," Ron said, aghast. "It's Christmas."

"That's what I said," Harry interrupted.

"He should be with family and friends."

Not to be dissuaded, Hermione continued. "He will be with family. It may not be the family he wants, but its family nevertheless."

"I don't claim them," Harry said. "I don't even like them."

"You should at least try to get along with them," Hermione said. "They might surprise you."

"Yeah, off a cliff," he muttered, "Or into the Thames."

"If they give you any trouble, give us a call," Ron said while shooting a glare at Hermione. "We'll get you out somehow."

Seeing that he couldn't convince his other friend that the Dursleys weren't the ideal family, he decided to read his book for Ancient Runes. He had decided at the end of his fifth year that he wanted to do something over than work for the ministry and the classes he was taking would only hinder him. After McGonagall making sure that he wasn't under any curse; she provided him with the appropriate materials. By the time sixth year came around, he knew enough theory to join the classes and catch up on the practical part.

"Harry, are you listening?" Hermione asked as she shook his shoulder.

"What," he said as he put the book away. "What's wrong?"

"I said that you might want to put everything away because we'll be pulling into the station in a few minutes."

"Thanks," he said as he began to pack away any belongings.

After ensuring the Order that he wouldn't curse the Dursleys; he began his slow stroll towards his 'loving' relatives.

"Boy, I'll not have any funny business while you're with us," Vernon said as soon as he joined them. "The only reason you're here is because of that bumble bee guy."

Yeah, right. I'm only allowed back to so you won't have to move, he thought. "Yes, uncle. I'll stay out of your way and you stay out of mine."

"Boy, I'm warning you. You will behave yourself. Marge is coming over and I'll not have a repeat of what happened last time. She still thinks something funny happened."

"Yes, uncle," Harry sighed. Just make it end, please. Your voice grates on my nerves. And it's not like I'm here by choice.

"Good," Vernon grunted. "We'll be stopping to buy a tree on the way home. You'll stay in the car the entire time. Understood?"

"Sure thing," Harry said. Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna stay here while you go stomping through the trees.

xxx000xxx

Number 4 Privet Drive
Surrey, England
Christmas Eve

"Boy, we're going to a party down the street and expect to be back sometime around eleven," Petunia said as she came down the stairs. "You'll stay in your room until we get back. I don't want you messing with my precious Dudley's presents."

"Yeah, whatever," he said as he looked up from his book. He had plans tonight and there was nothing that they could do to stop him.

After making sure they were gone, he finished packing up the rest of his stuff. First thing he was going to do was head off to the beach somewhere.

Before he could take a step outside the house a voice growled out, "That's far enough, Potter. Dumbledore said you're to stay here and I aim to make sure that you do."

Looking over to the bushes he saw Moody standing their in shadows. "Just going for a walk, Mad-eye. I need to get a few things off my mind."

"Back inside you go, lad. There'll be plenty of time for that after you graduate."

"Bastard," Harry muttered.

"I heard that," Moody growled.

"Can you see this," Harry asked as he flicked him the bird. "Paranoid arse."

xxx000xxx

"Hedwig, this is boring," Harry said as he idly changed the colours of his walls. He found that certain colours do not mix well. "Not only am I stuck here for the holidays, I have a perverted Auror standing guard outside."

"Hoot."

"Yeah, well that's how it goes. How about I let you go out for a bit? Would you like that?"

"Hoot."

"At least one of us gets to go somewhere," he said as he opened the window. "Have fun."

xxx000xxx

Harry was rudely awoken from his dreams when his body decided to take a close inspection of the floor. "Damn," he said as he rubbed his head. "Must've been a bad one to cause me to fall out of bed. I'll have to remember to enlarge the bed next time."

His thoughts were drawn downstairs when he heard whispering from the den. Looking over to the clock he saw that it was two in the morning. Can't be Vernon and Petunia. They wouldn't stay out this late. And the tub of lard is next door snoring.

Walking down the stairs, he saw a flash of red cloak before it disappeared. Must be one of the Order getting a cup of tea or something, he thought. "Might as well go and see if they need anything else."

Opening the door, he saw Dung lying in the bushes asleep. Okay, maybe it wasn't the Order who was in the house.

Before he could make back inside, he heard a noise on the roof. Looking up, he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't still dreaming. Santa Clause. Santa is on my roof.

As usual, his mouth acted before his brain could stop it. "Hey you, what are you doing up there?

"Uh," the guy in the Santa suit said before turning around. Or least he would have turned around if he hadn't lost his footing and fell off the roof.

After checking the guy for a pulse, he muttered, "Damn, I killed Santa. If this gets out, I won't have to worry about Voldemort killing me."

After thinking about what to do, he said the only thing that came to mind. "I'm screwed. I have no idea what to do."

Do I hide the body and hope no one finds out? Or maybe contact the authorities. He laughed at this last one. What was he going to say? Santa fell off my roof.

He was saved from thinking of something to do when a house elf popped in. "What have you done to the Master?"

Blinking at the little guy, he couldn't form a coherent sentence. The elf was wearing a little green outfit with a red hat.

"Gumball asked you what happened to the Master," the little elf said as he looked at him.

The only that came to mind was to say, "I didn't do it. It wasn't my fault, I swear. He fell."

"You are a wizard, yes?" Gumball asked.

"Yes…" Harry said slowly. He didn't like the look the little guy was giving him. "I'm a wizard."

"Good," Gumball said. "Then you get the job."

"Wait," Harry said before the elf could snap his fingers. "What job? And why do I get it?"

"You are the new Santa Clause," the elf said. "The magic has chosen. You have no choice now."

"Like hell I don't," Harry yelled. "There is no way I'm gonna be forced to do something I don't want to do."

"There is no other option," the elf said before snapping his fingers. Harry was soon garbed in an exact replica of the clothes the other mans was wearing. "Now, let's go. We don't have all day to finish this."

"I'm not going," Harry said defiantly. "I'm not playing Santa."

"You won't be playing Santa, you are Santa," Gumball argued. 'Now, you must come with me.

"I know I'm gonna regret this," Harry muttered as he apparated into the sleigh on the roof. "What didn't the other guy apparate away when he fell?" Harry asked as he looked at the sleigh.

"He wasn't a wizard," Gumball said as he readied the sleigh. "The last one who was a wizard was three hundred years ago."

"But I saw him apparate away in the house," Harry argued.

"The role of Santa Clause brings with it a certain amount of power. It only allows for certain things."

"Oh," Harry said. "Do I get to keep my powers?"

"Yes," Gumball said as he took the reins. "You wizarding powers are in addition to your new powers. Now hold on."

xxx000xxx

North Pole

"That wasn't too bad," Harry said as he got out of the sleigh. "I think I can handle coming up here one day a year and delivering presents."

Looking at the new Santa, Gumball said, "This isn't a one day a year job. You now live up here."

"But what about my school?"

"You can still take your exams but this is your new job."

"Can I at least go back and visit?" Harry pleaded.

"Yes, you can visit but you can not bring back anyone except for your intended wife."

"Wife?" Harry asked as he nearly choked on his drink. "What wife?"

"The one you have a year to get," Gumball said as he kept on walking.

"Okay, Harry. Breathe," he said to himself. "You can handle this. It's not like they want to kill you."

"I think I handle all of this," Harry said. "But I have one thing that I will not do. And I mean it. If you don't agree, I will do everything in my power to destroy Christmas."

"What," Gumball said as he stopped in his tracks.

"I will not gain weight just to look the part. From now on, Santa is skinny. Got that?"

"But…"

"No buts," Harry said. "I've agreed to go along with this whole thing but I will not look like Ron will in ten years. Understand me?"

Grumbling about inconsiderate youths, Gumball said, "Yes sir. You can stay skinny."

"Great…"

"Now about your wife."

"Let's not go too fast here," Harry said. "I have a year to find one. And we can deal with this tomorrow. I'm going to bed now."

xxx000xxx

A/N: This one will definitely be given a second chapter. Any idea on who Harry's wife should be? Only a few conditions. NO Ginny. No Hermione. No Luna. Or any Hufflepuff.