Disclaimer: Yeah...not mine...any of it.
A/N: This is sorta AU in that Derek has been cleaning Sarah's guns all along, though that's never shown in the series. It's also OOC. Probably because it's really just this strange idea I had one day about Derek and Sarah's relationship. Yes...in my mind...it's love. So really, the whole thing is sort of my voice, not Derek's, but *shrug* oh well. It was my idea; maybe I didn't want him to steal it. lol. Anyway, hope you enjoy my short little ficlet.
It Means More Than She Knows
I was cleaning the guns. Sarah probably felt it was some sort of reflection on her. Maybe she was offended, or maybe there's a story there. I honestly don't know the first thing about her, except that when I told John she was Kyle's type...I'd meant that she was mine. I've heard stories. I know she used to be Kyle's type, but it seems that part of her died with him. She was reborn, and after shooting Jesse, I hope it's not the worst thing in the world to hope that she was reborn for me.
I wasn't meaning to condescend that day...cleaning the guns, though I'm aware I often come off that way to others. Jesse used to find that charming. The thing is, I taught Kyle. I taught him how to hit baseballs, how to swing, and how to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. After the bombs dropped, that was one thing that didn't change. I still taught Kyle. I taught him how to scavage for food, how to shoot, and how to care for his equipment. Only one time did he fail to clear a gun properly. He handed the gun to me from the pile, exactly as I'd taught him. I used up the ammo, I dropped it, he handed me the next and loaded the one I'd dropped. The third gun jammed. I got shot in the leg, and Kyle got taken to Century, and I've never fired a gun I didn't check for myself since.
I taught Kyle, and he taught Sarah, so I consider her in some ways to be a part of me. She's the part of me that reminds me of all my mistakes. I never taught Kyle about love. He had to learn that with her. Kyle taught Sarah so much, and she learned brilliantly, but she showcases my biggest mistake. Sarah's more war-weary than even me, and she hasn't seen Judgement Day yet, though I'm sure she sees it in her nightmares just as we all do.
I never taught Kyle how to forget, and how to get away from the war. He was gone by the time I learned how myself. Even in the middle of the war, it's a possible and necessary skill. Jesse had to teach me that one. Kyle may have learned it on his own, but if he did, he never taught it to Sarah.
She showcases my mistakes, but I'll never let her fire a weapon I haven't cleared (even if I have to use every bit of stealth training I've learned to manage it). At least that's one mistake she won't have to showcase for me. She'll never see someone she loves taken from her because of a jammed gun. Maybe, in time, I'll get a chance to correct the rest of my mistakes in her.
She's definitely my type. We two are hard as nuclear nails, but the difference is: I'm not letting her stay that way.