4. Addiction

It was an addiction. One that I am proud to say I have, but hard to refuse, all the same. There was something deeply satisfying in protecting Bella. She was my love, my life…my everything. Keeping her from harm was what I lived to accomplish. My past attempts may have been monstrously disastrous, but I refused to fail her now.

With my conviction, a plan began forming in my head. Alice was singing delightedly in the car as we walked towards it. She looked to the future, like she did on a regular basis. This time she saw that I would need her help and she was more than willing to oblige. There was a deep seeded anxiety that I would leave again. Protecting Bella now had doubled the significance to her.

I'll distract her.

When we reached the Volvo, I held the door open for Bella as she turned to give me a stunned look, boarding on incredulous. "What was that about?"

"Just being helpful," I explained, keeping my answer vague.

Cue distractions. Alice began rambling. "You're really not that good a mechanic, Edward. Maybe you should have Rosalie take a look at it tonight, just so you look good if Mike decides to let you help, you know. Not that it wouldn't be fun to watch his face if Rosalie showed up to help. But since Rosalie is supposed to be across the country attending college, I guess that's not the best idea. Too bad. Though I suppose, for Mike's car, you'll do. It's only within the finer tunings of a good Italian sports car that you're out of your depth. And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche. I don't know that I want to wait for Christmas. . . ." Alice was great at keeping the flow of conversation going. And going…

Bella, in the passenger seat, had her arms folded across her chest, looking out the window. Her lips were pursed slightly, I saw in the reflection of the glass. When Alice was gone, I knew I was going to get the first degree. It was inevitable.

The road curved and I whipped around the corner at eighty. Bella didn't even flinch. I turned to look at the road and smiled when she wasn't looking.

"…and then Rosalie said…" Alice continued her constant babbling. As the drive came into view her voice trailed off. Through her eyes, I could see the deep mossy oak of a tree and a blur of a vision as the sign of Forks come into view. Our eyes met in the rear view mirror. Victoria isn't backing down. Alice frowned deeply.

My foot eased on the brake as we slowed at the entrance to the driveway. She gracefully exited, but as she ducked her head back under the door she sent me a command. Do everything you can to get her out of here. I can't see what will happen with Bella since some decisions haven't solidified in her head. Keep her safe.

"See you later," I said, the meaning deeper than the simple words. With a slight tilt of my head to acknowledge her, she thought, I know you will. Alice melted into the trees.

Surprisingly, Bella didn't start her questioning. It was so out of character for her that I thought maybe I was only imagining the fact that she noticed the tension between us. It was difficult to try and keep secrets from her, but I knew how stubborn she could be. How she would worry about Charlie, and her friends before she ever considered herself. That was just who she was.

She stayed muted, and instead of risking any conversation, in fear she might think of it as a sign to request answers, I also kept my mouth shut. The silence didn't matter though, Bella and I seemed to communicate without the flow of words and with just the slight inflections of her face I knew she was only preparing herself what exactly she was going to inquire about.

We sat in her drive for a few seconds before I decided to break the ice. "Light homework load tonight," I stated. The words were laced with an undertone of a diverse meaning.

"Mmm," she responded, her mind in a different universe. Only if I could infiltrate that unyielding wall blocking me from her thoughts, I would be able to prepare myself for whatever it was she wanted to know. But wasn't that what was so captivating about our relationship? That I would never know what she was going to say. She always astonished me with her far from simple spoken words.

"Do you suppose I'm allowed inside again?"

"Charlie didn't throw a fit when you picked me up for school," she said simply.

We went inside without another word to each other. I was feeling uneasy in the secrecy. I wouldn't tell her what Alice had seen, at least not now. Bella tramped up the stairs and I followed solemnly.

Her room smelt like her; freesia and strawberries. It was the scent that I craved the most when I was away. During my black time, the dark months…or that is what my family referred to them in their head when they didn't think I was listening. But no matter how hard I tried, I was always hearing them. It was tough enough knowing that I hurt them, even worse that Bella wouldn't even talk to me about that time. She was doing it to spare my feelings. Always so selfless. I'd come full circle, back to where I was before.

I suppressed a sigh and tried my best to relax on her bed. My eyes roamed to the window. It was my intent to look as though I had no cares in the world, and so she wouldn't notice my knowing stare. The one that screamed: I'm holding secrets from you!

She pushed her backpack under her desk and pressed the button to turn the computer on. The machine hummed to life, struggling to load all the programs. I'd like to gift her a laptop, but I knew she would say it was too much and demand I return it.

When her back was to mine, I watched her intently, dropping all pretenses. She leaned over the desk, her head resting on her palm while the other did a dance with her fingertips; the clicking noise was full of tension and agitation. In one fluid movement I was behind her, willing for her to take comfort in me. My fingers reached out to stop the strumming of her fingers. Still, I had to constantly remind myself to be gentle, careful.

"Are we a little impatient today?" I whispered against her ear. Her breath warped around me, sending my body into overdrive. Her face turned to mine and her hard stare melted as she saw the longing in my eyes.

Her lips were only inches from mine. In my mind, it was like miles. The distance was too much and I had to repair it. Again, her breath filled the small space between us and it took every fiber of my being not to tackle her right there and then. Gentle, I reminded myself, though the monster inside was screaming, take her now.

My lips grazed hers and she met mine with a fierceness I wish I could reciprocate. This was a distraction for both of us. For her edginess and for my secret withholding. But none of those things seemed to matter once our mouths were on each other. It all flew out the window.

My body reacted much like it had before, but this time there was an urgency to have her. My fingers snaked their way into her hair and latched on. My grip firm, yet tender. It was binding, and that only made Bella react with a bold eagerness. Her warmth radiated down my spine and made my toes curl in pleasure. I was a cold creature, but right then I could have sworn there was a fire burning between us.

Her tongue licked my lip and my body could only want more. My hand moved down her back and I pressed her against my body, the distance between us was still too far. All I could think about was her in my arms, my hands in her hair and my body against hers. The heat continued to spread as my finger tips brought her closer. The electricity was to the point of explosion. I was surprised the lights weren't flickering on and off with the atmosphere in the room.

Her body trembled beneath my firm grip and a tiny voice spoke in my head. You're going to lose control, Edward. My hands relaxed as I tried to bring myself back to planet earth. She bound herself to me, and clung to my body making it almost impossible to stop. I didn't want to stop. I thought I would combust. Her tongue traced my lip again, this time a little too close to my teeth. It was with the thought of how dangerous I could be if I lost my control that I was able to break my grip…my hold on this fantasy of having all of Bella. Something I couldn't have. Ever. Not until she was as strong as me…and I wasn't pushing for that, either.

Bella didn't care though; she continued to mold herself to my body. Doing my best to push her away softly and sweetly was a challenge, but I managed it after several long seconds of contemplating taking a deep breath and going in for more. But the last thing I needed was for a tag team to start up between the Edward I am, and the monster from within.

When my senses began to return I felt dirty, and a guttural laugh escaped my lips. One, for fervent longing and two, for the way she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. Which was on that bed…

"Ah, Bella." I sighed, absolutely lost in desire.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," she whispered.

"And I should feel sorry that you're not sorry, but I don't. Maybe I should go sit on the bed." The bed…I wanted to invite her to sit with me. Bad idea, I told myself.

She exhaled and her cheeks were flushed with the fire that was burning before. "If you think that's necessary. . . ."

I did.

Her body was still pressed against mine. Bring her with me or not…I smiled at the thought, but I knew better than to push ourselves to the point of no return. Which I so desperately wanted to go…right now. My legs carried me to the bed, my heart begging to return to her.

She shook her head a few times before turning to face the computer, her breath still heavy in the air. Her pulse was sending waves of freesia my direction. She was just as shaken as I was with the incident. If that wasn't a distraction from Alice's vision, I didn't know what was. I even momentarily forgot about it.

Her fingers pecked at the keys and I smiled at her cuteness. She opened an email from Renée and I turned away, understanding that she would want privacy because even from the bed I could decipher the words.

"Tell Renée I said hello." I said.

"Sure thing," she murmured.

Bella tentatively read through the email and continued to make exasperated sighs and grunts and even noticeably shaking her head at the words on the screen. It made me more tempted to see what she was reading, and so I scanned the room, hoping to give her the privacy she deserves. I needed a distraction of my own.

After a quick reading she began to type her way through a response. My eyes were looking at the old paintings on the wall from the years when she was only a child. Then my eyes landed on something odd looking. Something out of place. It looked like wires that were eaten through by rats and sticking out of something black and mechanical.

My curiosity was piqued and I rose swiftly, finding my way only feet away from the mystery in the closet. My heart sank horribly and I stayed silent as I examined the pile of gifts she had received from my family last year. An empty CD case, the plane tickets that I hid beneath her floor boards. And the stereo that Emmett dutifully installed into her car only moments before Jasper took a snap at her.

I thought back…I hadn't been in her truck since I returned from Italy. I hadn't noticed anything suspicious because I was unaware that there was possibly a gaping hole in her truck. My eyes roamed to the window but the angle her truck was sitting I was unable to get a good view of the dashboard. I made to note to peek inside when I left.

When I looked back at the wild tangle of wires my hand began to reach out to touch it but then Bella's chair made a noise and I realized she was finished with her email. My arm snapped back.

"What did you do to this?" I asked, absolutely shocked. My voice came out harsher then I intended.

"It didn't want to come out of the dashboard," she answered indifferently.

"So you felt the need to torture it?"

"You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally." There was an inflection in her voice, one that said she didn't want to explore this subject farther.

In my attempt to make the topic light I said, "You killed it," while shaking my head.

She shrugged. "Oh, well." Again, the silent communication was screaming, drop this, drop it now!

"It would hurt their feelings if they saw this," I explained, trying to make her realize it wasn't about her, it was about my family. "I guess it's a good thing that you've been on house arrest. I'll have to get another one in place before they notice."

"Thanks, but I don't need a fancy stereo."

"It's not for your sake that I'm going to replace it."

She sighed, exasperated.

My addiction to save her. The hero complex – as Alice once called it – burned in me again as I remembered the evening of her eighteenth birthday. "You didn't get much good out of your birthday presents last year," I muttered, absolutely livid with myself for all the pain I had inflicted upon Bella. Even her face winced when I mentioned it.

But, it was time to move on, time to put this obsession to keep her alive to use.

Esme's gift was staring me in the face, and I seized it and began fanning myself with it, an idea brewing in my head. Florida. A place that we all would approve of, even Charlie.

"Do you realize these are about to expire?" I asked, holding the envelope out to Bella. Comprehension dawned on her face. She must have forgotten about the plane tickets that Esme and Carlisle bought for us. They both speculated and pondered about what to get Bella for days. Alice had predicted she would accept her gift gracefully. What Alice didn't see, were the events leading up to her receiving the gift. Now that she has the opportunity to use them, it would please them and keep Bella from harm.

Bella inhaled deeply. It was easy to tell she didn't know how to answer. I didn't even need to see inside her mind to know that she wanted to see Renée, but her mind was still wheeling with the memories. I knew this, because now they were on my mind.

"No. I'd forgotten all about them, actually." Her voice was lifeless.

My heart ached, but this wasn't about me. This was about her, and she no longer needed to worry about me leaving her. I plastered a smile on my face. "Well, we still have a little time. You've been liberated . . . and we have no plans this weekend, as you refuse to go to the prom with me." I grinned, remembering last year when she giggled like a kid on Christmas as I spun her around the dance floor. "Why not celebrate your freedom this way?"

She gasped. "By going to Florida?"

"You did say something about the continental U.S. being allowable." I teased.

Her eyes shot towards my face, a look of suspicion rolling over her features. She seemed to be contemplating, which was slowly driving me nuts. Her mind, like always, was on lockdown.

"Well?" I pushed. "Are we going to see Renée or not?"

She pursed her lips. "Charlie will never allow it."

Since when did she do things according to Charlie's demands? Phoenix…Italy…I should remind her she isn't under his thumb, at least not for long. She needed to start sticking up for herself. "Charlie can't keep you from visiting your mother. She still has primary custody."

"Nobody has custody of me. I'm an adult."

I smiled brightly. "Exactly." I said with triumph.

Her eyes bore into mine as she contemplated my words. First she looked a little distressed. Her eyes scrunched together for a second as her face turned wistful. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that she was thinking about how badly she wanted to be spending time with her mother.

She exhaled finally. "Not this weekend."

Her answer surprised me. "Why not?" I asked, incredulous.

"I don't want to fight with Charlie. Not so soon after he's forgiven me."

Great, I thought sarcastically. I thought this would be easier, but obviously she's going to be difficult. I should have seen this coming. Always so stubborn. "I think this weekend is perfect," I muttered under my breath.

She shook her head "Another time." her voice was firm.

"You aren't the only one who's been trapped in this house, you know." My lips twitched down, a frown forming. Alice's vision swirled in my head and all I could think about was getting her out of town. And Florida would be perfect – thousands of miles away. Plus, seeing her mother would make her happy.

"You can go anywhere you want," she pointed out.

"The outside world holds no interest for me without you," I said honestly. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "I'm serious," I said.

Hadn't I made my love for her known? Didn't I tell her that when she was absent from my life all I did was sink into a depression so deep at times I thought I would die? I was hollow without her, and even though I was trying to convince her to leave town this weekend, I was still being honest about my feelings. She was the meaning to my existence.

"Let's take the outside world slowly, all right? For example, we could start with a movie in Port Angeles. . . ."

I groaned. "Never mind. We'll talk about it later." Or I'll talk to Charlie about it. I didn't want to go this route, but I'll push her that direction if I have to. If she is so worried he won't let her go…well, then I'll just have to show her how mistaken she is.

"There's nothing left to talk about."

I shrugged with faux indifference. There was something left to talk about. But for now, I let the subject drop.

"Okay, then, new subject. What did Alice see today at lunch?"

With all my strength I kept my face blank as I watched her eyes scrutinize what my reaction might be. It only took me seconds to think of an alternative vision that Alice could've had that would have nothing to do with Bella. She didn't need to know about Victoria. Not yet, at least.

"She's been seeing Jasper in a strange place, somewhere in the southwest, she thinks, near his former . . . family. But he has no conscious intentions to go back." I sighed with exaggeration, letting her know how upset this has her. "It's got her worried."

"Oh." Bella said, her eyebrows knitting together. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't realize you'd noticed," I lied. Of course I noticed. Bella was always seeing things normal humans didn't. "It's probably nothing important, in any case." Just important enough to ship you off, I added silently.

She nodded, accepting my lies with ease. It was hard to tell her false statements like this, but it was for the better. She wouldn't be scared and she wouldn't be worried about everyone besides her.

After several silent minutes she took my hand and we headed downstairs, her backpack in tow.

Homework was just a byproduct of going to school. I'd done it so many times before that this evening was no different than any other. I was finished within a few minutes and then sat back to watch Bella. She was leaning over her paper, her tongue sticking out slightly as she bit it. She was concentrating strenuously on a calculus problem and I tried not to laugh at her expression. She shook her head once and then erased a few numbers before writing over the mess it caused furiously. I smiled at her.

After several more tries at another problem, she put her pencil down, giving up and got up to make dinner. When her back was turned I quickly finished the problem for her.

Bella opened the fridge and began stacking the ingredients on the counter as I stood their studiously, waiting for an opening to help. My cooking skills had greatly improved since I'd met Bella. Even though the hamburger meat had been taken through a grinder and smelled rotten in my nose, and the noodles she boiled looked like paper, I knew that these were the foods that kept her alive. Kept her human. And I was okay with that. It was all part of my addiction – to keep her safe…and if I could help it – human.

Charlie's car pulled into the driveway, and in a matter of minutes I knew he'd be in the house. It was time to confront him about Carlisle and Esme's gifted plane tickets. I smiled devilishly to myself.

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Everything seems just fluffy right now. But no worries, we all know what's to come…and I'll make sure it is interesting. Heck, if you review, I'll make sure it's beyond interesting. How about fantastic? *grins wickedly*

Please Review!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of Eclipse. No copyright infringement is intended.