[ Pain and Pleasure ]
UnreachableRomance
A/N: I. worked. so. fucking. hard. on. this. Dx
My eyes are aching and it's nearing 3 AM. S: For the past week I've been writing little by little, and today is the final day of perfecting. My head hurts and I feel like passing out right now. -.-
I think I really need some sleep.
Anyway.
It's bittersweet. And it contains major elements of Hoennshipping as well as Contestshipping. But HS is the aim. I've been itching to write one for quite some time now. And while reading this, notice how I've not included last names or where it took place. All the names I have are the first names. That was my personal goal for this story. To not include any names unless completely necessary.:)
Enjoy.
It was snowing again. Big white snowflakes dropping from the stretching sky. She enjoyed days like these, where she could sit in silence on her favorite cliff. The snow, forming a curtain of white against the blue. The colors blending like a painter running a brush of paint on a canvas. It came as a melancholy truce.
The day would pass by slowly for the girl. In time, the snow coated the ground—masking the imperfection that the dirt road enclosed.
She didn't mind the cold. She was so used to it that it felt like nothing.
Her best friends would find her there every single day. When the bell would ring and the day of school was finished, she'd instinctively make her way there. Weekends, weekdays, holidays. Day in and day out. They joked that one day she was going to fall sick and die. She would just smile faintly in response. They tried again, and this time warning her. The same reaction. Hell, they even started to threaten her. But all she said was a mere, "It's nothing." It was always nothing for her. Everything was nothing. Nothing was nothing. Which brings her friends to question: what was nothing?
They didn't know. Neither did she.
But she still sat. Staring at the endless sky that brought no answers to the questions burning in her mind.
Brendan would always find her there. No matter what season it was, no matter how excruciating the weather was, she would always be there. Her little head of brown hair being a barely visible dot against the big horizon in front of her. She left when it neared midnight; only because her parents would drag her away. She was only sixteen years old; he would repeatedly find himself thinking. She deserved better than this.
He once asked her when she was ever going to stop visiting the cliff. Her reply was, "I'll always be there. Just like the sky."
He was worried for his friend. She wasn't the same bright and alert girl that he knew. She did poorly in school. The teachers all believed she was a failure. The excellent grades she once had were replaced by Ds and Fs. And most importantly, happiness ceased to shine in her eyes as before. He missed that childhood friend from years ago. That girl who wore a smile that would put the sun to shame. The girl whose cheerfulness was contagious to those around her.
She now seemed like a different person all together.
He never knew what was so special about boy that "swept her away". Drew came into their lives during eighth grade. A kind of rivalry started between him and May, which soon evolved into a 'cute' love-hate relationship. He tried to be nice to Drew. After all; Drew was his best friend's boyfriend. But in the end, it didn't work anyway.
Brendan never knew how much May had really loved him until that day. The day Drew left for a vacation down south. The day it was announced that the plane he was leaving in had crashed without any survivors. The day May had changed permanently.
He didn't want to admit it. Brendan didn't want to admit what everyone gossiped about when he was gone. May will never be the same without Drew. May cannot live without Drew. May will die without Drew.
But slowly, as the seasons passed, he began to agree. She needed Drew.
But why? How can someone need something that brought absolutely nothing but pain?
He told himself he would never know. He would never understand May.
In spring, he would find her. When the snow began to melt off the dirt path and grass grew. The trees that were once skeletons would start to blossom. Butterflies would roam the area, and the sweet scent of flowers awakened the bees. Spring always reminded Brendan of her. That sweet, loving girl that May used to be. But sadly, it reminded her of Drew.
When hints of green start to appear after months of bitter frost, she would remember his vivid green hair and the intense set of eyes. But she wouldn't cry. She never cried. Drew wasn't sadness in her life to grieve about. He was the best thing that ever happened to her. He didn't make her sad. He made her happy.
What made her sad was the fact that he wasn't there.
Brendan would find her in the summer. The months that actually reminded her of him. The sunny, bright days would remind her of how he stood by her, during dark times when she had nobody to run to. The weather would be hot and humid, but it was warmth compared to the frosty winter days.
In autumn, he would find her. The season where summer would fade away, the leaves drying in the crisp wind and falling to the ground. This season reminded her of nothing in particular. But she found it amusing to watch the mysterious illusion that it provoked. She enjoyed the way the leaves would swirl around the city in the cool breeze.
Winter was her favorite season of all. Snow would fall down, making the city look pure and untainted. All the dirt and blood buried under the white snowflakes that fell from the dank sky. The snow was icy to the touch, but it always provided the children the warmth of anticipation. They were always waiting for it to fall. Just like she waited for Drew.
Sometimes Brendan wished she would just let it out. Scream out what she was feeling, cry, or hit something. He was even willing to be the target. Anything to stop her from being this way, from visiting that cliff, from loving someone that just wasn't there.
He feared that one day; she might jump off from that cliff. That all her agony and despair would make her want to "escape". He would always breathe a sigh of relief to catch sight of her smooth brown hair, swaying with the breeze and her head tilted upwards; looking at the sky.
As time passed, he realized that she wasn't going to do such a thing. She was hoping for something. And her anticipation kept her going.
She had her circle of friends though. People who cherished her and trusted her. From the fiery Misty, to bubbly Dawn, carefree but strong-minded Ash and the cold, stoic Paul. Everybody appreciated her personality. Everyone couldn't help but like her. And she spent time with them all. They would often eat dinner together, or see a good movie once in a while.
But the most time she spent was on that cliff.
Brendan would try his best to keep their friendship. He usually accompanied her visits. He'd have liked to have chats about the shapes of the clouds and how the sky was always changing. He'd liked to have conversations about life in general. He'd liked to talk about anything with her.
But it seemed like that wasn't the case. He would sit beside her for hours, and she wouldn't utter a single word. It was just as if he wasn't there. It striked him that that was always the issue. He was invisible for her. He was a good friend, somebody she could rely on, somebody that would always be there for her—but other than that, he was as invisible as air itself.
As years flew by, he told himself to stop visiting her. He wanted to stop trying. He told himself that she wasn't worth the effort. He told himself cruel things about her. But in the end, he cared. He checked if she was doing okay. He checked if she was eating properly, if she was still alive and breathing. He made sure whether she had cover under the spring showers, and if she had a coat on when it was snowing.
"Why do you keep waiting for him?" he had asked one day, losing his temper. She had failed another one of her tests in senior year—and he was sure she'd never make it to college. Brendan was worried for her. He was worried for her future. What good was ever going to come out of this?
She turned away from the endless azure. Her blue eyes glistened under the warm sun. "I don't know."
He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. The frustrations inside him threatened to overtake him if he didn't control himself. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?" Brendan yelled. "Every day, I worry that you'll fall sick. Every moment I see you, a little piece of me dies! Stop this madness, May! Stop waiting for him!"
She turned away, her face flinching. The words were bitter for her. "I-I can't, Brendan. You don't understand."
And that was when he completely lost control. Without thinking, he barked out the words. "Drew is never going to come back, May! He is gone! Gone from the world, and gone from you! Drew is dead!"
She immediately snapped. Her eyes that were once distant now glared; her face appeared almost wild with insanity. "Don't you ever say that to me!" she shrieked. "He is not dead! He's here! He's always here!"
"Stop it!" he had yelled. "Stop wasting your life on a dead person! He's not going to come back! He's never going to come back!"
Tears started to fill up her eyes. She stood up slowly, the droplets of heartache falling to the ground. Her expression changed from viciousness to sheer horror. Like she had just realized it for the first time that Drew was gone from her life. She backed away from him slowly. Her skirt sashayed in the spring air with every step she took. More tears spilled from her eyes, trickling down her pale cheeks.
His mouth dropped open. He held out a hand. The words tumbled out of his lips. "May! No, don't! Stop!"
She obeyed. He breathed out a sigh. But his eyes flew open with horror when she turned around slowly. She was at the edge of the cliff. Below her, the rushing river flowed heavily, smashing against the jagged rocks.
"May!"
She took a leap and his heart stopped. He saw her body stiffen in the air for a quarter of a second before dropping. "No!" With a terrified wail, he scrambled to the edge of the cliff. She seemed to be falling in slow-motion. He couldn't watch. He turned away, just in time to hear the deathly crash of her body hitting against the rocks. The crunch of every bone breaking.
He couldn't remember what happened after that. When he woke up, he was on a hospital bed, the consistent beeps and hums echoing against the damp-like walls. There was nobody inside his barely lit room, but he could hear voices outside. He could make out the voice of his mother.
What exactly had happened? he questioned himself. Everything flew by so fast. It all occurred in a blur.
When he closed his eyes, he could still see her body falling into the monstrous impact below. He could still hear the crunch of her bones. It was a memory that would never be erased out of his mind.
He killed May.
He killed May.
He killed May.
It was a hideous, sickening thought. How could he have killed someone? How could it have happened? It all seemed like a nightmare, and yet, it was all true. May was dead and it was his fault.
It is a year later, and Brendan sits at the cliff. His friends all have graduated and moved on with their life. He remains. His life has turned into a daily kind of torture. He sees her, he hears her, and he even smells her. He can feel her so close to him yet she's so infuriatingly far away.
The sky is intriguing to look at. It shows him how things are never constant and will never be steady. And because he no longer has to go to school, he usually spends the entire night there, just on that cliff. The cold weather or the bugs in the summer doesn't bother him. He has the sky. And he remembers her words. "I'll always be here. Just like the sky." Because she's there; he's there. He will never say it; but he knows it. He loves her. And she loves someone else.
It didn't take him long to realize that he didn't kill her. Her soul had died when Drew died. Her soul was Drew. And all that remained was her body. He's done her a favor. He united her with her soul.
He can finally understand her. After years and years of thinking, he finally understands because he witnesses it for himself. The question he has asked himself so many years back now has an answer.
How can someone need something that brought absolutely nothing but pain?
So, so simple. How stupid of him to not know it earlier.
Because pain is pleasure.
A/N: God.
That was horrible. D:
I'm sorry. Right now, I'm about to faint with fatigue. xD
So you can tell that I burnt my candle working on this. But it's not the best.
Review. Flame. Give love.
Thanks for reading:)