Sam's body moved independently from his brain. He was slicing through the bonds on Gabriel's wrists and cutting them free from one another without knowing he'd reached for his knife. Gabriel slumped against him, boneless, lifeless, not breathing. Dead. Dead. His mind stuttered over this one word, then no no no, with rapid heartbeats. Sam gathered him up like he weighed nothing and staggered to his feet. He slid and stumbled down the entrance to the cave, uncontrolled and weak from his ordeal. His feet caught on the flat ledge at the bottom, and with a startled cry, they both tumbled into the Fountain of Youth.
Don't, please! Don't die. Sam kicked to the surface, scrabbling to find solid ground beneath him. He still had an arm wrapped around Gabriel's chest and pulled him tight, hauling the angel's head above water.
He wasn't breathing.
He wasn't breathing.
Sam's feet found the floor of the pool and he hiked Gabriel higher. He pried the angel's mouth open and struggled with slippery fingers to hold him up and breathe into him. C'mon. Sam shifted, gripping both hands under Gabriel's ribs, and squeezed, pumping the angel's chest with all of his strength. He sloshed around, got his head back into position and forced in another breath, not caring about the weeping sores and terrible bruises his fingers passed over as he tried to caress life back into him. Don't do this.
"Please." We made it.
Another round of compressions at the wrong angle. Desperation, panic and cool water made him shake. But they were here, Gabriel couldn't die if they were here. Surely . . .
Sam closed his mouth on Gabriel's a third time and started to exhale. The body in his arms jerked and sucked the rest of the air straight from his lungs.
"Gabriel?" Their heads were barely above the surface of the water, and there was only the light shining in from outside to see by. Sam watched, hope frozen in his chest as the archangel's eyes opened to slits. He felt slight pressure from Gabriel's elbow against him and loosened his grip. Gabriel nudged further, and Sam frowned, unsure, as the angel started to slip. Let him go? What if he went under? What if he drowned? Could he drown? But it seemed to be what he wanted, so despite every instinct screaming otherwise, Sam let him go. His head slipped under the dark surface of the water, and after a second, all traces of the angel were gone.
Sam stood tense and staring into the pool. It was like ink, impenetrable to his eyes. He waited. Waited and breathed unsteadily, listening, watching, and feeling with his being.
He wasn't coming up. Sam had let Gabriel slip between his fingers, barely alive, and fuck, maybe he could drown. At the thought, Sam pushed forward, clawing his way through the fountain's strange waters. With growing panic, he searched with outstretched fingers, not knowing how far back the fountain stretched or how deeply it sank a few steps beyond. "Gabriel!" His voice echoed on the rocks.
Something touched his leg.
Sam jerked back on reflex, and then he felt it again, a grip on his knee, strong and then quickly gone. He edged back onto higher ground and surer footing and froze, eyes trained on the calm, mirrored surface of the water, his breathing heavy and punctuated. Gabriel's name hung hopeful and delicate on the tip of his tongue. Please.
The graceful, glorious, arches of the wings were first. They broke the surface of the pool without a ripple, feathers perfect and searing in their brilliance. Sam's breath caught. Gabriel emerged from the darkness like a rising sun, moving steadily closer. He stopped well within arm's reach, regarding Sam with a rare intensity.
He was perfect. The bleeding sores that had marked his skin were washed clean. Perfect. Healed. Sam's heart squeezed in sweet, painful relief. He took a breath, not knowing what to say, and surged forward crushing the angel into an embrace. He hadn't thought . . . it had been so close . . . so terrifying. God . . . he squeezed tighter and sobbed once against Gabriel's neck. The archangel's strong hands slowly circled and settled on his back, encouraging new tears with their tenderness.
Sam sniffed and pulled back so he could see. At first the words wouldn't come, obscured by too white and bright a joy. Then, "You're okay," he managed over a smile and tight throat.
A tear slipped down his reddened face, and Gabriel lifted a hand, brushing through the track with his thumb. He studied Sam's face with a look of bitter sweetness. Sam returned a quizzical expression, still not quite trusting himself to speak.
"No one has ever cried for me before," Gabriel said softly, his mouth forming a wry grin at the paucity of his existence.
Sam blinked and found Gabriel gazing at him with wonder. The angel moved, crowding in closer with gentle assertion. Their eyes locked with a sudden, sharp heat that burst through Sam's spine. Unfathomable power lurked in that darkness, the depths of space and starry nights. He felt singular and small, pinned by instinctive part of his brain that feared this mighty soul. Gabriel slid his hand down Sam's cheek until he cupped his neck, fingers curling into his dark, damp hair.
Sam swallowed. He hadn't been expecting . . . he didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't Gabriel holding him close, touching their heads together. His body, though. Oh, his body responded, warming to the caress on his neck, the long look of lust. The archangel closed his eyes finally when he spoke.
"You saved me," he said, urgently tugging Sam's skin. "Re-created me."
Sam drew a stunned breath at the force of emotion behind the words. "I . . ."
"Breathed me life," the angel whispered and then rocked down into a kiss, pulling Sam closer with a hand on his neck and waist.
Sam made a hungry, pleased sound. After so much struggle, Gabriel was here and healthy—wanting him. He moved toward the cave wall as Gabriel pressed in, until he was caged in by walls and wings. Gabriel licked and sucked his lower lip like he could not get enough, clutched at his back to draw him deeper. And it felt good, God, sparking hot. Sam moaned again when their tongues touched, and he felt his partner smile. So good. Touch his face. Want you.
But this wasn't right. Couldn't be. And shaking slightly, he pushed Gabriel back. I'm sorry.
"Sam?" His breath ghosted over Sam's lips with alluring heat.
"I can't," he responded, barely audible, and pushed the angel further away. Gabriel's hand slipped from his neck, and Sam could feel his heat retreating. He said nothing, and Sam had to gather the courage to keep speaking on his own. "I'm sorry," he said, looking up, "but I can't."
A small frown settled between the angel's perfect brows. Something else, too. Fear and hurt, both quickly masked.
Sam bit on his lower lip for a moment, still swollen from being kissed. These weren't things he wanted to say. "I almost got you killed."
"Sam—"
"No! I'm a liability for you! For everyone . . . I can't . . . the people around me. They die. Okay? Horribly. And . . . I just—"
"Dean is a liability." Gabriel's voice came out rough and less controlled. "And you are to him." Sam looked away. "Was it better when you were apart?"
It stung, even the memory of it. He shook his head minutely. "No."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gabriel reaching to touch his face and shied away, sinking lower into the water and further into the curve of the wall.
"I can't do this." He was sorry, so sosorry, but some day, some time, he was going to have to learn. He was dangerous and selfish and thoughtless, and Christ, he was trying to do the right thing here and save someone from all that. So why did it feel like dying a little inside? Like his chest was going to crush in around the empty space of his heart.
Gabriel gazed at him steadily, his rapid breathing his only giveaway. "I'm not afraid of the risk."
"Well, I am! Christ, Gabriel, do you have any—" Sam cut himself off and for a second just closed down, head bent and eyes screwed shut. Sorrow and shame gathered behind his eyes, and eventually he forced himself to look up. His breaths came in painful gasps and mouth felt suddenly dry. "I almost . . . I tried to . . ." He needed to explain and didn't want to. "It was so hard . . ."
"Sam . . ."
"I almost drank your blood!" He spit it out all in one go and started to shake with an emotion he couldn't identify. "I had your wrist . . . between my teeth. Okay?" He panted. "And I was close, so close."
A look of disgust briefly flashed across the angel's face. For a second, he broke eye contact, and Sam was sure he was going to turn away like he should. He looked like someone warring with himself, small motions changing his expression. Eventually, he glanced up, concerned but decided. "But you didn't," Gabriel said. It was somewhere between a statement and a question.
Dammit! "But I wanted to," Sam replied, face crumpling. "You can't . . . you can't be with someone who'd"—he winced at his own voice—"violate you like that."
"Sam . . ." Gabriel's voice was kind, far kinder than Sam deserved.
"I'm tired of hurting people," he whispered, letting his eyes fall closed. He couldn't look at Gabriel any more, face his goodness and compassion.
The water flowed noiselessly as the archangel moved closer. Sam sensed his nearness from his body heat and the slight sound of his breathing and tried not to react. When Gabriel said nothing, Sam relented and looked up. Arms braced against the wall of the cave, Gabriel towered a bit over him, flexing his wings lazily. He was gazing at him with interest, care, and a little sorrow. They nearly touched.
"Sam," Gabriel said softly, "do you know what the purpose of an angel is?"
"To fight," he answered quickly.
The look of sorrow deepened, fresh hurt reflecting in the angel's eyes. Gabriel slowly traced a line along Sam's cheek with his thumb. Sam's eyes shuddered in response, and regret sank heavy in his chest at the error of his reply.
"To love," he said lowly.
Gabriel made a sound of assent and returned his hand to the wall. "God made us to love him. And we do. But we aren't enough . . . so he made you." Sam felt the angel's gaze sink into him, an earnest, pleading, affectionate weight. "Some of you love him and pray. You curse, kill, die. Some of you don't even believe." Gabriel lowered scant inches until their foreheads touched. "But when you make love, you say his name."
Sam's heart thundered in his chest, and his knees shook. Just a look or a gesture, and he could be kissing him again. All of this want pulsing in his veins would be satisfied. Gabriel wanted it, wanted him—he tasted so good, felt so good. It wasn't fair, was never fair. I can't hurt you. Please don't let me hurt you.
Sam pulled back, aching with the effort. "I can't." His voice cracked.
Gabriel sighed, and Sam watched as he swallowed and drew back, fighting rising emotion. Sculpted lips trembled, as if he might have more to say, but the angel bit it down. The look he gave Sam was nothing short of wounded, but it was brief. His control slipped quickly into place, and his expression took on a stony calm. He pulled further back, moving through the water as if it didn't know he was there. It was only when he had his hands on the ledge and was hauling himself up that Sam realized that he really was just going to leave. He wasn't going to fight, or argue it anymore, or curse, or, hell, take what he wanted. Somehow, being quietly abandoned hurt worse.
"That's it? Since when do you take no for an answer?" Sam called after him, suddenly petulant.
Gabriel paused, holding himself half out of the water. He turned his head slightly to speak over his shoulder. "Since when am I the one asking?"
Sam stared at him and went cold. Gabriel might have masked it quickly, but there was still hurt in his voice, and it made Sam ache to hear it. And more, he was right. Every time they'd been together, it was Sam's want, Sam's desire, Sam's need. As though he hadn't been shown visions of himself selfish and thoughtless enough, here it was again, where he'd least imagined it might be.
No. Maybe it was the wrong lesson he was learning.
He moved out from the cave wall to stand up straighter. "Ask me again."
For a moment, neither of them moved. Please don't walk away.
Then Gabriel dropped back into the fountain's cool waters. He glanced over Sam's face and soaked shirt with glittering curiosity and came toward him. The water level was at Sam's chest where he stood. The back of his head just touched the cave wall. His eyes slid over the angel's wings but settled on the man himself. Gabriel stepped into his personal space, elegant and interested, his attention flickering between the dark green of Sam's eyes and the tempting shape of his mouth.
He grinned slightly, and Sam felt desire spark through his body.
"May I kiss you?" the angel asked, strangely formal but movingly earnest.
Sam unconsciously licked his lower lip and nodded.
This time was different, slower. Gabriel's lips pressed against Sam's lightly, sweetly, and he hesitated. Sam kissed him back a little harder, giving permission that was gratefully taken. Gabriel carded his fingers into Sam's hair again, tasted his upper lip, lower, each kiss lingering and passionate. Sam spread his hands along his partner's lower back, pulling him close, rubbing low and clear of his wings. His body felt shockingly hot in contrast to the water. Gabriel's lips marked the corner of Sam's mouth, his cheek, his jaw, spreading fire. Sam's breath came out ragged at the brush of a tongue along his neck, and his hands rode down further, molding around Gabriel's ass.
The angel lifted his head. "Sam," he whispered breathless, right into his ear, "will you make love to me . . . in this place?"
Jesus. Sam nodded and swallowed hard, conscious of his partner's choice of words.
Gabriel ground against him. "Say it."
Fuck. "Yes . . ."
And suddenly Gabriel relaxed, nuzzling against him, kissing his cheek. "Then I am in your hands."
The declaration came so easy, the acquiescence. Sam drew back and caught his eyes. "Why do you do that?"
Gabriel canted his head, grinning and frowning slightly in confusion.
"You . . . I don't know." He searched for the right word. "Surrender."
At that, the archangel chuckled and smiled fondly. "Because very rarely is surrender not the same as losing."
Sam grinned, considering the possibilities, running his hands over warm, wet muscles that wanted to be his. A surge of heat and desire uncoiled inside, flowing to his groin, and he felt himself getting hard just at the thought of Gabriel beneath him. And he could remember . . . Sam leaned forward to kiss him. Remember the night, the cold—
He stopped and jerked back, suddenly wary.
"Sam?" Gabriel laid a hand on his chest and peered at him.
"I . . ." He frowned and tried to shake loose the memories. "I need you to tell me something," he said cautiously. The bits of memory that rose up and connected shot a cold spike through his chest.
"Anything," the angel replied watching him in concern.
"Did I . . ." Holding him down, thrusting, hearing him cry. "Did I hurt you?" His voice was brittle, but he had to know. The night was so fuzzy, incomplete.
Gabriel let out a small laugh, genuinely amused. "You can't hurt me."
"Yes, I can!" Sam glared and let him go. "I think we've proven that." He drew back and curled down into the curve of the wall. Fuck. Of all the things he had to apologize for, maybe some rough sex was the least important. But it felt like the most. Horror swelled in the pit of his stomach. He could remember holding him down and not stopping when he met resistance. The other things were big, but this, this was personal. "You have to tell me."
Gabriel stared at him, confounded. What he had said was true. Demon illness aside, nothing Sam could do could hurt him, not really. They exchanged a long, charged look. Then, "Yes."
"Shit."
"Sam—" Gabriel reached for him and tugged him by the wrist. "Listen."
How could he? Of all the things, he had always tried to be careful, caring, vigilant—
"Sam!" He found himself suddenly clutched in Gabriel's hands, being forced to look him in the eye. The angel spoke slowly and with purpose. "You can never do to me what I do not allow." He was dead serious, and Sam swallowed, taking in his words. "Do you understand?" The archangel's grip loosened, and he let his hands drops away.
"Why would you let me do that?" Sam demanded, fearful of the implications.
The look Gabriel returned was one of somber wisdom. His gaze flicked down to the pool's surface and he moved in, sloshing Sam with water as he held his shoulders for a second and then cupped one cheek. "Because what is needful is not always kind," he said gently.
Sam frowned and ran the sentence through his head a second time. What is needful? Needful. Gabriel thought he needed to . . . hurt? Self-disgust and doubt made him wince, and he gazed at his partner, lost. "So you think . . . I need to hurt you?" Dean was right. Monster.
"Sam." Gabriel rubbed his cheek gently. "I've seen some men deal with their anger by murdering children. Other men deal with it by nursing them back to health. It's an energy. And like all energies, cannot be destroyed. Only transferred or transformed."
Sam shook. "So you made yourself a martyr?" Oh, God . . .
Gabriel's gaze dipped briefly. "I don't yet know the quality of your anger. But . . . that is the quality of my mercy. Sam, I promise you, you cannot do more to me than I allow," he said forcefully, dark eyes pleading. "It's okay. I promise."
"But—"
Gabriel drew them together chest to chest and ghosted his lips over Sam's mouth. "Please." He nudged Sam's lips apart. "Please."
Sam let himself be kissed, even as he tried to imagine how his behavior could be considered okay. But Gabriel was here, telling him it was. So it must be.
He relented and shoved them away from the wall. Lips locked on his partner's he struggled with his wet clothes, only to feel Gabriel laugh against him. The angel's hands slipped up under his shirt, and suddenly chill water flowed differently against his bare skin.
Sam broke away, startled. "What—?"
"They're on the ledge." Gabriel whispered and smiled back. Sam's eyes narrowed playfully and he dove in, sucking on that perfect lower lip. He scored it between his teeth, eliciting a small moan that was just the right kind of exciting.
Unhurried, he kissed his way down the angel's cheek and neck. With one hand felt his way down his partner's body and hooked a powerful thigh. They bucked together as Sam guided Gabriel's knee to his hip and the angel suddenly understood, wrapping them together. Sam thrust lazily, rubbing their dicks together, pumping water currents over sensitive flesh. He nipped along the archangel's neck until he sighed and then lifted him up, moving them until Gabriel's wings touched the pool's ledge.
"Mmm." Sam kissed him. "Turn around."
Obediently, Gabriel turned, careful of the breadth of his wings. He let them hang open. Sam's blood pulsed at the sight of them, and he knew this was a purposeful show. Gabriel moved them and stretched them out, spreading his feathers wide. Sam hadn't paid them their proper attention until now. Had barely noticed them, but how could he forget the way the feathers slid through his fingers. He wove his hand through the plumes gently, watching for Gabriel's reaction. Oddly, there wasn't one. Sam shook his head and tried the motion again, gripping a little harder, tugging the way he knew Gabriel enjoyed.
He should be hearing moans, harsh gasps . . . nothing.
Puzzled, he rubbed his palms up and over Gabriel's stomach and chest, drawing him close. He kissed a spot between his shoulder blades. Licked and kissed closer to the joint of his wing. The muscles under his hands tensed. He licked, sucked, closed his lips over the curve of the joint, and got no more than a disconcerting sigh.
Sam frowned and drew himself up, trying not to be alarmed. He glanced over the angel's wings, watching a few feathers lift from the water. They were perfectly dry. In fact . . . he recalled Gabriel's palms on his face, his thumb tracing his cheek. They had been dry as well.
"Are you . . . doing something?" Sam asked without preamble.
Gabriel twisted slightly, craning his golden head around. "I don't know what you mean."
Sam turned him back around and gazed at him as he slid his hand around Gabriel's side and up toward his underwing. His fingers touched the small feathers there. "That's what I mean. Your breath should have hitched." He drew back his hand, suspicious. "And your feathers aren't wet." He gave them a glance.
"The water's cold," Gabriel scowled back, looking a little petulant himself, for once.
Sam blinked and slowly started to laugh. He hung his head, chuckling, and then looked up at his bemused partner. "If it's cold, genius, why don't you warm it up?" It was a little chilly at best. He grinned as Gabriel gave the pool serious contemplation and then spread his hands into the water. "Just do it slow." The angel gave him a look but complied.
Sam's smiled broadened. From the vicinity of Gabriel's hands, he could feel tendrils of heat swirling through the fountain's still waters. As the seconds ticked by, the warmth grew. His muscles started to feel more liquid and alive. Gabriel kept watching him, gauging his reaction. Eventually the pool began to steam, and Sam nodded. He placed a hand on his partner's chest.
"Can you feel me now?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Yes." But Sam was already winding around him, anticipating the answer.
This time when his slid his hands into the crevices of his underwings, Gabriel arched and moaned, crushing a kiss to Sam's lips as soon as he was able to breathe. Sam crushed him back, sliding his fingers up, circling the sensitive feathers until Gabriel tore his mouth away to pant. Touch. He shook. Slide, he whimpered. Sam loved it when he whimpered.
It was so easy to push him too far, too fast. Gabriel clung to his neck, and Sam dipped them lower into the water, groaning at the heat. He could kiss him for it. Did. For that and everything else, got lost in the joy of connecting, the strange blend of aggression, strength, and yielding.
"Aren't wings a problem in the water?" Sam asked between tasting his partner's mouth and biting along his shoulder.
Gabriel grunted and sighed softly. "You like them. I love that you like them."
Sam lifted his head and pinned the angel against the wall with his weight. "I like you," he breathed. "Put them away?"
Dark-eyed, Gabriel nodded, unsure but compliant. Sam couldn't blame him. He'd been so obsessed before. And he did love the wings, how they felt against his skin, how it drove Gabriel mad when they were touched. But there was so much more.
The way his partner pulled at his back and arms trying to get him closer. How he smiled when a graze of fingers made Sam laugh. How he liked to moan into him when they kissed. Gabriel hooked a leg around Sam's waist and yanked him in harder just because he'd learned he could. They thrust against one another, slippingslipping between the tight press of skin.
Panting, Sam pulled back enough to speak. "Water's nice, but . . . I've got a better idea." He motioned toward the flat area of the ledge. "Climb up."
A far too mischievous smile crossed the angel's face, and Sam's arousal flared. Gabriel climbed, and Sam followed. The archangel stretched himself out on the rock, one second dripping, the next second dry. He smirked, pillowed his head on one hand, and Sam gasped at the wave of warmth that rolled over him, sending goose bumps across his flesh.
"Neat trick," Sam murmured and smiled as he stretched out at his partner's side.
"I'm full of surprises."
No kidding. Sam glanced down the length of him, all strong, tight muscle, half-hard cock laying against his belly. Something fluttered in Sam's stomach, wary and anxious.
He ignored it and flattened his hand on Gabriel's chest, thoughtful as he felt him breathe. "What does this feel like to you?"
The angel gazed into him, considering. "How can I answer such a question?" he said seriously, and then reached out to mirror the pose. "What does it feel like to you?"
Sam glanced down. Gabriel's hand was heavy, strong, hotter than any human's hand would be. He moved it, so his fingertips brushed lightly against Sam's skin, and Sam smiled. "Tickles." He shifted. Then, more soberly, "And I feel . . . loved . . . and . . . vulnerable." He swallowed, rattled at his own honesty. The angel drew his hand away, and Sam fought the urge to put it back. Gabriel studied where Sam's palm rested on his chest.
"It feels warm. Rough." He concentrated, and Sam got the impression he was trying hard to sift through alien sensations. "But not vulnerable, not like . . ."
"When you were sick," Sam finished for him, his heart breaking a little at all the damage he had caused.
When Gabriel nodded, Sam leaned over and kissed him, long and lingering until he gave up one of those delicious moans. He was going to make this good. To make up for what he'd done. To give Gabriel what he wanted. Simply because he cared and wanted to see him happy. He was shocked at how much that mattered.
Sam drew back and sat up, his partner's erection lying against his body before him, somehow threatening and ordinary. Sam contemplated it and then reached out, rubbing a hand across Gabriel's chest. Gabriel touched his arm encouragingly and made a pleased sound as Sam rubbed circles down his stomach. He should be able to do this, he thought. Without fear, without hesitation. His knuckles brushed the tip of Gabriel's cock, and Gabriel jerked. He felt his eyes on him, and then a hand stroking his thigh. But there was a line here. He hadn't ever . . . and if he did, there was no undoing this, no going back. You couldn't untouch another guy's dick and go back to who you were. His face might look in the same in a mirror, but behind the eyes . . . changed. Sam drew light, tense breaths. He wasn't who he was. He could do this. Wanted to.
It wasn't as strange as he thought it might be. Gabriel's cock was hot and heavy in his hand. Silky, as he pumped it once with a familiar motion. Gabriel groaned and thrust, but Sam stopped. And after a second he started to chuckle.
"You laugh at me at the strangest times," Gabriel rumbled, his voice huskier than normal. He squeezed on Sam's leg.
Sam glanced over. "I . . ." He huffed and smiled, slowly turning red. "You're uncircumcised. I mean, obviously. It's just . . . I never knew what that would look like." He finished lamely, cowering in embarrassment. Why would he know? The only dick he had any experience with was his own. So, yeah.
Gabriel laughed lightly. "I have a different covenant with God." But he lay still, waiting, more patient than anyone else might have been.
An awkward moment passed with Sam staring and not really moving his hand. And then he blinked, coming to himself, and stroked. His partner's breathing hitched, and he followed the pressure of Sam's hand. He pulled easily, gently, playing with the extra skin. Sam stroked over the slit, earning a gasp and delicious moan. Did it again to make him shudder. He gripped harder, slippedslipped and Gabriel whimpered, rubbing a hand up and down Sam's leg.
He could do this. He could do better than this. Sam shifted to his knees, and it brought his head frightfully close to the angel's cock. He stopped pumping his hand, and his partner relaxed back with a sigh.
He froze, eyeing the exposed head of Gabriel's cock with fear. Because this too was something you couldn't ever undo. This too would be indelible, mark him a stranger to himself. He wasn't sure he even wanted to do it in the first place, but if he'd been in Gabriel's place, he'd have wanted him to. Hell, he'd dreamed about it a few times already. Sam licked his lips.
"Sam . . ." Gabriel breathed his name at the hesitation and touched his arm and face. "You don't—"
Sam cut him a look. No, he didn't. But what was giving without a little sacrifice.
Trepidation skittered on spider's legs up Sam's spine as he lowered slowly and cautiously took just the tip of his partner's cock in his mouth. Gabriel shuddered and clenched his hands at his side, which was encouraging. It tasted strange, not entirely bad. A little like salt, a little like skin. He swirled his tongue lightly, not sure. Gabriel groaned out a deep animal rumble. He did it again, a little harder, took in a tiny bit more and then sucked as he drew up. He could do this. And went to do it again.
Moaning, Gabriel thrust on instinct.
Sam made a strangled sound and jerked back, gasping more in fright than anything.
"I'm sorry," the angel panted and buried a hand in Sam's hair.
Fear ran high through Sam's body, like he'd been attacked. His breath shuddered. He leaned into the touch and braced a hand on his partner's chest. "S'ok. I . . ." Had a dick in my mouth and wasn't used to it? He half smirked and gave the saliva-slicked tip of Gabriel's cock a determined look. The fingers rubbing circles on his scalp drew back, probably to ward off temptation. Sam thanked him with a glance, then wrapped a strong hand around the base and started to lick a second time.
He knew what felt good, what could feel amazing, and tried to mirror things that had been done to him, with tongue, with teeth. Gabriel slowly unraveled. Unable to buck, he writhed. Twisted on the rock, pressed and gripped his hands as he broke into a sweat. Sam's name blended with whimpers and moans, hot breathless exaltations. Sam stopped when he felt him start to tremble.
He stretched out again at his side and pillowed Gabriel's head on his hand so he could crush him into a kiss.
"Hey," Sam breathed, drinking in this sight of his partner's flushed skin and reddened lips. "Tell me what you want."
For you to love me, flew quickly to Gabriel's tongue, but he hesitated on speaking such words.
Sam sensed a reticence and read it as embarrassment.
He nuzzled close. "It's okay. I wanna know. I can't do this right if I don't." And he was going to do this right. Even if it killed him, he'd be the man an archangel thought he was.
"You are doing it right."
But there was something else. Sam could see some unspoken want lurking in his partner's eyes. As pretext, he dotted a kiss on his cheek. Then he lingered, panting in Gabriel's ear. He let his fingers trace over his sternum, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. Tell me. And suddenly he ached with not knowing. He twined their legs together and rubbed his body along Gabriel's side in one rocking stroke. Tell me.
Sam touched his lips, delicate and scorching, to Gabriel's ear and rumbled low, nearly inaudible. "Do you like it when I'm inside you?"
Gabriel shuddered and arched against him.
"Or . . ." Sam drew back slightly to watch his face. "I could use just my hands?" He traced around one nipple and watched his partner's eyelids flutter. He stroked down to his hip, making him arch and squirm. "Or my mouth."
"You wouldn't like that," Gabriel managed to say, meeting Sam's dark eyes.
"I could learn," he breathed, and stepped his fingers lightly up damp angelic skin. "I'd do it anyway." He traced the contours of one pec, both their gazes following the motion.
"And . . . if I wanted to be inside you?" Gabriel's voice pitched to a whisper.
Sam froze, his gaze locking on his stilled fingers. Unease and fear flickered across his face. That. "Umm. Then . . ." His voice was light, almost not his own. He could say no. Be a coward. He couldn't even name what he was afraid of, but it still made his fingertips tremble. "I guess . . . I'd let you try. If—if that's what you want." He swallowed and glanced up. "Is it?"
Something fierce and tender shone in Gabriel's eyes. "No," he said, and pulled Sam on top of him with casual strength. His legs parted, welcoming Sam's body and weight. Large hands massaged up and down Sam's back, gripped at his ass.
Sam hovered and then ground into the electric heat of the angel's body. "Still didn't answer my question."
A smile. "I trust you."
Sam might actually have moaned. He wanted rhythm, needed rhythm. Kissed, kissed, kissed, rocking, down the angel's neck, drew his tongue slightly over the hollow shell at his throat and felt a shiver. Sam molded his hands gently to the architecture of Gabriel's ribs. He swirled his hot tongue over one nipple and felt his partner gasp. Sensitive here. He remembered. Took the tight pebble between his teeth and bit. Gabriel gasped again, digging his fingers into Sam's hair, and pressed his head down. He bit harder until the pain sparked and his partner arched with a throaty cry. His fingers trembled in Sam's hair, and Sam smiled wickedly. He should've done this before, but was almost glad he'd waited until now. He went for the other, licking, nipping, teasing. Bit hard, harder, harder. Gasp! The angel's whole body reverberated pleasure.
He slid up so their lips met in a greedy and devouring kiss. So wet, so hot. Sam pulled back, panting, and gazed into Gabriel's eyes as he placed two fingers against the angel's mouth. Gabriel surged and sucked them in, swirling his tongue, tasting the tips. Fuck. He was like a porn star sometimes. It shouldn't feel so good, but Christ, he couldn't breathe. Sam groaned and thrust against his partner's hip in time with the pull and laves of his tongue.
Heat wrapped around Sam's limbs, energizing as he broke out into a sweat. He could come just like this, Gabriel's skin burning him alive. Gabriel sucked hard, fluttering his eyes and looking wanton, rocking with Sam's unconscious motion. Jesus. That was so wrong. Sam slipped his fingers out and watched Gabriel's expression as he brought them to his mouth, adding a bit of saliva of his own. The angel's eyes flashed, lips parted, and he shivered.
Sam shifted, grinning when his partner opened further in silent begging. Sam touched teasingly along his cock making him moan, slid a finger slowly along until he found a tight pucker of muscle. Gabriel arched, whimpering quietly, and Sam kissed the corner of his mouth.
"Okay?"
A stuttering nod and strong hand gripping the back of his neck. Sam fit their mouths together and pressed his finger in with languorous intrusion, breathing in sighs to taste the color of their emotion. Each stroke a different flavor, a sigh, a nip. When he touched the right spot, a gasp, arching, and darting of tongues. Two fingers, and Gabriel tore his lips away to pantpant and cry out. He turned his head away, exposing the tender flesh of his neck—an act of submission. Sam marked him with tongue and teeth, the angel's hands rubbed, roving his body.
Drunk, shaking, Gabriel managed words between pleasured sighs. "Enough. Don't tease me." He heaved and flexed his limbs as Sam pushed his fingers deep, touching an erogenous zone.
No teasing.
Sam's own breath came in heavy draughts, and he ached. He'd been pushing it aside, intent instead on the song of his partner's fragmentation. And Gabriel did look shattered, sweating and shivering with need. Sam withdrew his hand and adjusted the odd angle at which their bodies met, lifting his partner's hips slightly so his cock nestled against the cleft of Gabriel's ass. The angel was only too happy to comply, use his strength to their advantage.
One long, heavy moment of breaching, Sam sliding inside, and they groaned together. God, Gabriel was hot and perfect. Sam bit his lip and rocked, almost pulling out, slowly, sinking back in faster.
It couldn't have been that long since he'd last buried himself, burning in the angel's heat. Somehow he missed it, missed reeling with ecstatic fire. He laid himself down, hungry for a kiss, and found himself wrapped in an embrace. He moved with control at first, pumping slowly, tasting on Gabriel's tongue when he hit the right place. Then faster, angling and slamming them together.
Gabriel broke off a kiss. "Harder."
Sam leaned in all his weight, arching like a cat, pulling his partner in by his shoulders. Breathe. Breathe. He shook it was so hot, so hard to move. Gabriel's cries echoed through the cave, loud, desirous, unashamed. He was so responsive, so vocal. Sam felt masterful and humbled at once. He had wrought this breaking joy, and he thrust up hard to hear it again, adding moans of his own so that for just a moment they were one animal.
New aches broke out across his body. He ignored them until they hurt, until the snap of his hips was more pain than pleasure. He thrust in hard, grunting with the effort, and collapsed forward, curling and laughing against Gabriel's neck.
"What?" the angel breathed into his ear, holding him close as they panted together. "Sam?"
He chuckled, shaking his head at himself. "My knees hurt." It was absurd, but they were on a rock shelf, and he was only human.
Gabriel made low, thoughtful sound and held Sam tighter to his chest. He shifted, binding him with a leg, and in an instant the world spun. Sam found himself on his back, being laid gently down. Gabriel straddled his hips, sunk as deeply on his cock as he had ever been. He looked clever and commanding, pressing a palm against Sam's chest as he adjusted to the new position.
"Better?" The archangel gazed down, grinning.
Sam rubbed his hands up his partner's thighs gratefully and smiled. "Think so." Liar. It was so much better.
Now he was free to touch, fill his hands with flexing muscle. Now he could really see. He thought Gabriel had looked wanton before only because he'd never been looking up at him watching pleasure, effort and relief form expressions on his face as he rocked himself up on impossibly strong legs and thrust himself down. He was making his own rhythm. Rideslidehitchgrind. Rolling his hips to grind his ass down harder, like he'd grown up in a fucking whorehouse. Sam groaned behind a bit lip, taking his own pleasure. Gabriel rode Sam expertly, rising and exposing the white column of his throat, slipping back down, uttering nonsense.
He picked up the pace, threw himself forward, bracing his arms above Sam's head. Sam could only try to keep up, pinching, rubbing, taking Gabriel's dick in his hand. All thoughts blasted from his brain. Coiling heat, mounting pressure. He wanted, wanted. He panted and jerked. So hot. C'mon.
Gabriel pressed him into the ground, so he could ride him harder. Sam was sure this was how he was going to die: pinned to a rock ledge, fucked by an angel. He squeezed, pulled slick on Gabriel's cock, and the angel's steady rhythm came apart. He stuttered, groaned, threw his head back, and came, his arms buckling so he hovered with barely and space between them. Pant. Gasp. Sam pulled him down the rest of the way, running his clean hand along the angel's back, feeling the muscles quiver. Gabriel opened his eyes, breathing raggedly.
"You're gorgeous." Sam told him, and he lifted his head, grinning faintly. "And handsome," he added, cause that was different. The grin broadened. "And God are you hot."
At that, the angel laughed lightly, and he slowly smiled, seductive and beatific. He moved like a cat, sitting back, impaling himself. Their gazes locked, and Sam arched up off the stone as he was sheathed. His heart poundpounded his chest as his partner squeezed down on him, hard, and lifted himself up. A sharp breath, and a deep groan tore Sam's throat. Holy shit. A second time, and he had to close his eyes, his vision bubbling with black. The movements were slow, but Christ he wrung out pleasure. Sam's moans melted into whimpers, into pleading. His skin hurt, fingers tingled. Gabriel was so tight, God, he couldn't, he couldn't . . . Gabriel's tongue touched on Sam's neck, the weak place, that spot. Sam arched, shaking, torn between sensations. He climaxed like crumbling, missed the peak, but thrust up dissolving into relief. It might not have been the hardest orgasm, or the longest, but he was pretty sure it was his favorite.
Mmm.
Breathe . . .
Breathe.
He opened his eyes to find Gabriel watching him, still straddling his hips. The angel's lips twitched into a smile, and Sam smiled back, for a moment just basking. Then he slapped him on the thigh to make him move, regretting a little when his cock slipped free. Then he eased himself, groaning, into the steaming hot tub they'd made of the Fountain of Youth.
"C'mere." Sam motioned lazily, splashing. He sank low in the water, until it covered his shoulders.
Gabriel slipped into the pool without a sound or misplaced drop. He gave Sam a curious look, and let himself be guided when Sam pulled him into his lap. Sam wrapped his arms around the angel's chest and waist, holding the rigid body awkwardly. He gave it a few seconds, then huffed a laugh.
"Relax, would you?" He rubbed his hands encouragingly.
Gabriel's shoulders unwound some, and he sank a little lower, but it was like he was waiting for something, for the next stage. He held himself ready for whatever that unexpected action might be.
Sam grinned fondly nuzzled the short hairs behind his ear. "You asked me to make love to you, right?" he said softly.
The archangel nodded and turned his head as though to listen further.
"Well"—Sam hugged him—"this is part of that. Sometimes the best part." He watched as Gabriel thought it over and sighed in relief when the tension melted out of him. He'd forgotten to miss this. Ruby had mingled sex and blood and addiction, which was powerful and overwhelming, dangerous and passionate.
Sam rested against Gabriel's neck, safe, and was shocked at the ache of nostalgia for such a feeling.
They lounged for a while in comfortable silence. Gabriel traced patterns on the water's surface, thinking thoughts Sam wondered if he'd understand. Sam had thoughts of his own, too, though. He'd just done a whole lot of things he'd never thought he'd do. Didn't really regret it. No, definitely didn't regret it. But didn't know quite what it meant, either.
He rested his face against the back of Gabriel's neck as he worked up his courage. The angel didn't seem surprised when he finally spoke.
"What are we doing?" Sam asked lowly.
Gabriel shifted around until they were looking at one another.
"I mean us," Sam hurried on, "Are we . . ." He frowned. "Is this just sex?"
The angel took a breath to answer, but Sam cut him off. "And don't tell me it's whatever I want it to be."
Gabriel exhaled and said nothing, waiting patiently as always.
Anger sparked in Sam's chest at that unflappable patience, but he forced himself to let it go and felt overtaken by a wave of weariness in its wake. "What do you want from me?" he asked in a small voice. "There are billions of people on the planet. Why me?"
Sorrow touched the corners of Gabriel's dark eyes and he looked away. "We've been over that."
"We have?" Sam tightened his hold, and Gabriel glanced back at him.
He measured his words carefully. "Do you remember when you asked why I could forgive you?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah. 'Course. You asked me who loved me. And I said Dean and Bobby. And you said a father and a brother and asked me if that was enough."
"And what did you say?"
"No."
Gabriel nodded like he had the first time, something knowing and distantly sad in the reach of his gaze. Sam felt the wheels turn, snapping into place as he watched him. What an idiot. Why hadn't he seen it before? Self-centeredness, he thought bitterly. But he saw it now.
Sam let him turn back around, so they were back to chest. "What do you want, Gabriel?"
The angel's whole body rose and fell in a sigh. He took a long time in answering. "Someone who will cry for me," he said.
Sam's heart clenched in pain, and he rested again against the back of Gabriel's neck. It was honest, and since Sam felt tears stinging his eyes at the rawness of the declaration, maybe he was the right guy for the job after all.
He sniffed and lifted his head to speak. "I wish I could see you, the real you . . . Like I did in that mirror. You were . . . I don't know. I couldn't stop looking."
"That wasn't my true self. It was just a piece. The small portion that leaks through into this plane to take a vessel."
Sam shrugged, sloshing water. "I still wish I could see you."
Gabriel whipped around sharply, and Sam jumped. "No, you don't," he bit out. "I'm terrible, do you understand? Devastating. I'm the angel of fury, Sam. Vengeance and blistering fire." He clutched Sam's face. "You can never, ever see me. Not in my true form."
Sam stared at him, eyes wide and fearful, his pulse suddenly racing. He tried to pull back, and the gesture made Gabriel let him go. The angel dropped his head, embarrassed, and turned back around. Sam's embrace had come free, but Gabriel took his hands and placed them back where they had been. As Sam's terror dropped, he pulled him a little closer under his own power.
He cautiously touched his lips to a part of Gabriel's shoulder above the water and paused, thoughtful. Then, "I can't do this if I don't know you. It isn't right." Maybe that didn't mean seeing true forms. He didn't know. Just . . . fuck it, he cared. That's all he'd wanted to say.
Gabriel dropped his head back against Sam's shoulder. "Then know me."