"Aye Captain, I seem to have a real problem with one of my engineers," Scotty explained when Kirk and his First Officer arrived. "Lieutenant Grunden refuses to come out of her quarters."

"Why?" Kirk asked.

"I don't know Captain," Scotty replied, "that's why I called you. If this were a fractured crystal, or a leaky plasma valve, I'd have it dealt with in a jiffy. But this..." He trailed off with a shrug of helplessness.

"Scotty, I can't believe that I have an officer on my ship that can't handle something as routine as this," the Captain started, but Scotty interrupted.

"It's not like that Captain, I've tried everything. We have tried every thing," he said including everyone with a sweep of his arm. "She just wont come out, and we're all getting worried."

"I'll see what I can do," Kirk said reaching for the com. "Kirk to sick bay."

"Yes Captain?" McCoy's voice answered from the speaker.

"Have a nurse meet me at Lieutenant Grunden's quarters."

"Should I come along?"

"That wont be necessary, besides I'm sending someone to pay you visit," he said with a sideways glance at Spock. "Kirk out."

"I can only assume that you're referring to me, Captain." Spock said as they left engineering.

"That's right Spock, go to sick bay and have the good doctor give you your physical."

"Of course Captain, but now isn't a particularly good time."

"I'll have none of that now. Besides, I'm still feeling the effects of mine, and I don't want to suffer alone. Do I need to make it an order?"

When Kirk found Grunden's quarters, Nurse Chapel was already there waiting for him. Nodding a cursory greeting her way, Kirk pressed the button beside the door.

"Lieutenant Grunden, this is Captain Kirk," he began putting an edge of authority in his voice. "I'm giving you two minutes to open this door before I override the lock and send in Nurse Chapel. Do you understand?" He paused for a second. "Do you...."

He stopped as the door hissed open. Surprised, the Captain entered with Chapel.

"I don' t mean to be so dramatic, but what happened was just too horrible." Shera Grunden said, her eyes still shiny from crying. "I've never been so embarrassed. I just want to crawl in a hole and die."

"Just start from the beginning, if you can,"Chapel asked as Kirk, folding his arms, took a seat.

"All I know is that I was having a pretty good day until this happened, but here goes...."

Lieutenant Shera Grunden was having a wonderful day. While running diagnostics on a bank of sensor arrays in engineering, she discovered a trinary star system. Suddenly she was quite the celebrity and was given the day to spend in Stellar Cartography. After helping document her discovery Shera was not only hungry, but couldn't wait to tell her friends. With that in mind, she headed to the nearest ship's mess.

Picking up her tray, Shera spotted some friends waving her over to join them. However, someone else sat down in the last seat just before she got there. Oh well, she thought, I'll eat now and talk later. So she waved a greeting to her friends, and headed to the next table. When she took her seat, a sudden noise exploded above the murmur of voices leaving a sharp silence in it's wake.

The rumbling, ripping sound that can only be described as monumental flatulence, erupted under Lieutenant Shera Grunden, bringing all eyes, and much unwanted attention to her.

"It wasn't me," she sobbed. "There was nothing in my seat, and it wasn't the cushion." She paused to blow her nose, "I just left my tray on the table and ran back here."

"Well Lieutenant, I think I know what happened," Kirk said, "It seems you're the second person I've encountered today that's been pranked."

"Pranked?"

"First, it was Ensign Paulson, in the corridor with a "kick me" sign. Now, it's you in the mess with an FFFD." The blank looks prompted him to explain. "It stands for Force Field Flatulence Device. At the academy, I had the same prank pulled on me. The worst thing is, is that it leaves no evidence. It's the modern equivalent of a Whoopee cushion."

"Bridge to Captain Kirk," Uhura called over the ship's com, interrupting the Captain's lecture on ancient joke technology.

He pressed the button on a nearby desk, "Kirk here."

"Captain, you're needed on the bridge, there seems to be some trouble on all decks."

"Would you care to explain?"

"I'm afraid you need to see this for yourself Captain."

"On my way," he said,"Kirk out." He left Grunden in the capable hands of the Head Nurse, and caught the nearest turbo lift to the bridge.

"Captain," Uhura started to explain, "there are reports of artificial excrement on several decks."

"Artificial what?" Kirk asked not wanting to believe his ears. He took his seat and immediately hopped back up. "What is the meaning of this?"He demanded a hint of anger creeping into his voice.

"Womit," said Chekov.

"What?" Kirk asked, his patients visibly wearing thin.

"Sir, it's fake womit," Chekov clarified as Kirk picked up the multicolored rubber disk from his chair.

"That's what you needed to see Captain," Uhura said holding up her own vomit disk, "It seems that we all received one."

~end chapter 2~

Well it looks like the stakes have been raised! The entire bridge crew has been pranked! Is no one safe? In the next chapter, see the prank that nearly causes an interstellar war!