Wow, guys! It's kind of cool that no-one's jumped on the second reference last chapter! Amazing! And yes, there's going to be more references, but I've toned them down. ;)
Anyways, two more spots, and one I might give to peaceofmindalchemist, merely because she is made of win for reviewing ALL my chapters! (except for the list). Man, that's kinda sad, but I don't care!
I'm a review whore, damnit! I need the love!

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10) Set Roy up on a blind date with Black Hayate.

To be truthful, Tasha was not sure she could really pull this one off.

There was going to be moral dilemmas, not to mention that there was probably going to be cross-species crack. Plus, there was the possibility that Black Hayate wouldn't agree. She didn't blame him.

After playing with him, giving him multiple kippers, and the ability to understand human humor, parody, and all-around awesomeness, he agreed. With a few terms.

a) He was the boyfriend in the relationship.

b) No second base.

And that was after hours of bargaining. Succumbing to the canine will, Tasha ran out the door, an evil smile on her face.

She cornered Roy, and said "I've got a blind date for you~"

Roy agreed. Not because he wanted to go on the date. Because Tasha was holding a rather large sword in her hand and had the "I will kill you eventually but you're too fun to screw around with" face on.

So he waited at a table, monitored by Tasha from the background. Since the Authoress loves torturing her characters, and because it was a fancy restaurant, she had a dress on. Anyone who commented on it was quickly punched in the gut and left for dead.

When Roy's back was turned because he was busy tracking every woman in the place, Black Hayate jumped into the seat opposite him, a bunch of roses in his mouth. He put them on the table and barked.

Roy spun around, and on seeing the small canine, with roses, he was wondering just how many drugs Tasha slipped him.

(For the record, she didn't. There were no marijuana plants around, so nothing to get him high with. Also, the Authoress draws the line at drunkenness. DRUGS ARE BAD NEWS.)

And so after getting reacquainted with the cross-species, homosexual dog, their date went smashingly. Roy only tried to run away every few minutes. And at the end, Black Hayate trotted over to Tasha, and nudged her.

"Oh, sure." She said to him. She walked over to Roy and said with a straight face, "Dude, Black Hayate has decided that…you're not his type. He still hopes that you can be a friend."

Roy stared blankly at her, wondering when his life had included dogs that turned him down on dates.

11) Compose a fake diary entry in his diary/planner/journal saying…disturbing things…about Riza.

Tasha made a face at the rather messed-up piece of paper in her hand. She wasn't a pervert, and didn't plan to be. She had to call in some extra help.

"Hey, Shigure!" she shouted.

"Yes?" he said, materializing in the room. For any of you who have no idea who he is, that's okay. It's better if you don't. He was the best perverted person the Authoress could find on short notice. Fruits Basket scarred the Authoress for years.

"Write something smutty about this person!" she commanded, putting Roy's planner down along with the most flattering picture of Riza she could find. Granted, it was a graduation picture, but it was the best she could do.

"Oh, wow!" he said, eyes shining. "I'll get on it!" He immediately started scribbling on Roy's diary in a fairly good imitation of the man's handwriting. With pictures.

12) Show Riza.

Since the entire joke would be wasted if Roy found his planner ahead of time, she snatched it just as he reached for it and ran off, going through a wall for good measure.

When she got to Riza's desk, she dumped the planner, flipped it to the right page, and showed it to her, and then teleported to Roy's office.

Riza first turned red, then purple, an interesting shade of blue, and finally settled on snow-white. She grabbed the planner and a few of her guns and sprinted to Roy's room and slammed down the poor book. Of course, when Mustang read what was on it, he was extremely scarred for life as well. Leading Tasha to the conclusion that Shigure must've given it his all.

13) In no way help him while Riza's gunning him down with hot lead.

Tasha watched as Roy ran around the office, through the window, and around the secluded courtyard to escape the pissed-off Hawkeye. It may be noted right now that not only was it disturbing to see the normally calm First Lt. angry, it was freaking scary. It made everyone shiver. On top of that, she was actually silent with rage, not able to say anything, that's how pissed off she was.

Breda, Falman, Fuery, and Havoc were busy reading what was in the planner. Even the rather lewd Havoc was blushing.

"Hey, Tasha, this isn't something that you'd do. I mean, you're not THIS perverted."

"It wasn't me, and I really don't want to know what's in there."

14) Replace all of his clothes with a regular shirt…and a hot pink miniskirt...

A few weeks after the 'incident', in which Mustang was nursing his wounded pride and his wounded foot, which the lieutenant had shot through. It had been painful, but the meaning had been clear-

Any and all romantic advances in that fashion and he wouldn't live to see the next sunrise.

Obviously, Roy was scared. Shitless.

So when he limped back to his apartment and collapsed his bed, thinking about chemical equations, he didn't wonder why his closet door was slowly closing. Or why there was a suspicious flash of pink inside it.

--

When he woke up, his first thought was to take a shower and get changed. Doing so, he walked out of the bathroom and opened his closet. And stood there. And stood there.

Surely there was a limit to how much evil one little girl could do.

In his closet, there were two coat hangers- one was a perfectly respectable white shirt, and the top bit of the military uniform. Clean, pressed, probably completely dry cleaned.

However, the second hanger…

A bright pink miniskirt that would just barely cover his upper thighs.

This was not his day.

15) …Right before the yearly exam.

On top of that, he couldn't call anyone for extra clothes, or be called a cross-dresser, and Hawkeye would definitely misunderstand. And he did have to go out. If he skipped the yearly assessment, he was kissing his dreams of becoming Führer goodbye.

Damnit.

This was screwed up.

So far, he'd been laughed at and taken a picture of many, many times. From now on, he was going to lock his closet, conveniently forgetting that he had. The devil child had simply translocated inside the closet and kicked her way out.

Tasha was among the foremost to get pictures. Because the Authoress had not taken it back yet, she still had intangibility. She would follow him silently, and then stick her torso out and snap a picture. She would have gotten on well with Hughes, but unfortunately, because she had to keep some semblance of canon in the fic, the Authoress had elected to keep him dead.

The Authoress was displeased.

But there was a limit to how much you can screw with canon.

While Roy made a very good contribution to the yearly exams and had every gay guy in Amestris eyeing his skirt, Tasha sold most of the pictures on eBay. There was controversy on the site that they were real. They were proven wrong.

16) Erect statues of the Colonel with a miniskirt all over Central with Ed and Al.

"Come on, Ed. You know alchemy, and I don't. At least, y'know, I can create cubes. That's it. And that's with lots of preparation." said Tasha. Ed looked around, as if seeking guidance from Al and his new kitten. He got none. Except that the kitten gave him a lick.

"Why should I?" he asked warily.

"If you do," Tasha said slowly, thinking fast. "If you do than imagine the Colonel's face-"

"Done. Let's go! We haven't got all day!" shouted Ed.

There was incredulity in the streets when, in the morning after the Colonel's famous miniskirt assessment, there were statues of him everywhere. With the miniskirt. All in the same pose- tall, straight backed, and trying to make the skirt longer somehow by pulling on it as surreptitiously as possible. It was a truly amusing picture to behold. Of course, Roy had to act extra-manly for the next few months. Very, very manly.

Ever since that day, Hawkeye forgave Mustang, because he was publicly humiliated, and thought that he didn't deserve any more bashing.

She also bought one of the pictures.

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Hey guys! Thanks for faving and story alerting! I won't mention your names, because my sister freaking deleted all of my inbox messages, (damn her to hell), but I do have the reviews.

peaceofmindalchemist- Thanks, dude. You are awesome. Here is the update! Hooha!

Sacalow- OHMYFREAKINGGODSOMEONEGOTIT. I can die happy now. The Belgariad is an awesome series.