The Manly Man Journal of Joe Lucas - Part Four.
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August 9th, Sunday.
Kitchen, Lucas Residence, 10.30 am.
I can finally put into action my plan to get Macy to like me, now that I have thought it all out. It's called.
"The Plan To Get Macy To Like Me'.
So sue me, it's not the most creative title. I'm kinda working under duress here. I under a little too much stress. More stress than I can usually handle. Let me list out all of my problem and then you'll know what I'm talking about. And I'll completely overlook the fact that I'm talking to a journal, cause let's face it; I'm ALREADY in crazy town.
1. My hormones are outta control. Last Wednesday, I made the mistake of walking into the gym at two o'clock. And I saw Macy, all lovely and wet in her swimming gear and I felt like a really bad person cause I drooled like there was no tomorrow. It was so bad; I had to go to confession because I had, ahem, questionable thoughts. My Mom taught be how not to objectify girls and all and but will anyone teach my stupid hormones that?
(The priest was really nice though. He asked me to say the Hail Mary around ten times and told me not to worry too much. It was to be expected since I was a teen and all. He just asked me to find an outlet for my um, energies. And you are supposed to be my outlet MMJ. I guess I need to find something else to do. Er, don't worry though. I um, quite enjoy writing in you.)
2. Being in close proximity with Macy is becoming a bit difficult. On Friday, we were at the lunch table and she leaned, yeah, she LEANED across me to take the chocolate pudding from Stella and then she licked it with her fingers. I had to hurriedly excuse myself from the table. If something else like this happens I might have to cut myself off from the world and join a celibate monastery cause obviously I cant jump on Macy and kiss her senseless, even if I want to . So therefore I'll have to join a monastery. I think the Tibetan ones will accept me. The Dalai Llama is quite a cool dude and I wouldn't mind being a Buddhist.
And believe me; I do want to kiss Macy senseless. I'm a bad bad person.
3. The Stella and Nick plan is sort of driving me mad. Cause one moment, they are all up in each other's faces, the next moment they are distant as night and day. At this rate, how am I even going to get them close to each other? Macy says not to worry though. She's got a foolproof plan waiting to be put into action.
I have faith in her, so I'm technically not that worries. But seriously, Nick and Stella's unresolved UST is driving me mad.
4. Frankie is hot on your trail. He's been sniffing around the room and acting all nice towards me. That day he even offered me the last bit of Sunny D and he never does that to anyone. So I brought a lock for you and I switched your cover with that of the Sports Almanac. That should keep him off your trail for a while. And maybe I should throw him a red herring. Yeah, I'll do that.
On a side note, I need to stop reading Raymond Chandler!
There you, those are the most pressing of my problems. And other than those there are my usual rock star ones.
Nobody said life would easy. But you think they would at least lie to you so that you have the luxury of thinking it is.
I need to go to Macy's now to partly stare at her and then be all idiot like.
Oh joy.
Sigh.
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Random Park, Neighborhood, 3.00 pm.
I need to burn my eyes or do something like that. I just committed the worst of crimes and I'm sure Macy hates me and I'm going to hell.
I should have knocked. I was thought to knock before I enter rooms! But no, because I'm an idiot with no brains, I didn't do that, I walked right in. And…and…and…and then I saw Macy half-naked!!!!
Of course I left the room but only after she screamed and I screamed and then she screamed and then I screamed and after drooling I left and ran all the way out before she came after me with a pick axe.
I am going to burn in the lowest rungs of hell. Period.
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Random Park ,Neighborhood, 3.03 pm.
I am going to burn in hell because I'm till thinking about it.
Macy wears Hello Kitty underwear. They are quite cute and she of course looks adorable because duh, she always is, no matter what she's wearing or doing.
I'm going to hell!!!!!
What will the priest say?
What will mom say?
What will god say?
I have a feeling Hail Mary's and prayers are not going to fix this.
I wonder if I'll have to do self-flagellation like that guy in the creepy Tom Hanks movie.
Why does the world hate me?
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Sometime later.
Fuck, I'm going to hell.
(Sorry for the swearing but you gotta understand, these are desperate times!)
I'm going and drowning my sorrows in a gallon of Diet Coke, since I'm underage for alcohol.
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Bedroom, Lucas residence, 9.00 pm.
Dear Joe,
I'm clever and you are not. Also, tell Macy already, it's getting on everyone else's nerves, watching you make moo eyes at her all the freaking time.
Also, I think you are most definitely going to hell.
Love,
Your clever brother Frankie.
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Bedroom, Lucas residence, 10.00pm.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why does the world hate me?
Excuse me, I've got someone to strangle and a body to dispose.
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Notes to self.
Murder Frankie.
Apologize to Macy.
Murder Frankie.
Look up Tibetan Monasteries.
Murder Frankie.
Have my brain checked.
Murder Frankie!
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Sorry for the late update and the surfeit of cliches. I will never again write when my head is splitting into two. And I don't mean any offence to Buddhism or Christianity. Also there are two movie references, see if you can spot them, though one is pretty obscure but have a go anyways. :)