Sry for the grammar.
Wrinkle in Reality
Reality is merely an illusion
Beyond the space thus far
Something else is buried in the game
As long as we remember that
Ephemeral is different from Eternal
You will forever exist
In or out of Reality.
………….
Roxas Kazuki is waiting under the big jasmine tree in the middle of Willow Park. To the right is the aged and weathered ancient well. There is no longer water in the well; it has died a long time ago. But many still practice the tradition of tossing coins in it as if to activate the magical healing properties it was said to have. What a bunch of tosh.
To his left is the small area called the playground of many toddlers that come here every day. The swings there are held by ropes and the paint on the plastic seats, slides and statues have begun to peel. The area held special memories of his childhood but now, they are as faded and old as the ancient well. He might as well abandon them.
The wind suddenly blew around him, making Roxas feel a blast of coldness from his surroundings. The tree branches shook and some leaves and white flowers flutter down around him.
It came as suddenly as it went. Roxas is left with his hair ruffled and he decided to let it be. What for must he be neat for? Nobody is going to see him and nobody is going to care.
It has been that way ever since he was as young as the toddlers. His father left him and his mother rejects him out of her priorities. He is constantly showered by solitude and hatred from everywhere. His fellow school mates teased him. His teachers resented his attitude. Even strangers off the streets would huddle together and whispered many things he doesn't want to know.
He's alone.
As Roxas contemplates on his life, there is a slight rustle of dry brown leaves, right behind him. Roxas tensed as the rustle grew to crunches and then a pause. He sighed and looked behind.
A small blond child is sitting under the shade of the jasmine tree. Her blond hair touches her shoulders and dull blue eyes stared at the playground. It is empty as the day is fleeting and nightfall is only a matter of minutes. Orange bathes the whole Park and twilight is approaching.
Yet, the small child is still there. The orange colored her pale skin and turned her hair dark yellow. She is watching the playground with hidden enthusiasm ( as predicted by Roxas) and doesn't seem to be leaving anytime soon. Maybe she was lost.
He slowly walks over to the crouched figure and sat down beside her. She didn't flinch or even acknowledge his arrival. She continued staring.
"Are you lost?" His question now arouses her from the spell she is under and the small girl turned her blue orbs away from the playground to his own.
Roxas felt a prick of uneasiness and doom. The eyes of the child don't match her body. He saw wisdom as deep as the ancient well and sorrow that scarred deep in the depths of her soul. It is as though, she lived through many
"Yes, you can say that." She said it all slowly, as if learning for the first time to speak. Her eyes never left his.
Roxas breathe in deeply and calm himself down. The child is starting to unnerve him.
"Where is your mother?" he asks again.
"Mother?" The word is foreign to her tongue. She thought about it and shook her head.
"Where are you from?" Roxas persistently asked again. The child smiled sadly.
"I'm everywhere and nowhere. I don't exist in reality. I never do." She answered. Her eyes dimmed and for a moment, Roxas caught a flash of pain.
"But you do exist! You are here in front of me. I can see you. What is there for you not to exist?" Roxas exclaimed.
"I exist beyond time. But in reality I don't. I only exist to your eyes. You can't touch me." She argued and lifts a hand up. It looked solid.
Roxas gradually reached out his hand to touch hers and is shock to feel only air. His hand had gone through hers and the fingers are poking out of the back of her hand. He hastily withdrew, staring at her.
"Are you a ghost?" He asks again.
"I wish I was. I would have memories then. But to require memories, you have to be a creature of time. Time weaves memories." She explained.
"Enough about me." She suddenly said. "Why are you here? Are you lost too? By the way, you hair's ruffled." She brushed gently on his wild spikes. It didn't move.
He smiled and repeated. "Yes, you can say that."
It is a start of a friendship unlike any other.
…………..
From that day onwards, Roxas constantly goes out to the Jasmine tree in Willow Park. She never failed to be there when the sun sets.
They would lie beside the tree and talk about anything, from Roxas' life to her non-existent one. She is especially good at listening to the very murky past of his childhood and how it leads him to be labeled the society pariah and be treated differently everywhere. Nobody knew him underneath and nobody cared except for the little blond girl.
"I would say that you are lucky." She analyzed one day on his ongoing situation. "To be able to feel and even be seen is a big blessing. Humans cannot live without another and by even acknowledging you; they know you exist though how bad you seem to look. I have often observed people as they cry and laugh, feel happy and drained and the little things that they react strongly to. It infected others around them. They create their own reality."
They lapse back in silence, staring at the playground as they do so. Roxas thought about her words and a small ray of truth penetrated him. He had been acting ungrateful, taking his existence for granted and never thought of changing.
Maybe it is time for change, he decided. A change for the better.
As he pondered, a tiny blue bird sang its little ritual song before nightfall, swooping around curiously at the strange couple as it did so. It chirped shrilly and glided to and fro from the child to Roxas.
He noted the same sad smile that graced her lips as she lifted a finger to touch the small bundle of life. Just as hopeless as she is with Roxas, the bird simply flew through her finger without shying away.
Roxas had a sudden urge to take away her sadness far beyond the world when he saw the pathetic attempts of touching the bird. He slowly lowered his eyes from her wandering finger to her dull veiled eyes.
"Do you have a name?" For a moment, she acted deaf. After a few seconds, the girl lowered her hand and placed it gently on her lap.
"I don't have a real name. You can call me girl. That is a general term for my form." She answered, masking her face with a smile. In truth, Roxas can detect that she is still deep in the pool of sorrow. It probed her wound. He regretted his question.
"Well," He continued hastily, "You must have a name some time or another. I'm going to call you Namine. Your eyes are as blue as the waves that crashed at the beach in this 's beautiful, you're beautiful. It's perfect."
His efforts are rewarded with the real smile and a slight blush that replaced the masked one on the girl's pale face that radiated happiness. It is only one of the many to come in the future.
"Namine." She tried the word in her tongue. "Namine. Thank you." She whispered to him. For the first time, her blue eyes twinkled and emotion she never knew she had surfaced. Namine is finally happy.
………
The days ran pass the two of them. Time trickled away too fast for Roxas as he spend most of his time with the small girl through the night and sometimes, through the day. She always greeted him with the same sincere smile. Her happiness never left ever since he named her.
Autumn, a magical season for many couples. It is especially enchanting when the colored leaves starts to fall many a time. It felt like colored snow. The air is constantly flocked by flashes of brown, red and yellow and an occasional hint of green.
Roxas now meet Namine everyday and the whole day is spent by watching and observing people. He is getting better in finding the pattern of emotions that drifts continuously. It is a great lesson in life.
"Namine." He called out one autumn day. It is a fine sunny day, full of potential. He jogged energetically to the same spot under the jasmine tree and landed beside Namine. He had grown taller, broader and much stronger and wiser.
"Hey, Namine," He greeted her . "I finally got through my exams! My mother is so proud now. She decided that she's been neglecting me and apologized. A couple of my school mates actually asked me to skateboard. I guess, my life is improving…Thanks to you." He shyly looked at Namine who nodded, grinning. She shared his elatedness and basked in it.
"Now I know how to feel accomplishment is." She said softly.
Roxas wanted to hug her, held her close, feel her body against his and to finally able to tell her that she existed but all were impossible wishes and he is at loss how to thank her properly. All he is able to do is to share his joy and he desperately wished to give.
He wished upon the twinkling stars that pricked the dark blanket that night. When he closed his eyes, the star falls from the firmament, creating a fading trail behind it.
………………
The last days of autumn are nearing. The leaves no longer form a mist of colors but lay on the ground, papering it. The trees were bare as like the jasmine tree.
That day, Roxas came at twilight. The Willow Park is once again bathed in orange, darker orange. Namine is still under the now bare jasmine tree that looks rather dull without its cloak of green and white. She greeted him but Roxas at once noted her pale complexion and rather faded look.
He settles down beside her, concern in his heart as he traced the outline of her features.
"What happened?" He whispered.
"I have no knowledge of my change, Roxas." She answered sadly. "I wish I could tell you. I'm scared."
Roxas immediately moved closer to her, his hand only inches from her own.
"Tell me something nice, Roxas. Tell me something happy. Tell me so that I can feel happy." Namine urged him and too closed the gap between them. Their fingers were touching now though Roxas only felt air.
He felt goose bumps prickling from his skin at the desperation of her voice. He searched for a distant memory, something very meaningful, sentimental. He had a nasty notion that Namine might disappear before his very eyes.
He found it at once.
"Remember when we met?" Roxas looked up to the bare branches, up the grey-blue sky. "Under this jasmine tree?"
He paused and closes his eyes to soak up the memory. It was happy, cheerful and very close to his heart. Roxas opened his eyes and looked at Namine.
He is startled when he saw tears streaming down her cheeks slowly. Teardrop by teardrop, it built on until it flowed steadily. Her blue eyes sparkled with deeper emotion than when he first met her. He began panicking slightly but then relaxes when he noticed her ever sincere smile; she is crying tears of joy.
"Yes, I do remember. It is the first memory I cherished." She laughed softly, her hands clasping together. Tears fall from her cheeks but it vanished in mid air.
"You were staring at the playground. I saw you." Roxas continued, grinning along.
"Your hair was messy. Like yellow pale flames." Namine commented. Unconsciously, Roxas brushed his hair.
"Yeah. And you were just the lost child I found. And along, I found myself, your wisdom and you. Especially you." He looked deep in her eyes and tried to show it all; his gratitude, sincerity, love. "You were the one who make me, me."
Namine merely leaned her head on her propped up knees and wrapped her arms around her legs. Her eyes found his and it twinkled ever so brightly when she is named.
"And you show me happiness, sad, joy, memories, love." She added on. Roxas' heart beats faster.
At the very moment, some of his friends from school passed by. They saw Roxas and called out to him.
"Hey, Roxas! Wanna blade?" Hayner called out with challenge. The others agreed and urged him to join them.
Roxas wanted to continue being with Namine but the blond girl shook her head and looked pointedly at his friends.
"Go. You belong with them." She said, a little wistful. Roxas stood up at last and gave her a slight nod before heading off. Namine watched him, way after he vanished in the horizon. Roxas never see her whisper something.
……..
Tomorrow is winter. The air has reset itself to a lower temperature in preparation for winter. Small critters began to slowly fade from view. Even the birds had flown.
But Roxas still came.
Before he even stepped in the park, he can taste disaster and a sense of foreboding. He passed quickly by the playground, benches and the ancient well.
Namine is still there, waiting and at once, Roxas confirmed his greatest nightmare. Namine's fading from existence to him.
"Namine!" He cried out and rushed to the now nearly transparent girl. She almost looks healthy, even fitter than when they last met which was yesterday.
"Roxas, I can feel. I must go." She broke out the news. It tore through him, making his heart bleed out very emotion left and it flowed out of him through his tears. A strange emptiness was left and it felt too deep and suffocating.
"Namine, don't leave me. Please, don't." He pleaded, reaching out to her, only meeting the air. She too echoed his emotions but the smile remained.
"Once I'm gone, you'll still have friends. Roxas," She said in a caring and tender voice. "You have a whole life ahead of you. Don't hold back because of me. I'm never meant to be…" Her voice too began to diminish slowly. "I want you to be happy with me when I'm gone, don't be sad. Smile for me, Roxas."
He did though it tensed every muscle and took a lot of effort for him to be happy. It would not come.
Namine once again echoed his emotion. "When, I'm gone, promise me…"
"Yes?" He asked desperately.
"Promise me you will find me someday and remind me of us." Her request is strange yet, it sparked an ember of hope.
"You'll come back?"
"I'll try to, Roxas. I learnt one thing from my time with you and that is everything is possible. And it will be once you hope. But if I were to be really gone…" Her chin trembles and Namine leans forward.
"I want you to remember. Don't forget them. One day…I will come to collect the memories. I'll try."
Namine then revert her eyes to the sky. "It is time for me to fly off from my life here." She giggled suddenly. "I used to be a creature out of time. Now, I'm very much in it." She stopped and turned to Roxas. "Before everything disappears, I want to say…"
Her words are caught up in the wind as the last bit of her turned to dust, twinkling up higher and higher in the air until it flows on caught in the wind current.
Roxas can only stare at the spot where Namine used to be, never going to be and never will be on again. He crouched down, buried hid face in his knees, clasps his hands over his ears and screamed.
…………
Winter came, bringing snow and slush to the shivering residents near Willow Park. People are seen, buried in their various clothing and their cheeks all red from the cold air. With every sentence uttered, white vapor poured out of their mouths as the ice cold air stabbed their throats.
The group of skaters noticed a distinct change in Roxas. He grew quiet, sad and grief nearly every day though the reasons are unclear. He is the same old Roxas though, good in his studies and great in managing a board with wheels. His mother is known to change and everyone reckon that is how he changed for the better in summer. Nobody knew the little girl who would sit under the jasmine tree found in Willow Park.
Roxas is the only one who remembered her very short sight existence in his life. It felt more than that, more in emotional depth that touched him like no other. He still lingers near the snow covered jasmine tree and gained some curious looks too but they passed.
He leaned on the spot Namine used to sit, breathe in the sharp cold air in his lungs and closed his eyes. A picture of her smiling with her blue eyes sparkling would swim up his mind but as days passed by, the image grew watery, even smudged but Roxas would extract the memory of her image deep in his mind and once again saw her, in the mind's eye.
"Are you done m' boy?" croaked a wobbly wizened voice.
Roxas eyes shot open, his mouth gaping and his mind trying to be still. An old wrinkled man in a shabby brown jacket and patched pants is swiping slush off his pants, his other hand clutched on a long rusty spade. He managed to get some of the white fluff off and now hobbling towards him.
"Done?" Roxas inquires politely.
"I see you here nearly every day in winter. I'm the care taker here, see? I know and see that you mighta' been missing somebody. Waiting perhaps?" He winked and touched a battered cap on his balding head, his eyes twinkling. His eyes are grey.
"I know that feeling. Old Janet used to be my waiting tree too when I was a youngin' like you." He continued. "I waited and say to myself, 'Why not try a bit of prayer?' So I flipped a coin in the ancient well. It was still watery inside during my time. Fancy trying to bring the well back to life?"
Roxas doesn't comprehend his meaning and stared back, confusing written all over. The care taker merely shrugged and lumbered off to another section of Willow Park.
"Gotta try, youngin'. I learn one thing from time and that is anything is possible. Gotta try." His last words sparked a memory and the ember of hope that lay low for the last few days. Hope burned brighter than ever. Roxas pondered.
The Willow Park is empty now. Nobody is seen. Roxas started off towards the crumbling well, each footstep, a reluctant one. He finally stared down the mouth to only see darkness in the depths.
Before he panics, Roxas dugs in his coat and fished out a quarter. He prayed silently and watched as his fingers let go the shiny coin down to the unknown.
"Let her come back. Let her be here. Let us unite once more. Let the miracle come just like when the well was full and everything was at peace." He prayed.
There is no sound for a while then…a splash. Roxas jolts up at the sound and gaped at the hole once more. There is water! It is not dry.
It is a miracle worth but will it be worth to bring another?
………..
Spring glided in to replace the whiteness of winter, filling the scenery with colors as the plants bloomed and the critters came back to live once more. The air now is warm and there is a sense of peace.
"Boys, go on. Time to go skating. Roxas? Can you put this in the letter box for me?" Mrs Kazuki called out gaily, her cheeks pink with a healthy glow.
The boys who are playing about at once scrambled out of the gate while a certain blond teenager comes up to her.
Roxas takes the letter, new and crisp, and he bad her goodbye for the moment. As he steps out of the gate, he seemed to aged to a young man now, wisdom in his eyes and strength in his body.
On the way, Roxas passed the Willow Park, now alive with the sound of screaming toddlers mixed with the chatters of live critters. A smile grace his lips as a memory surfaced in him, distant but there.
A sense of longing stopped him in his tracks and his feet automatically lead him to the central tree now dotted with white flowers.
He stopped dead.
A familiar scene played up. Namine, now grown and nearly the same age as he is, is sitting under the tree. She is staring at the playground.
Roxas sidle next to her and plopped down. His arrival makes her rather surprised.
"Hi." She greeted cautiously.
"Hi." Roxas answered, his eyes strayed to her face. The same blue eyes peered at him.
"What's your name?"
"Me? Nami Kai." She answered. Nami flicked a piece of rubble off the ground.
"I'm Roxas." She turned curiously at him.
"I think I know."
"You do?" He asked nonchalantly.
"You are that guy…in my memory. Sitting under this tree. Looking at the playground…" She trailed off. "You called me Namine."
"You remembered." Roxas smiled, his heart bursting with joy. The miracle is worth another. Though how changed she is, Namine in flesh and blood returned.
"I want to say something…but you didn't hear." She frowned.
"What is it?" Roxas now surveyed her seriously as she recounted the past.
"I…I love you." She stammered then blushed. "I know it is weird, me a stranger talking such matters. I must be going crazy." She feinted knocking her head and laughed. The same laugh Namine had when she felt the first emotion; happiness.
"No." He said quietly.
"No? Then, I must be going." She stands up, brushing soil from her skirt. "I wasted enough time, doing things that are too vague."
She is suddenly tugged back down under the tree, the blond guy looking at her in such a sad, happy and fulfilling way. He leans forward and their lips met. Their bodies drew closer. Roxas wrapped his arms around her, pushing it tightly to himself.
It is a while when they let go. Her cheeks are red and her eyes twinkling in a nostalgic way. "It is you." She whispered.
"Namine…I mean Nami." Roxas started but she stopped him.
"Namine's fine."
"How did you manage to find me?" He asked, his fingers threading through hers. Namine grinned cheekily.
"I have no idea but you needn't understand everything, Roxas. Didn't I teach you anything?" She banters playfully.
"You taught me more. You taught me about life."
"And so I did." She laughes.
They settle under the same spot, Roxas' hand on hers as they continued their daily routine, watching humans.
………
Sora is winding his way down the rarely-used pathway, graffiti sprayed on the dull grey walls, cheering up the place with vulgar words indeed. As he trotted past various empty boxes and bins, he spotted a red haired teenage girl sitting on the wall, her eyes surveying the street beyond.
"Are you lost?" Sora asked as he stopped by her.
"Yes, you can say that." She answered.
……………..