The Manly Man Journal of Joe Lucas – Part Six.
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Kitchen, Lucas Residence, 3.30 pm.
Sup MMJ?
In my opinion, the kitchen is the best place to hang. I mean it smells of cinnamon and apples and sunshine and warmth –which by the way is just how Macy smells to me –and then there's all this awesome food around to eat and yeah, kitchen is my definition of heaven along with Macy kissing me.
Oh and by the way, did you notice? I'm alive!
Who's the man now? Ha? Ha?
Me, that's who.
Okay, let me try to adequately transcribe here what went down between me and Macy in the Janitor's closet. I wish I could say it was action of the breathless, toe curling, pants tightening kind but it wasn't. It was a different kind. (And if you damn hormones would just go jump off a cliff, I think I'd be able to lead a happy life and my mind wouldn't be assaulted by images of the inappropriate kind!)
Anyhow, here's what happened. I was cowering in the closet and Macy was standing over me like an avenging angel, a very pretty angel though. But it was still a little scary you know. Cause she was standing up, I was sitting down and I felt like a cockroach.
Macy: "Joe…what are you doing the janitor's closet?"
Me: "You know, the usual stuff, just chilling and hanging."
Macy: "Right. In the janitor's closet. Sure." She said it in that tone which shows that she didn't believe me but she chose not to question me, asking me a different question instead. "Anyhow, why have you been avoiding me?"
Me: I blushed with shame. I was hoping that this wouldn't come up. "I…erm…had stuff to do." I suck at excuses. And lying too. I'm such a failure as a teen.
Macy: 'And all of that involved avoiding me?' Her voice wobbled and her eyes grew large as she sat down next to me. I felt instantly horrible. I mean, it's not nice to see how much you have hurt another person and for me it was not nice to see how much I have hurt Macy. Especially you know, since I like like her.
Me: "Nonononononono!!!!" I cried out. She looked at me in confusion. I don't blame her. What was happening to my speech capabilities or as the call it in psychology, my fine motor functions? I was talking like a broken record which had gone wack.
Me: "I mean I was avoiding you because of me."
Macy: "That does not make any sense Joe." And she was right. It did not make sense. I mean it made sense to me because I was ashamed of what had happened and therefore I had been avoiding her. I then decided I might as well make a clean breast about it. All this beating around the bush was getting us nowhere.
Me: "Macy, I was avoiding you because I walked in on you half-naked." And then I blushed like a little girl.
Macy: "Then shouldn't I be the one avoiding you?" And that was a totally legit question. Come to think of it, why wouldn't she? After all I had been ogling at her like a starved monkey would at a pretty yellow banana.
Me: Why aren't you avoiding me? Don't you hate me for walking in?" I left out the staring part because I was afraid that her answer would be yes in that respect and that would simply be a no in the sum totally of my totally grand plan to get Macy to like me.
Macy: Because I know it wasn't on purpose. And I don't hate you or anything. I mean stuff like that happens. Sure it was embarrassing being um caught in my coughhellokittycough underwear but I'll live. And I'm pretty sure I'll walk in on you to one day. It wont be on purpose or anything like that cause even though I you all very much, my crazy tendencies don't extend you seeing you naked and all. But the point is it could happen and it has happened and it's really no big deal.
Me: I began thinking I could totally arrange for her to walk in. Bad bad me. So I just hugged her instead. And she hugged me back with a smile.
Macy: "We're okay now?
I nodded happily. Then she pulled me up and we both walked to class arm in arm. I almost squealed like a little girl because of all the body contact.
Who knew that I'd walk out of this alive and happy WITH my balls intact? Maybe the J-Man up there was looking out for me after all. Or he musta had heard my whiny prayers and finally caved in to stop me from whining some more.
The second scenario seems more plausible.
So MMJ, I and Macy are totally cool now.
There's only one problem. I still don't know where we stand on the issue of friends or more. From what she said, I think her stand indicates she's veering more towards the friends' side.
That would just suck big time.
Let's hope it's not true.
Sigh.
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Bedroom, Lucas residence, 1.00 am.
So I couldn't sleep and I was thinking over stuff and do you know what I just realized MMJ? I realized that though I listed why I like Macy, I didn't list the real reasons which made me fall head over heels for her.
See, when I first met Macy two years ago, I was crushing hard on Stella and I was a little scared of her. Because seriously, every time we were around her, we got injured in some way or the other. And at one point, half my clothes got ripped off me. So you can see why I kept my distance. It was a kind of a self-preservation thing. But then as she began spending more time with us, Macy got over her craziness you know. I guess here the props really go to Kevin because he thought her a few breathing techniques and generally conditioned her to being just herself around us. Then she and Kevin became best friends and she began hanging out more here. And that's when I began hanging out with her.
The thing with Macy was that she always knew how to have fun and not get into trouble. I mean, her idea of fun wasn't doing crazy stuff simply for the heck of it. She taught me to take joy in the simplest of things. Like enjoying the breeze from a wound down window in a car, eating ice-cream in the rain, playing on the swings in the early morning, just running as fast you can for the heck of it, spending nights watching meteor showers, having small impromptu picnics, even on school days. Macy seemed to have a way of making the most mundane and boring things fun.
It opened my eyes to something.
It was like she was teaching to take time and stop and smell the roses. And I never really was able to do that before because I was so caught up you know, just trying to be a teenage rock star. I didn't separate both of my selves. Macy made me realize that separating my ordinary life and my famous life was the only way I could truly enjoy what I had.
And before I knew it, I had kind of fallen for Macy. I did like Stella and all but at some point of time I realized that if Stella and I were to ever break up, I'd miss my friendship with her more than my relationship with her. And of course that told me that while Stella and I would be best friends for life, as something more we would simply fail. What Stella needed was someone to balance out her craziness'. That's where Nick came in. he was everything Stella ever wanted in a guy. And if I say so myself, the dude was pretty smooth and suave. It was just that Nick had this air of ease and capability around me. And that's when it truly hit me, that what I needed was someone to balance me out. Someone to draw the line on my crazy self and yet not bind me completely.
That person was Macy.
She let me be and yet, she was the calm to my storm. I enjoyed every little moment I spent with her because you know; it was like learning something new everyday. And not only about things, but also about yourself. That way, I kinda learnt I had a thing for knitting.
And just so you know, knitting is a very soothing occupation when you are feeling stressed.
So yeah, I think I fell for Macy because she showed that the best part about living was being yourself. And just by being her lovely sweet self she bowled me over.
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Damn. This was one sappy AND heavy entry. However I believe the occasion warranted it so I guess it can pass. And now that I have a lock for the journal, Frankie can't get to it. Wait? Where's the key.
Shit.
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Notes to Self.
Find the damn key before Frankie does.
Get Macy a bunch of flowers just because.
Bribe Frankie in case he finds the keys. (A month's supplies of Oreo's should be good I'm thinking.)
Throw Nick and Stella together and make it happen!
Find the damn key cause I don't have enough money for a months supplies of Oreos. I am teen rock star with a limited allowance!
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Sorry for the late update. Hope this chapter was fine. :)