Title: Lèse-Majesté
Summary: On roasted chicken, flying frying pans, and King Jareth's numerous, and generally failed attempts to woo the not-so-fair maiden that is Sarah Williams.
Rating: T
Couple: Jareth/Sarah
Genre: Romance/Humor
Spinning the crystal globe with deft fingers in his left hand, and tapping a riding crop on his knee with his right one, Jareth, the Goblin King, sat in his large throne in a relaxed posture, seemingly serene as he candidly observed the contents inside the ball with what appeared to be nonchalance, if it weren't for the steadier grip he gained on the crop, and what was once a rhythmic thud against his knee was now a violent snap on the clad skin, growing faster by the second.
On the other side of the throne room, the poor fools who decided to remain in the King's presence the moment he entered the vicinity -slamming the doors open and striding in all his glittery glory, crop in hand - flinched with each loud 'crack', and whimpered in fright.
"King is mad." The skinniest of the bunch muttered, eyes flickering from their ruler to the nearest window with a calculating look.
One could only hope that if the King didn't see the terrified minion making a break for freedom, there would be something below to break his fall, like a bush.
Or a flock of sleeping chickens.
Whichever.
"King wearing kickin' boots." A goblin that wore a fake Santa beard said knowingly, nodding vigorously, as if it confirmed his companion's previous statement.
Which it did. Last time their King wore such boots was on the dreaded day that Rosalinda and many of her feathered comrades managed to break into his room and proceeded to shred every piece of clothing in their wake.
The ruined clothing was easily fixed with a touch of magic, but the criminal chickens were to forever limp around the labyrinth, black feathers plucked out one by one, magically modified so that they would never grow back with a booted imprint still marked in their bodies.
"King is going to bog us all!" The smallest of the Goblins shrieked out, breaking the tense anticipation in the group, as every one of them sprung to action at once.
Of the six remaining servants, two flung themselves out of the window, the last one grabbing a chicken on the last second as this one clucked in protest, hoping to use it's body as a glider of some sort. Judging by the blood curling screams and terrified clucks heard all the way down, one could assume that it did not work.
Two others ran to the nearest haystacks tucked into the dark corners of the room and hid inside, their limited intelligence failing to process that their long and pointy ears and noses were sticking out from the pile of hay accusingly.
One with round glasses that zoomed in the eyes like a magnifying glass seemed to be the smartest of the bunch, running over to the 13 hour clock, opening the round screen that lead to the inside engine, leaping into it and closing it behind him with a 'click'.
By the time Jareth looked up from the crystal, his eyebrow ticked upwards at the sight of a single goblin standing before him, the poor thing too busy picking it's nose to notice his companions had fled to safety and that his frighteningly sadistic king was looking straight at him.
"You there!"
Looking up with a start, it took a few brief moments for the goblin to pale as he realized he was left all alone in the room with his very intimidating ruler.
"A-a-aye, King?" Now, it was common knowledge that goblins weren't the smartest creatures in the fairytale books, but this one was aware that if he wanted to stay away from the Bog for at least today, he knew he had to be very careful around the King.
Motioning for him to come closer with a flick of his head, Jareth turned his attention back to the orb in his hand, expecting the small goblin to follow his unspoken command.
With an audible gulp, the goblin hitched the hula skirt he was wearing and hesitantly approached the Goblin King.
Once he was as close to the throne as he dared himself to be, the Fae stopped tapping his knee with the riding crop, and used it to motion to the orb.
After a few seconds, the goblin leaned in to look at what his king was trying to show him.
The mist trapped inside of the crystal began to clear out, and in a few seconds you could clearly see a young woman in her late twenties standing in what appeared to be a kitchen, brandishing a rolling pin in her hand and holding a transparent orb on the counter with the other. A ball, that incidentally, very much resembled the one the King held in his hand.
"Tell me," The Goblin King drawled out, "What do you see?"
It didn't take long for the small goblin to recognize the livid woman who kept bashing the rolling pin against what used to be a crystal orb and was quickly turning into what looked like a substitute for sugar. Few were the female humans he had ever met, and even fewer the ones his King bothered to keep tabs on.
"Teh' Queen?" A small cracking sound and a fissure appearing on the crystal at the mere flex of the King's fingers was all the confirmation it needed.
"Correct." The drawl in his voice now held a more dangerous edge, and the goblin flinched.
"For years," he started, "I have been a generous, patient King. Season after season, I have given her small gifts to remind her I am still waiting for her to come to her senses and agree to be my queen. Nevertheless, the result is always the same."
The following 'slam' coming from the orb - and the projection of Sarah's triumphant face as the orb before her turned to dust - did nothing but confirm the Goblin King's previous statement when it came to his fruitless attempts at changing Sarah's feelings towards him.
"Whatcha gonna do, King?" A low, grave chuckle filled the room, and every goblin in the vicinity - hidden, badly hidden or not hidden at all - quivered in fear.
"I am going to resort to a more... tactical approach."
Just as she gathered the dust of the demolished crystal ball and dumped it on the trash. Sarah Williams gave a loud sneeze.
A/N: More of Sarah in the next chapters, not to worry!
This is my first Labyrinth fanfic, please be gentle.