Josh's Nooks and Crannies, a compilation of ficlets dedicated to Josh and quite often Andy too.
The first ficlet is named Lists, aptly for that famous list he used to keep in all of season one and a fair bit of season two. This one however, is completely AU.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kyle XY.
***
Sinks baskets from anywhere on the court in any condition
Doesn't lie
Walks off roof without injury
Levitates over water
Girls can't resist him
Conclusion: definitely an alien.
***
Josh was out with Andy (we're talking season 4 here folks and they're visiting long distance so it's been a while alright XD) in a fancy restaurant. As he looked around at the other patrons he felt distinctively underdressed.
He stared across at his Andy in a short black dress as she prattled on about Kyle tweaking her gaming laptop to triple both the system and video RAM and exponentially increase virtual memory to make any game she chose to execute run flawlessly at the highest settings.
"He's so awesome! He has to go into computers! He just has to! Josh, please help me convince him; he'll be wasting his talents if he does anything else." Josh tuned out her prattling, not because he found her lips or her voice grating. Not at all. No, the only reason he tuned his beloved Andy out was because she was starting to repeat herself again.
Josh held the smile he had in check. He couldn't simply tell her Kyle was an alien. First of all, she wouldn't believe him. Second, Josh knew too many of Kyle's secrets – as evidenced by the journal he kept on his brother – but Andy knew none. He wondered briefly if Andy even contemplated that Kyle had healed her cancer two years previous.
His eyes focused on her lips, lips he loved to kiss. Nope, she was totally oblivious.
"He's really good in medicine too," Josh said, adding kindling to the fire in her conversation. "Don't forget climatology; he once predicted when lightning struck just outside our house."
The dinner was delicious and quite overpriced. Nonetheless he felt somewhat empty after he consumed it. He asked the waiter for a glass of wine and was asked for his ID. Of course since he wasn't of age he couldn't produce what he needed.
He muttered under his breath, "I'm sure Kyle or Jessi could."
His attention flittered to his adopted sister Jessi, who quite interestingly exhibited many of the same traits (minus the lying; she certainly could and did often) as Kyle. And she was hot too.
As he drove Andy to her hotel room where they would pretend to play G-Force and instead play with each other, he found his attention drifting to Jessi.
***
Although Andy loved Josh dearly, when she kissed him she could only see those deep blue eyes piercing into her very heart. She knew she had no chance to ever be with Kyle and would happily settle for her beloved Josh. At least this way, she'd get to have an eye on her true goal much more often.
She distinctly felt something for the tall, monstrously hot, brother-in-law-to-be, but knew without a doubt there were countless girls in front of her, and that was well before the two obvious ones, the goody-goody Amanda Bloom, and the slightly incestual Jessi.
She knew off hand another thirty-two girls who wanted Kyle Trager. At the top of the list was Hillary, followed by every cheerleader in school, then by every popular girl, and even by a few dweebs. She wondered briefly where she ranked in all this. Wasn't it true he'd once given her a really deep, spiritual hug the night before her cancer was officially revealed to be in full remission, against all previous expectations? To the best of her knowledge, Kyle had only ever put his head on Hillary's lap as she had massaged his head full of lustrous hair. Had it been her…
She sighed and moaned lightly against Josh and pictured Kyle in her head. She loved Josh, only she lusted for his adopted brother.
***
As they made out Josh was surprisingly able to concoct a small list of what made Jessi so similar and yet different from Kyle.
Strong need for competition
Also no belly button
Electricity short-outs when she touches Kyle
Ability and propensity to lie
Hotter than Kyle
Conclusion: Different kind of alien; probably an enemy of Kyle's species. They just don't know it yet.
***
As their make-out session came to a shuddering conclusion, Josh closed his eyes and breathed a deep sigh. He found he couldn't fall asleep; the idea of warring alien superpowers on Earth had drenched him with sweat.
Andy reacted by giving his body a big squeeze; she was surprisingly already out cold.
Josh never found sleep that night. It was only too bad he was right about his conclusions because that was the last night anyone on Earth experienced in the West. Only Japan and China and most of Australia got to experience two nights before the end.
FIN
Author's Note: Yeah, I know, that's weird!