Dead Again?
Summary: Harry has died…again…and has been told that if he dies one more time, he will not like the consequences. Harry/Lavender.
A/N: This is not to be taken serious. It's just some idea that I had and needed to get it out. I know it sounds like one of those corny sci-fi/horror movies from the 80's and 90's. But I loved those and still do. I will have more on it, maybe one or two more chapters.
A/N 2: And I know the dialogue is kind of corny also. It's not meant to be taken serious either. Plus, it didn't help that I wrote this at midnight. I'll tough up later, if I ever expand on it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything else but the plot. I'm sure of that due to the fact that I've not read anything like.
000
Void
"Welcome to the afterlife," a dark cloaked figure said. And said much softer, "Again."
"Uh," Harry said as he scratched his head. "Thanks. Now would you mind clarify that a bit. The last thing I remember was those blonde twins. Now, they were hot. Bambi was the one who did that thing with her tongue, I think. Or was that Candy? Anyway, it doesn't matter which one. That thing rocked my world."
"I'm sure it did," the figure said. "Now that we have that out of the way, I need to tell…"
"Wait a minute," Harry said. "What did you mean when you said again?"
"What did you mean," Harry said, twitching. "How many times?"
"Well," the dark cloaked figured started. "It's like this. There was…"
"How many times have I died," Harry said louder. "Tell me now!"
"Ok, don't have a conniption."
"I'm warning you," Harry said as he stepped closer. "I'm already dead. Not much more could happen to me."
"I wouldn't be too sure of that," the figure said. "Now, let me introduce myself. I'm Fate."
"Wait," Harry said, putting up his hands. "Fate? As in the fate of mankind? That kind of fate?"
"If you must put it that way," Fate said. "Now, you've been given a mission to complete on Earth. A mission that you've failed eight times already."
"Eight?"
"Yes, eight. Now stop interrupting."
"Ok," Harry said.
"You failed eight times already. I do believe that this time you died was one of your most interesting. The bed was knocking the wall so hard that it caused the ceiling to cave in."
"Wait, are Candy and Bambi here also?"
"Will you forget those two morons," Fate sighed. "Of all the ways to die…"
"But it was fun," Harry said, smiling.
"Quite. At least it was better than the time you walked in front of the bus after getting drunk. Or that time that the unicorn mauled you. Speaking of that, what were you thinking?"
"Not sure what you are talking about," Harry said. "I don't remember that."
"Here," Fate said as he tapped Harry's head. "This should help you."
"Oh," Harry said as he got a stupid grin on his face. "I remember that. I did that on a dare. This girl told me that I could have her if I was able to find out if the unicorn was male or female."
Slapping his face, Fate said, "Is that all you think about? Girls? Every time you die, a girl is somehow mixed in there.
"Well, you keep on sending me back," Harry protested. "So it's partly your fault."
"Enough," Fate said. "I'm sending you back this time with all your memories intact. If you die this time without completing your mission, I'll send you back the next time as a celibate monk. Then once you finally die at the age of ninety-nine, you will be sent back to complete the mission. How would you like that? An entire lifetime of no women."
"That sounds bad," Harry said, turning pale. "Very bad."
"So, are we going to complete our mission this time," Fate asked.
"Yes," Harry said, nodding his head furiously.
"Good," Fate said, smiling. After all, he was growing tired of rewinding time again and again.
000
Privet Drive
"Harry, would you please come down here," Petunia called. "You've got company."
Walking down the stairs, Harry could only smile as he thought back onto how he scared his relatives into doing as he said. It was relatively easy once he stole the wand from a wizard who approached him on the street. The wand wasn't that good of a match with his core, but it did the job.
Entering the living room, he had to catch himself as he felt a body latch onto his. A female body. "Happy birthday," she said as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "How does it feel to be seventeen?"
"It's great since you are here," Harry said, smiling.
Turning to the Dursleys, he said, "Family, this is Lavender. Lavender, this is the family. If they give you any problems, just curse them."
"I'm so glad that we can let everyone know," she said, giggling. "It's so hard to not stare at you at school."
"I know how you feel," he said. "But I've already told you…"
"Yes," she interrupted. "You told me all about that Fate guy and how you would have to be a monk or something."
"Exactly," he said. "I don't want that. And there is a chance that I would be killed if anyone found out that I didn't like Ginny. They all still think that I'm under that love potion."
"Can I be the one to tell them," she said, smiling. "I want to see that smug look knocked off her face once she sees the two of us together. And I want to see it when she finds out that I've already had my wicked ways with you."
"Sure," he said. "Since I'm now seventeen, I can legally do as I please. No guardians, magical or muggle, telling me what to do. I can finally tell Dumbledore to go to hell."
"Are you finally going to kill Voldemort," she asked. "Because I want to get married this year and you told me that I had to wait until after you killed him."
"Yeah, he's going to die this year," Harry said. "I've gone over everything I know from this lifetime and the others. I've come up with a plan that will end his life for good."
000
Hogwarts
"Welcome to another year," Dumbledore said as he stood before the Hogwarts student body. "The Minister has asked that we host another ball this year. This will be for the upper years to mingle with prospective employers in the Ministry. I hope you take this chance to and use it wisely. It's…"
Whatever he was about to say was cut off as the doors opened. "Sorry," Harry said as he closed the doors. "We got lost in the forest on the way up from the station."
It was then that the attention of everyone in the school was drawn to his companion. "Hi," Lavender said, waving.
"Mr. Potter, the carriages do not leave the path. How did you get lost?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well, we didn't take a carriage," he said while picking a leaf from Lavenders hair. "We walked through the forest."
"Indeed," Dumbledore said. "I was just telling your classmates that we will be holding a ball this year."
"Great," Harry said. "I'm sure Lavender will love it."
"But you like me," Ginny said. "And she's nothing but a bimbo."
Laughing, "I've never liked you Ginny. I know all about your mother's idea to drug me and take my money. How the Weasleys would finally be able to return to pureblood society. It's kind of funny that you thought it would work. What did you think this was? Some kind of trashy romance novel?"
"Ginny," Lavender called out. "I know you'll never know what it's like, but Harry is great in the sack."
"Why you…"
"Ginny," Hermione called out as she pulled Ginny's wand down. "You could get expelled."
"But…"
"I know how you feel," Hermione said. "We can deal with this later."
All eyes in the Great Hall followed Harry and Lavender as they walked towards the Gryffindor table and proceeded to climb under it.
"Damn, he is lucky," Seamus said.
000
The end
000