Chapter 4: Dumbledore Loves Stature

To The Order of the Phoenix;

I know that the operation at the Ministry of Magick was "cancelled," which means that you have all learned about my latest connection with Voldemort. And so it is with great regret that I will leave, if only for awhile, until things settle themselves out.

Minerva McGonagall is to be put in charge of Hogwarts during my absence. She will be good and just as headmistress.

In case anyone has sympathy for an old, lonely man, I will hereto explain the reasoning behind my actions.

It is already public knowledge that I had once befriended the young Grindelwald, but what wasn't widely known was that I was in fact very much in love with him as well. But Grindelwald broke my heart.

Young Tom Riddle was so much like Grindelwald, in so many ways, and I found myself taking a deep interest in his education. As he grew up, I saw more similarities between him and my former lover. It scared me to a point, for the choices that Grindelwald had made in his life, and the potential that Riddle had to follow in his path. But it had also thrilled me.

I had asked Riddle many times to join me, but he claimed that he could never view me in any romantic way. And when Riddle chose to become Lord Voldemort, to follow a darker course than I had taught him to take, whatever connection we had had then split and we grew apart.

It wasn't that long ago that I received an invitation, of sorts, from Voldemort himself. He had finally decided to let me be a part of his life. He had opened up to me.

I knew it was a bad decision, but I had been so terribly lonely for so long, and so I accepted the invitation.

After a time, it became clear to me that he had used me; that he wanted to see how far I would go for his love. Too involved at that point to stop, I agreed to help him. I secretly sent the Order to do Lord Voldemort's work, in ways that meant no one should have caught on.

I am not proud of any of it. I beg for your forgiveness. But I must inform you all also that even with forgiveness, I cannot turn against my love again.

I will stay in hiding until there is a way for me to return.

My dearest apologies.

Dumbledore.

---

Hermione was quiet after the letter had been read. It had been found shortly after the retreat, on the doorstep of the House of Black, brought in by the house elf. She wasn't sure how Dumbledore had been informed so quickly of the retreat, but it did not seem unlikely for him. He always seemed to be one step ahead of everyone else.

Sirius spat on the note.

"I will not carry the name of Dumbledore anymore. I declare a departure from his lead!" he said exasperated. "Who's with me?"

"From now on, Dumbledore is just as evil a name as Voldemort," said Kingsley.

Every eye turned to each other, a bit frightful and a bit uncertain. But one by one all members agreed, both by vote and by spitting on the note, except for two: Harry and Hermione.

Hermione couldn't make herself spit. She found her mouth to be dry and cracked.

"I just can't agree," she said.

She felt all eyes on her, making the bubbling in her stomach turn to a raging boil.

"No respect should be held out to him," she continued, "but he should not be banished just like that. He reacted to an invitation of love, not domination. It's unlike Voldemort to offer such a thing, so Dumbledore must have been hopeful for a turnaround. I just don't think that Dumbledore should be punished for love, even if it isn't completely understood why it exists in the first place."

She could feel herself warm with debate. And although she knew she spoke of Dumbledore, she couldn´t help but picture Snape. It wasn´t love. It wasn´t even like. It was something she couldn´t put a name to. She had delved into a place where very few were allowed to go: his mind. And what she found there was herself.

And no matter how she turned it around in her head, she knew that no one would understand. That is why Dumbledore did not offend her. That is why she opposed.

She understood.

"They stand for opposites in ideology," she continued, "but there is still something there. Even if Voldemort used him in the end, we can't be certain that he didn't act out some sort of inner need for affection. Just because we don't understand it, doesn't mean it has to be wrong."

"Dumbledore stood for Light, and Voldemort stood for Dark, and light and dark just don't mix, no matter how hard you try," said Sirius.

"I agree," said Harry, "but we also can't banish him either. Dumbledore was the beginning of the Order, and a major influence. It would be wrong to throw him out for one mistake."

"A big mistake, mind you," said Lupin.

"But only one," said Harry. "When has he ever let us down before? Can't we allow one slip?"

Hermione nodded, grabbing Harry's hand and pulling him closer.

"Isn't it Voldemort's policy to push away at the first sign of weakness?" she asked. "What about our policy?

"What about forgiveness?"