Pride of Sakura

Chapter 4 – Lucy in La La Land

AN: My brother got mad at me for calling him fat, so he put on the waterworks and told dad I beat him up when I hadn't even left the kitchen. Sigh. So my dad has now taken to hiding my laptop during the day. XD;

Anyway, I just purchased the FFX Piano Collection using his VISA, so I'm feeling slightly better. And good lord, I love Uematsu. Especially Tidus's Theme and Besaid.

Disclaimer: Don't own Alice in Wonderland, or PSU. But I do own Lucy, and Yuu, and this story, also the lamp on my computer table, this orange soda…

X x X

Once again, I was dreaming. I was sitting under a tree, in a shade-dappled clearing…somewhere. The grass was damp-feeling through the patterned blanket, and the air springy. It smelled like damp earth, just after a rain fall. Gray yet cheery sunlight streamed through the branches overhead. I squinted into it, taking in a deep breath. Have I died?

I was having a picnic for some odd reason, with Jenna, Yuu, and The Maiden. Well, MAIDEN BOMB. She was ever-so-elegantly sipping tea in a bright purple leotard, with star-shaped sunglasses and her endless violet hair pulled up into somewhat ridiculous pigtails. The words "RELIGION WOT" were stamped across her chest in equally sparkly letters. Oh and she was wearing white knee-high go-go boots. Sigh.

"Oh my, I do hope my contract goes through," she sighed sweetly. "For you see, I am next scheduled to duel against Maaya Shidow. Her wrestling title is "The Suffocater". That sounds unpleasant. I wonder what she does..?"

I sputtered, and coughed up some tea. She blinked at me. Jenna looked disdainful and muttered something about more sandwiches.

Yuu sighed to my right, fully adorned in a crimson dress suit and large white rabbit ears. I noticed at this point I was in a lovely blue dress. The Numan pulled a clock out of some mysterious place in his shirt, and squinted at it. "You're late, Gray."

Shoveling a sandwich down my throat, I asked, "For what?"

"Being awake."

Jenna said charmingly, "As usual. Lucy being on time would be like Beasts not being violent, horny alcoholics."

Sigh. Mirei let out a startled oh-the-political-jab gasp, and Yuu just rolled his eyes. "Anyway," he sighed "You'd best move along, human. No telling when the Red Queen will show up."

"The Red Queen can find the most sarcastic, fat part of my ass and lay a long, drawn-out kiss upon it." I really meant what I said. I was having a nice time. Yuu looked super handsome, and Jenna was being mostly amiable.

"OH REALLLY?" A shrill yet masculine voice called out from behind me. I turned just in time to see a Nanoblasted (male) Beast behind me, all red in a gaudy cross between lingerie and a ball gown. It may have been lovely except the beast's barrel-chested-ness kind of ruined it. "Who dares overstay their welcome in my Kingdom of Lack of Reality and Ridiculous Ninny Outfits?!"

What…the…--

I got paw-smashed about ten feet. It hurt. A lot. In fact, it hurt everywhere, just about. Especially my chest. I stumbled up, brushing leaves off my dress. Pain, in a dream?

"WHY YOU TEN FOOT PIECE OF NOTHING! PIGFACE PSYCHOPOMP!"

Yuu didn't move, and neither did MAIDEN BOMB, who was currently having a glaring match over the last egg salad sandwich with everyone's favorite PM.

"Pigface--wha?" The Red Queen…King…Queen asked. Even my insults were getting stranger. I marched toward him. Hey, it was a dream right.

"I have the feeling I am going to wake up soon anyway," I sighed. Yuu looked up at me, his rabbit ears brushing the front of my apron. "Four eared weirdo."

He shrugged. I took the opportunity to lean down quickly and pull his pointy Numan ears, placing a swift kiss on his forehead. His eyes went huge, absolutely. I expected The Usual Rage after, but instead he just looked straight ahead. "Thank you."

"Huh? Fo—".

I got paw-smacked again. "NONE OF THIS IN MY WORLD!" I flew backwards into…into a…? Everything went fuzzy, and I could barely make out Jenna and MAIDEN BOMB in a death match as it all faded.

When I came to, it was rather like perhaps attempting to head-butt a tree. It was difficult, and felt somewhat splintery. I gasped for breath for a moment, panic stirring in my chest, until I realized I was fine and just being a pansy. Voices floated through my head, half-there. I tried moving. It worked!

I got in trouble for it, though.

"Please do not attempt to move, Gray-san," a voice said, putting pressure against my chest.

My chest? "Don't struggle," I said wearily, "If you struggle, my boobs act like quicksand and you'll get stuck." I was in pain, and my odd dream was still weighing heavily upon my mind. I will never be able to look at a male Beast the same way, ever.

"Um…". I blinked, focusing on whoever was getting their jollies. It was a Numan with a mask.

"The Communion…?" I asked, and then hissed. Breathing hurt. Broken ribs will do that.

"Yes. I'd ask that you remain still, please. You broke your rib and sprained you right arm. I'm almost done."

"Gomen," I apologized, praying I got the pronunciation right. So that explains the pain I felt in the dream glade. I could feel his Technic weaving my bones back together. It was an odd sensation, and felt different than my own. Mine was human, that was why, I realized. Whereas mine was a sort of bubbly, cheery feeling, Numan Resta felt different, like it went all the way to the core. I was envious.

"Quite alright."

"May I badger you with questions?"

"Certainly."

Wow, I liked this person. "Is Yuu okay?"

"He is still unconscious, though he is well," he said, taking his hand off my chest. "He just needs rest. The blow to the head was quite severe, but he's been treated and there will be miniscule to no lasting damage."

I sighed in relief. No pain. This guy is good. I rose to a sitting position. "Thanks, you did a great job."

"You are welcome, Guardian," he said, rising from a crouch. "Though, you really should thank Ankh. He's the one who rescued you and Sezaburo-san."

"Ankh…? Oh!"

"What is with you and that word?" A male voice asked from behind me. I turned, praying he wasn't in a dress. He was not. "Every little thing results in 'Oh!' with you." The voice did indeed belong to a male beast, just as I suspected. Though, when I first met him he was Nanoblasted. The common trait of that was being large, red, fury, and ferociously maiming some unfortunate thing, so it was hard to differentiate otherwise. "You alright?" He crouched next to my tatami mat.

"Y-yes. Thank you for saving me," I smiled at him.

"No prob. Big thanks to Hoshizora here for healing ya, too."

The Numan bowed. "Not a problem, Rutsu-sama asked me personally. And if you'll excuse me…". The Numan left, and I was alone with Ankh and an unconscious Yuu. He was on a mat like mine in the corner. I couldn't see him up close, but I was already rubbing my hands together for extra healing. Anything.

I turned my attention back to Ankh, who had been looking at my fallen partner too. "He'll be okay. Numans are just a li'l delicate, is all."

I nodded. "Yeah…my teachers for most of my training were Beasts. Both times. So I guess I kind of forgot that you guys tend to take a lot of crap before you even say anything."

Ankh did a booming laugh, and put his hand on my shoulder. I nearly collapsed under the weight. His hand was the size of a dinner plate. He was extremely tall and tan like most of his kind, with big triangular droopy dog ears the same pale-blonde as his hair. His eyes were cherry red. Why did he sound like a Fruit Cup now? Ah, no wonder. I'm starving.

Haha. Fruit Cup Ankh is his new codename now. At least in my head. Telling him would probably result in physical violence that I am not equipped to deal with.

"Yeah, we sure can. Speaking of delicate, you should be careful, too. No offense, but humans shouldn't go toe-to-toe with the Onmagoug without serious planning. Especially little girls." He grinned rather toothily, temporarily scaring the God-fearing crap out of me.

"I'll have you know I'm twenty, ma'am. And extremely spiteful."

Just so it's out in the open. He raised an eyebrow.

"I am beginning to detect that. Apparently I'm King Bitch?"

More than he'll ever know.

Oh. Um. "Sorry about that," I said honestly. "I was kind of in a mood?"

Ankh shrugged.

"Good friend of mine once said 'It's hard to be nice to someone when you're bleeding to death'" I laughed nervously, hoping he didn't somehow know I was a social leper due to my standoffish nature and insane lolibot. He smiled at me, all cheer. Beasts were hard to predict. One minute you were hanging out with them, having a beer, and then you happen to mention they have a hangnail. They will then take this for something like 'I slept with your wife', and flip a table over on you. Again, not that I'm speaking from experience.

I took a look around the room for anything heavy he could use to crush my ribs. Nothing. Fewf. Speaking of the room…

"Where am I?"

"Ohtoku, the Pagoda of Air. You've been out a good three or four hours. Rutsu took you in himself, since you were on a special mission anyway."

I smacked my hand to my forehead. That's right! I was so worried about Yuu and matching bath towels that I hadn't even thought it funny that Rutsu-sama was briefing us himself. I put both hands on the ground, bracing myself as I looked around again. It was a deep red color, with purple carpets dusted in an elegant white pattern. I let out a sigh. So…perfect. I tried to summon up my Powers of Fruitless Fantasizing, and imagined myself discussing something girly and sweet with Mirei Mikuna. Perhaps maybe the best ways to be subtly seductive, like accidentally crashing into the person you fancy over and over, only to fall down melodramatically in a cute pose, complete with a panty shot. Wait. That was hardly girly, mostly idiotic. Also, why is everything with me about boobs and stuff lately? I looked down at mine. They were there; even if I squinted and willed they sort of fall off in the shower one morning. The Beast sitting in front of me followed my gaze. It went straight back up. Oh yeah, him. Oh yeah, Guardians. Oh yeah, Gurhal.

"I wonder why it was special…"

Ankh shrugged, taking his hand off my shoulder and settling onto the ground, one knee up. His legs were extremely long. One went completely over my mat. Holy crap? "I was actually just out there to make a little money, clearing shit out of the C.D. Saw the Onmagoug fly off real sudden, and figured it was bad, so I Nano'd and came as fast as I could."

I nodded. "Good thing you did. Yuu and I would be toast at this point."

Literally.

Yuu and…."Ah! Where's Jenna?!"

He blinked. "Dolly's bein' fixed. She's fine. Core wasn't damaged or something. Some Numan chick's here." He scratched his head. "She's got the biggest—"

"Yea, I know. I always wondered that if she stood in front of the sun for a few hours if the planet's temperature would decrease dramatically."

He snorted, obviously trying to keep his composure. "Anyway, I really screwed up." I looked down, trying to fight back the tears that were stinging the corners of my eyes. "Looking back, there are so many things I could have done better. And I was terrible to you, too…" I buried my hands in my face. He patted my head. I could tell, because it nearly broke my neck. I randomly yearned to be back in the clearing in a froofy outfit, wrestling a Drag Queen.

"Hey, hey. That was a terrible situation. And besides, you cleared out more Tengoghs than you were expected to anyway." He said softly. "All in all, the mission is still viewed as a success. Not much we can do about the Onmagoug. No matter how many times we take it down, another one comes back."

I nodded, the familiar numbness pulling on my chest. "I was afraid Yuu was dead, too. Jenna's a bit tougher. But the way he hit the roc—" My voice broke. Since when was I this girly? Something about Ankh made me girly. His friendly, big-brother air made me very open. I have no siblings, something I always wish I had, like every only child. He patted my hair again. I stood, and walked towards Yuu. He rose behind me, quickly.

"Hey, take it easy. You're barely okay yourself." I heard him say as I knelt by the Numan. He was still unconscious, eyes closed and lips slightly open. Again, I was struck at the contrast of his eyelashes to his skin. I tried to clear the dream out of my head yet again, praying I wasn't as pink as I felt. I also felt the urge to scream at God for giving men longer eyelashes than women. That was a daily event, by the way. Men also have seemingly better butts, too. I put two hands on his head and closed my eyes, summoning light photons. Ankh said something behind me, I'm not sure what. It could have been about dancing magical potatoes from the Abaddon, and I wouldn't have cared. I could feel the mild jars in his head where damage still lingered. But no, that wasn't the problem. That would give most people a headache, nothing more. So…so what was that was missed?

Ping.

"Found it!" I cried in joy. "Yo Fruit Cup, can you help me turn him on his side for a second? I need to do eerie things to his spine."

"Fruit Cup, whose Fruit Cup? And his spine?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but it closed in complete shock. On my tongue. Ow.

"…Fruit…Cup? My. That's an interesting nickname."

I whirled, my eyes wide. Oh my sweet Pro-Wrestling Numan Maiden, Izuma Rutsu has managed to ninja up on me twice in one day. "U-Um…"

He said nothing else, gliding beside me to kneel. There was a swish of white fabric, and we were brushing elbows. My elbows were not worthy, I wanted to tell him, but could not form words. "I will hold him, if you would like to proceed with the healing, Gray-san," he smiled gently. I somewhat-cursed him for throwing off my concentration, and closed my eyes again. Taking a deep breath and praying the two men in the room wouldn't think (rather, figure out) that I was a pervert, I ran my hands long Yuu's back. First thing I noticed was the fact that someone needed to shovel food into his mouth, and the second thing I found was the ping. That's all it was.

Just barely there, there was something off in the upper half of his spine. I filled my lungs with air again, and exhaled as I let the Technic flow through my palms. Drained completely, I opened my eyes. The minister glanced at me, and gently let Yuu back down. Still, he did not stir. My heart was practically in the basement at this point. Now I had made a fool of myself in front of two people I barely knew, too. GREAT. Coming up next will be bad breath, baby pictures, and accidental nipple shots, I'm sure. Just when I was wondering how quickly I would die if I threw myself out an airlock, Yuu moved. Relief spread through me instantly, warm and fulfilling, like having just beat someone up for calling you a name in grade school. I looped my arms around his neck, not caring that I was probably going to get yelled at. Also it resulted in Rutsu-sama getting a face full of enormous Lucy butt, but I was really past common sense at the very moment.

And not just moved, insulted me!

"Get…off…me…you…SMELL…TERRIBLE…" He sat up, glaring at me and smoothing hair out of his face, oblivious to Ankh and Izuma. "Like-like body odor and cheap body spray!"

Angry now, I let go. "Like YOU smell any BETTER? It smells like you held up a septic truck and ate the whole thing!"

"WHY WOULD I EAT A SEPTIC TRUCK?"

"DON'T ASK ME, YOU'RE THE ONE WHOSE THE FREAK, FREAK."

It back and forth like this for a bit of course, until I got hit in the back of the head with a shoe. The one Jenna had brought earlier. I turned around to see her in the doorway, Maaya behind her. Her form blotted out all light.

"Ahh, thank goodness you're okay!" I released Yuu and ran to Jenna. She allowed me to crush her in a hug. I don't know who else gets this excited over their PM, but I don't think anyone else's has this much of a personality. "Thanks, Maaya," I sighed, putting Jenna down. The Numan gave me a somewhat half-assed salute.

"No problem. Glad to see you're all okay, and healthy enough to rip each other's faces off."

"I will always be prepared for attempts of character assassination, both verbal and physical, and I know Mistress Lucy will be, too."

I agreed. Yuu sighed, standing, but wobbled slightly and decided to sit back down, embarrassed "Whatever. Keep your insanity to yourself."

"It's contagious?" Ankh asked, his face alight with amusement. "I better stop breathing, then. For the sake of everyone here." Rutsu chuckled, and Yuu just put his head in his hands.

X x X

My stupid room was freakishly welcome after the whole ordeal. Jenna cleaned up the mess she had made during our departure for once, not asking any questions as I did a sort of slug-move out of my clothes and into clean pajamas. I pulled out my fluffy chair, sat it in front of my viewscreen, window to my right, and prepared for a day of NOTHING. I was given quite a bit of medical leave actually, signed by Rutsu-sama himself. What a past couple days. I had no idea anything like that could have happened, when I was dragging Madame Boothead out of my room that day.

"Any good, trashy dramas on?" The PM asked, hopping into my lap with a tub of popcorn and Seizure Star, the most sugar-loaded, caffeine-loaded substance in existence. It was nearly banned System-Wide, and is banned on Moatoob. It also tasted good going down, sort of like fruit, if fruit was made of chemicals.

I popped open the can, and passed it to Jenna for a quick sip. She downed half the can and handed it back. Sigh. "I think Nanoblasting in Moonlight and Resta for my Soul are on their season finale. Skies of Parum is over."

"Those are sappy. I said TRASHY." She replied, slapping my thigh. Ow. The fat jiggled for a couple moments while I contemplated. "Hooo…Heat in Space and The Librarian: Chronicles in Books and Buttsex are on…later."

"Do those even have plots?" She asked.

"No. The actors just like to think there are."

"Ah, perfect then. Until those are on, we will watch…this." Jenna passed me the channel guide. My eyes dropped down to the ad.

Oh, my. It showed a rather muscular beast and wimpy-looking human girl in a terrible outfit with giant glasses. One could easily see that she had a sexy body and was model-pretty underneath. The title was "A Dream, None Too Far: When Dork meets Hunk."

I rubbed my temples and Jenna cackled and productively changed the channel. For a few days, I was under the faint illusion that all of this would not come rocketing back to me. I'm just a lowbie. There's no need for Guardians to further involve me in this case.

Or with Yuu.

Right, so. It was somewhat-nice while it lasted. I can look back on, and lie about it to the friends I may make one day. It won't come back to bite me on the ass or anything. I can say Yuu and I hit it off, right away. That when we met on the walkway, I merely chucked Jenna into the river without even looking at her, and threw myself into his arms. He wouldn't fall down or make comments on my boobs, but easily lift me and carry me away to the Kego Springs. There, we would do that whole sexy-giggling-young-couple thing, and feed each other those expensive thirty meseta ice creams from the booth, and I would drop it off the cliff by accident and tell him that I ate it all to cover it up. Wait, how is that romantic? Damn, reality leaking in. Then we'd sit around and talk about who we'd do if we were gay. You know, just out of curiosity. It would end with us falling asleep in each other's arms, and I would get to do kinky things to his ears involving peanut butter.

I think. I'm not sure if I want too. I just thought it sounded good. For my imaginary friends. Most people these days are idiotic and horny. I'm not picky.

So of course I was wrong. I got a Vidscreen Memo a few days later from some Communion member; basically threatening I come to Neudaiz or face disembowelment. Great.

X x X

AN: Long, talky chapter. Sorry! It'll pick up next time, I swear. Til then, comments keep me writing. Thanks.