): Not mine :(
Bella lay in bed the next morning wiping her dry eyes. She cried herself to sleep. Rosalie slept in the same bed and cuddled her trying to calm her down. She was breaking down. She didn't want Edward to get hurt. She didn't want him to love her. It was too late to save either. Both had fallen whether they were prepared or not. Bella slowly removed Rose's arm and got off the bed slipping on some flip flops and adjusting her PJ pants. She pulled a light jacket on and tied her hair in a messy half bun on top of her head, piece of hair falling out. She fixed her nose stud before sneaking out through the window, leaving a note behind for Rosalie. She needed to see Edward. And now. She walked to his house as quickly as she could. It was ten minutes if she walked fast, five minutes if she ran. So she ran. The streets were empty at 6:29 A.M. and the birds were barely awake. Bella's lungs burned and her throat was dry but she needed Edward. She needed to know he was okay. When she got there she tossed rocks at his windows. He wasn't answering and she was getting worried. She cupped her mouth with her hands before screaming "EDWARD! EDWARD! WAKE UP!" She saw slight movement. Slight shadows. Edward's head popped out the window, he looked terrible. His hair was messy, his eyes were clearly red even from where she was standing and his cheeks were stubbly.
"What?" His voice cracked.
"Please Edward we need to talk. Can I come in?" She begged. Edward's heart ached and his fingers shook. She wanted him. And he needed her. He needed her comfort now more than ever. He moved away from the window and walked downstairs and quickly opening the door. Bella stood in PJ's and had a sad expression on her face.
"Edward?" She whispered. He pulled her into his arms and held onto her for dear life. He was so scared. He needed her. And she needed him. She held onto his head, her fingers tugging on his hair as he pulled her closer. He smelt of heavy alcohol and it scared Bella. Did he have a drinking problem? She grabbed either side of his face and looked into his eyes. They were dead. A dark brown, not the warm honey colored. They were empty. And full of sorrow.
"What happened to you Edward?" She questioned sadly. He bit his bottom lip. He was scaring her. She knew it. He knew it. Edward didn't want her to feel that way. But it was happening.
"I need you so bad Bella." His forehead pressed to hers and her eyes watered and she held him tightly.
"Let's go in your room." She tugged him along and locked his bedroom door closing the blinds and pulled him into her arms. He started crying instantly. Edward didn't know how to stop it. The tears fell from his eyes like fucking waterfalls. They just kept falling and he began sobbing into her neck. Bella was scared. Why is he like this? She didn't know if she was emotionally prepared to guide him. She was so fucked up in the head at the moment from her breakdown last night. Her head pounded. Her heart raced. But she needed to be there for Edward. She wanted to be there to cheer him up. To make him happy.
"What happened? What's wrong Edward? You need to tell me. What happened?" Bella was concerned and Edward felt so bad. He could hear the concern tone dripping in her voice.
"I-I am the worst person. You don't need s-someone like me. I am a t-terrible friend. I k-kill people, I s-s-suck." Kill people? What?
"Edward what do you mean kill people? What's wrong?" Edward sniffled and grabbed her face in his hands. Her eyes were full of tears and they were scared. He wanted to make all her pain go away. He wanted her to be alright.
"Bella I killed my fucking brother. He committed suicide two years ago because of me. I was the worst fucking brother, I argued with him too much and I didn't give him the attention he needed. He took too many pills after one of our fights, and killed himself! I did that! I killed him! I am the worst fucking human being ever! I hurt people and they die because of me! I don't want you to hate me! Please don't hate me! I couldn't bare it! I can't live knowing you hate me Bella! Please. Please. Please don't hate me." Edward was full on crying harder now, holding her tightly. Her eyes widened. They did have more in common then she thought. Both of their brother committed suicide. Both of them blamed themselves. Both of them drank to get rid of their depression.
"Edward...you're not a horrible person. I care about you, your the best friend ever. You're loving and caring and you've been there for me since I first got here. I could never hate you." Bella said her voice shaking.
"Why won't you open up to me Bella? I love you. I admit it. I fell for you that first night at the beach party. You were so beautiful and so forward and blunt and I liked that. You were in control. And I fell. But you won't open up! I love you! Why won't you admit to me how you feel? Why won't you tell me about your family?" Edward sat up and brought her up with him. She pushed him away.
"Because I'm a fucking terrible person! I had a shitty life before a few years ago! You can't love me! I don't know how to love anyone! I've never known it! Love doesn't exist! Not between family or friends or boyfriends or girlfriends! It's all a lie! If love was real my brother wouldn't have killed himself! My dad would have never fucking abused me! I love Rosalie! She's all I have besides my mom! And my feelings for you Edward scare the fucking shit out of me! I can't deal with them! I don't know how to handle them! I could have fucking died Edward! So many times I could have died. I couldn't crawl away. I've broken so many bones in my life. I have so many scars. I have so much damage! I slept around with random guys before all this! I drank a lot! I didn't eat! I wallowed in fucking depression alone because my God damned mother couldn't be there for me! My brother was dead and my father blamed me for it! You can't love me Edward!" Bella screamed. Edward's eyes widened. Emmett was right...they have more in common than he thought. He felt terrible at that second. She was crying heavily and shaking.
"I'm sorry Bella I didn't mean to-"
"You've done enough Edward! You don't love me! You can't! I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you! My feelings for you are...so strong. They scare me and I can't handle them! I'm so sorry." Bella held his face and he held her to him.
"I can help you through them. Give me a chance. Give me a chance to show you what love can be like. It's all new to me too I promise. I've never experienced it. Please, let me love you. Let me open you up." Edward begged. She shook her head and he pressed his forehead to hers.
"I-I-I cant Edward. I'm fucking sorry. So sorry." She pushed him away and ran out of his bedroom and out the front door. He opened his window.
"BELLA WAIT! DON'T GO!" Edward felt his heart ache and his breathing go uneven. She's leaving him. She's not giving him a chance. He slid against his window and buried his face in his hands crying.
Why does she do this to him
Two days. Two days since Edward's heart broke. Two days since she ran out on him. Two days since anyone had heard from her. Rose couldn't get her to come out. No one could. They were all scared for Bella. Edward had hurt her. He hated himself even more for it. But enough was enough. They need to talk about this. They need to talk now. He pushes himself away from Rosalie's couch and stands up heading towards the stairs.
"Edward she won't talk." Rosalie whispered holding onto Emmett.
"I'll fucking make her. This is my fault and I need to fix it now." They wished him luck before he walked upstairs. He walked to the end of the hall. Her light sobs could be heard through the door. It scared Edward. How long had she been crying for? Why wasn't she talking? His knuckles brushed lightly against the door.
"Bella...please open up the door. Please let me in..." Edward begged. Bella was sniffling.
"Go away Edward...I don't want you to see me like this..." She whispered. Edward sighed and leaned his forehead against the door pressing his hands to it.
"Baby just let me in...no one else, just us...please..." He tried to reasoned with her. Bella was rocking back and forth holding her head and and gurgling from her bottle of precious Vodka. It was the only thing keeping her sane. She sniffled contemplating whether or not to let him in. She wanted to feel his arms. She wanted to feel his lips. The lips she hadn't felt since that night. They were warm and soft. She was drunk but she would remember those sparks anywhere. She crawled over to the door, gripping the handle and stumbling to get up. Edward stepped back as he heard a weight fall against it before it opened. She fell right into his arms and he walked her backwards and shut the door with his foot, locking it behind him. She grasped his biceps wanting to feel him.
"I'm so sorry. I missed you so much...don't leave me please..." Bella hated being alone. When people she used to love left her, she felt alone...abandoned. Everyone she ever loved left her. Abandoned her in one way or another. Emotionally, physically...both. Rosalie was all she had. Even her mom wasn't the greatest being for comfort. Edward kissed her head cradling her head.
"I'm not leaving you. I promise." He whispered. Bella stumbled and swayed before falling to the ground. She hated herself. She hated herself for hurting Edward. She had fallen for him. and fallen hard. Her first time at love and she was scared. So scared.
"Edward I'm so sorry I never told you." Bella was having a full on break down. Edward had never seen someone so broken up before. Well maybe besides himself, but that was besides the point. The girl he was falling for was laying in front of him, bottle of heavy Vodka in her hand as she cried on the floor of her bedroom. Edward gets on his knees and carefully picks her up cradling her in his arms as he soothes her and rubs her hair gently.
"Don't be...it's not something that's fond to be spoken of. I don't blame you at all Bella but I just wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me. Do you not realize how fast and hard I've been falling for you since the day we met?" Edward whispered. She grabs his hand squeezing tightly feeling more ashamed. Edward didn't deserve this.
"I do trust you...I'm just so scared. I've never been in love. I love you but I'm so scared. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to get hurt. Trust is a hard thing for me to build with people Edward. Don't you understand? Everyone I ever trusted hurt me. My dad. My brother. My mom. I'm so fucking sorry. So sorry." Edward shook his head holding her closer and letting her cry into his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair kissing her head.
"I love you so much Bella and it scares me too. I've never fallen so fast. I've never felt love. Not even with my last girlfriend who I was on and off with in high school. You mean so much to me. I can't experience live without you. I don't want to experience it without you. I want you to let me open you up. I want you to let me explore your heart and keep it close. I promise not to break it. If you promise not to break mine. You are so worth it and more." Edward was holding her face making her look directly in his eyes not being able to look away.
"Oh Edward...what if I hurt you? Everything needs to go slow. I can't jump into things. I can't just be your girlfriend. I need you to be willing to wait." Bella whispered. Edward smiled softly, wanting to kiss her but tried to resist.
"You're worth it. I'll wait the rest of my life if I have to. Just give me a chance. Let me prove to you that having a boyfriend can be good. Let me show you what love can bring." Edward said softly. Bella pulled him into a tight hug. He was gentle with her. He was willing to wait for her. He was jumping in. Taking a risk. She loved that. And she loved him. She wanted all of him and more. For the rest of her life she wanted to be long to Edward.
"Where do we go from here?"