"Sit, take a load off." Jeanne instructs me, in heavily accented French, as she pours me a glass of wine. Ann and I entered Fee's hotel room not two minutes ago. Felicity immediately greeted Ann, asking her all sorts of questions, while hugging her, and fawning all over her. I stood next to Jeanne, as Ann and Felicity laughed and smiled together. I wonder if this is how Jeanne feels all the time with Felicity.
I know that back at Spence Felicity and Pippa were the most beautiful and charming girls, and I sometimes felt inferior, but Jeanne barely speaks. She's lovely, but how can she handle standing next to Fee? Jeanne has the kind of beauty that someone will notice at a passing glance, and think no more of it, but Felicity is radiant because of who she is. One conversation with her will tell you, if you're not on her bad side, as I so frequently have been, she is witty and clever and personable. Jeanne seems lost within herself. Maybe she too has lost someone important. Maybe they are kindred spirits, both experiencing the same grief and intense pain, that I feel on a daily basis, a sharp pang that seems to resonate from within me. Maybe I'm not as alone as I think I am. Maybe Felicity and Jeanne just have different ways of dealing with pain; Felicity hiding her grief, by wearing a mask and covering her emotions, something that over the years she has had to learn to do the hard way, and Jeanne silently.
"Alright, listen to me," Felicity says, "tonight is a night for our glorious reunion. It is not the time to discuss the real reason that Ann and I are here." Felicity smirks in my direction. We all move to sit at the table that Jeanne and I have been standing by.
They pour themselves a glass of wine, and I sip at the one that Jeanne poured for me. Ann and Felicity and I are soon giggling and chatting just like old times, while Jeanne sits there next to Fee, emotionless. Ann refuses to make eye contact with her, I suppose because of her inclination towards women, but that doesn't make sense seeing as she and Fee are getting on famously.
"And then I told him, that if he didn't like my trousers then he could walk home." Felicity finishes telling a story, her cheeks glowing with pride, and we all burst into laughter, even though I missed everything, except for the tail end of the story. A smile has even worked its way onto Jeanne's pursed lips.
"So, Ann, you still haven't told us what you've been up to." I say.
"I just finished my first production, and it was absolutely brilliant, being on stage I mean, there is no feeling like it. I'm no longer invisible. Maybe someday, I will be as well-known as Miss Lily Trimble herself!" She declares as she stands up. Remembering when we met Miss Trimble sets us off into another fit of giggles. Felicity stands up next, and then me, and we all dance around the room, acting as though we were in a production.
When we finish I begin to clap and shout "Bravo! Encore! Encore!" We sit back down and pour ourselves some more wine.
"And what about you Fee?" Ann asks her words slurring, "What have you been up to?"
"I've been living in Paris, the most wonderful place in the world! I can't even begin to describe it to you, Ann, it's unlike anything else. Jeanne and I," At this point she glances slyly over at Jeanne and smiles, a real smile, "have rented a room in a boarding house. Lately, I've been trying my hand at painting and I'm not very good at all. Miss Moore," She stops right there at the mention of our beloved art teacher who turned out to be my mortal enemy, the one responsible for my mother's death. She starts speaking again, this time barely above a whisper, "Miss Moore would be quite disappointed in me."
Looking to change the subject I ask Jeanne, "How did you and Felicity meet?"
Jeanne begins the story, "We were both looking to rent out the same room. I had been kicked out of home because of my disposition. Neither of us was willing to give up the room, and so we agreed to share it and the rent. We soon discovered that we were, very similar." She then smiles at Felicity, the first time I've seen any emotion from Jeanne all day.
The rest of the night continues on in this manner, until we are all falling asleep. Ann is already fast asleep with her head on the table. Jeanne had gone to bed a couple hours ago and so Felicity and I were the last ones left. She stood up and moved over to the couch.
"Come sit with me, Gemma." She beckons towards me. I sit next to her and a sudden wave of sadness washes over my entire body. She's sad also, I can tell. I look over and see tears streaming down her cheek. I instinctively raise my hand to my own cheek and feel tears on mine as well. We sit there aware of each other's plight, and cry.
In a world such as the one we live in, two girls, such as ourselves don't have very much to call our own, but we have two things; this pain, the loss of someone you loved whole-heartedly ,which bonds us, leading into the other thing that is completely our own, our friendship. And being able to sit here and experience this with another person, makes my burden seem just a little lighter.