The sudden sharp pain coming from the seat of his pants made Ensign Paulson yelp and jump forward a little. He spun around vainly trying to catch who had just kicked him, but the corridor was empty save for him and the faint sound of snickering. Paulson straightened his red uniform shirt and headed for the turbo-lift.
Kale Paulson fumed while he waited for the lift. One kick in the pants he could overlook, but five? In the same corridor? In the same shift? He heard the lift doors slide open while looking back over his shoulder. Trying desperately to regain his composure, Kale stepped inside.
"Ensign Paulson, you look a little frazzled," the Captain smirked grabbing the lift controls.
"I...I can't help it sir," Kale stammered, "someone keeps kicking me every time I walk down that corridor."
"Who would do such a thing?"
"I don't know. I just can't catch them."
"Well ensign, it's probably the same person that did this," Kirk explained reaching behind Kale and tugging something off the back of his shirt. With his face showing more than just a little amusement, he handed Kale a piece of paper that had "kick me" written on it in large letters. "You know," he continued stopping the lift, "that has got to be the oldest joke in the book."
The Captain patted Kale on the shoulder and stepped out leaving the ensign alone with his thoughts.
" You mean to tell me that someone used an actual piece of paper to write on?" Bones asked in disbelief. He mulled it over for a second as the Captain completed his physical. "If I had something that was that hard to come by, I wouldn't waste it on that old joke."
"Fascinating," Spock said, "I thought you would approve of it doctor. After all, you seem as capable as any of such, so called, hijinks."
"I know your Vulcan mind can't handle something like this," Bones said, glaring at the first officer. "You can figure probabilities in seconds, but try to get him to understand a little humor..."
"Really doctor, I'm familiar with this particular joke as well as over two hundred forms of human, and non-terrestrial comedy," Spock countered with one eyebrow slightly raised.
"Well, you can save the "I'm superior" look for someone else," McCoy growled. "This particular joke fails to be funny to anyone over the age of nine, much less an adult." He paused to pick up his tricorder.
"Bones, Spock," Kirk interrupted from the examination table, "I can't believe you're both getting worked up over a juvenile prank."
"Hardly"
"Who's worked up," McCoy started again, " all I want is for Spock here to admit that without emotion humor is, well, it just isn't humor." It always irked him that no matter what he said, he never could get a reaction from the science officer. Vulcans he thought as he held the captain's wrist and counted his pulse.
"Take easy Bones," Kirk said twisting his arm to free it from the doctor. "I know you're irritated with Spock, but don't take it out on my arm."
"Sorry, Jim," he offered.
"Besides, don't you trust your own equipment?"
"I think it's been giving me some erroneous readings lately. Besides, there's just no replacement for human judgment," he said placing an emphasis on the word human. "No offense Spock."
"None taken, Doctor, Now if you're quite through with the captain, I need him to accompany me to engineering.
"He's clear to go. Oh, and before I forget it, you're overdue for your physical. Why don't you come by later?"
"Because I have a very full duty roster for the next several days. That's why."
"Come on Mr. Spock," Kirk said grabbing the Vulcan by the elbow and heading for the door. He was anxious to leave before the arguing started again. "Bones, I promise I'll bring him back before the end of his shift."
end chapter 1
If you're wondering why Paulson was stammering in the lift, well, he's not a regular, he's wearing a red shirt, and standing next to Kirk. Not a healthy situation to be in by any means. I can see why he would be nervous. Next chapter, see who gets pranked, and what kind of prank it will be. See if you can figure out the culprit before they are revealed.